57. Ree

57

Ree

I'm smiling as I move into his warm embrace.

He purrs as I wiggle into a suitable position. One that gives me access to his mane and whiskers and lets us see each other.

His whiskers betray his contentment and I bet I have one of those goofy looks on my face that instantly peg someone as newly in love.

I wish Tamina could see me now. Well, if she could even recognize me. It would be an endless conversation before it would even make sense.

If someone told me I would be holding an alien in my arms and thinking about love I would have considered referring them for a psych evaluation. Hell. I'm not completely sure I shouldn't be referring myself, but it feels right.

Everything about us feels right.

His eyes are half closed and part of me wants to let him drift off to sleep, but I have something to tell him. I tug on a whisker and his eyes open wide to focus on me.

"I love you, my Thivoll."

His purr feels like it might rattle me right out of his arms.

"I love you, my Ree."

It didn't seem like we could get any more intertwined, but somehow we manage it.

Our scales rubbing together is surprisingly soothing and nothing like what I would have expected. His golden eyes are just as enthralling as they were from the moment I wiped my eyes clear of tears and felt trapped in them.

Hooked in the best way possible.

My heart feels full in all the right ways. "I know this place is crazy, but I love being here with you."

His rumble dies back down and he looks more serious.

"It has been my greatest pleasure. But I also want to make sure our life together is long. You keep trying to cut it short."

I shift uncomfortably. "That's not fair. I'm not suicidal, I just need to protect them and this place is fucking insane."

He pats my butt. "You're a commander, not a common soldier. You can't be a leader if you throw your life away or run yourself into the ground."

I can't help the sharp bark of a laugh. "A commander? I'm barely keeping myself together. I'm incredibly ineffectual. I wish they had chosen Kira as the leader."

"Who's Kira?"

"How have I not told you? She has pink hair. I'm pretty sure she grew up with a knife in her hand or something. They only had her out of stasis for a short time and she was completely cool and collected. Pretty much told them she was going to kill all the fuckers. I was in awe."

He grunts at me. "Ree. Stop underestimating yourself. How long do you think someone with that sort of attitude would have lasted on a slime ship? She doesn't sound like a leader. She sounds like one of your soldiers."

"I don't want soldiers!"

He chuffs. "You already have three of them. At least. Others haven't spent enough time with their humans to realize that despite their bigger size they aren't the ones in charge. Silver, and it sounds like Kira, know about you. They will seek you out, even if they have to drive their poor male to near insanity to get their way. I know this for a fact."

I catch on to what he's saying and punch him as hard as I can on his shoulder. Then hiss and rub my hand until the sting goes away.

He reaches forward to help me, the cant of his whiskers betraying his amusement.

"You have someone either looking for or actively protecting all but four of your friends. In a few short days. How could you be anything but a commander?"

"It isn't enough. I can't rest until it's all of them."

"I understand that. We won't stop. We will win, but we have to be smart about it. You can't keep taking risks."

I let out a breath. I'm not sure why I'm still arguing. It's not like I hadn't already come to a similar conclusion, though without all the commander talk.

The title makes me want to retch but I don't deny that I will take all the necessary responsibility. And I suppose I can't really argue with him since the next prey male I see I'll be right back to working on recruitment.

Fuck.

That's exactly what the military does.

I'm a recruiter. We have a stockpile of weapons forming. Doing inventory is one step away from requisitions and fucking paperwork. I have people out on missions.

He's right, dammit.

Of course I don't tell him that, but the least I can do is agree to not fling myself into any more trouble.

"I know. I'll be more careful."

"I believe you. You've showed it recently, but I'm going to keep repeating it until the horror wears off. Let other people help you. I know you can fight when you need to, but there is a substantial cost for you. In your mind and your self-image."

My hands tremble just thinking about the cuts I made on the braceaaer. I never want to do that again.

I mean, I will if I have to, but it's wrong to expect him to do it all.

"It doesn't feel fair to let you take the risk alone, Thiv."

"Listen, sweet one. I will kill them until there is no threat left. I'll even enjoy it. It's no weight for me. Let me carry it. Let me be that for us."

I take in a deep breath and then let it out just as slowly. Just talking about what I did makes me shake and cry.

"You're right. I can't handle it. I just keep seeing his blood on me. Over and over, no matter how many times I tell myself that he planned to rape and probably kill me."

"You're a healer Ree. We'll find more allies and more of your friends and soon you'll have an outlet for how much you drive yourself. I know it's hard right now, but soon you'll be able to help in ways that are better suited to your personality."

"I'll go crazy if I stay in this cave all the time."

"I know. How about you run with me for the first part of the night?"

"That could work," I concede.

"I would rather not range far to look for your friends, but I know why it's important to you. You are going to be sitting near the entrance with guns loaded and at the ready until I return."

He lets out a low chuff, then continues. "If you have to kill a hunter, I will hold you while you face-leak again."

I laugh. "I was crying, not face-leaking, Fluff Brain."

My eyes fill up for a different reason altogether and I lean forward to kiss him near his whiskers.

"I believe in you, Superkitty."

He chuffs and runs his hands through my hair. I've never felt more cherished, and it wraps around my heart like a warm embrace.

"I'd be taunting genali from trees with no true purpose without you. It's me who believes in you."