CHAPTER 13

Bastian

Adate. Micah had a date. Micah had a date and didn"t tell me. Micah had a date and it went great. Micah had a date with another man.

No matter how many ways the idea ran through my head, my heart refused to believe it. Once I had accepted that I had fallen for Micah, it was like my mind was rebelling and refusing to cooperate with letting him go. My heart was so full of him it was as if it no longer belonged to me, but was taken over by him and there was no way I would want it back. It was his completely.

There was no use imagining what it would be like to give into my desire for Micah. I was tied to Ainsley by invisible ropes holding me down with their ruthless weight and the vindictive threats of my father. There was no way out for me without letting my mother suffer for my selfishness, so I would build walls around my heart and keep my love for Micah hidden away and protected, to be frozen in time and preserved like a beautiful treasure to remain untouched.

Over the next two weeks, I endeavored to stay busy with my schoolwork and a tech application that I was developing on the side. Since high school, technology and programming had been my go-to stress relievers. Micah had always teased me for being a closeted tech geek, but I think he secretly loved that part of me. Apparently he loved all parts of you, jackass, and you were too stupid to see it.

I was attempting to develop a mobile mental health app that would hopefully be a one-stop shop for anything mental wellness related. If I could get the coding and framework right, it would help people track their mental health symptoms, let them plug in their symptoms for a potential diagnosis, provide them with healthy coping options, and let them search for licensed therapists or psychiatrists near them. It was inspired by my mom and everything she had struggled with for years. I knew the mental health system was fucked in our country, but I had high hopes that one day I could finish the app, sell it, and make at least some small difference in people"s lives.

The other bonus to expending so much mental energy on designing my app was that it prevented my mind from straying too much to Micah"s upcoming second date. If I let my mind wander there, I would conjure up too many images that cleaved straight through my chest and wrecked my sanity. So I worked.

Knowing that avoiding Micah would only further damage our bruised relationship, I made sure to text him daily and keep connected to him in some small way. Sometimes he would badger me about what was wrong and I despised myself for lying when I had always been able to be honest and vulnerable with him before this year. Other days it seemed that he was fed up with my non-answers and he didn"t press the matter, ignoring it in favor of falling into comfortable conversation together.

I ached to see him and it wasn"t lost on me that Micah moving to Austin was supposed to give us nearly unlimited access to each other, yet we had never felt more separate. It was just too difficult to see him right now with my newly realized feelings so raw and prominent in my consciousness. I knew I was being a coward. I was avoiding seeing Micah in person to spare myself the pain when all our distance did was hurt him.

The day of Micah"s date, I knew that if I sat around in my apartment without keeping my head occupied that I would drive myself to the brink of insanity. I texted Dawson, who had become one of my closest friends at school, to meet me somewhere for a distraction.

ME: Dinner drinks at Victory Lap? Need to get out tonight.

DAWSON: Hell yeah. What time?

ME: 10 minutes good?

DAWSON: Cool. See you soon.

When I got to Victory Lap, an upbeat sports bar near campus that was always buzzing with energy, a quick scan of the room told me that Dawson hadn"t yet arrived. I parked myself at a bench table in the corner out on the patio where a bunch of college kids were drunkenly playing Cornhole. It was a clear, lightly humid night and I hoped the fresh air would help me keep my mind empty of the shit I didn"t have the energy to dwell on.

A few minutes later, Dawson spotted me and made his way over. He was a relatively tall dude standing around six foot flat with tousled brown locks that looked like he constantly ran his hands through it. He had the All-American boy look with his symmetrical nose, plump lips, and Cornflower blue eyes that stood out across a crowd. His most distinctive feature had to be the light smattering of freckles that danced across his face that made him look both youthful and mature in equal measure. The only thing that saved him from baby-face syndrome was the perpetual stubble around his jaw.

Dawson and I had met in our freshman orientation course and clicked right away. He was a legacy on the Longhorn football team since his father and grandfather had both been quarterbacks when they attended the school. He was a down-to-earth, chill guy who took himself too seriously at times, but had a genuinely good heart. He wasn"t a big talker, preferring to listen to others than drive the conversation, which made him a damn good sounding board whenever I had a problem.

"Sup, dude. How"s it going?" he drawled, plopping down on the bench. We waved a waitress down to order our drinks and food.

"I"ve had better weeks…"I said dryly, pausing just long enough to tell the young, blond server my order. When she left, my attention returned to Dawson.

"So what gives, B? You"ve seemed hella distracted lately and been MIA since school started. Now you"re randomly texting me on a Friday night for a last minute hang out after weeks of radio silence. You alright, man?" Dawson asked, his thick eyebrows drawing down in concern.

I scrubbed a hand across my face and internally debated whether I wanted to discuss my current problems with him or deflect. "I"ve just been dealing with some shit. Issues with my dad and Ainsley, and I"m just not handling everything great," I told him, opting to tell him the partial truth and omit the number one issue causing me the most distress.

"Shit, dude, that sucks. What"s been going on exactly?" he inquired with genuine empathy in his tone.

"My dad…he…" I paused, unsure of how to explain the massive shitstorm my dad had unleashed in my life. "He gave me an ultimatum that cost me something really important." That"s putting that shit lightly…fucker cost me the chance to be happy with the man I love.

The intrusive thought sprang to my mind, and I coughed to clear my throat and cover the tears it had triggered.

"Okay…" Dawson slowly said, processing what I had said, "I"m assuming there"s no way around the ultimatum at all? No other options to get this…important thing back?" That was one of the best things about Dawson. He didn"t pry for details unless absolutely necessary. He valued his privacy and respected it in others.

I scoffed, "No, there"s no way around it. My dad is a grade A dick and he…he threatened me with something that I can"t risk. But it"s fucking killing me, and to top it off I have Ainsley breathing down my neck with no way to fucking get rid of her," I finished in a frustrated rush of words. Luckily, the waitress had delivered our burgers and pitcher of beer at that moment and I intended on using it to numb the feelings surging inside me as much as possible.

"Uhh, why don"t you just dump her then? It"s not worth staying in a relationship if all it does is stress you out, dude," he posed as if I was overlooking the most obvious answer.

"D, don"t you think I would if I could? She"s part of the fucking deal my dad made with me. Stay with Ainsley and keep in line, or I"m totally screwed." Or my mom is…

"Jesus, that"s some twisted shit…why does he want you with her so badly? It"s not like he wants you to marry her for money. Your dad"s goddamn loaded already, right?"

I huffed out an irritated puff of air, not at Dawson"s legitimate questions, but rather the entire mess that I had fallen into like pernicious quicksand. I determined that it was easier to just come clean to Dawson about the whole, appalling exchange with my father a few weeks ago, only leaving out the part that concerned Micah.

When I was done regaling him with the sordid tale, Dawson looked at me like I had slapped his mama, stunned into silence and anger simmering. "What the shit, man? How twisted is your dad? I mean, for real, that dude is fucked twenty ways to Sunday threatening his own wife and son like that. Like…I don"t even…what…damn it, I can"t even get words out for that shit," he stuttered out, his outrage for me making me feel validated and understood like I hadn"t in weeks since my dad"s phone call.

"Yep…my thoughts exactly," I murmured, chugging down the second beer I"d had in under half an hour.

"Why doesn"t your mom divorce his ass? I mean, does she know that he"s like that or does he keep it hidden from her?" he asked.

"I don"t think she realizes just how bad he is. Also divorcing him would probably cause her more problems in the long run. She"s never worked a real job since they married young, and she"s constantly dealing with her depressive episodes. I think she"s too reliant on my dad, which means she"s basically at his mercy." My head was beginning to feel fuzzy from the alcohol, but it prevented my mind from straying to Micah"s night out, so I leaned into it.

"I get it…but fuck, that sucks," he lamented for me. It honestly felt good to get everything off my chest, and I was feeling a little lighter now. Of course, that could have just been the booze.

After I had plowed my way through four beers and a couple of tequila shots that I had insisted on getting despite Dawson"s worry, he helped me stumble to my feet and called an Uber to take us to my place. "Man, I don"t know why you wanted to call a ride for us. My place is…just…that direction and it"s short-ish," I slurred, a little unsteady as we climbed into the car.

"B, I love you and all, but I"m in no mood to carry your drunk ass home. Sit down, shut up, and we"ll be there in a few," Dawson grumbled, most likely annoyed at what our night devolved into.

When we reached my building, he grabbed my keys and helped me inside, maneuvering me to the couch where I promptly flopped down and slammed my head back against the cushion. The alcohol swimming in my veins reminded me of the night of the UNT party where I had held Micah in my arms while we danced, holding him close and whispering in his ear.

I remembered what it felt like to kiss those plush, delicious lips of his and swallow his moans like a sweet wine. If I let go enough, I could almost feel his hands on my body, the hard planes of his chest pressed to mine as we ground together, igniting each other in an inferno of lust.

My Micah…God, I fucking miss him so much…I wish he was here…

"Micah? Isn"t that your friend you"re always talking about?"

Fuck. Through my murky, drunken haze, I registered Dawson"s words as he stood in front of me. I then realized that I had said that last part out loud and he heard every word. Alcohol: harbinger of fucked up decisions and monumental messes. Oh well…I"m too wasted to care…

"I"m in love with Micah. I fell for my best friend and now I"ve lost him," I slurred, barely able to get the words out coherently.

"Shit…so is that why your dad really threatened you and wants you with Ainsley? He doesn"t want you hooking up with a guy?" Dawson asked in sympathy. I didn"t notice any disgust or judgment coming from his voice, but I wasn"t surprised. Dawson was good people.

"Yep," I said popping my P obnoxiously, "and now I"ve lost him for good because I can"t be with him. Now he"s got Douchey McPerfect Hair and they"re gonna fall in love and have beautiful kids and a perfect life while I die alone because I can"t be with the love of my fucking life." My voice was wavering and nearly garbled beyond recognition, the emotions that I had pushed down for weeks threatening to pull me under.

"Bash, that"s not true. If you think he"s the love of your life, then doesn"t it make sense to fucking fight for him? I know what your dad threatened, but there"s got to be some way to be with Micah and… I don"t know, keep it from your dad or something," Dawson suggested, his tone growing serious.

I shook my head, the movement making my head swim in dizziness. "No…Micah doesn"t deserve to be hidden like that. I want him to be loved loudly and for the world to see. I want him to be so endlessly happy that nothing can steal his joy. He deserves to feel a love that reaches down into his marrow, so that he never goes a day without feeling it, so he never once doubts it. He deserves…" I trail off, tears pouring down my face as grief and anguish slam into me like a tidal wave, sweeping me into its current until I felt nothing but the pain. "He deserves…so much more than me."

The floodgates unleashed, and I sobbed into my hands. Every ounce of regret, agony, and anger I carried since the night I touched Micah cascaded in salty waves down my face. The disgust toward myself, the regret of hurting my best friend, the fury toward my dad, and the all-encompassing love I felt for Micah…my Micah—I felt it all.

Dawson fell silent, but I could feel his compassion and empathy for me like sonic waves. He simply sat down beside me, gently placed a hand on my shoulder and let me cry myself to sleep.

*****

Pain. That"s all I felt when I woke up the next morning and my head felt like it was playing Metallica"s greatest hits at a decibel level loud enough to break glass. The pounding in my skull then created a miserable nausea deep in my core, and my dry mouth begged for water.

I didn"t wake up hungover often because I knew my limits fairly well when drinking, but last night I had foolishly chosen to fall into the metaphorical bottle and drown my problems. Clearly that had backfired on me magnificently. Dear universe, when I wondered if shit could get any worse, that was a rhetorical question, not a challenge, just FYI.

It took me twice as long to get out of bed and go through my morning routine, and when I was finally able to stagger into my kitchen to make coffee, I heard a knock at the door. I groaned and grabbed my head, the knocking sounding like the beating of drums right next to my ear. The knocking came again not two seconds later, and I couldn"t drag up an idea of who would be pestering me at such an ungodly hour. Maybe Dawson had come back to check that I wasn"t dead, or perhaps Micah had swung by to tell me about his date.

That notion had the nausea swirling intensely and I had to focus all my energy on not puking right there on my kitchen floor. God, I was a fucking mess. I tottered over to the door, unlocking it and gently swinging it open a crack. The sight was altogether un-fucking-welcome.

"Ainsley, what are you doing here so early?" I grumbled. She blinked her wide, blue eyes at me.

"It"s ten in the morning, Bastian," she relayed as if I were an idiot. Oh…well okay then…in my defense, 10am is too fucking early for anyone with a hangover and I"ll die on that hill.

"We were supposed to go to brunch today and you wouldn"t answer your phone," Ainsley complained. She didn"t seem pissed more than merely irritated with me, so I prayed I could avoid an unnecessary (and loud) fight.

"Oh…sorry, Ains," I murmured halfheartedly. "I went out with Dawson last night and woke up with a massive headache. I didn"t hear my phone go off." I stumbled back to my bedroom as I spoke, grabbing my phone and seeing that it had died sometime last night. I plugged it in and waited for it to charge a bit before turning it back on.

"Oh…so you were with Dawson? What about Micah?" she asked barely containing her sneer at the mention of him.

"He was busy," I said simply. I didn"t want to think about the reason right now or I would explode in a disturbing display of digestive pyrotechnics.

"Oh. That sucks." By her tone I knew she was only too happy that my best friend had been absent from my evening. She pressed on, "Well, we can just go grab lunch together right now! Where do you want to go?" She made her way over to my closet and started trying to put together an outfit for me. Sweet fucking mercy, I don"t have the capacity for this crap.

"Ainsley, I"m not up to lunch right now. My head is splitting, I feel like puking, and I just want to relax until my body stops trying to die on me," I wearily said, attempting to keep my temper in check. Ainsley had a way of drawing it out of me like no one else on this planet, save for my father.

She spun around to look at me, examining me like she could physically see the hangover present on my body. "Okay…well then, I"ll just order in some food for us and we can watch a movie instead. I think maybe just some sandwiches or something because…"

"Ainsley, I don"t want food and I don"t want to watch a movie," I growled, cutting off her rambling. "I"m sorry, but I really just want to be alone."

Her eyebrows pinched together and her arms crossed over her chest, eyes pinning me to the spot. "You know, I"m getting freaking tired of you constantly blowing me off. I"m not a fucking idiot. I know that you"re not with me by choice, but that doesn"t mean you can still treat me like shit."

Was she fucking serious? "If you know I"m not in this relationship of my own free will, then why do you keep pressing? Why are you so intent on being with me? Don"t you get that I"m fucking miserable? This isn"t what I want!" I barked at her.

She continued to fume. "You don"t get a choice, Bastian, and neither do I! I know what your father told you, and he expects us to be together, so I"d get with the program if I were you. I don"t care if this isn"t what you want! We"ll be together in the end anyway. Both of our fathers have already discussed it and it"s happening. It"s as good as done! That"s how it works in our world, so find a way to make peace with it."

"Ainsley, you don"t have to fucking do everything your father tells you to," the hypocrisy in my words almost making me cringe. "Just because they think they can plan our lives, doesn"t mean you have to go along with it. I"m trapped in this shit because I can"t let him lock my mom up like some fucking nut case, but you! If you told your dad you didn"t want me, maybe mine would finally let me go!" I begged her.

Ainsley"s look turned to one of pity, and I was confused by the sudden change in her demeanor. "Bastian, you really don"t get it. I don"t want out of this. Marrying you is the best chance at a future I have, and honestly, I want it. Your father has big plans for you, and I am guaranteed to be a part of that. You couldn"t get out of this if you tried. He"ll ruin your mother before he lets you ruin his plans. Money and power will win out every time, and your dad has an abundance of both."

She made me fucking sick. Ainsley proved that she was just as vapid and greedy as my father and the people who inhabited his tiny, privileged world. She had firsthand knowledge of my dad"s threats and the control he exerted over me, and she took advantage of it like a fucking sociopath. I was just the goddamn imbecile too cowardly to fight back.

"You really are a piece of work, Ainsley," I said, completely disgusted with her. "You know this whole relationship is a fucking farce, so do us both a favor and stay the fuck away from me unless absolutely necessary. Dad demanded one date a month, and as far as I"m concerned that"s all you"re going to get from me. Now get out," I turned to walk out of my room, but her next words stopped me cold.

"And if I told him about Micah?"

My body radiated anger as I kept my back to her trying to take slow, even breaths. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"What if I told your dad that you were fucking Micah behind my back? That you and your so-called best friend were running around flaunting yourselves on campus? I think we both can imagine what he"d say," she said venomously.

I rounded on her, all traces of patience gone from my voice. "That"s not fucking true and you know it! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I don"t fucking care if it"s true! If you don"t start treating me better, then I"ll tell your dad whatever the fuck I want about your precious Micah! You know your dad is capable of some shit, so use your imagination if you need to," she snapped.

The blood left my body in a wave leaving me feeling weak and unsteady on my feet. Ainsley and her poison were seeping into my veins, her coercion backing me into a corner that I couldn"t get out of.

Her eyes narrowed coldly at me. "I want you to prove to me that Micah won"t come between us, and that you and I are on the same page."

A bone-deep exhaustion settled over me and I had no more strength left to argue with her. "How the fuck am I supposed to do that? I"m not getting rid of Micah. Not for you, not for anyone."

She gave me a tiny, patronizing smile. "I"m sure you"ll find a way."

*****

After Ainsley left, I laid on my couch for God knows how long staring at my ceiling and contemplating my poor choices that had landed me in this clusterfuck. I wanted Micah. I wasn"t mentally or emotionally fortified enough to hear about his date, but I needed him near me like a dying plant needed the sun. He always made everything better, and that fact wouldn"t change no matter how unstable things seemed between us lately.

As if he sensed where my mind was, my phone lit up with a message from him, and my heart flipped in my chest just seeing his name. Seriously, how did I go such a long time without realizing how strong my feelings were for him? I had been so deep in denial that I should have just canceled my subscription to reality.

MM: Hey BB, what are you up to today?

ME: Nothing important. What"s up, MM?

The gray bubbles to indicate he was typing kept popping up and disappearing, repeating the cycle for almost five minutes. I was getting antsy wondering why he seemed to be nervous responding to me. Finally his text came through.

MM: Would you want to have a movie night sleepover? Rhys is out of the apartment tonight you do owe me a raincheck…

My stomach dropped in relief, grateful that he seemed to be missing me like I missed him. I rushed to reply, excitement coursing through me.

ME: That sounds perfect, MM. You"re right, I owe you big time. What time you want me?

MM: Does 7 work?

ME: That works for me. See you tonight, M.

I knew that eventually I"d have to deal with Ainsley and the bomb that she dropped on me earlier today, but tonight was just for me and Micah. In the chaos of the last couple of months, I forgot just why Micah was here in the first place. I had gone two years yearning to be closer to my best friend, my other half. I would jump out of my skin for weeks until the next trip I had planned to UNT, and then grapple with melancholy when I"d have to leave him again.

Yet he had come here because of me, for me, and I had been acting like that wasn"t one of the biggest fucking sacrifices he could have made for me. He left behind a college he loved, friends he had fun with, the town he grew up in, and a family he was incredibly close to both in distance and love. He had put me first. Despite all that, I had been wrapped up in my own shit, throwing a never-ending pity party for myself because I was being pushed around by my father and Ainsley and unable to choose Micah like I so desperately wanted. I didn"t deserve him, not in any sense of the word.

I needed to get my shit together and be the man he needed me to be. I may not have been able to be his boyfriend, but he still deserved my very fucking best in whatever role I could fill in his life.

I"d be better for him. I"d do anything for him, except love him. No matter how badly I wanted to.

*****

Movie night with Micah turned out to be everything I needed and more. I had brought his favorite Chinese food and a case of some fruity, boozy drink he loved. The smile on his face when I showed up at his door had me wanting to crash my lips to his and spend all night reacquainting myself with his body, but since I had some self-control, I managed to keep my hands to myself.

It was a lot harder than I anticipated because Micah had answered the door in tight, gray sweatpants that showed the faintest outline of his dick that I remembered so well, and an oversized UT Austin shirt that I recognized. My shirt. He"s wearing my shirt. Fuck, why does that make me hard?

Luckily, Micah had hurried to take the food to the kitchen, leaving me a minute to adjust myself quickly before returning to him.

"I see you"ve stolen my clothes, MM. What, did you break into my apartment or something? I thought I taught you better than to turn to a life of crime," I teased. Micah raised an eyebrow at me, his lips quirking to one side.

"I didn"t have to steal shit. You"re the dumbass that left it at my place on one of your trips to Dallas. I merely gave the poor, abandoned thing a loving home," he sassed me, pulling at the shoulders of the shirt to emphasize that it was now his. I narrowed my gaze playfully at him.

"Alright smart ass, but you better take excellent care of it and be sure to show it a picture of me at Christmas. I don"t want it to forget its daddy," I joked, drawing a snort from Micah.

"You"re an idiot," Micah chuckled, shoving me with his hip. That one little touch had my hair standing on end and my dick twitching.

"Yeah, but I"m your idiot, M. Don"t forget that!" I told him, smirking and nudging him back.

Once we had gotten arranged in the living room with Micah right next to me on the couch, he pulled up Goodfellas. We had bonded over our love of Martin Scorsese movies back in middle school. His favorite was The Aviator and he declared that was next on the queue for the evening.

It felt right, being with Micah like that. It was easier to breathe and I felt a peace of mind that was hard to come by recently. His scent wafted toward me every few minutes and it both calmed and aroused me equally, which seemed impossible. However, I was beginning to think that nothing was impossible where Micah was concerned. If only that were true, then you could be with him…

I kept a blanket wrapped around me from the waist down to hide any unwanted erections that might pop up through the evening, and there had been several by the time the first movie ended. When Micah laughed, when he had leaned across me to grab his drink, when he had whispered something about Ray Liotta in my ear, when he had yawned and stretched, exposing a sliver of his stomach under my shirt…each time my dick would jump in my pants and make me hot all over. I was starting to worry that this would be commonplace now that I was hyper aware of my feelings for him. Each action of his had a direct line to my cock, like some twisted, horny marionette being connected to his beautiful body.

"You know, this is the first time since I moved here that it"s felt like old times between us," Micah murmured softly about ten minutes into the second film. "I was so scared that my moving here had jinxed us and we"d lose everything that made us close."

The sadness in his voice made my heart clench in my chest. I ached to touch him, so I threw my arm around his shoulder and pulled him into me. Micah didn"t hesitate to wrap his arms around my middle and throw his left leg over mine, fusing us together in a way that made me light the fuck up inside.

This. This is how it should be between us, always. I want him here in my arms for the rest of my life, right where he belongs.

"I"m so sorry, MM. I haven"t been giving you the attention you deserve from me. I spent years wishing you were here at UT so we could talk, hang out, and be close just like this, and I shouldn"t have taken that for granted this month. Please forgive me…I promise I"ll do better. You are so fucking important to me, and I should be showing you that every day," I told him earnestly.

Micah tilted his head up to mine until he could look me in the eyes. "It"s okay, BB. I forgive you. I just missed being close to you," he said softly. Having him this close to me now, I could see the swirls of caramel and green that ran through the gorgeous, brown orbs. They were mesmerizing in their intensity, and the breath caught in my throat. My mouth suddenly felt dry and my tongue darted out to wet my lips. Micah"s eyes dropped to track the movement, and the temperature in the room started climbing to unbearable levels.

My heart sped up in my chest, beating so wildly that I was positive he could feel it against his own. Micah"s pupils were growing before me, the black starting to swallow up the caramel irises. I felt his breath on my face coming faster, little pants that reminded me of the last time I had kissed him. Shit, I should not be thinking of kissing him right now! I"m fucking hanging by a thread!

I swallowed hard, and Micah"s eyes then dipped to focus on my Adam"s apple. "Bash?…" he whispered, barely audible.

"Yeah?…" I asked, almost missing the way my face was leaning towards his of its own volition, as if I was in Micah"s orbit and being pulled in by his gravity.

His eyes once again locked with mine, our lips a breadth away from each other. If one of us breathed too deeply, we"d lose all space between us. My body screamed for it, to lose all distance between us and become one again. It felt so right…

Just then the doorbell rang, and we sprang apart in our panic. Micah"s eyes were wide, his chest heaving as the adrenaline hit him at the unwelcome intrusion into our moment. We held our gazes for a few seconds longer, unspoken words lingering between us in the space that wasn"t there a heartbeat ago. As I opened my mouth to say something, a knocking sounded through the apartment.

Micah shook his head as if clearing it of the fog that overtook us a second ago, and went to answer the door. I buried my head in my hands, trying to get my bearings straight before Micah came back. There was no denying the electricity and tension that had been building between us, and I know it would have combusted if we hadn"t been interrupted. I needed to get a better handle on myself before I did something horribly stupid that could make our friendship implode.

As Micah opened the door, I heard his voice filter in with someone else"s. A male voice that I hadn"t heard before. I couldn"t make out what they were saying, but Micah"s tone was nervous and wavered slightly. The man"s voice raised a bit in volume and I thought I could make out the words "why is he here?" Oh shit on a stick…please don"t let this be who I think it is…I"m not ready…

Micah rounded the corner again with the man in tow, and I instantly knew who it was. I recognized his face from the club while he was flirting with Micah. My Micah.

"Hey BB, this is Kit, the guy I told you about. Kit, this is my best friend, Bash." Micah sounded like he"d rather be anywhere else in the world than in that room with the both of us. I could read the discomfort and anxiety on his face like it had been written there in pen. I didn"t want to make things more awkward for him and inadvertently cause him distress, so I summoned every bit of mental strength I had and decided to play "nice guy".

"Hey man, I"m Bash. It"s good to finally meet you," I said confidently, putting my hand forward for him to shake. Kit"s eyes narrowed slightly and he did a quick once over of me before grasping my hand in his.

"It"s nice to meet you, too. Heard a lot about you." Kit released my hand and promptly slid his arm around Micah"s shoulders. I knew what he was doing, marking his territory from me, and it made me damn near violent to see. Was this how Micah felt each time he saw me and Ainsley together? It was fucking miserable. My body was shaking with irritation, but I did everything in my power to school my features and appear as nothing more than the supportive friend.

Kit gave me a small smirk before turning his attention to Micah. "I was heading home from seeing my cousin, and I thought I"d swing by to see if you wanted to grab a drink. I didn"t realize you had company," he said fluidly, his tone giving away his annoyance at the situation.

"Umm, that"s sweet of you, but Bash and I have had this movie night planned for a while," not exactly true, but more or less, "but maybe next time? I mean, we did see each other last night" Micah gently said, looking awkward and uncomfortable under Kit"s arm, though he made no move to pull away. What is it about that that is making me want to tear apart the room and rip Micah away from his touch?

Kit didn"t appear to like that answer. I saw his jaw tick and his hand tighten subtly on Micah"s shoulder. His eyes looked stiff around the edges, and I had a gnawing feeling in my gut that something was off with this guy. I understood if he was a little jealous that I was here, but then again, they"d only been seeing each other for a few weeks. Micah and I had been best friends for eight years, so his jealousy wasn"t entirely warranted. Except for the fact that you"re in love with the man he"s seeing and you were seconds away from kissing him just now, so maybe he has a reason to be a tad bit jealous.

"I didn"t know there was a limit on how often we could see each other," Kit started, becoming slightly more aggravated. "I thought we had a fantastic time last night, and I missed you today. I figured it"d be a nice surprise for you if I dropped by."

I wasn"t sure if he mentioned their date and how much fun it had been on purpose, but I wouldn"t put it past him. The words caused disgust and hatred for this man to pump through my veins, if only for the simple fact that he was now dating the guy who owned my heart.

Micah squirmed a bit in his grasp. "No, it was. It was sweet of you to think of me, but I don"t feel right ditching Bash tonight. And we were in the middle of our movie, so…" Micah trailed off, and I watched Kit"s lips thinning, but his grip on Micah loosened noticeably.

"No, I totally get it. I should have texted you before showing up unannounced, that was rude of me. Maybe we can do something tomorrow, just the two of us?"

It didn"t escape my attention that he said the "two of us" in a blatant exclusion of me. I fought to keep my eyes from rolling in the back of my head at the obvious possessive move.

An idea came to me just then that I despised with every single fiber within me, but I knew it had the power to kill two birds with one stone. "What if we went on a double-date? You two with me and Ainsley?" I asked quickly before I lost my nerve. Micah"s eyes flashed to mine, wide and startled. Kit looked at me with his eyebrows raised, almost appearing impressed that I had suggested it.

It wasn"t something I wanted. The thought of sitting across from Micah and Kit on a date with Ainsley beside me was my unique version of Hell. I would much rather perform open heart surgery on myself without anesthesia than put myself through that shit, but it made sense in the moment. Ainsley"s ultimatum loomed over my head and Kit was clearly feeling threatened by my presence in Micah"s life, so a double date should satisfy them both and keep the peace. They"d see that Micah and I were only friends and would support the other"s relationship, even if that was the exact opposite of how I personally felt.

Micah seemed frozen by my proposal, but Kit jumped in for the two of them. "That actually sounds great. I"d love to meet your girlfriend, and it would give you and I the chance to know each other better," he said smugly, as if he had won the war for Micah already. In a way, he had. There was no war for Micah because I knew I couldn"t fight for him though my heart shrieked at me to not let him go. This was best for all of us.

"What do you think?" Kit asked, his attention back on Micah.

"Uh, yeah, I think that should work. I can text you tomorrow and we can go from there." Micah said to Kit, but it almost sounded like a question. Kit smiled at him softly and leaned down toward Micah"s face. My nerve endings felt like they were doused in lighter fluid and set aflame as I watched him press a kiss to Micah"s lips. My stomach rebelled and blood pounded in my ears. Goddammit, this is painful to watch…that should be me. Should be us. His lips should belong to me and me alone.

I turned my face away from the scene in front of me, misery and rage rushing through my body and nearly taking me to my knees. The kiss ended almost as soon as it started, but those couple of seconds were enough to slice through me like razor blades. I saw out of my periphery that Micah was walking Kit to the door, and not even a minute later, he reappeared in the living room.

"Are you really okay with a double date, B?" Micah asked softly.

No. I can"t stand the thought of seeing you two together again and taking Ainsley as my date. I"d rather die. You"re who I want. You are the only one I want, M.

"Yeah, I think it"ll be good for all of us. Ainsley"s been feeling left out, and I"d like to get to know Kit more if things are going good for you guys," I mustered up as much confidence in my plan as I could, but it took a Herculean effort to force the words out.

Micah just nodded and walked back over to me, stopping just short of the couch. I wanted to ask him if he was okay with the date, but I knew him well enough to see the uncertainty in his eyes, so I didn"t press it. It didn"t matter in the end because the date was what we needed. It would appease Ainsley and Kit, and maybe if I saw Micah happy, then my heart would have an easier time letting him go eventually. It didn"t matter the anguish I went through as long as my Micah was happy and adored by someone who was worthy of his love.

"Bash?" Micah started, not meeting my eyes.

"What is it, M?" I gently asked.

His walnut eyes slowly lifted to mine, his eyebrows wrinkled slightly in question. "Would it be okay if we just went to bed? I"m really tired and I think I just want to sleep now."

Oh.My heart dropped and my face fell, but before I could respond to him, he asked, "But could you come cuddle with me in bed like we used to?" he asked, a faint smile on his breathtaking face.

My heart kick-started to life again, and I breathed a sigh of relief. He didn"t want me to leave…he wanted me close. "I"d love that, MM. More than anything," I told him honestly.

His answering smile didn"t reach his eyes, but was absolutely beautiful. My life would be well spent doing nothing but putting a smile on his perfect face. I held out my hand for him to grab, and when his palm connected with mine, that familiar electricity shot up my arm and stunned me for a moment. Ignoring it, I pulled Micah behind me into his room.

We stripped down to our boxer briefs facing away from each other, which was probably for the best because if I watched him get undressed, it would likely make my cock tent in my underwear.

We crawled into bed together, and Micah wasted no time gluing himself to my side, his head on my chest and his arm curled over my stomach. I nuzzled his hair, breathing in the citrus and sandalwood scent of him, pulling it into my lungs like an addictive drug. Nothing in this world had ever felt as right and necessary as having him in my arms. It was what my soul needed to feel complete. Micah was what I needed.

It didn"t take long for sleep to tug at the edges of my consciousness, but before I slipped under I heard Micah"s voice.

"Thank you for being with me tonight, BB. It means the world to me," his voice sweet and low.

"Youmean the world to me, M. I"d do anything for you," I breathed, unsure if I had said too much, but meaning every syllable of it.

"Love you, BB," Micah mumbled, fading fast and barely coherent.

"Love you, M. Always," I whispered seconds before sleep took me with the man I loved tucked safely in my embrace.