CHAPTER 19

Micah

Iwoke up feeling overly hot and sweaty, disoriented from being pulled from a deep sleep. Within a few seconds, I registered the hard body under my arm and a smile broke out across my face. The events of the previous night danced across my mind, heating my blood and stirring my dick against Bash"s thigh. Unintentionally, my hips started rocking the tiniest bit, seeking out friction wherever they could.

"If you keep that up, I won"t be responsible for what happens next," a deep voice grumbled.

Without looking at him, I bit my lip and slid my hand down slowly to his cock that was already starting to tent the sheet. When my hand gently closed around the head and I squeezed, Bash growled under me and his back arched up. "Fuck, Micah…don"t stop, baby…"

I gave his thick shaft a couple of hard pumps before trailing kisses down his body. He hissed as I paused to nip and lick at his chest and nipples as I went. I loved his reactions to me. I reached his groin and took my time kissing the skin around the base, leaving little bites while I stroked him slowly. Bash groaned, and his hand slid into my hair at the back of my head, keeping a firm, but tender hold of me.

"Baby, please…I need your mouth on me," Bash softly pleaded, and I felt vindicated that I could be the one to make him beg this morning. At his plea, I ran the flat of my tongue in a long swipe from his balls to the very tip. Bash jerked and let out a low moan that made me quake inside.

I wrapped my mouth around the pink, bulbous head that peeked out from his foreskin and lightly dripped precum, sucking it down like the sinful treat it was. The salty tang burst on my tongue and I became ravenous.

I swallowed him down as far as I could take him, still swirling my tongue around the length as I began to suck him in and out of my mouth. Bash was losing control fast, his chest heaving with panting breaths and his hand tightened in my hair to guide me.

"Holy hell, your mouth…you suck me so good, gorgeous…look at you, all hungry for me," Bash hummed, his dirty words making me moan around his member. The vibration must"ve done something incredible because Bash let out a deep growl and started pumping his hips up into my mouth. "God yeah, just like that. Look at those sexy lips wrapped around my cock. Shit baby, make me fucking come…I want you to suck down every last drop of me."

Holy dirty talking saints above, thank you for this man"s mouth!

I went to town working him over, sucking hard and deep while my hand jerked him at the base where my mouth couldn"t reach. He was a mess of groans and gasps, his head thrown back and his hips becoming jerky in their movement. My own dick was leaving a sticky mess on his thigh as precum seeped out of me, but I didn"t care. I wanted to mark him just as he had with me.

I let out another moan around his cock as I swallowed him to the very back, and he let out a loud curse, spurting down my throat in a hot rush of cum. I gagged slightly and worked to swallow all of it, not wanting to lose even a droplet of it. As the pulses slowed down, I continued to suckle his head, drawing out every bit of liquid I could get until Bash gasped harshly and yanked me gently by my hair. "Baby, I think you got it all," he chuckled, his eyes glinting with lust and amusement as I moved back up to his chest.

When he moved in to kiss me, I slammed a hand over my mouth and shook my head. He gave me a wide eyed, incredulous look. "Morning breath…" I said muffled behind my hand, but Bash narrowed his eyes and ripped my hand away.

"I don"t give a shit about morning breath," he grunted as he sealed his lips to mine, kissing the breath from my body. Every synapse fired in me as Bash"s tongue dove into my mouth, tasting his lingering essence there. He groaned and rolled us until I was pinned beneath him.

"Hell, I love tasting myself on your lips…why the fuck is that so hot?" he asked bewildered. I laughed at the look of genuine confusion on his stupidly handsome face, and pulled him down for another kiss. While his lips continued to brush against mine, his hand snuck down to my aching cock. He swiped up the long stream of precum running down my length and started using it to pump me hard and fast in his fist.

"Oh shit, Bash…" I gasped out, so fucking close to coming already that it was embarrassing. Tasting him and making him come undone had pushed me close to my own precipice.

"Come on, sweet baby, it"s your turn…flood my hand with your load. I want to watch your beautiful face as I make you come," Bash seductively murmured.

I was crazed, my hips thrusting up in time with each pump of his hand, chasing the buzz of pleasure that was spreading like wildfire from my groin. The noises I made were barely human, but Bash"s eyes were riveted to my face, his mouth slack and his eyes bright with untamed desire as he watched me come the fuck apart.

"Bash…fuck baby, I"m close," I croaked out, my vision starting to go white around the edges as my orgasm rushed to the surface. He leaned down to whisper in my ear, his breath ghosting over my skin, "Come for me, love."

My dick erupted, shooting off long jets of cum all over my stomach and covering Bash"s hand. He groaned above me, but I was gone. All I could see were endless universes bursting into existence behind my eyelids, stars that hadn"t been born until he unleashed my pleasure. He wrung me dry, his hand not stopping until he was satisfied that he had emptied me.

I floated back down to earth slowly, catching my breath and taking in everything that had just happened with us. I was incandescently happy because I finally had everything I ever wanted. Last night was beyond any expectation or fantasy I had held onto, and it even surpassed the forgotten night we spent together.

Bash went to wash his hands and brought back a warm, wet cloth for me. He cleaned off my torso and groin gently, and the simple intimacy had me melting. He climbed back into bed next to me, pulling me into his arms and kissing my lips sweetly.

A thought nagged at me though, and I couldn"t get it unstuck from my brain. "Bash?…what about Ainsley?" I murmured reluctantly. Bash"s eyebrows furrowed and he looked confused.

"What about her?"

I huffed out a breath, knowing it needed to be discussed, but hating it anyway. "I mean, you"re still with her, so…you cheated on her last night. I know we didn"t have sex, so you"re not exposing her to anything, but…"

Bash interrupted me with a sardonic chuckle. "I hardly consider her my girlfriend so cheating is a bit of a stretch, and I wouldn"t have exposed her to anything anyway. It wouldn"t be possible."

I rolled my eyes, not wanting to hear details. "Yeah, I know because I"m a virgin and everything—"

"It"s not that, M. I wouldn"t have risked giving her anything because I don"t sleep with her. I haven"t had sex with her in several months," Bash said seriously, looking me straight in the eyes and willing me to see the truth there.

I just gaped back until my mouth finally worked at forming words again. "What do you mean several months? Why haven"t you…you know?"

Bash looked back at me with soft eyes, just the faintest hint of a smile on his face. "Because I don"t want her, M. I"ve never wanted her. She doesn"t own one piece of me, baby. I don"t belong to her." The emphasis on the last part caught my attention, and his meaning was clear in his smoldering, green gaze.

Bash wanted me. Bash wanted me. And boy, did he ever have me…

That thought was swiftly crushed as I remembered he doesn"t have me…because he still has Ainsley. This was just for one night. That was all we got. A stolen night where we forgot our circumstances and just let ourselves get lost in one another. Now it was over.

Bash sensed the shift in my mood and he tilted my chin to make me look him in the eye. "Hey M, where did you go?" He softly brushed my cheek with his hand, and I leaned into the sweet contact, relishing it while I could.

"Nothing," I lied, not wanting to burst our lovely, sensual bubble.

"M, come on, don"t lie to me…tell me what it is," Bash coaxed soothingly. He looked so achingly beautiful in the sunlight streaming through his windows that it hurt to look at him. The light brought out the gold strands hidden in his dark blond hair.

I rolled off the bed and tried heading for the bathroom, but he jumped up and grabbed my upper arm, gently pulling me back to him. "Hey, what"s wrong? Is this about Ainsley? Please just talk to me," he urged me, looking so worried it made me feel guilty.

"It"s not about Ainsley. Well, not completely," I said, my tiny smile colored with sadness. "It was just supposed to be one night, and now…" I shrugged, not really knowing what to say and not wanting to continue.

Bash looked stricken, the conflict weaving its way back onto his features after he let it fall away last night. "M…please try to understand," he said beseechingly. That was the problem. I didn"t understand, and I had no desire to.

"I get it, Bash…you just can"t expect me to be okay with it," I shook my head, praying for this talk to end before it became too painful to get through.

"Baby, please…"

"Don"t…" I started, throwing up my hand to stop his words, "don"t call me baby. I"m not your baby…not if you"re with Ainsley," my voice barely a whisper, agony starting to puncture my heart in tiny pinpricks.

Bash looked as though I slapped him, and I tried not to, but the guilt poured through me. I hated hurting him even if he was hurting me.

That"s how I knew my love for Bash was real because I didn"t hate him for breaking my heart. I"d gladly give it to him all over again even knowing it would be broken each time because it was never really mine to begin with…it was his.

The most difficult truth to swallow was that Bash"s heart wasn"t mine. He wanted me, he might have one day loved me, but he wasn"t going to choose me. He told me so last night and I dove into this head first, aware of the crash landing that we were headed towards. It didn"t make it any easier to stomach.

"Micah, you don"t get how impossible my dad has made this situation. You know I don"t want to stay with Ainsley, but I have no choice in the matter," Bash implored, desperation starting to seep into his tone.

"I already told you that I can take care of myself. Your dad calling the dean doesn"t automatically equal my expulsion or anything else, so why—"

"There"s more that you don"t know, M. None of this is simple or easy, and I don"t have a way out," Bash cut in, looking at the ground while his hands were interlocked behind his head.

"There"s always a way out, B…you just aren"t willing to take it," I said sadly, unable to fully accept how he wasn"t even fighting it.

"That"s not fair, M. You don"t know the whole story," Bash accused. I was taken aback.

"Then tell me the whole story, Bash. Make me understand because all I get from this is that you"re giving up and letting your dad run your life without even trying to fight it," I retorted, but I was losing the energy to argue about it anymore since nothing I said would affect the outcome.

"I can"t fight it, M! I told you it would be insanely selfish of me to do so, especially because of what I stand to lose. I can"t take that risk!" Bash"s eyes were wide and begging me to understand his reasoning, but it was pointless. We"d never see eye to eye on this since all I could see was him letting me go.

"Then I"m so sorry, BB…I really am," I breathed, waving the white flag once and for all.

"Sorry for what?" Bash asked, the panic clear in his tone. "What does that mean, M?"

I forced myself to hold his gaze, not wanting to forget a single detail of those haunting, irresistible emerald irises. "It hurts too much to know what it"s like to have you, but not be with you. I can"t just be friends with you anymore…not when I"ll always see you as something else."

"Then make me something else. Let me be more than a friend," Bash said, strong and sure.

It had me freezing in place, not wanting to guess at what he was saying. I needed the words. "What would you be?…"

He reached for my face, cupping my jaw while his eyes roamed over me as if he were memorizing every inch. "Let me be yours. Only yours."

I was speechless, my heart beating so wildly in my chest that I could nearly feel it against my ribs. I didn"t want to move or breathe for fear that I was still asleep in bed with Bash and would wake up realizing this was just a dream.

Bash lowered his forehead to mine and breathed in deep, "I can"t just be your friend anymore either, Micah. I can"t have only one night, baby. I need them all."

He barely got the words past his lips before I was devouring him, throwing my arms around his neck and giving him everything I had in me. Every breath, every heartbeat, every drop of blood was his. Every atom that made up my being was completely his.

I broke the kiss, panting heavily and grinning from ear to ear. "Bash, are you serious? You"re really going to do this with me? Ainsley"s gone for good?"

Bash"s smile fell off his face, looking worried and my stomach dropped. "M, I can"t break up with her…if I do, my dad will follow through with shit that I cannot have happen. But I will never touch her again and I"ll be only yours, always! It shouldn"t matter!" he exclaimed, trying to kiss me again but I pulled out of his grasp.

"Wait, of course it fucking matters, B. You"re telling me that you"re going to keep being Ainsley"s perfect, golden boyfriend and what? Bang me behind her back like some side piece?" I asked incredulous and angry. Bash"s eyebrows shot up at my crude words, looking flustered.

"What? No! You are not a fucking side piece! Micah, you are everything to me!"

I looked him dead on, willing him to see that I wouldn"t back down from this. I deserved more. I was willing to admit that much at least.

"Then prove it. Tell me that you"ll break things off with Ainsley and just be mine. Tell me that you couldn"t stand being with me in the shadows while she gets to have you in the light," I challenged, praying that I wasn"t about to lose everything I had come so close to finally having.

Bash just gaped at me, offering no words of reassurance or oaths of love. No fealty sworn or promises of banished girlfriends. Nope. He had no words for me now.

Frustrated and close to angry crying, I gathered my clothes and dressed in record time, heading toward his front door.

"Baby, wait! Stop!" Bash pleaded, snapping out of his shell-shocked state and coming after me. I stopped and turned on him so fast that he came within two inches of knocking into me. He must have practically felt the anger radiating off of me and took a step back nervously.

"No. Do not "baby" me until you figure out what you are going to do about this. You are either picking me or Ainsley. You can either say "fuck you" to your father or let him rule your life. You can"t have both. Call me when you get your shit together because I will never be okay with being your dirty secret," I barked at him, not waiting for his response as I stomped out of his apartment, slamming the front door behind me.

*****

I was upset and irritated beyond belief as I headed home from Bash"s apartment. I understood that he was worried about dumping Ainsley and incurring some great retribution from his dad, but I couldn"t think of anything that would be bad enough to be forced into an engagement at twenty one years old. Mr. Backwards-Ass Dupont was basically pimping out his son to Ainsley and her parents, which I wasn"t terribly shocked about, but to go so far as to threaten him? And with something clearly big enough that it had Bash terrified to go against him, even for me?

There was definitely more to that situation than Bash was telling me, and that frustrated me even more. What happened to telling each other everything? Son of a cocktail, I need a fucking drink. It"s 10am, so one or five mimosas couldn"t hurt…

Although, underneath all the annoyance and simmering anger there was also…elation. Sleeping with Bash was absolutely life-changing, and it wasn"t even the first time for us. It might as well have been where Bash was concerned, but it was beyond what I had dared to hope for. The way he handled me so perfectly and made me fall apart under those talented fingers was a religious experience, and dear Heaven above, that filthy mouth of his would be my undoing. I couldn"t even begin to imagine what sex would be like with him or I might have burst into flames right there from my sinful thoughts alone.

All my lewd imaginings were brought to a screeching halt when I saw who was standing in front of my apartment door, looking none too pleased. Oh, goodie…a two for one shitshow sale going on today. First the fight with Bash, and now I have to end things with…

"Kit? What are you doing here?" I asked him, baffled that he was back early from his trip and that he was waiting here for me. I definitely didn"t miss a call or text from him, so it was out of the blue. I awkwardly stepped around him to unlock my door and let us inside.

Kit"s eyes held a glint of displeasure and his jaw appeared locked down tight, but I didn"t understand why he"d be upset. Yeah, I had turned down the visit to his parents" house over the break, but surely he couldn"t still be annoyed over that. I didn"t want to give it a ton of thought because this conversation needed to be kept as short as possible.

"Thought I"d surprise you when I got back in today. Why didn"t you text me while I was gone? Are you just now getting home? Where were you?" he questioned, an edge to his voice that didn"t sit well with me.

"Are you here to play twenty questions or something?" I tried to pull off a joking tone, but I"m pretty sure it came across defensive. It didn"t seem to help matters since Kit"s eyes darkened a bit and he ground his teeth.

He recovered quickly and pasted on a tight smile. "I was just curious. I missed you." Just then he moved in and put his hand on my waist, leaning down to kiss me. At the last second, I turned my face to offer him my cheek, giving him a closed smile.

Kit pulled back and I worried that his jaw would permanently fuse together if he clenched it any tighter. "So, what were you up to last night that kept you out?" his tone almost convincingly light and casual. Too bad I knew better.

I had two ways to play it, and neither option seemed good. I could have lied and told him I had just left early this morning for breakfast, but I didn"t want to resort to that. There had been too many lies swirling around me lately and it needed to stop. Bash and I had lied to each other about our feelings and circumstances, I had been lying to Kit by dating him when I didn"t truly want to, and mostly I had been lying to myself. I needed to own up to my shit and end this the right way. Kit wasn"t a terrible guy, and I owed him that much at least. Especially seeing as how I"m literally dumping him for my best friend who I swore up and down wasn"t a threat to our relationship and I had no feelings for…oops.

I took a deep breath, praying for the strength to get through this without too much bloodshed.

"I spent Thanksgiving day with Bash yesterday and ended up staying over," I said candidly, and I saw the flare in his nostrils and the tension in his body.

"Oh. Thought you said you were wanting to have your "alone time" over the break. Guess that doesn"t apply to your best friend," Kit sneered at me, emphasizing that he didn"t trust my friendship with Bash as he said he had. I bristled with indignation.

Okay, let"s not be a fucking hypocrite here, Russo. Turns out, he was right not to trust you because you and Bash jumped into bed to do the pelvic rodeo last night, so…

"Bash had come home early and asked if I wanted to have lunch with him and hang out for the day. It was a spur of the moment invite, that"s it," I said, unsure why I was attempting to explain myself to him when I was going to send him on his way single again.

"Must have been one hell of a five-course meal for you to have stayed the night for it," Kit bit out, his fingers twitching oddly at his side.

"I wasn"t just there for the lunch—"

"Did you fuck him?"

I reeled from his blunt question and it took a few seconds for me to get my bearings straight before I realized it was now or never. "We…were together, yes," I admitted softly, finally breaking eye contact when the guilt hit me suddenly. I had pointed out to Bash that he had cheated by being with me last night, but so had I. The difference even worse because although Bash had been manipulated into a relationship with Ainsley, I had walked into a relationship with Kit freely. It had been my choice to be with him, and no matter what my feelings were, he didn"t deserve my unfaithfulness.

"I"m so sorry, Kit…it wasn"t planned, it just happened. You didn"t deserve that." I apologized in earnest, but Kit was shaking his head the whole time.

"I don"t think you are, Micah. I knew something was going on between you two since we met, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt and thought that if I gave you time and showed you how good we could be together, you"d get over your childish infatuation," Kit argued, stepping closer with each word. His condescension had my temper sparking, and I fought to stay calm. I didn"t need to make this worse by popping off.

"Look, I never meant to hurt you or treat you as I did, but it"s not a childish infatuation. I really tried to get over him and give you a chance, but—"

"But did you actually give me a chance or was I just a placeholder? Except for the party, you"ve been like a cold fish with me. I don"t think you really wanted to get over him at all," Kit accused coldly. Honestly, I couldn"t refute what he was saying because it rang true in my head.

I had been lying to myself that I was trying to get over Bash by dating Kit since I knew there would never be a real chance of that happening. Bash was threaded into every vein and artery within me, as vital as the blood flowing through them. No other man would have stood a chance with me when I belonged to him entirely. In essence, I had used Kit and that meant that I was a true piece of shit.

"You"re right…I used you to force myself to move on from Bash when I knew deep down it wouldn"t happen," I confessed, standing my ground as Kit moved closer, only inches separating us.

"You"re a fucking tease, Micah. But you"ll get yours soon. You think your perfect Bash is going to actually be with you? Are you really that pathetic?"

Anger spiked in my blood, hot and feral. "You don"t know what the fuck you"re talking about, and this conversation is over," I said sternly, trying to move around him to the front door to show him out.

He reached out and grabbed my elbow roughly, yanking me to him. "I do know what the fuck I"m talking about because you"ve been chasing after him for years and he"s never gone for it, so what makes you think this isn"t more than an experiment to him? You honestly think he"d leave his girlfriend for you? A guy who"s always been straight suddenly wants to crawl up your ass, and you don"t find that suspicious?" Kit laughed caustically, shaking me on every other word as if he were trying to rattle my bones with his accusations.

"Shut the fuck up! You know nothing about me or Bash or what we"ve gone through! Now get your hands off me!" I tried wrenching out of his grip, but he tightened his hold and leaned into my face.

"You truly believe that he"s not going to take his chance to fuck you out of his system and leave you behind? Here you are dumping me, but is he over there right now dumping her? Or are you just his slutty mistress and you"re too fucking blind to see it?" he taunted cruelly.

"Get the fuck off me!" I shouted, tugging harder to release his hold, but Kit only shook me more.

"What, I"m not good enough to fucking touch you now because I"m not your precious Bash?" Kit snarled at me.

It was the perfect storm of rage, hurt and poor decisions because I threw my weight backward at the same time that Kit finally relaxed his grip, sending me hurtling toward the ground. I connected with something behind me, and a searing white pain shot through the back of my head. Fire spread through my veins and all I could focus on was the deafening ringing in my ears.

I heard a faint yell from Kit that sounded as though it was coming from underwater, and then I sank into nothing but darkness.