CHAPTER 8

Bastian

I'm not sure how long I stood there with my eyes riveted to Micah's, afraid to breathe or move for fear that if I did, he would make a break for it and I would never see him again.When I was able to inspect him for more than two seconds, I realized that there was more than simply anger coming off him in waves; there was also betrayal that was coloring his stare.His warm, chocolate eyes sparked with it and I felt like it would soon ignite and burn our friendship to the ground.

Mother of God, how the fuck am I going to explain this shit now?

I implored him with my eyes to let me explain, and knew I had to say something before I lost my chance. "M…" I started to say, but as I paused to gather my thoughts, Micah turned around and took off down the hall.

Shit, I knew he was going to bolt!

"M, WAIT!" I shouted as I shoved past Ainsley and shot off after him.I jogged to catch up and grabbed him by the upper arm, only to have him rip away from me without a glance back and fuck me, that hurt more than it should.

"MM, please just give me two fucking seconds to explain," I begged him. He whipped around to face me then, outrage and indignation hitting me as he looked me dead on.

"What the fuck is there to explain, Bash?That you've been lying to me and hiding shit?That you've for some reason chosen not to trust me with the fact that you have a fucking girlfriend? How long has that been going on exactly, and don't you fucking lie to me anymore," Micah raged at me, the force of it damn near knocking me over.

I was frozen in place, shock and terror rooting me to the spot because I felt like my best friend was slipping through my fingers with each passing breath, and I never thought that would be possible.

But what could I do but be upfront with him now?

"Since…" I cleared my throat. "Since December."

Micah's eyes grew wide and I thought I saw a wet sheen spring up, but he turned away from me before I could be sure. Jesus fuck, this is eating me alive.

I waited for him to say something, unable to do anything at that moment but hold my breath and pray that he would give me a chance to fix this.I could explain this to him and tell him how it happened, how I ended up with a girlfriend that I never wanted. Though that wouldn't explain why I lied to him about it for so long.

I had fully intended to tell Micah about Ainsley and prepare him for what he'd be walking into before he moved here, but over the last couple of months when I really began to see him in a different light, the words wouldn't come.The idea of him finding out I had an…Ainsley left me feeling suffocated and anxious.So I kept putting it off, making excuses to myself about why I couldn't tell him, and it became a forgotten footnote in my mind after the drunken debacle of last weekend.

Micah took a couple of steadying breaths, and when he turned around to face me again, his eyes were void of all emotion, cold and distant.I had never seen that kind of look from him and it shredded what was left of my nerves and made my chest tighten to the point of pain. God, was I about to lose the only person who meant the fucking world to me…over something that meant less than nothing?

Micah stared back at me like he didn't even recognize me.His eyes that were usually glowing with warmth, affection and understanding were now glacial and unsympathetic as he looked me over.

"Seven months.You have been hiding this from me for seven months, and it's not like you didn't have plenty of opportunity to tell me.In all our years of friendship, I have never known you to lie to me.We have always, without fail, been honest with each other, B," Micah said slowly, his words dripping with disappointment and pain.

That was the crux of the problem though.I had lied to Micah, and he didn't even know the full extent of it, but if he ever found out he would never forgive me.

The morning I woke up in his bed after the party, I was hungover as fuck and couldn't remember where I was or what had happened.After hearing Micah's sleepy, beautiful voice though, it all came rushing back in a tidal wave of emotion, slamming into me and making it hard to breathe. Surprise, desire, need, and euphoria flooded my brain as I recalled every single second of how Micah and I had devoured each other.

Every touch of his lips on mine as I became entangled with him, every shiver of his skin that I elicited with my fingertips, and every moan that escaped him as I drove him to heights of pleasure until we fell together played through my mind in a microsecond.

And then an overpowering, heart-stopping fear doused me, burying every memory and feeling until it was all I could concentrate on.

In my internal panic and fear, I asked almost unintentionally what had happened the night before, wondering if there was a chance that I could make it out of there with my sanity intact and my friendship still on steady ground.

I regretted it for a beat, but then Micah seemed to accept my memory loss and offered up no explanation for what had happened the previous night.I kept the lie going, telling him I remembered as much as I could until I thought I hit a point that would have reasonably been my drunkest.I honestly didn't think he would believe that I had been black out drunk enough to forget an entire chunk of our night together, and I felt like an idiot for even trying to pull the wool over his eyes, and for what?My fear over trying to tell him my feelings and be with him, even after what he had bravely told me?

And that was perhaps the final nail in the coffin of my belief that I was ever a genuinely good person:Micah's confession.

I heard every single word of what he told me, and it made my heart pound with love and horror in equal measure. Micah…loved me? He had felt that way for…years?

How the fuck was I supposed to handle that?It had pushed me over a cliff and past the point of no return with my feelings for him…but it didn't matter.There could be no "us".For reasons he couldn't understand, there would never be an "us".

So I stuck to my guns and made him believe that I hadn't remembered anything past walking to his dorm, and when Micah rushed into the bathroom and got sick, my heart ripped in two and I held back a sob of my own because I knew, I just knew, it was because of me.And I felt like the biggest piece of shit to ever walk the earth.

None of that could be said now or else I would lose Micah for good, and he would despise me with everything he had.

"M…please…I just want to explain everything to you and make it right.Please…just give me a chance," I pleaded with him, infusing my words with as much sincerity and remorse as I could to show him how much he meant to me and how I couldn't stand to lose him over this.

After what felt like an eternity of him staring at me intensely while my pulse beatthready and elevated, he slowly shook his head at me, his features displaying a resignation that gutted me alive.

No…oh God, please no…he can't be done with me…

"That's just it, Bash," he said sorrowfully."I don't think I have it in me right now to let you try."

He then turned and walked away, leaving me immobile and fighting for breath as my brain whited out and my heart shattered to pieces.

*****

I don't know how long I stood there staring at the spot where Micah had once been, but it had been long enough that Ainsley felt the need to come stick her nose in and retrieve me.

"Bastian? Everything okay?" Ainsley asked. I barely processed her words, so I just nodded and turned back to head into my apartment. I didn't wait for her to follow me because frankly, I didn't care and I needed to be alone to figure out how I was going to get my best friend back after this shitshow of an afternoon.

Ainsley trailed in after me, locking the front door behind us. "Umm, what happened? I heard yelling in the hall, but couldn't hear what you guys were saying. What is he mad at you for?"

I just stood staring out of the windows in my living room, taking deep breaths so I didn't pass out or snap at Ainsley when this really wasn't her fault. It was mine. I had no one else to blame for my shitty actions but myself, and Ainsley and Micah were just collateral damage.

"It doesn't matter, Ains," I grunted. "Look, I'm sorry but I need to…"

Ainsley cut me off. "Wait, does this have to do with me? Is he angry because we're together and you have a new best friend?"

Her words cut right through the storm of emotions broiling in my head, and I spun around fast to face her. "What the hell do you mean ‘new best friend'? You're my girlfriend, Ainsley, not my best friend and Micah could never be replaced. Ever." I firmly stated.

Ainsley gaped back at me with a slow flush creeping up her neck onto her flawless face. I don't know what I expected to come of my rather rude comment to her, but I could have never anticipated the reaction she gave me.

"Oh my God…you love each other. I knew something felt off between you because he looked at me like I was a home-wrecker and you? You ran off after him like he was a scorned lover! What the fuck, Bastian? Have you been cheating on me with that piece of trash?" Ainsley shrieked at me.

What. The ever-loving. Fuck?

"What did you just call him?..." I asked low and menacingly. However, Ainsley wasn't deterred, and my remark fueled her ire more.

"See?! You're not even denying it, Bastian! All you"re concerned about is whatever mean name I just called your little side piece!"

"He's not my fucking sidepiece, and don't talk about him like that! I'm not fucking cheating on you!" I shout back. Well…save for that one time…with Micah…fuck my life.

We locked eyes across the room, chests heaving in anger, neither of us willing to back down. I wasn't going to let her think she was right…even though she had me pegged with every word she said because it was true.

I was falling in love with Micah. Probably had been all these months that I was seeing him differently, but that thought triggered the same chain reaction of fear and anxiety that it had last weekend, so I shoved it back down into the deep, dark recesses of my mind. I needed to try to convince Ainsley that she was way off the mark with her accusation. Why? Well, it"s been pretty firmly established at this point that I am a complete, moronic douchebag.

"Look, I am not cheating on you, and Micah is just my best friend. He…" I paused, taking a breath to steady my nerves before continuing. "He's pissed at me because I didn't tell him we were dating, and I've never lied to him before. That's all."

Her eyes narrowed distrustfully, looking me over as she tried to discern whether I was being honest or not. A few heartbeats later, her face relaxed into a cold mask of near indifference.

"Okay. Why didn't you tell him we were dating then? Why lie to him about me?"

She had every right to ask that and it was a logical question in the face of what I had told her, but I didn't feel that the truth would help me out of this right now, so I told her a half-truth instead.

"I guess because you were kind of right about him being angry about us being together…he's never had to share me with anyone, so I think he's hurt and ticked off that I have someone else who occupies my time besides him. It'll…just take him a little bit to accept it." I said with a hollow voice. Each word out of my mouth made me sink further into self-hatred and disgust for what I had lowered myself to.

Not only had I actually cheated on Ainsley with Micah, but I had deceived him into believing that I had no recollection of what we had done or what he had told me right after in bed. Now with this new revelation, he had to be crushed thinking I didn't trust him as much as I used to or that he wasn't as important to me as he thought.

That thought alone had me almost doubling over in pain and regret.

"Look…I'm really sorry, but I'm exhausted and I need some time, Ains. I'll text you later though." She took a second before nodding her head, and walking up to me slowly until she was inches from my face.

When she leaned in to kiss me, it took the willpower of Atlas not to flinch away from the contact. She's not who I want to kiss…those aren't the lips I want.

She gently pressed her lips to mine, and I held still while ever so slightly returning the pressure so as not to tip her off that something was wrong. She pulled back and looked me in the eyes again, a dangerous undercurrent in her steely gaze.

"Just remember, Bastian, that we're together for a reason. Both our families expect it, and you know how your father would feel if this didn't work out between us. If I were you, I'd think hard about what the right choice is here before you make a mistake you'll regret."

Without a second glance, she coolly turned on her heel and walked out of the apartment, leaving me with an ice cold sensation trickling down my spine and a sense of trepidation that she was much more than a harmless pawn in my father's game.