21. Rhys

Usually,whenIhit a low, I seek dick. I hunt down someone willing to fuck me and take me to a high. Depending on why I’ve hit a low, I can usually fuck my way to happiness again. This time, I can’t.

Yesterday was a clusterfuck in epic proportions. Shaun got hurt. The school witnessed my demise. And I pushed Marcus so far over the edge that the police had to be called when he started smashing up the office.

What’s that saying?

It’s fun until someone gets hurt.

Yeah, true that!

My foster dad, Will, picked me up from school after Marcus turned into the incredible hulk. I feel awful that my foster mum had to stay and fix the mess I caused. Even after Shaun expressed his feelings yesterday, I know now that I can’t pursue him. Or Simon. Or Garrett. For fuck’s sake, I knew before yesterday that I shouldn’t, yet I did. And why? Because I need fuck buddies.

“Rhys, you say you were just looking for some fun sex, yet, over the last couple of years, you’ve had a rule to avoid sex with your school peers. What changed? Why did you seek out Marcus in the first place?”

Melia, my addiction therapist, cancelled a couple of appointments so she could Skype me for an emergency session. Not that I really wanted it, but Will stayed home from work today to keep an eye on me and insisted I have a session. I knew if I refused, the threat of being sent to the Retreat would come up. So here we are.

“I didn’t really seek Marcus out. He sought me out.” I mumble with my head in my hand as I look at Melia on the monitor.

“Ok, so he sought you out. Why did you start seeing him?” Melia’s dark eyes look big under the glasses she wears. She’s quite pretty in a Harry Potter kind of way.

“I didn’t start seeing him. I started having sex with him.”

“Fine, Rhys. Why did you start having sex with Marcus?”

I shrug. “He had a pretty cock.”

“And how did you know it was pretty before you’d even had sex?” Melia knows my criteria. No foreskins allowed.

“He sent me a picture.”

Melia sighs. “So you were obviously chatting before he sent you a picture of his penis, Rhys.”

“Ew! Don’t say that word. That sounds gross. Call it a cock, Melia.”

“The correct term is penis, Rhys. And that’s how I’ll refer to it.” She huffs and takes a sip of her water, “So why did you start chatting with him in the first place?”

“Well… my friend Lexi is friends with him, and with all the stuff that happened to her, we just kinda started talking. We were both worried about her.”

“So, you came together during a tough time. It’s natural to form close bonds with those who go through something emotional with you. I’m guessing somewhere along the way, your conversations moved from your mutual friend to more personal things. Like sex?”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“And how was the sex?” Melia asks, and I shrug.

“Pretty good. I was surprised, actually. I thought being a high schooler that he wouldn’t know what he was doing.”

“Was he experienced then? Had he been with a few partners before you?”

I shake my head, “I asked him that once. He said it was just me. That his body just somehow knew what to do to please me.”

Melia’s brows shoot up. “How did you feel when you heard that?”

“I don’t know,” I shrug again, “Powerful. Beautiful… Loved.”

“You felt loved?”

“Yes.” I nod, hating to admit that.

“Was that when you decided to end what you had going?”

“No. That’s when I stupidly let myself feel something I know I shouldn’t have.”

Realisation dawns on Melia’s face, “So you did end up having feelings for him?”

I nod again.

“When did your feelings stop?”

I frown at Melia’s question.

“My feelings didn’t stop.”

“Why did you end things then? If you have feelings for Marcus, why didn’t you take things further?”

“We’ve been through this before, Mel. I don’t do relationships, and I told him that before we even hooked up.”

“Yes, but why Rhys? Why stop yourself from having happiness?”

“Why? Isn’t it obvious with what’s happened? I let myself have happiness, and he couldn’t handle it. He can’t share me, Melia, and I can’t be with just one person.”

“Did you ask him if he could share?”

“I asked him if we went to a sex party if he could handle seeing me fuck other people. Guess what his answer was!” I snap, wanting nothing more than to end this video conference. Maybe I can pull the plug out of the wall and call it a technical hitch?

Melia nods, not getting offended by my tone.

“Monogamy is a strong human instinct. Some people need a little time to come to terms with openly sharing. Some people will never come to terms with such an idea. Marcus may just need more time.”

“I doubt that.” I huff. “We are over. He hates me, Mel. Like pure hatred. He’ll never forgive me, and even worse, he may never forgive his friends.”

“If you two weren’t a couple when things happened, then he has no claim on you to forgive Rhys. His mates may be a different situation, though. Bro Code and all. You didn’t decide for them. You didn’t force them.”

I cringe. “I kinda lured Simon in, though. I presented him with something I knew he couldn’t refuse.”

“You’re wrong, Rhys. You presented him with a scenario, and he had the choice of whether or not to follow through. I’m sure he remembered at the time that his mate had a thing for you. Still, he chose to be with you.”

“Ugh,” I huff, dropping my head back on the chair. “None of this is helping.”

“Why? Because I can’t make the situation disappear?”

“Yes!” I sit up again, looking at the screen. “Exactly. Can’t you magically make this whole thing vanish?”

Melia laughs. “I would be a very rich woman if I could do that.” When I stay quiet, Melia adds, “Rhys, you shouldn’t ignore how you feel about these boys. Even though you don’t believe in monogamy, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t pursue relationships. The best thing for you to do is be open about your situation. Be honest about what you want. If you want an open relationship, tell them, but remember, it goes both ways. If your partner can be ok with you sleeping with other people, then you must be ok with him or her doing the same. I want you to think about that for a few days. Maybe Marcus isn’t the person for that, but maybe Shaun or Simon are. And if they aren’t, you will find someone one day. Just don’t rule out having meaningful relationships. You deserve happiness.”

“I don’t feel like I deserve happiness,” I whisper.

“It’s been a hard twenty-four hours, I know. It may not feel like it now, but you do deserve happiness.” Melia leans forward, closer to the screen as she studies me. “I want you to do something you enjoy. It will help your spirits.”

“Well, I usually fuck to lift my spirits.”

“Hmm, it’s probably not the best time to have sex.”

“When is then?” I snap, frustrated because sex is an any time and every time sort of thing to me.

“Tell me, Rhys. When you have sex when you’re down like this, is it because you feel horny?”

My brows shoot up. “No. It’s because I feel down, and I want to feel good.”

“Right, well, sex should be more of a celebration. Usually, if you’re horny, your spirits are already high. Having sex because you’re frustrated or angry or sad can be a nasty trap to fall into. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have sex at these times, especially if you have a close relationship with someone else. It can actually be quite therapeutic, but if you’re just having sex to try and reach that high in order to lift your mood, then you can cause yourself or someone else more damage. While you’re feeling low like this, you should try to do something non-sexual that you enjoy doing. It won’t give you that quick high, but it will improve your mood. It might help to make things seem a little brighter.”

“There’s nothing non-sexual I enjoy doing.” I sulk and pout. Melia giggles.

“Think again, Rhys.” She reaches to get something on her desk, and then she holds up a frame with a black-and-white picture in it. It’s of her. I took it earlier this year in one of our sessions while she was looking down at her notebook writing something. I sent it to her for her birthday. I didn’t know she had it on her desk. “You love taking photos. You really have an eye for it. Maybe throwing yourself into that will help keep your mind busy.”

Melia is right. I do love taking photos. I’m pretty good with video as well and editing clips. It’s probably the one thing besides sex that I can effectively lose myself in.

“Ok. I’ll try. But if I’m happy, I can have sex, right?”

She laughs. “Yes, Rhys. As long as it’s safe.”

When I finally end my session with my therapist, I feel slightly better. Not much, though. Not enough to make me want to shower and make myself presentable to see the world. Fuck that. I want to stay in bed.

At some point through the afternoon, Will comes in and makes me eat a sandwich before leaving me to wallow again. When I sink back down under my covers, my phone buzzes as a call comes in. Shaun’s name flashes across the screen, and for a moment, I think about ignoring it. My racing heart wins out, though, and I hit accept and put the phone to my ear.

“Hey.”

“Hey, Kitten. You doing alright?” His smooth voice instantly relaxes me, the centre of my chest feeling oddly warm.

“Yeah. I guess.” Shit. I sound so weak right now.

“Are you at home?”

“Yep.” I sigh. “In bed, being pathetic. I’m pretty sure I resemble a homeless person right now.”

Shaun chuckles. “I doubt that.”

“My bird’s nest hair would disagree.”

“Oh, that sounds so sexy. Send a pic of that hair.” Shaun teases, and the lightness in his tone sends my lips north.

“Hell no. There’s nothing sexy about it.” I listen again as he chuckles, and I notice that the background is quiet. “Are you at home?”

“Yeah. Mamá has been fussing. I didn’t want to worry her more by being a shit and insisting on going to school. I only wanted to see you, anyway. Garrett said you weren’t there.”

Mamá? Oh God, love his Spanish heart.

“School is the last place I want to be right now. Not that being home is much better. Will is hovering.”

“Will is your foster dad?”

“Yep.” I pop the p.

“So, where would you rather be? At the Feast?”

“Oddly enough, no. I don’t feel right anywhere at the moment.” Rolling on my back, I stare up at my white ceiling. Everything in this house is white. White walls, white floors, white furniture. Splashes of light grey décor is the only relief from all the white. I really fucking hate white.

“Damn, Kitten. You’re worrying me.” Shaun’s voice is laced with concern, and I instantly feel guilty for causing it. I’m not used to people worrying about me. Well, except for my foster family.

“Sorry. I’m not good people to be around right now.”

“It’s ok, Kitten. Yesterday was fucked.”

“It’s not just yesterday,” I whisper, and part of me hopes Shaun didn’t hear. Yet, a part of me hopes he did.

“Talk to me, Kitten. What else is going on?”

I want to tell him the truth, I really do, but that will lead to questions I can’t bear to answer. Maybe I can tell him a little bit. Talking about stuff is meant to help, right?

“One of my old foster mums has been messaging me.”

“What about?” Shaun asks curiously.

“She’s asked me to visit my old foster dad.”

“Why? Were you close?”

“No. Not really.” Liar! “It’s actually kind of weird that she’s asked me to visit him. I don’t know why he’d want to see me.”

“Oh. Well, I guess that is weird.” Shaun agrees. “So what about that has got you upset?”

“When I told her I didn’t think I could come and visit, she got a bit snarky. She’s not a nice person. I’m not sure I want to see her again.” Or my old foster dad, but I keep that to myself.

“Have you told your current foster parents?” Shaun sounds concerned again. I wish I could see his face. Smell his spicy scent. Feel his warm hands on me.

“Yeah-Nah, I haven’t, and I’m not planning on telling them. It’s all g. I’ll get it sorted.” I sigh. “Time to change the conversation.”

“Oh really? What are we going to talk about now?” Shaun chuckles.

“How about your dad?”

“Nah, my dad is boring.”

“Hang on a minute. When you spoke about your mum before, you referred to her as mamá. That’s Spanish, right?”

Shaun chuckles. “You caught that, huh?”

“Sure did. It’s pretty hard to miss. It’s not just the word; it’s the way you pronounce it. Got my knickers wet.”

Shaun laughs, and I can just imagine him throwing his head back.

“Mamá prefers I speak Spanish to her. My dad doesn’t care.”

“Well, if he did care, what would you call him instead of dad?”

“Padre.”

Oh, good God, there’s that accent again. Fucking hot as hell. Now I’m horny. I’ll have to remember to tell Melia in our next session.

“Jesus Bossi. You could make a fortune from recording Spanish words. Chicks would pay top dollar.”

Shaun laughs again. I wish I was there with him, wrapped in his arms.

“You want me to speak Spanish to you, Kitten?”

“Hell yes.”

“Sabe a cielo.” His voice drops low, seductively.

“What did you say?”

“You taste like heaven.” With want in his tone, my Kitty awakens, and I feel the familiar ache deep inside.

“Fuck Cass. That’s hot.”

“Is your pussy wet, Kitten?”

“Is the sky blue? Hell yes, I’m wet.” My admission makes my cheeks heat, but I don’t care. He can’t see my silly blush.

“You own a vibrator, Kitten?”

“Again… Is the sky blue?”

Shaun chuckles. “Grab it for me, baby.”

I sit up quickly, ready to dive for my draw where I keep my toys, when the bedroom door opens. Freezing in place like I’ve just been sprung, even though all I’m holding is my phone, I wait for my foster dad to speak.

“Rhys, Cynthia has been trying to call you.”

“Oh,” I look down at my phone, “I’m on a call.”

Will looks to my phone clutched in my hand and then back to my face. “Ok, well, Mrs West called her and asked if you’re still coming to stay over with Lexi tonight. She said you two were going to have a girl’s night or something.”

“Oh shit. I forgot about that.” I frown and look down at my phone to see the seconds ticking over on my call with Shaun. “Did mum say it’s alright for me to go?”

Will’s face softens then, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Yes, she said it was ok. Should I just refer to her as mum instead of Cynthia?”

Oh. I called Cynthia mum again. My eyes shoot to my phone, knowing Shaun can hear everything, and surprisingly, I like the idea of him knowing.

“Yes, please.” I nod, and Will smiles, nodding back.

“Ok. Your mum will drop you at Lexi’s around five o’clock.”

When I nod, Will turns to walk out, and before I know it, I blurt out, “Can I call you dad? Or is that too weird for you?”

Will stops and slowly turns around. Even though he’s taken the day off work, his dark hair is still slicked with gel, and his face is clean-shaven. He always looks way too clean to be a carpenter, but one look at the calluses on his hands and it tells a different story.

“You want to call me dad?”

I shrug, “Only if you’re ok with it.”

His lips tug wide in the biggest, goofiest smile I’ve ever seen him wear. “I’m more than ok with that, Rhys. As long as you’re happy for me to refer to you as my daughter?”

I nod quickly, feeling warm tears of happiness prick the back of my eyes.

“Yes. I’d like that.”

Then Will, I mean my dad, walks up to my bed, leans over, and presses a kiss to my forehead. It’s nice, and I realise it’s the first time I’ve really let him get this close to me. My past has screwed me up when it comes to dads. I’m not talking about the daddy kind of screwed up that I refer to Tyler as. No, there’s no daddy kink going on here. But I’ve never had the kind of dad who nurtures, protects, and loves me unconditionally. I trust Will. I feel safe in his care, even when we’re alone. I know he’d never hurt me. Never do things a dad should never do to his daughter. He’s the first man in my life that truly deserves the title of my dad.

Pulling back, my dad wrinkles his nose.

“Kid, you need a shower before you go to your friend’s house.”

I laugh, throwing my head back as he chuckles and leaves the room. Smart arse.

I put the phone back to my ear, remembering that Shaun is still on the line.

“Shit, are you there?”

“Still here, Kitten.” Shaun chuckles, and I relax.

“You heard all that, huh?”

“Yep. It was Hermosa.” Shaun draws out the last word.

“What does that mean?”

“Beautiful. What I just heard between you and your dad was beautiful.”

Tears well in my eyes.

“I feel safe with him. With Cynthia. They are my parents.” I swipe at the stupid tears, glad Shaun can’t see them.

“Are you smiling, Kitten?”

“Yes.” It’s the truth too. I may have tears, but I also have a big stupid smile.

“One day soon, you’re going to let me in that house and show me where you keep your toys, Kitten. And then, I’m going to use them on you until you scream.”

And now I’m burning up again.

“Is that a promise?”

“Fuck yeah, it is. For now, though, you should go shower and get ready to go to Lexi’s. A girl’s night is a great idea.”