CHAPTER 6

Micah

The next week passed by in a blur of numbness tinged with crippling regret and soul-crushing grief.There were spurts of time where it would steal my breath to think about the incredible way Bash and I had fallen into one another that night, but then it would be abruptly snuffed out when I'd realize all over again that he remembered none of it.It didn't exist to him.I alone carried the secret of our stolen kisses and caresses, and it was a burden that was slowly crushing me beneath its weight.

The morning we woke up together in my bed had been one of the most difficult days that I had in recent history.After I had reasonably gathered myself after my unfortunate little breakdown, Bash and I had gone out for breakfast where I attempted to act like nothing was amiss. Did I succeed? Fuck, no. But points for effort.

Bash definitely noticed something was off with me if his furtive glances and pained looks were anything to go by, but he wisely didn't ask me about it and the two hours passed without further incident.I never thought there'd be a time where I was grateful when Bash left, but when he wrapped me up in a fierce hug that radiated through every cell in my broken body, all I felt was immense relief when he finally walked out the door.It caused a heavy lump to crawl up my throat at the thought, but it was for the best.I could only hang in there so long before I inevitably broke down again, and the hangover excuse would probably only work once.

The strangest thing about that morning was the look Bash kept giving me when I'd randomly meet his eyes.If I didn't know him as well as I did (and that included biblically now), I might not have been able to read the emotion hidden there, but when I looked I saw the undeniable guilt and contrition in his bright green orbs.

He was more than likely feeling guilty that he had gotten so blasted at the party and ended up blacking out on me during my last weekend at UNT. I couldn't think of anything else he'd feel guilty about other than him calling me "baby"...yeah, that apology had stung big time. Where the one little word meant the world to me, it was nothing but a drunken mistake to him. If only he remembered the rest of the night, he'd definitely think that was a mistake, too.

Uuuugghhh…God, I hate my life.

By the time Saturday rolled around and my car was loaded with the few belongings that couldn't go in the moving van my parents had rented, I was relatively stable and in semi good spirits considering the complete clusterfuck of the previous weekend.I had given myself a dozen or more pep talks over the week that being at UT was a fresh start for me and Bash, and I would certainly be able to meet guys in Austin that would help me in my quest to get over him.Not that the thought still didn't fill me with nauseating depression, but I was training myself to push it down and not let it derail me.Call me an optimist, but I was determined to get over him by Christmas at the latest.

HAH! Who the fuck am I kidding?I'll be lucky if I don't go to my grave still making heart eyes at that dreamy, forgetful bastard.

It didn't mean I wouldn't try.Maybe seeing Bash on campus and at parties with his friends and in his element with all the flirty girls vying for his attention would be enough to make it sink into my skull that we were never going to happen. It just had to because despite the hot mess that we went through that night and the following morning, Bash was still my favorite person alive and I couldn't picture a world where he wasn't my best friend and soulmate.

Bash wasn't able to make it down to help me move on Saturday, but he was weirdly vague about the reason for it.He kept alluding to a "prior commitment" that he couldn't get out of, so I assumed his dad had made plans for him to attend some political function in the hopes of his parents looking like the new June and Ward Cleaver. PoorBashy Cleaver…I do not envy him that one bit.

With Bash being busy all that day, we had just agreed to get together on Sunday so he could show me around the campus formally and grab lunch together.I was actually looking forward to it, which was weird considering the turmoil still rattling around in my brain from the past week, but fuck if I didn't miss him.We hadn't Facetimed at all that week, and our texts were more sporadic than was usual for us.That was the messed up thing about it all…he was still my Bash.He hadn't stopped being my person and the one who knew me like the back of his hand just because we had screwed around together. To him, nothing between us had changed and it made sense. After all, he didn't remember making me spout off like a geyser in my bed with him.He had no reason to think anything was different, whereas my world had been slightly off kilter since the instant it had happened.

It's like when you're just bordering on tipsy where you're in control of your faculties and can function fairly well, but everything is just tilted and funky enough to alert you that something is off.That's what my life had been since the first brush of his lips on mine, and I had to learn to live with it.

After a grueling two and a half hours moving into my double apartment that I was sharing with a roommate who had yet to make an appearance, I was sweaty, exhausted, and regretting every decision in my life that led to this moment. But that was most likely the muscle pain talking. I just need a minute to return to my regularly scheduled programming.

My dad kicked the front door closed behind him and set the last box down on the kitchen island, taking a deep breath and wiping his brow."Well, you're officially moved in and I am wiping my hands of you, guttersnipe!" he quipped, dramatic to a fault. My father, the comedian, ladies and gents.

I just rolled my eyes at him while he chuckled at his own joke in true dad fashion.My mom came up beside me and wrapped an arm around my waist. "Remind me again why I married him? Honestly, I'm struggling to remember the reason," she voiced sarcastically.My dad then pretended to be shot in the heart and stumbled back.

I swear, my dad thinks he lives in a Monty Python routine most days. Bless his heart.

"Ugh! You wound me, my love! Have you no shame?" my dad said in a terrible British accent.My mom just laughed at his antics, her eyes shining with love and adoration.It was almost painful to witness because that was the kind of love and connection I wanted with someone one day. Of course, I didn't want it with just anyone, but that pipe dream was more like a pipe bomb that had exploded on impact the day after the party.

"Alright, if you two are done being morons, I'd like to get started on unpacking and settling in.I don't want to spend the weekend surrounded by boxes and anxiety," I said.

"Yeah yeah, we'll get out of your hair," my dad replied, "See how quick he is to push out his own parents? The ones who gave life to him and filled his days with love?"

Okay, yeah…I see where I get my dramatics from now.There's a foolproof DNA test if ever there was one.

His response drew a reluctant chuckle out of me, and I went to hug him tightly.My dad crushed me in his firm, warm grip and kissed the side of my head.The gesture brought tears to my eyes for some reason, and I instantly ached at the thought that they wouldn't be only twenty minutes up the road anymore.It hadn't been much of an issue for me the last few months because all I could think about was living near Bash and starting this new adventure with him, but now? The thought slammed into me with the force of a hurricane, and I almost regretted the decision I made to come here.My dad whispered in my ear, "You know we are just three hours away and will come running if you need us.You're still our favorite son."

I laughed wetly, "Dad, I'm your only son."

"It just means less competition for our affection."

My mom sniffled behind us, and I pulled away from my dad's embrace to turn to her."Oh God Mom, please don't cry.I can take literally anyone else's tears but yours.It's like a son's kryptonite," I said in an effort to make her smile. It worked, but then she flung herself at me and crushed my waist with her surprisingly strong arms.

"Holy shit lady, when did you start working out?" I choked out.

"Hey, language! You might be twenty years old, but I will still spank you if needed!" Her response made me laugh because that woman hadn't spanked me a day in my life.I didn't think she was capable of it.Not that there was ever a need for her to because I was a pretty good kid if I did say so myself.My parents were amazing and I wanted for nothing growing up, so I never went through the typical rebellious stage some of my peers did.

"Whatever you say, lady…I'll be sure to work on that." I rolled my eyes playfully, and she smacked me on the shoulder, then gave me one final hug before she went to grab my dad's hand.

"Please call us if you need anything, honey.Just because you're a little farther away doesn't change the fact that we are always here for you for whatever you need," my mom said earnestly.

"I know, Mom," I nodded my head."I promise I won't be a stranger. I'm all good."

My parents smiled at me and told me they loved me one more time, and then they were gone. I took a long look around my new apartment and all the breath whooshed out of me at once.I guess this is where my new beginning started.

I just hoped that it would be everything I needed it to be and more.

*****

It took me about an hour to unpack everything for my bathroom, and by that point I was starving and bored as shit. Bash hadn't answered any of my texts since earlier that morning, and I wondered if he was done with whatever crap he had going on with his parents yet. I texted him to see if he wanted to get some lunch with me, but he left me on read.

Uhh, what the fucknuggets is that about?

Bash was not the kind of person to leave someone on read, least of all me, and I was getting a little worried about it. Even if Bash was at an event or was in a class, he always found a way to text me back. Always.

My spidey senses were tingling and I just had a gut feeling that something was…off. Not the feeling you get when you know deep down someone's been in a car wreck or was hurt or something, but more like there was some key piece of information missing. Like a glitch in the Matrix was happening, and I was the last to know about it.

In the few minutes it took to overthink and work myself up over it, I decided to just show up at his apartment and see how he was. I mean, I was his best friend and was just checking on him! Yeah, that sounded legit.

Just to be sure he was actually there, I pulled up Snapchat to see where his location had him pegged. If I zoomed in enough, it certainly looked like Bash was at his apartment, or at least was in the close vicinity.

It was hella strange to be within walking distance of him now after spending two years with hundreds of miles between us. Bash lived only three blocks from my place and within ten minutes, I was gliding into his building and taking the elevator to the fourth floor. Son of a bitch was lucky enough to be able to afford a single apartment on the top floor, and it was pretty bougie by college standards.

He had faux granite counter tops in his kitchen and bathroom, and an open concept living room with a little breakfast nook attached that opened up onto his balcony. His bedroom was almost the size of my room back at home with a beautiful bay window, and his living room had a massive TV opposite one of the plushest couches I'd ever napped on. It's not like I was jealous of his place at all…psh, that's ridiculous. Okay, moving on now…

As the elevator doors dinged open, I turned to the left and made my way down the dark gray hall with fancy sconces on the wall lighting the way until I made it to the very last unit on the right. Apartment 415.

Call it bestie intuition or my instincts run amok, but I was hit with the urge to turn back and not knock on his door. What the fuck was that about? Was I really making that big a deal over him not texting me back? What if he was just really busy or had something important to do and he'd text me back later?

Whatever, I was there now and this was happening.

I knocked on the door four times, and waited. No answer. I was about to knock again when the door swung open…only for me to be greeted with bright blue eyes, chestnut brown curls, and a waifish body that didn't belong to my favorite person.

Why Bastian, how you've changed…

"Umm, hi? I'm sorry, I'm looking for Bash," I awkwardly stuttered.

The girl stared at me with wide eyes and looked me up and down, not in an entirely rude way, but it was enough to put me on guard. "Yeah, he's here. Who are you?" she chimed with a lyrical voice.

What the hell was going on? Who was this chick? Suddenly not feeling so hungry anymore.

"I'm Micah, his best friend. Who are you?"

"Oh, you're Micah! I've heard so much about you! I'm Ainsley, his girlfriend," she stated proudly.

Holy. Fucking. Shitballs.

Hello, glitch in the Matrix. Nice to meet you.