CHAPTER 1

Micah

The sun beat down on my back as I pushed out of the doors of Pohl Recreation Center, eager to get back to my dorm to shower and eat.Early May in Texas was no fucking joke, and it was already in the high 90s most days, and I for one was not a fan. I was pouring sweat after my five mile run on the treadmill, but I didn't have much longer to enjoy the benefits of the gym that was conveniently right across from my dorm before the year was over. Things would be changing soon since I wouldn't be returning to the University of North Texas in the fall.My transfer application had been approved for the University of Texas, so I"d be heading to Austin for my junior year.

Don't get me wrong, UNT was an awesome school and I enjoyed the two years I spent here so far, but there was one crucial thing that it was missing that I couldn't live without anymore: Bastian Dupont.

Bash (who has never cared for his full name, but that's neither here nor there) had been my best friend since I was thirteen years old.I still didn't know why one of the most popular kids in our grade felt the need to randomly talk to me during our computer class, but I wasn"t one to look a gift horse in the mouth.Being a skinny, nerdy kid in middle school was rough enough, but I also had the delightful addition of being stone cold gay on top of that. I don't care what year it is, being gay is still one of the best guarantees to have a shitty ass time growing up. I was no exception to that rule.

Why? Because people suck.

However, Bash wasn't like other people, and I guess he took pity on me that day and struck up a conversation with me about a computer game I was playing when I was supposed to be working. Oops.

It turns out the rich, cute blond boy that I had crushed on since the previous year was actually a decent guy. Go figure! Bash was a cool, charismatic kid who had the sweetest side to him that never failed to win others over.He was one of those guys you really wanted to hate with his perfect skin, tall lean frame, slightly square jaw, and bright green eyes that you could fall into. Not that I was paying attention to his eyes…they were just so hard to ignore. On top of his crazy good looks, even at such a young age, Bash was also ridiculously talented at pretty much everything he did. Yeah, he was one of those people.He got a primo spot on any sports team he tried out for, he maintained straight A's in all his classes, and he happened to be a complete technology genius.You"d be forgiven if you hated him on principle, but he more than made up for it by being literally one of the best humans alive.No one could hate him if they tried.

Bash didn't have a cruel bone in his body, and he went out of his way to show others kindness and respect, which is only one of the reasons I fell completely, totally, and inappropriately in love with him.

Yep. I'm such a fucking cliche.

I get it–the gay nerd falls for his straight as sin, hunky bestie.I thought that only happened in trashy romance novels, but alas! Here I am, hopelessly in love with my amazing as fuck best friend, and he will never find out if I have anything to say about it.I don't need that level of rejection in my life. I have some self-esteem left, thank you.

Though I can't deny that every time Bash tells me he "loves me like a brother", a little piece of me dies.It's one thing to know he's straight and would never see me in a romantic way, but to hear it put so definitively that he feels nothing for me but a deep, almost familial love is something akin to taking a dive into ice cold lemon water after receiving a thousand paper cuts: really fucking painful.

Either way, I'd never trade my friendship with Bash for anything in the world.When he told me that he was deciding to attend UT Austin after our college acceptance letters came back, I was devastated.We hadn't been apart more than a few days in the six years since we'd been friends, and I was praying that we'd get to at least experience college together. Let's ignore the fact that I would have had a front row seat to Bash enjoying the full college experience with all the lovely hoes who would have given their left tit to sleep with him. I'm in deep denial about Bash's love life, and I'd like to keep it that way. The day he told me he lost his virginity to this perky blond cheerleader, Chloe, during our senior year of high school, I went home and cried my way through a tub of Ben and Jerry's while watching The Notebook. It wasn't my finest hour, but can you blame me? No, you can't.Anyway, where was I? Oh right. My bestie abandoned me for a school three hours away while I elected to stay behind in our hometown of Dallas. Good times.

It's not that I was afraid to be far from home, but it was the more…comfortable option. I wasn't really a spontaneous, outside-my-comfort-zone type of person, so UNT made the most sense.It had a decent psychology program and was located in Denton, just twenty minutes from my parents" house so I could visit them often, which was a bonus seeing how close we were.

Bash was upset, but like always he supported me 100% and promised to come back home and visit as often as he could.For the most part, he actually kept that promise. Without fail, Bash would make the three hour drive at least once a month if he could swing it, and he never missed a holiday break.When he was home, we'd spend almost every waking minute together and then some.Bash and I were no strangers to sleepovers, and we got to the point where it wasn't even weird for me to crash in his bed when I stayed over, or when he was at my place.Stow your judgment please! No funny business happened…I'm a gentleman after all! But you're fucking crazy if you think I would have ever passed up the chance to sleep with Bastian. Innocently, of course…

Now after two years of separation and missing him like a physical ache in my chest almost every day, I was finally getting my ass to Austin to finish up my college years with my ride or die. I thought back to the conversation we had a few months ago during one of my visits that finally sealed the deal and convinced me to take the plunge.

Stumbling through the door to Bash's dorm laughing our asses off over something stupid I said, Bash turned to me and grabbed my shoulders firmly. "Seriously MM, why won't you just transfer already and come to UT with me? Aren't you sick of trying to steal moments together every couple of months? I don't know about you, but I miss the hell out of my best man…" Bash implored. I looked at his face closely, scanning over every inch of his beautiful features and the moss green eyes that could penetrate me down to my core with a single look. God, he was gorgeous…why couldn't I have had an ugly friend?

"BB, you know I miss you. All the fucking time. But I love UNT and I've made some friends there…it'd be a lot to try to transfer and move cities right in the middle of my college career," I reasoned with him. If I was being honest with myself though, he had been wearing me down on the idea for months and each time he left me behind to return to Austin, it felt like he took another part of me with him.Soon, I'd be nothing but a Micah husk, completely void of any meaning or life without him. Without my Bash. What would happen if he got fed up with traveling back and forth between cities just to see me, his nerdy high school bestie? What if he realized what I constantly worried about each and every day…that I wasn't worth it?

"M, come on, UNT is cool and all, but these last two years have sucked ass without you. Facetime and texts are fine for a while, but I want my best friend with me. I know it probably sounds pathetic dude, but I seriously need you close to me. You make everything better and…I'm sick of being so far away from you. What can I do to convince you it'd be worth it?"

It would have been so easy to tell him that he would be worth it…that there was nothing better that Austin, Texas could give me than the promise of having Bash all the time.Having his daily attention, his stupid jokes that left me gasping for breath, his warm cuddles on the couch while we watched a movie, and his calming presence during my worst days would be a dream.But I didn't say that for obvious reasons.

I took a deep breath and thought ahead to what living there and going to school with him would look like.Could I do it? Could I stomach watching Bash go to parties and hook up with a slew of hot girls every weekend while I wall-flowered myself and pretended like it didn't rip me in half to see?Would we still be this close and explore the city together, study together, and incorporate each other into our daily lives like we had talked about since high school graduation? Would it be worth it to give up everything I knew and leave my hometown to try to build a new life just on the idea that it would be near the one person who was most important in my life and my heart?

One look at Bash's pleading gaze gave me the only answer I needed. "Alright. I'll do it. I'll put in for a transfer for next year," I said confidently. Bash's eyes lit up and I thought his smile would split his face in two.He grabbed me around my waist hard, and started twirling me around in circles while I gripped his shoulders for dear life. "Holy shit, M! That is the best fucking news you could ever give me! You will not regret it, MM! I swear to you! This is gonna be amazing!"

I had tears in my eyes and I was smiling like an idiot, all the while praying that he was right and that I wouldn't live to regret it.

Once I made the decision to commit to transferring, I had to admit I fell in love with the idea.UT Austin was a fun and beautiful campus, and the city had so much going on that I figured it would take me a good few months to experience everything it had to offer.Of course, the main draw was the sexy ass man himself, but I let him believe he was only a partial contributing factor.Hard to believe, but I had a little dignity left too. I was quite proud of myself for that. Come August, I was officially going to be a Longhorn!

My thoughts quickly derailed as I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Pulling it out, I couldn't stop my smile as I looked down at the caller ID. "Hey BB, how's it hanging?" I cheerfully asked my best friend.

"Eh, I can't complain.I was able to take my last two finals early and I thought of the perfect way to celebrate the end of school," Bastian said casually.

"Oh? Pray tell, what are these perfect plans of yours, Dupont? I'm on the edge of my seat," I sarcastically remarked.

Bash chuckled low in my ear, and I swear it had a direct line to my dick. Oh yeah, it was a problem, but thank God he wasn't there to see it.

"It's funny you should mention that…you don't look like you're on the edge of your seat."

My steps stuttered a bit as I tried to process what he said. "What do you mean I don't look like that? Bash, are you on drugs or something? We really need to discuss healthy coping mechanisms if you're having some kind of crisis, bestie."

Bash laughed again, but it almost sounded like there was an echo to it as someone nearby laughed as well. "Drugs? That's really what you think of me, Russo?"

I yelped and jumped nearly a foot in the air as Bash spoke directly behind me. Seriously, the dude lives to shorten my lifespan.

"Holy shit, Bash! What the fuck are you doing here?" I shrieked in excitement before throwing myself into his arms as he wrapped me up in a huge bear hug, laughing sexily in response.

"Come on MM, did you really think I wouldn't rush home the instant I could to see my very best friend? It's like you don't even know me," Bash teased.Ugh, I missed this handsome bastard so much.I missed him calling me MM even more since it was his own little nickname for me that no one else was allowed to repeat. I would have preferred "sweetheart" or "love of my life", but I was a reasonable human being and would take what I could get.

"Oh my God, you damn near gave me a heart attack, you ass!" I chastised him halfheartedly as I begrudgingly pulled away from his embrace. It was too easy to get lost in his incredible warmth if he held me too long.Bash just smirked at me, revealing his perfect white teeth as his eyes crinkled at the edges in a smile that dripped affection for me.

Oh yeah, that was the other thing.While in college, Bash went from being cute to being completely fuckhot. It was a real inconvenience for me and my right hand because I shamefully had my mental spank bank stocked full of images and dirty thoughts of my bestie. I even went so far as to name my dildo "Baby BB" after my own nickname for him, despite knowing that it was a full on stalker move that wasn't going to win me any points in Heaven.Oh well. We all have our kinky shit, and imagining my dildo as Bash's dick was mine.

"Well, you know how much I love surprising you. Plus you made it way too easy when you posted that Snapchat of you all gross and sweaty after your run, so I knew exactly where you were.You even have your location turned on too.You do realize you'd be the first to die in a horror movie, right?" Bash smirked at me. So rude.

"Umm excuse me, but whose idea was it to turn on our locations on Snapchat so that we could always see where the other was and, I quote, ‘feel like we had a connection from hundreds of miles away'?" I quipped back. Bash didn't even have the decency to look sheepish. Instead he just laughed and swung his arm around my shoulders, walking me in the direction of my dorm.

"Damn, I do say some stupid shit sometimes, don't I?" he chuckled.

"I mean, I wasn't going to say anything, but…", I started to say before Bash pulled my head towards his chest and ruffled my hair playfully.

"Alright you little shit, let's get you showered and go grab something to eat.Then, we're finding a party to hit tonight, getting drunk, and binging "Game of Thrones" until we pass out," Bash said. I couldn't argue with any of that. It sounded like a perfect night with my favorite person alive.

*****

Bash unfortunately had to return to Austin the next day so that he could start packing up his dorm to move into his new apartment the following week. Bash had asked me to move in with him a couple of months ago when he first found the apartment, but I declined under the guise that we spent so much time together already that we needed at least some space to keep our relationship healthy. Too bad what I said was a load of bullshit.

I couldn't room with Bash knowing the effect he had on me. All it would take was one time of seeing him step out of his shower naked, wet and dripping for me to pop a wood and then it would become painfully obvious how I felt about him. It also wouldn't have been a super awesome time to be in the same apartment that he undoubtedly brought his hookups to. One headboard bang against the wall or one breathy moan, and I would have had to be admitted for a 72 hour psych hold. I did not need those sounds or images in my head if I wanted to live my life with relative sanity. Bash seemed hurt when I told him my decision and the reason behind it, but he didn't fight me much on it. Instead of over-thinking it as was typical for me, I figured he just didn't want his best friend up his ass twenty-four seven while he was enjoying his single life.

Bash hadn't said he was seeing anyone exclusively this year, and he was pretty mute about his love life now. I guess he picked up on my reluctance to talk about his sexual experiences back in high school, so he thankfully hadn't been an over-sharer after that. The most he would say when I asked him (like the fucking glutton for punishment I was) was that he was sticking to casual stuff with some cool girls he'd met at parties on campus, but he wasn't interested in anything serious right now.

Selfishly, I loved that he wasn't in any hurry to hook himself to one woman because the minute that happened, I would become second priority, an afterthought, and that I really couldn't handle. You could say we were codependent, but that has such a negative connotation, don't you think? We were just bonded. It would be interesting to try bondage with Bash one d–NO. Stop! Bad Micah! No dirty thoughts of your best friend!

Pushing the naughty thoughts as far back to the recesses of my mind as I could, I focused on packing up as much of my dorm as I was able to without putting away the necessities I'd need for the next week before I had to haul my crap to Austin with me the following Saturday. Bash was supposed to be here within the hour to spend my final weekend at UNT with me and drop in to see his parents tomorrow afternoon.

Bash didn't often see his parents outside of the holiday breaks he was here for because his relationship with them was…complicated. His mom, Elizabeth, was a sweet woman and Bash got the majority of his personality from her, but she had struggled with mental health issues since Bash was a kid. He loved her, but it was hard for him. His dad was honestly just a dick. Rupert Dupont was an up-and-coming politician who planned to run for State Representative in the next election, which only served to drive his ego even more. He was hard on Bash and pushed him to work himself to the bone, and even though Bash never said it, I knew it ate away at him.

And though he wasn't overt about it, I knew deep down Mr. Dupont was a secret homophobe. As a politician, he was very good at putting on the front that he was welcoming and tolerant of all people, but growing up in the heavily Christian town of Dallas and being raised in an upper class, well-established family meant that it was deeply ingrained in him to…well, hate gay people. He'd always smile and make small talk with me anytime I was at his house, but there were times when I was with Bash that I saw him physically tense up in my presence, or he would flinch just the tiniest amount if Bash and I touched in any way. To onlookers, you'd never notice it and would think Mr. Dupont was as gracious and charming as he appeared. However, I liked to think of myself as a good judge of character and there was always something about him that rubbed me the wrong way, but I'd never let Bash know that. That wasn't something I wanted to come between us.

Like clockwork, Bash texted me almost exactly one hour later saying he was parking and to come down to let him in the dorm. I was lucky enough to snag a single suite in Legends Hall, so I had a private bedroom, and shared the bathroom and kitchenette with a dorm-mate, but he had a girlfriend and was almost never there. He also moved out last week, so I had the entire place to myself until I moved.

And ooooh fuck…Bash looked absolutely edible tonight, and it was going to wreak havoc on my self-control. I tried hard to keep my filthy thoughts of him at bay and not ogle him too much when he wasn't looking, but he was making it exceedingly difficult this time. Bash's form had filled out in college and he was leanly muscular, and his jaw had squared off more with age and was so sharp I wanted to run my teeth over it. His hair was kept short on the sides, but longer on top, giving him a thick set of waves that effortlessly swooped across his forehead, causing him to constantly push it back with his hand. That in turn caused his biceps to bulge, giving me a sexy show that never failed to make me drool and ache to run my fingers through that beautiful head of hair…preferably while he was on his knees for me.

Tonight, he was wearing a deep red v-neck shirt that clung to his sculpted chest and made his green eyes pop, along with a pair of fitted dark wash jeans that accentuated his thighs and gave a scintillating frame to his perfect ass. Honestly, that ass was a work of art. I should send God a thank you card or a quiche or something for making that masterpiece. Okay, plug up the thoughts, perv! Ugh. This was going to be a long night.

Bash sauntered into my dorm room and plopped himself down on my bed, as was his norm. "You ready to go, or do you need more time, princess?" Bash needled me.

"You know, I might be gay, but I have boundaries! I primp a lot less than some straight dudes I know," I retorted, mock outrage filling my tone.

Bash laughed and quirked one of his thick, beautiful eyebrows at me. "So is this you saying that you're ready to walk out of the door right now?"

Damn it. He knew me too well. "I was a little distracted with my packing, so not exactly," I said choppily. Bash made a dramatic show of looking around my dorm.

"You mean, distracted by all two of the boxes you managed to pack?"

I stared blankly at him until he cracked and laughed at the expression on my face, a sparkle in his eye that I couldn't resist if I tried.

"Give me just five minutes, and we can head out. I just need to change," I told him. Bash nodded his head and said, "No rush, MM. I'm here for you, not the party. I'll wait as long as you need."

Why did he have to be so damn perfect? Bash was as laid back as they came where I was concerned, and we had never had an honest to God fight before. Anytime I was feeling feisty or in a shit mood, Bash always knew exactly how to handle me until I calmed down and reason returned to me. I mean, it's not like I ever had a reason to be mad or annoyed with him. As I said, Bash was damn near perfect to me.

"Thanks, BB. I'll be fast though!" I promised. Ten minutes later, I walked out of my bathroom, dressed in a long sleeved navy Henley shirt and tight jeans that hopefully did wonders for my ass. Not that Bash would ever notice, but I could dream.

Bash was messing around on his phone and when he looked up at me, he just took a minute to stare at me, not saying anything. For some reason, there was a look in his eyes I couldn't quite place. Usually, I could read Bash like my favorite book and it was rare that he was able to hide his thoughts and emotions from me. This was evidently one of those times.

"Everything okay, BB? Does this look okay? Should I change?" I worried aloud.

Bash gave his head a little shake and seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in, and smiled sweetly at me. "Nah MM, you look great. Nothing about you needs changing."

His words made my chest tighten and a flush rise to my cheeks. I knew he didn't mean it in any romantic way, but just hearing Bash say that had my pulse kicking up in tempo.

"Oh…well, good. Thank you," I stammered. Bash stood, walked over to me, and kissed me gently on the forehead. It wasn"t something he did too often, only once in a blue moon, but it was one of my favorite things between us. I had thought of asking him to stop doing it at one time when it was getting hard to not be affected by it, but I couldn't bring myself to give them up. It was one of the only ways I could physically connect with him, and I knew there was no other way I'd ever feel his lush lips pressed to my skin. So I'd suffer the consequences of each and every kiss he pressed to my head, knowing that it was well worth it in the end.

Bash pulled back and looked at me with the inscrutable expression again. "Let's head out, M." He then gave me one of his signature smirks which was lethal to my hormones, and he placed his hand at the small of my back to lead me out of the dorm room, causing yet another stutter in my breathing. Oookay, so that"s new…and I don"t hate it.

If it was going to be like this all weekend, I was well and truly fucked.