CHAPTER 29

Micah

The next few days passed like molasses through a straw, every hour dragging by in painful awareness. I didn"t know how I"d survive the rest of the year with my sanity intact with the loss of Bash hanging over me, but I wasn"t too optimistic. Odds were I"d struggle to push myself through the days and finish my classes by the skin of my teeth because I was barely functioning enough as it was. I had managed to shower, brush my teeth and sleep, but that was the extent of human activity I had committed to the last four days. Tomorrow, school started back up and I"d have to learn how to go on with my life. A life that no longer included my bestie boyfriend.

Sounds like a fucking hoot and a half. Can"t wait. Maybe afterward I"ll go tap dance barefoot on some legos for added effect.

When I had come home after leaving Bash"s that ill-fated morning, I was so distraught that even Rhys was taken aback and seeing me heartbroken was nothing new for him. It also could"ve been that he had company apparently staying with him the entirety of the break and I had interrupted, but I could hardly process who or what their deal was.

All I could focus on was the soul-deadening grief of knowing my relationship and friendship both were over in the space of an hour. My old friend, the numbness, had tried worming its way back in to keep me protected from all the misery I was experiencing, but the ice cold emptiness was fighting against a burning pain. It was harder to hide myself behind the emotionless block of ice this time around. The agony found a way in each time.

I ran through every scenario in my head for how I would handle seeing Bash on campus, how I would put up with his presence that seemed never-ending. Even staying in my room was a constant reminder of him. My pillows still carried his scent, my bathroom still held some of his things, my room was still littered with clothes of his that I had stolen. There was no escaping him. There seemed to be one option on the table that was like the bright, shiny ripcord to yank me out of that situation, but there was no guarantee it would work. Doing it once had been a lot, and I wasn"t sure I could do it twice, but it beat the hell out of reopening the same wound day in and day out.

There was nothing for it. I had to go back to UNT. Dallas carried just as many memories of us as Austin now did, but at least the memories back home weren"t littered with the jagged remnants of our relationship, of all we had been to each other. At home, we had only been BB and MM, best friends since childhood. Here in Austin, we were Bash and Micah, boyfriends and lovers. Now we were neither and I could only stomach one of those new realities at a time, and the memories at home were less raw and painful. At least that"s what I told myself.

As I laid on my bed, contemplating the bleak decision I was making and deafening my ears with Adele, I noticed my bedroom door swing open in my peripheral vision. I didn"t look. I didn"t care who it was. That meant I had to care about other things and caring led to feeling, and feeling led to crying, and I had cried so much that I was in danger of mummifying.

A shadow fell across my bed and I looked into the face of my sweet, concerned roommate. Rhys had known almost instinctively that I needed my space this time around, and he had let me know in subtler ways that he was there for me. He had made me lunch and dinner every day, leaving them outside my door. Every single time, there was a small piece of paper with a heart drawn on them attached to the trays. No words, no platitudes, just a heart. It was perfect and had the tears falling harder every time. That one heart from Rhys said so much without saying anything, and I was reminded why I was grateful to have him as my friend. So far, I hadn"t been ready to talk with him about any of it, but I know he put two and two together. My mood didn"t need any explanation.

"Micah, I know you"ve needed a few days to yourself, but I"m really worried about you. You haven"t eaten, you"ve barely moved around in here, and you haven"t said a single word since you came home. I"ve never seen you this bad, and I don"t know what Bash did, but maybe talking about it will help?" Rhys hedged, sounding like he was treading lightly. I felt terrible that I had worried him because he didn"t deserve to be picking me up when I was so far down, but I was thankful he even cared to begin with.

Heaving out a big sigh, I pulled myself into a sitting position. I closed my eyes and dug inside for any ounce of strength remaining to share the story with Rhys without collapsing in a deluge of sobs again. He just sat gingerly at the foot of my bed, waiting patiently for me to be ready.

"Bash lied to me," I whispered, his name alone enough to slice through the numb layer around me. "He didn"t blackout that night at UNT. He remembered…everything." Once I was convinced that I wasn"t about to fall to pieces, the gates opened and I shared the entire depressing tale with Rhys. Like the incredible friend he was, he didn"t try to interrupt, offer meaningless advice, or badmouth Bash as I spoke. He didn"t have pity or judgment in his gaze.

When I looked, I saw nothing but true empathy and compassion coming from him. In retrospect, I was a complete idiot to blindly believe Bash"s claim of blacking out, but I had trusted him. I had never known him to lie to me at that point, so my naive heart latched onto it as the only possible outcome to our tryst.

"Micah, I am so truly sorry that happened," Rhys whispered, grabbing my hand gently where it laid on the comforter. "Has he called or texted you since? I can"t see Bash letting you go that easily, no matter what awful things he said."

I found that I had no answer for him. My phone had died shortly after coming home Thursday morning, and I hadn"t been interested in charging it yet. "I don"t know. Haven"t looked at my phone. It"s dead." My voice sounded flat and foreign to my ears. It sounded nothing like the happy, in-love sap from a few days ago.

"Maybe you should…" Rhys" words were interrupted by a knock at the door. The hairs on my body stood to attention and my pulse raced in my throat. My body sensed his on instinct, like a beacon in the night. I hoped one day that instinct would die out.

Rhys threw me an uncertain glance before making his way to the front. I heard the creak of the door and hushed murmurs of two voices. I had to fight my natural reflex to run to the foyer and greet him. Not even two minutes later, Rhys pushed into my room again, looking nervous. "It"s Bash. Why don"t you give him just a few minutes, Micah? I think you owe it to yourself to at least hear him out."

I didn"t necessarily agree, but I also had things I needed to say. Well, just one thing really. He deserved to hear it from me. Or maybe he really didn"t, but he"d hear it nonetheless. Taking my time to stagger off my bed and stumble to the living room, I didn"t look up at him until we were face to face. Looking at him had clearly been a mistake because my traitorous heart leapt for joy as if to remind me that it had found its match again. No matter how many times he had broken it, the pathetic organ in my chest still beat for him.

Bash"s green eyes were dimmer than usual, and he had a slight scruff framing his sharp jawline that only made him more ruggedly handsome. He had on dark jeans and a navy crew neck sweater that was one of my favorites on him. For the first time ever, I had no desire to reach out and touch him. The wall of ice had survived the heat of his presence enough to keep me safe from the familiar urges.

He spoke first. "Hey M…I thought you might not have been eating much, so I made your favorite for you," he motioned to the large tupperware in his hands that held the food. He had stooped low bringing me his Fettuccine Alfredo. He knew me too well. When I made no move to take it or acknowledge the gesture at all, he looked around nervously and set the dish on our kitchen counter a few feet from him.

The silence was as loud and awkward as it could have possibly been, alien to us since things had never been awkward between us. Not like this. When the tension had built to stifling levels, he broke it. "M, I came to explain…"

"Micah," I cut in. He looked up at me confused. "Not M, not MM. Just Micah. Say what you need to say and just go, Bastian."

If I had skinned him alive, it would have hurt him less. The pain was stark on his beautiful features and he wobbled a bit like his knees had almost buckled under him.

"M-micah, I…I can"t just go. I came to explain why I lied to you, why I was such a coward that first night we spent together. I came to make it right and earn you back," he professed softly. Again the numbness within me held me back, kept me stable as he pressed on.

"Micah please, I know I broke your trust and did a horrible thing, but I swear to you that I will never lie to you again. You"ve known me since we were kids. You know I can be trusted! I fucked up so badly this year, but I can be better, I want to be better for you! To give you everything! I never should have let you think I regretted that night because there was nothing to regret. Our night together meant so much to me because it helped me see that I was falling for you all along," he said emphatically, his eyes shining with sincerity.

That was the worst part about the whole thing. I didn"t doubt Bash"s love for me. He had proven I had his heart, but his lie had also proven that I didn"t have his trust. I didn"t have his respect. No matter how much he loved me, it hadn"t been enough to earn his consideration and the truth.

"You heard me. That night when I told you I loved you for the first time, you heard me," I told him, low and clear. "You have known since before I came to UT that I loved you for years."

Bash didn"t move a muscle, but I saw the slight shake in his eyes that told me I was right. He didn"t argue with me.

"You then continued to lie about Ainsley and I had to endure seeing you together even though you realized how much it killed me. I didn"t think you saw how much it tore me apart, but you knew the whole time. Then when I got up the courage to tell you again how I felt, you looked me in the eyes and told me that you didn"t feel the same way. I could forgive it one time, but that was the second time that you had done everything you could to hide how you really felt. You destroyed me and you knew it would because…my love wasn"t a secret to you. You understood and you destroyed me anyway," I accused. I vacantly realized that I had dampness on my cheeks and when I licked my lips, they tasted of salt.

Bash"s face mirrored my own as I saw tracks of tears run south toward his chin, but he made no move to wipe them away. "M-micah, I am so…"

"I tried to get over you because I thought you couldn"t recall what we did and you said you weren"t in love with me. I tried, and Kit happened. I never would"ve been with him, never would"ve gotten hurt if you had just been honest with me back in May. We could have been together and Kit wouldn"t have had an opening. Now, I own my part in all of that despite his scheming. I made my choice, but I also know that I had limited ones since you had torn our chance away from us. The damage your lie caused stretched far beyond that one night. There"s no way to erase it all," I whispered, not trusting my voice to hold out for much longer. I could feel the ice thaw and crack with each word, and I feared the pain that was soon to follow.

"Micah, God, I am so fucking sorry!" Bash cried, his hand shooting out to grip the counter for support. "You"re right, you"re right about everything. I didn"t think about how much shit that one lie would cause, but it was a lie made in a moment of panic, I swear to you! I didn"t mean for it to go so far and hurt you as much as it did! It kills me that you had to suffer through seeing me with Ainsley, just like I suffered seeing you with Kit. Jesus, it makes me sick to think of how much pain I caused you because you are my whole heart, Micah!"

He moved toward me, and I flinched when he reached out to touch me. He held back and dropped his hand. "All I wanted to do was love you, and I hate myself for letting my fucked up decisions ruin what we had. I know I can"t erase it, but I will do every single thing in my power to heal you piece by piece until you are whole again. I caused your hurt and I will make it right. Even if it takes me fifty years, I will heal you with every kiss, every touch, every word I can because you are worth a lifetime of atonement. Please..give me a chance to show you I can be worthy of your love again." The tears made his jade orbs shimmer, and the first shard of agony wrenched its way through my frozen armor.

"This is pointless, Bastian. It"s done and I…"

"There is nothing pointless about fighting for you!" Bash grabbed my face with his hands and tightened his grip when I tried to pull away. "You are the point, Micah! You are the only thing that is worth fighting decades or centuries for. If I died before winning you back, then I"d go through all nine levels of Hell to get back and fight for you all over again. I"m just asking that you let me fight for you." He lowered his forehead to mine, and he dropped to a whisper, his voice giving out. "Fight with me, baby…stay and fight with me, please."

"I"m transferring back to UNT." The words tumbled out before I was aware I had thought them. Bash dropped my face and stumbled back as though he had touched acid.

"W-what? W-what do you m-mean you"re going back to UNT?" he stammered, barely audible over the violent pounding of my heart against my ribcage. I braced myself against the onslaught of emotions hammering at my carefully built defenses.

"I can"t stay here. I have no more fight in me and no more forgiveness to give…"

Bash was shaking his head almost unconsciously, almost as though his head refused to accept my words.

"We don"t have anything left that"s not tainted. No love, no relationship, no friendship…we have nothing left."

"No, don"t you say that! Please, don"t say that, baby! Please…" Bash cried, clutching his chest as if that could physically stop the ache I knew was there because it was present in my own heart.

"It"s over. I have nothing left to say to you." My tone was brittle. I had only seconds before the dam burst and I didn"t want him to see just how much I hated the words spilling from my lips. It was my turn to build lies between us, but they were lies of necessity. I needed him to hear them because it was the only way he"d let me go.

"Micah, for the love of God, please don"t give up on me! Don"t give up on us…" His voice was scratchy and wet, overwhelmed with sorrow at the bridge I was trying to burn. He came closer again, and his scent washed over me. It made me want to scream.

Scream that I still loved him, scream that I wanted to forgive him, scream that I was making a mistake.

But I didn"t. I couldn"t. The scream was trapped in my throat, strangled by my own pain and fear.

He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips, laying soft, wet kisses to my fist as he cried. "I"m sorry…I"m so sorry…I didn"t mean to drive you away…God, I"m so sorry…" he blubbered.

I had to close my eyes to block out the infinitely painful image, one that had the power to crumble every defense and safeguard I had left in my body. I gently pulled my hand out of his and took a step back. The gesture had an audible sob tearing from his throat, and he clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle the devastating sound. It was like a grater being run over my soul, shredding it into a bloody mess.

After what seemed an eternity, Bash steadied himself and forced his eyes to mine. We locked gazes and the world stood still. Time ceased to exist, reality fell away, and it was just the two of us. Broken and helpless, but still holding dominion over the other"s heart. He could keep mine. I didn"t want it back. If I couldn"t be his, I didn"t want anyone else.

Bash took one more deep breath, his eyes running over my face in a loving caress. Then, he nodded slowly and turned for the door. My lungs burned and my head grew dizzy as I absently noticed I had been holding my breath, waiting for it to be safe.

Before he reached for the doorknob, he turned over his shoulder one last time.

"I"ll wait for you, Micah. Even if you are never mine again, I"ll wait for you because I am yours. Only yours."

I didn"t even hear the door close behind him over the blood pounding in my ears and the sound of my heart screaming in my chest, begging me not to let him go.

But I did anyway.

*****

Grief is a weird thing. At first, it hits you hard enough to knock the wind out of you, painful enough to take you down. It steals your sanity and makes you doubt the life that comes after because it seems never-ending. It"s merciless and unyielding. You logically know that it will end, as all things do, but in those days of torment you aren"t entirely sure if you will be spared.

Then one day, you can breathe a little easier. You"re cautiously hopeful that the worst has passed and you"ll indeed survive the days ahead without succumbing to more heartache. It"s a false sense of security that you"ve been lulled into, but you don"t yet know it. It"s a warm blanket that will be ripped off at a moment"s notice that you don"t see coming. Then, just as you think you will be okay, the grief returns. Wave after wave, disrupting the quiet times and feeding off any bit of happiness you managed to find. It"s a parasite that eats away at who you once were and leaves someone wholly different in its wake. You"re changed by it, weathered down and altered by the barrage of pain you"ve endured.

Some parts of you come back stronger, but other parts don"t come back at all. It"s a transformative sickness with no real cure but time. Even still, time only lessens the effects, but the grief will still be there, hidden in the tiny crevices of your head and heart as a permanent reminder. It"s a constant companion.

It had taken nearly six weeks for the one day of easy breathing to arrive, my false blanket covering me to allow me some respite. It didn"t last long when Dawson swung by with the remainder of my things from Bash"s place. It had been a while before I could stomach getting it all back.

I was told Bash had moved out of his apartment over a week ago, opting not to renew his lease for another year. Something about hearing that dug into the wound that hadn"t even begun to close over, but I wasn"t completely sure why. Maybe it was the fact that his apartment had been the first place he stopped fighting his feelings for me, or where we had shared so many beautiful memories. His bedroom was supposed to be ours, and for a while it had actually felt like that. Maybe I saw it as a sign that he too was moving on with his life, and that knowledge came close to making my raw heart bleed.

Rhys didn"t give me many details, whether he knew them or not, and I forced myself not to ask. It wasn"t my place to worry about him anymore, and God knows I didn"t need the reminders of him. He was in my bones, a friend for the grief burrowed deep within me. Bash was in every thought and every breath that entered my body. There was no getting rid of him, just as he had said that first night we made love. He marked my very soul and that wasn"t something you could easily extract.

"Hey Micah, how you holding up?" Dawson asked, his deep timbre resonating in the room. He was always kind to me and I appreciated his reserved nature. He radiated calm control, and there was something comforting about it. I was strangely going to miss him when I left.

"I"m getting through the days. It"s about all I can do, you know?" I answered truthfully. I was under no illusions about how poorly I was processing things. I wouldn"t be feeling anything resembling happiness for quite some time. It came with the territory of losing your soulmate and best friend, not that there was a handbook or anything to tell me that. The gaping hole in my chest might have tipped me off though.

Dawson simply nodded and gave me a sympathetic smile. He set the box of my things down on the coffee table, and then gave me a nervous look. "I have something for you. It"s from Bash, and before you automatically say no, I really think you should read it first." He took out a white envelope tucked in the back pocket of his jeans, holding it out for me to take.

My fingers twitched, itching to grab it and see what Bash had written in an effort to feel close to him again. After great internal debate that lasted all of two seconds, I took the envelope from him. My name was written across the front in Bash"s neat scrawl, and just seeing it had my vision going a little blurry.

"So look, I know it"s not my place to say anything, but Bash knows he screwed up. Really. He"s been a wreck ever since that day he came over to talk to you, but he"s really trying. Started seeing a therapist the week after and has been going ever since. He wants to be better. And I get that I"m no relationship expert or anything, but I did see you two together and I can tell you"re It. The real deal. I know Bash hurt you, but he"s going to be the only one to heal it for you. Everything else you try to fix it with will ultimately fail because you can"t heal when you"re missing pieces of yourself, and Bash is your missing piece. You make each other whole. Just…think about it," Dawson finished softly, his lips pressed into a tight, yet empathetic smile. He nodded once and moved toward the door.

My head was spinning and I tried desperately to block out his words that were starting to make sense to me. I wasn"t ready to thaw and let my ice wall fall. I clung to it, encasing myself to keep out the grief that assailed me daily.

"Oh, and one more thing," Dawson turned back to me, his hands in his pockets. "My teammates are throwing me a birthday party this weekend at the football house. You and Rhys are invited, and tell him he can bring a date too. I know you probably won"t want to come, but it might be good for you. Bash will be there if you want to see him…I think if you read the letter you might be persuaded," he coaxed in a knowing voice.

"Wait, do you know what it says?" I asked, somehow annoyed at the thought that Bash had shown someone else the letter intended for me. My worry was allayed when Dawson smirked and shook his head.

"Nah, man. I wouldn"t invade like that. I do have some limits," he chuckled lightly. "I just know Bash and I saw his face when he was writing it. Whatever he wrote you, he poured his heart out, that"s for sure. So even as a favor to me, please read it?" He gave me a small smile and headed out. I stood staring at the door for a few minutes, slowly processing everything.

"So are you going to? Read it, that is?" Rhys stepped out from his bedroom, obviously having overhead the conversation. I shrugged, my throat closed off and uncooperative in forming sentences.

He sat on the couch and motioned for me to join him. "I know you"re scared, Micah. I absolutely get why you"d be hesitant and afraid to open yourself back up to him, but are you truly prepared to spend your life without him?" His violet eyes penetrated mine, willing me to be honest with him and myself.

"Rhys, I…how can I trust that he"ll be honest from now on? Bash played me and made me feel so fucking stupid for believing him. I believed him blindly, never once doubting him, but I was wrong. It was like he was ashamed and freaked out about hooking up with me that he wanted to forget it ever happened. That"s what being with me drove him to. He says he fell in love with me, but what if I was just the easy option? What if he convinced himself he loved me because I was his best friend and he mistook being comfortable with being in love?" I voiced all the insecurities that had plagued me since I discovered his betrayal.

"That"s not true, and deep down you know that. You"re letting the embarrassment distort your thoughts and tell you that you were the problem. Bash knows it was all him and his own issues that made him lie, not you. He looked at you like you were the planet keeping him in orbit, like you were all he could see. I noticed it every single time. It was honestly a little nauseating, but that"s what Pepto Bismol"s for," Rhys teased, and I felt the ghost of a smile creep onto my face, the muscles rigid from recent disuse.

My one biggest fear jumped to the forefront of my mind, tumbling out of my mouth in a moment of weakness. "What if I forgive him and it"s all ripped away from me again?" I whispered, the sound nothing more than a wisp of wind leaving my lips. "What if I take him back only to lose him all over again? I don"t think I"d survive it a second time."

Rhys looked at me with aching compassion. He gripped my hand tightly in his, and gave it a squeeze to draw my attention back to his face. "I get it. I really do. That is the most terrifying thing about falling in love. You put yourself in a uniquely vulnerable position to be completely broken. Handing over your heart to someone else means also offering it up to be crushed if things go badly. The rules of survival say that you never put yourself in that situation because your job is to protect yourself, avoid pain, and stay alive. However, all the normal rules don"t apply when it"s the One. When you find your One, you do whatever is necessary because your life doesn"t make sense without them. It"s a pale imitation of what life should be unless they are in it. Without them, everything is empty. So ask yourself…is Bash your One?"

He didn"t stick around for my answer. He just squeezed my hand again and grabbed his keys off the table, leaving seconds later. Part of me wondered if he had left to give me some space and privacy to read Bash"s note and figure out what I was going to do. He was a great friend like that.

All the air in my lungs left my body in a whoosh, my eyes clamping shut as I weighed the pros and cons of reading the letter. With my decision made, I opened the envelope carefully.

In it was a neatly folded paper and two glossy tickets with the words "Brené Brown Live" printed across the top. Holy shit, he didn"t…

Bash had known about my near obsessive love for Brené Brown for years, and he often teased that she was the only woman who could make me go straight. A fascination with her was practically written in the psychology major course guide. The tickets were dated for late June right there in Austin, so he must have had them for a while. They had a small scrap of paper attached to them with Bash"s writing on it.

M, these tickets were meant to be a housewarming gift to celebrate us moving in together. Take someone with you and have fun. You deserve it.

I blinked back the stinging in my eyes and shook my head vigorously to clear it of all the emotions like a human Etch-A-Sketch. I set the tickets down, and wondered briefly if I had made a mistake in opening the envelope. I figured not knowing would have been worse, so I took several steadying breaths and opened his note up.

Micah,

I"ve tried to write this letter so many times I lost track because I haven"t been able to find the right words. This will be the last time I bother you, so I want to make sure I leave nothing unsaid.

The truth is I haven"t been the man you fell in love with or deserve for a while. I could blame a lot of things, but at the end of the day, I let my own fear and cowardice get to me and I selfishly put them before you. I can"t put into words how deeply I regret lying to you our first night together because I meant what I told you. Being with you was a gift that showed me just how far gone for you I was. You had been in my heart for years, and I had failed to see it.

The biggest truth I can give you now is tell you why I was so afraid. It wasn"t Ainsley, or my dad, or any of the excuses I hid behind. The only thing I fear more than anything in this world is being without you. You became so important to my life at such a young age, I couldn"t stand to lose you if things between us failed. I was scared to love you because I thought it would give us an expiration date. As my best friend, you were a sure thing, a guarantee. If we had been more, the security of knowing you"d always be there would have been gone. I didn"t want to love you just to lose you.

When you told me you loved me that night, it changed me, Micah. You unlocked something in me that was so powerful and incredible, but I wasn"t ready to face it. So I panicked and lied. I didn"t trust that we would make it through, and that was my first mistake. There is nothing in this world I trust more than us together. You"re my other half, my soulmate. I should have trusted that you would catch me when I fell, and I fell so hard for you.

I let my fear drive almost every decision I made, except when it came to choosing you. Choosing you was the one time hope became stronger than my fear and it was the best decision of my life. I was a coward when I decided to keep hiding my lies from you. I didn"t deserve you, and I never fully will because it would take a hundred lives to be worthy of everything you are. All I have is one lifetime to give and it"s yours. Every second of it would be devoted to giving you what you deserve. It would be a lifetime well spent.

If I have truly lost you, then my wish is for you to find love again. I want you to have endless days of joy and laughter and love, even if it"s not with me. I hope you find someone who will love your light as well as your dark, and treat you as precious as the air they breathe. I pray that you both fall so deeply that you are spared even a heartbeat of pain for the rest of your days. I hope you find a love that transcends this life. You are that love for me, Micah.

I will love you from afar until my days end. I will always love you for being my best friend, my person, my safe place, my heart, and my home. My heart was made to be yours, even if you don"t want it. It will continue to beat for you even if you are living for someone else.

Thank you for the years we spent together and for loving me as long as you did. Your love will stay with me forever, and I will treasure every moment we had.

Be happy, MM. Always.

All my love, Bash

I read the letter more times than I could feasibly count. I read it so many times that the words started to lose their meaning, and my tears stained the page. I read well into the night after I had gone to bed without eating.

His words brought down every defense, every wall, every insurmountable obstacle that I had put in place to protect myself. In the space of one page, Bash had thawed my heart and set it on fire. His wish that I find someone else struck me so hard that I found it hard to breathe. It caused nausea to roll through my stomach because it was the very last thing on Earth I wanted. I couldn"t hide behind any more walls to deny it.

Bash had my heart, and I didn"t want to live without it. I didn"t want to live without him. We were paralyzed by the same fears. The only difference was he had allowed it to take hold, and I had fought against it. When it came down to it, I knew that I could forgive him because a life spent without him wasn"t a life I was interested in. It wouldn"t be a life at all.

He was my future, my One. Just like that, all the normal rules flew out the window.