45. Chapter Forty-five

Chapter Forty-five

Clara

My phone was silent. I'd taken Jake's texts for granted, to be sure, but I guess, after today, I thought I'd hear from him.

He'd said he'd be in touch, just not when. When Nellie had been awake, I had been distracted enough not to constantly check for a message, but she'd been asleep for a couple hours, and I'd done nothing but check since.

I swiped to our messages, reading his last few, practically begging me to text back. My stomach clenched, guilt and frustration at war inside me. Why had I waited so long to face this?

This was stupid. I'd told Jake I'd reply, but why would he believe that? The least I could do was reach out first. It was more than my turn.

Me: Hey…just checking in. When you're ready to talk, I'm here. I hope Sage is okay and not in too much trouble.

I sent the message then instantly regretted it. It wasn't my business how he punished Sage. He'd made it clear he and Carly had it handled.

Me: Whatever you and Carly decide will be right. Sorry if I implied something else.

I threw my phone across the couch and groaned at the ceiling. How had I become this person?

Fucking Miller .

I groaned again. As much as I wished I could put the blame for everything on my ex, he was locked up far away. This mess was mine. Jake had a hand in it, no question, but I'd been the one to keep digging my hole deeper and deeper, and now I didn't know how to get out.

I picked up my phone and sent another text. This message wasn't as polite and formal. It might've been somewhat desperate, but Jake had bared himself to me, so maybe it was my turn.

Me: I want you to know I love you very much, and I want to try to work through this with you. My heart broke when you kept things from me, but it's ten times worse without you. I miss you, Jake. I want our beautiful life back, and I want you to find a way for that to happen. Please find a way.

Out of fight, I fell back against the cushions. I'd either hear from him or not, but I wouldn't give up. I'd try again tomorrow, the day after that, and—

Vroom, vroom.

What the hell?

An engine revved, and it sounded like it was right outside my house. Another rev. There was no mistaking the sound of a motorcycle. A Rossi, I was certain of it.

My heart leapt into my throat, and I vaulted off the couch, running for the front door. Yanking it open, I stepped out onto my porch.

There he was.

Jake Hayes, leaning against his motorcycle in my driveway. His arms were folded over his chest, long legs stretched out with his ankles crossed. He looked cool as a cucumber while I was trembling.

"I texted you," I called out.

He patted the pocket on his chest where he kept his phone. "Haven't checked. I was riding."

"Okay."

He pointed to the ground in front of him. "Come over here."

Like always, drawn to this man, my feet carried me to him before I'd made the conscious thought to step off my porch. An arm's length from him, Jake raked his eyes over me, landing on my feet.

"Where're your shoes?"

I peered at my bare feet and wiggled my pedicured toes. "I didn't take the time to put them on."

His head cocked. "You heard the motor and came running?"

"I knew it was you."

"That's some urgency," he murmured. Then he slipped his phone from his pocket, the glow illuminating his inscrutable face. He took his time studying the screen before raising his eyes to me. "I want our beautiful life back too."

"How do we do that? What do we change so we don't end up right back here?"

"There won't be a next time."

"You can't know that."

"I do," he said simply. "I haven't been back to MZ since that day, but before I came here, I talked to Jer and made it official. I'm done. As of right now, I'm unemployed. Don't know if that's a selling point, but it is what it is."

It was too dark for me to get a read on him, so I stepped closer. At least, that was the excuse I'd used. Once his scent hit me—leather and wind—I couldn't deny I'd just wanted to be near him. His warmth filled the inches between us, and my toes touched the ends of his boots.

"I never would have asked you to quit," I said softly.

"But I needed to. I've been unhappy there since the day I started. And I couldn't come to you with promises unless I made the changes to make them irrefutable. When I tell you I'll never put business before you, you can take that as fact. I hope you'll give me the time to prove my word trustworthy. That's all I'm asking for, Clara. I need that time."

My guts were twisted in knots, and a "yes" caught in my throat. There were things to say before I could throw myself into his arms like I so desperately wanted.

"I used to measure my life in before Miller and after Miller . I could look back and see the distinct delineation of who I was and who I became. The truth is, I had to rebuild myself from scratch and decide who I wanted to be because I had formed myself around him. I chose the woman standing in front of you. And you love her."

"I love the hell out of her," he agreed gruffly.

I smiled. It felt damn good to hear that out loud, and I really didn't want to cry another tear. "I love you back." I put my hand on his crossed arms, his muscles rippling beneath my touch. "I can't divide my life that way anymore. Now, it's everything that came before you and—"

"Don't say after me." His arms came loose to grip my waist. "There's no after me. We're gonna ride this out in the middle until we get to the end."

"I would really like that. I don't want there to be an after either."

He looked at me with fierceness and all the promises in the world. "There won't be."

Heart hammering, I reached for his face, the bristles of his beard tickling my palms. "We can only have honesty."

"I agree. I've got nothing to hide, and I won't be putting myself in a situation where I'll need to keep anything from you." He hooked a finger into the waistband of my pajama pants. "I'll help you work through your fear, but you have to be standing beside me. No more hiding from it."

I shook my head. "I won't hide—so long as you're with me."

"I'm with you, Clara. I can't be without you."

I smiled again and slid my hands along his jaw to circle his neck. "I don't want to be without you, baby."

Eyes slamming closed, he released a shuddering breath and yanked me against him, burying his nose in my hair.

"Make sure you mean that. I'm an unemployed mechanic, mama, not exactly the guy in the suit you fell for."

"Oh, please. I fell for my motorcycle man long before I saw you in a suit." I kissed the center of his chest then rested my head there. "And I don't know if you noticed, but I make my own money, so…"

He huffed a laugh, squeezing me tighter. "That's my girl." Balling my shirt in his fist, his lips grazed my temple. "That's my fuckin' girl."

I tipped my head back, and he took the opportunity to press his lips to mine, sweeping me up in the pure, easy beauty of being loved by Jake Hayes.

I still had my fears, but my love for this man and our beautiful life was strong enough to beat them back. One day, even defeat them entirely. As he held me tight yet was oh so careful not to step on my bare toes, I knew that to be true.

We'd ride this thing down the middle, leather and wind all the way to the end.