CHAPTER 28

Bastian

Istayed sprawled on the floor for at least a couple of hours after Micah ran off, incapable of moving or thinking without sharp pain lancing through me. I felt his loss like shrapnel, ricocheting off every bone and organ in my body. I had lost my best friend and the love of my life in one fell swoop, and I didn"t think there was any way to come back from that.

Micah"s scathing accusations were all justified. He was right about everything. My lies and secrets had leeched poison into our relationship from the beginning, infecting us and festering in the dark until I shined a harsh light on it in a moment of anger. Looking back, this was the only way we were going to end up. I had known from the start that we were playing with fire and my mother could get burned, but I was naive enough to think Micah and I were strong enough to withstand the fallout.

I tried to protect him, but I was a goddamn idiot. I couldn"t keep him from harm when I was the one causing it. My dad didn"t have to do anything to Micah to fracture our relationship, to tear us apart.

I did that all on my own. It was all me and my fucked up decisions.

I couldn"t stay in my apartment for another minute. I kept smelling his scent, hearing his voice, and seeing his face, and it made my stomach churn violently. My heart was clamped in a vice, gripped tight by the agony of losing everything I held dear in the space of a single morning. I couldn"t do anything about my relationship because it was over. I had lost Micah. Even if I managed to stem the flood of resentment from my mom"s hospitalization, I was powerless to fix the damage my lies had caused.

The only one thing I could do now was try to help my mom. I didn"t care what my sperm donor had said on the phone, I was going to do everything in my power to get her released and out from under his vindictive thumb. I haphazardly packed a duffel bag, not even sure what I was throwing in it while my brain was on a chaotic rampage. My only clear thoughts were to get to Dallas and find a way to get her released. I just had to find where he put her.

The three hour drive to my parents" house was silent torment with thoughts of Micah and our breakup ravaging my head. I begged any god listening to forget it all for even a few minutes, but those images were only replaced with beautiful memories of our time together. It was lovely agony. It was free falling through the sky in those first, glorious moments where you felt unencumbered and alive, only to hit the ground at the last second in a terrible end. My brain cycled through regret at having ever started this journey with Micah, but my heart rebelled brutally at the thought that he could ever be regretted.

Pulling up in my parents" driveway, I shoved all my turmoil into an iron box and buried it six feet under. I had to steel myself mentally and emotionally to face my bastard father, or I wouldn"t be useful for shit. I realized that stomping up to his door to confront him mere hours after his call was the most batshit crazy idea, but I had no other options. Well, none that had presented themselves to me.

Reining in the fury threatening to overtake me, I strode up to the door and rapped on it repeatedly. When no answer came after thirty seconds, I slammed my hand on it even harder. "DAD! Open up, you son of a bitch!"

Just as my hand was coming down for a third strike, the door whipped open and I nearly fell backwards down the steps. I briefly wondered if I had a mental break after all the shit I had gone through that morning because my dad wasn"t the one gawking at me from the threshold.

"Mom?…" I choked out, my lungs failing to function at the sight before me. What the ever-loving fuck?

"Bash! Sweetheart, what are you doing here?" My mom asked me, her hand clutching at her chest in a familiar tick I recognized when she was nervous.

Instead of answering, I flew into her arms and squeezed her tight, needing to reassure myself that she was real, that she was actually standing before me safe and sound. "Mom? Why are you here? Oh my God, I"m so glad you"re okay!" I cried, the strain of everything hitting me at once in a torrent of confusion and relief.

"Honey, how did you find out? I didn"t think your father would tell you," Mom stuttered out, her hold on me never loosening. I pulled away from her, still gripping her shoulders tight and checking her over. I noticed the dark circles under her eyes and her unkempt hair. Her eyes were glassy and clear. She looked completely drained, but she looked lucid.

"What are you talking about? Dad called me this morning and told me he had you committed to a psych center. He found out…something he wasn"t meant to, and he said he locked you away. He had threatened it for so long. I thought he had actually done it! How are you here right now? What is going on?" My words ran together in a blur of emotions.

"Wait, slow down. Take a breath. What do you mean he said had me committed? And what is this about a threat?" Mom"s eyes were wide, reflecting back the shocked bewilderment in my own.

"He…he said…" I tried to force the words out, but I was so overwhelmed, I couldn"t think straight. I let out a frustrated huff of air, running my hands over my face and into my hair. I took a deep breath and led her over to the dining table. I figured I should start at the beginning.

I told my mom everything about dad"s manipulations involving Ainsley and his threats to keep us together. I told her about Micah and how I had realized that I was falling in love with him. I told her about dad"s extended warnings if I were to throw Ainsley overboard to be with him, and how I had broken Micah"s heart time and time again just to keep her safe. I told her how I couldn"t seem to let him go, and how happy we had been the last few months. I finally got to the shitstorm that had hit this morning as a result of dad"s interference and my own raving stupidity. By the time I was done, tears were streaming down my face and I was emotionally exhausted.

Mom had sat immobile and gaping at me as I shared the whole sordid chain of events leading up to my surprise appearance at their door. The second the last word left my mouth, mom grabbed the crystal vase off the table and flung it at the opposite wall, sending shards of glass and lilies flying every direction. I jumped in my seat, not expecting her outburst.

"Mom! What the—"

"That evil, selfish bastard! How fucking dare he!" mom screamed, her small frame almost burning a hole in the wood floor as she paced back and forth agitatedly. Ah…at least now I know where I get it from…

"Mom, what is going on?" I asked firmly, needing some answers before I lost my damn mind. She turned to me, her face a mask of barely contained hatred and anger.

"Your father lied to you. Obviously you figured that out already because I"m here, but it was more than that. He"s been lying to you and using you for months, ever since he introduced you to that girl and her family."

"How was he—"

"He was having an affair with Mrs. Whitten!" mom snapped, but I knew her ire wasn"t directed at me. My brain went offline in an effort to reboot because what she said hadn"t quite computed right.

"He…affair…Mrs. Whitten? Ainsley"s mom?" I stammered, blinking rapidly as I tried to keep up.

"Yes, Mrs. Whitten. I threw him out yesterday when I found out. She"s the reason your father discovered you were with Micah, honey. I had a gut feeling that something was going on. He had those people over here at least twice a month, if not more, and he always…" she took a breath to steady herself as she got more worked up. "I heard the phone ring yesterday and I picked up the line. I don"t know what made me stay on after she asked for him, but I almost wish I hadn"t." Mom looked sick to her stomach, and part of me wanted to spare her from recalling the details, but I had to know.

"Mom, what did they say?" I urged gently.

"She told your father that her family saw you and Micah in the park. She said you were being affectionate and…some other despicable things not worth repeating. She told him that her daughter confirmed that you ended things back before Christmas, and that you had threatened to expose something private of hers if she told. Your father at first didn"t seem too concerned, promising her that he"d get you back under control and her husband would have nothing to worry about. Then he…he promised her that he"d do anything for her and once Mr. Whitten had paid to fund his campaign, he"d be sure to help her divorce him so they could be together," she spat out the last words like they were toxic.

Anger and loathing stirred in my blood, pushing me to limits I"d soon cross. Apparently, there was no end to the depths that piece of shit would lower himself to.

"But then why would he want me to marry Ainsley if he was…with her mother? Wouldn"t that make them related sort of? Where is dad now anyway?" I asked, feeling like I was slowly being given only the edges of a puzzle without any idea of what the final image looked like.

"It"s obvious your father doesn"t give a damn about things like morals or limits if he gets what he wants," she fumed. "You marrying Ainsley would"ve tied him to Whitten, and that rotund prick agreed to pour money into his election campaign as soon as they were "family". That election is all your father cares about. And I threw him out last night after he got off the phone. He couldn"t deny it after I had heard everything, and he had the gall to tell me I was overreacting. When I told him I"d call the cops, he left but not before taking my phone, car keys and wallet with him. Anything to keep me stuck here and useless."

At least that answered the part about not being able to reach her earlier. "Why would he care if you called the cops or not? How did that force him to leave?"

"Oh honey, you know as well as I do that your father is all about his reputation. Even one call to the cops from his wife would smear his precious campaign, and he had other reasons to worry about what I"d say to them, believe me." Her voice was filled with more venom than I had ever thought her capable of.

"What do you mean?" I nervously asked.

"Your father has been involved in illegal dealings with Mr. Whitten that go beyond just his electoral campaign," mom continued, her eyes cold. "Things have felt off for months and I"ve been trying to gather whatever dirt on him I could. When he would be out, I"d sneak into his office and poke around his files, just in case I was right. Turns out, I was. I found all the evidence I need to have your father and the Whittens charged with racketeering and campaign finance fraud. Let"s see how he likes a life behind federal bars!"

A part of me was almost glad this happened so she could finally break free of him. But another part of me ached for her and the anguish she was going through. I didn"t want this to further erode her mental health, to drag her down past the point of no return. I had already lost Micah. I couldn"t lose her to this, too.

"Mom, hold up, let"s just breathe for a second. You said you have actual, physical proof that dad has been involved in illegal shit?" I forced her to look at me, trying to keep her calm.

"Yes. I have it all backed up on a flash drive that I have hidden upstairs. Your father doesn"t know the specifics, but he"s aware I know something. Even if I didn"t have the proof, one phone call would be enough to have him on the Feds" radar. He certainly wouldn"t want that," she sneered.

The pieces were lining up, messed up edges interlocking into an idea that would hopefully solve both our problems. "Mom, you don"t have to incriminate him, he"s not worth it. What you need to do is use that information to get exactly what you want from him. Demand a divorce."

She looked anxious at the prospect, but not altogether put off by it. "But what about the evidence? What about everything he"s done? He won"t sign those papers or give me anything even if he does grant me the divorce," she said uncertainly.

"That"s what I mean by use the proof. He likes threats so much, give him a taste. Tell him exactly what you have on him and threaten to release it to the FBI if he doesn"t give you a divorce and alimony. Like you said, he won"t risk his campaign! A divorce he might be able to spin, but not an arrest," I told her emphatically.

Mom seemed to be weighing her options, looking conflicted and excited all at once. Eventually, she nodded her head and gave me a confident smile that told me she was ready.

"You"re right. This will work. That bastard doesn"t get to run my life into the ground anymore." She looked almost triumphant in her decision, but it was quickly replaced with remorse and sadness as she took me in. "Oh Bash honey, I am so sorry I didn"t stand up for you…I should have helped you. If I had just talked to you when I started having doubts about your father, maybe none of this would have happened! You wouldn"t have gotten caught up in his schemes." Tears started to trickle down her cheeks, her eyes growing red as her lips quivered.

"Mom, it"s okay," I tried to reassure her.

"No! It"s not okay! I am your mother, I am supposed to help you! I didn"t know how far he had gone to keep you and that girl together, but I should have! You didn"t deserve any of this, sweetheart. You didn"t deserve to lose the person you love for his twisted bullshit!"

The reminder of Micah tore a hole straight through my chest and my eyes burned. I blinked to keep my own tears from spilling again. "It doesn"t matter. It"s done. As long as you"re safe and away from him, it"ll be alright."

She gave me a pitying look and took hold of my face with both hands. "Bastian honey, it does matter. It matters a great deal. Your father has stolen so much from the both of us. Don"t let this be another thing he takes. Don"t lose Micah because of that snake," she coaxed me.

I tried in vain to hold the tears back. "It wasn"t just dad"s fault. It was mine," I choked out, shaking my head. "I lied to him, mom. I lied to Micah so many times that I don"t know how I could ever rebuild his trust. I…I was so scared of what dad would do that I kept so many things from him to try to protect you both."

Mom narrowed her gaze at me, cocking her head to the left slightly. "That"s not all it was though. I know you, Bash. Lying isn"t in your nature, especially not where Micah"s concerned. I"m sure your dad"s threats caused a lot of it, but there was another reason you held so much back from him. Why?"

Her question pierced me in the chest, a jackhammer doing unpleasant things to my ribs as I was forced to own up to what she had sensed buried under the surface.

"I was…I was scared for me. For what it would mean for us if I fell for him…" My throat was tight and I could barely push the words out. "I was terrified that if we tried to be together and it failed, I"d lose him completely. That I would"ve lost my best friend in the world for a stupid fling, and I couldn"t have handled that. But then…" I trailed off, the tears making coherent sentences difficult to form.

"Then what, honey?" mom asked, her voice soothing and calm.

"Then I…fell so stupidly in love with him and suddenly the fear didn"t matter anymore. He was it for me. He was my future," My voice cracked on the last word and I sank back down to my chair, my knees no longer able to hold me under the weight of everything. "But I lost him anyway. By the time I realized what I had, I couldn"t fix the lies I told…I screwed up everything!"

Mom sank to her knees beside me and cradled my head against her shoulder, holding me as I sobbed. I was a mess. I had cried more in the last year for Micah than I had my entire childhood. But if there was ever a person worth breaking down for, it was him. After what seemed like an eternity, I removed myself from her arms and breathed deep to calm down.

"Honey, it"s not too late. If you believe that he"s your future, you go after him and earn him back," she told me sternly.

"But what if…"

"No buts! If he is worth it, then you fight for him. Don"t give up, not when it"s real." Mom"s unwavering gaze held mine until her words penetrated my doubts. She was stronger than anyone gave her credit for, including me.

"You"re right. I need to get him back. I can"t lose him. Micah is…" I stopped, not knowing how to describe just all that Micah was to me. There weren"t enough languages in recorded history to fully show what was in my heart for him. It was impossible to accurately put to words. "He"s just…my heart. He doesn"t own it, he is my heart. I need him back."

Another thought struck me just then. "Wait, just because dad didn"t follow through on his threat about committing you doesn"t mean he won"t still try. Especially after this. I looked up anything helpful that I could, and it"s entirely possible for him to convince a judge to do it. All he"d have to do is show him your history and claim you"re a big enough risk to yourself. How are we supposed to stop him if that"s the shit he pulls?"

Mom just looked at me rather smugly, but not unkind. "Sweetheart, you weren"t looking at the right information then. Don"t worry. I know of a way to ensure Rupert doesn"t have a hand around my neck like that for the rest of my life. But I"ll need your help."