Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

Kate barely slept, and she paced her bedroom now as the sun gently warmed the cool autumn sky. Waiting.

Gabriel hadn’t sought her out last night. He hadn’t returned home at all. Her parents had waited for an hour before her mother complained of a headache. Elsie had done what a good host would do and found them a comfortable room and sent up a tray of food and tea. And she had done the same for the marquess before retiring for the evening, leaving Kate. The castle was far from empty, but it had been the loneliest Kate had felt since she arrived here. And she still hadn’t received an answer from her parents as to why they had come, or why, more importantly, the marquess was with them.

Ben stretched, wobbling as he ambled to peer out the window. She picked up the old stinky cat and held him close, surprised to hear the purr rumble from him. As he pressed his head against her chest, she rested her chin on top of his head, staring out at the forest surrounding the castle.

She wasn’t certain what she was looking for.

Only… something .

She didn’t wish to return to London. And she also knew that her parents wouldn’t leave without her returning with them .

She’d always done as her parents expected of her, which was partly why they had been so upset after the scandal. She had always been what they considered good. And then, because of one misjudgment, she was suddenly bad. Except beyond being bad, immoral, failing, she was ruined. And the marquess had been allowed to heal and recover from nearly dying in that duel that evening, without anything tarnishing his reputation further. In fact, most of London waited with bated breath to see if he would even survive. The man they loved to call a scoundrel and London’s most notorious rake was a bit of a beloved martyr in the whole affair.

Somehow, it had been her fault that he had been shot. Her fault that they were discovered in the garden, and for being so forward, and wearing a dress so daring. It was only natural for him to follow his male instincts.

And that was why she had truly left London. Not because she was embarrassed, though she was. No, she had left London because remaining only vilified her and allowed others to control her story. And considering they didn’t know the truth or refused to believe it, she didn’t think it fair to hand over her life to their silly commentary.

There was a soft knock before Elsie popped her head into the room. “May I come in?”

“Hasn’t stopped you before.”

“Did ye get any sleep?” she asked.

Kate shook her head, setting Ben down on the bench by the window. She draped a quilt over him as he curled up so he would remain warm.

“I couldna sleep either,” Elsie finally said. “My brother never came home last night. That isna like him. I think he’s worried.”

Kate looked up, surprised. “Worried?”

“I dinna think he wants to lose ye,” Elsie said.

“Why would he—” Kate laughed, barely finishing her sentence because it was ridiculous. She was certain Gabriel had entered the inn’s main room to propose. She had felt it—the way he looked at her there as the rest of the crowd laughed and sang and danced. But how he looked at her, as if nothing else mattered, made her certain of it. And just as suddenly, it all seemed to crumble away.

“I wish I could go back to bed,” Kate confessed. “I don’t wish to go down there and confront my parents. And I don’t want to see the marquess.”

“He’s handsome,” Elsie drummed her fingers over her lips and waggled her thick brows.

“He’s a rake through and through. And I have learned that a lady should always avoid the rake.”

“But can a lady look?” Elsie inquired with a laugh.

Kate nodded. “I suppose. But that is how the trouble begins. He’s very charming. And he oozes confidence. And then he lures you in.”

“I wish to be lured .”

“I thought so once, too.” Kate sat on the bench, dropped her elbows to her knees, and rested her head in her hands and sighed. “Best to get this over with.”

“I’ll stay,” Elsie placed a hand on her shoulder. “I will be right there,” she said. “I suggest ye hear yer parents out. No more, no less. They’ve traveled a long way, and they’re eager to see ye. And they must fear for ye being here in the Highlands.”

“The swans are brutal. I understand their concern.”

Elsie laughed, grabbing Kate’s hand and dragging her forward. “My life was far less interesting without ye. Ye canna leave. That’s an order. No matter what yer parents say, ye must stay with me. Besides, the girls would be devastated.”

Kate knew there was truth to that. It had taken awhile, but Maisie and Lorna had not only warmed up to her being their governess, but they had begun looking at her as if she were a close family friend. And the surprise of it was, she didn’t wish to leave them either.

“And Gabe…”

“I’ve always done as my parents asked.”

“That was before,” Elsie said. “A lot has happened since I arrived in Scotland. And ye have a lot to show for it.”

“None of it will matter to my parents. They have only ever wanted me to be a wife. I was a prize to them, to be sold off. And since my chances were ruined, they had no interest in me.”

“Except they arrived with the marquess…”

Kate had no desire in reiterating the past.

“Will you help me dress? I wish to look far more presentable than last evening.”

“Ye were a bonny sight last night. Dinna let them tell ye otherwise.”

Mrs. Malcolm had set a fine table for breakfast. Kate strode in a while later to find her parents at the table engaged deep in conversation.

“I see you still keep London hours,” her mother remarked. “That is of great assurance.”

Kate bit her tongue and made a small plate for herself at the sideboard. “I hope you both slept well.”

When they didn’t answer, she poured herself a cup of tea. “Would either of you care for tea?”

She sat between her parents, volleying her attention. “How are my brothers?”

“Mr. MacInnes did not return last evening. That is what the housekeeper told me,” her mother began.

“He mustn’t be a man of his word if he can’t return to play host to his guests. Does he treat you the same? They all hate us English—the Scots.”

“He has a great deal of business in the village, and with the festival, I am sure it kept him busy. He will return…”

“We don’t intend to stay.” Her father gripped his teacup and shifted forward in his seat. “I have no interest in visiting Scotland, nor do I have any interest in hearing why you are here. The only matter of importance is that you return with us promptly to London.”

There was an unforgiving knot in Kate’s throat. It had lodged its way there, perhaps, when she was four or five, not long before she spent her time with a stodgy governess. And it remained there. It was a pain that was no longer bearable. She couldn’t allow herself to remain silent, always the purveyor of her own life, instead of living it.

“I have enjoyed my time here. I don’t wish to return to London.”

Her mother gasped, and her teacup shook against the fine porcelain saucer. “A governess, Katherine?”

“What did you expect for me to do after the scandal, Mother? I couldn’t remain in London as Charlotte’s companion.”

“The duchess would have looked after you. She would have ensured?—”

“Well, you certainly couldn’t have done so. You couldn’t even stomach acknowledging me at the modiste.”

“What was I to do?”

Kate set down her tea and turned toward her mother with a frown.

“Your behavior was shocking. I spent many years ensuring you would make an excellent wife, and then you threw it away. You represent your father and I, and after what happened, I was embarrassed to call you Daughter.”

“I did not throw it away…”

“Katherine,” her father barked, “listen to your mother.”

She folded her hands in her lap, remaining silent. Waiting.

“Your behavior in London was shocking. Your reputation has been ruined. But enough time has passed now that it is appropriate to find a husband.”

Her father scratched his brow, as if pondering what to say next. “And the marquess has joined us on this journey because he has something he wishes to ask.”

Kate made a show of looking around. “Beg my pardon, but I do not see him here.”

As expected. She had learned all too well never to count on the marquess for anything.

“After his accident,” her mother said, neatly pointing her nose in the air as if exhausted, “he is a changed man. He nearly died, dear.”

“He was shot in a duel, Mother. There was nothing accidental about it.”

“Yes, well the whole incident was rather unfortunate. ”

“Yes, I remember.”

Her mother leaned forward. “He nearly died , Katherine.”

And so had she.

She had almost died in a million tiny ways at each shocked whisper, at each mention in the gossip rags, or each passing day where she was made to feel small and worthless.

Kate stood up, her chair sliding back behind her so quickly it almost tumbled to the floor. “I don’t wish to speak to him, and I do not appreciate the fact you have brought him along with you when you know how I was treated.”

“You asked to be treated as you were for how you behaved. You have embarrassed our entire family. Your father couldn’t go to his club for months. And I was cut from guest lists across Town.”

The marquess strode in. “Am I interrupting?”

“Please, help yourself. You must be hungry after such a long journey. The scones are particularly delicious.”

“I baked them myself,” Kate said, walking to the opposite side of the room. She pulled back the lace curtains to reveal the cold, gray day outside.

“You… baked ?”

The marquess was at least polite enough to clear his throat to try to disguise her mother’s repulsed gasp.

“You must return to London and marry,” her father said. “And the marquess has discovered the error of his way, and he wishes to restore your virtue.”

“My virtue was never lost.” Kate spun around, her temper flaring.

Then Gabriel strode in, filling the doorway.

“Sir Martin and Lady Bancroft, I hope yer accommodations were pleasant enough. I apologize for having to remain behind to manage events at the inn last evening.”

“Was there a spot of trouble?” The marquess looked up from his heaping plate of food with a sly grin.

Let him find out what happens on the other end of Gabriel MacInnes’s temper then. Perhaps that would solve the whole problem. But it wouldn’t answer why, even though he was flawlessly turned out as if he were about to meet a friend at a London club, his face was bruised and cut, as were his fists that were clenched by his thighs.

And he could barely look at Kate.

“Aye, spirits were high last night. It is all under control now.”

The marquess set the plate of food on the table and glanced between Kate and Gabriel, then hovered awkwardly.

Her father cleared his throat as if to urge the marquess on.

“As this is a private matter,” the marquess began, “I wish to speak to you, Miss Bancroft. Alone.”

One glance toward her father and she knew she must accept, so she nodded, then made the mistake of meeting Gabriel’s stare from across the room. It reminded her of the day they first met, that impenetrable light to his eyes.

And suddenly, she felt adrift.

She licked her lips, then nodded, tucking a stray curl behind her ear. Her mother puffed up as if a peacock, thoroughly pleased with herself.

“Follow me, my lord.”

She didn’t wait for the marquess, couldn’t, not even as she strode past Gabriel, furious. It wasn’t lost on her that she needed to brush by him in order to leave, as if he was stubbornly anchored to keep her close. Or the smell of whisky still clinging to his lips from the evening before.

That wasn’t like him at all.

The echoing footsteps followed closely as she weaved her way down the halls of the castle, then pushed upon the door to enter the garden. She grabbed her shawl and inhaled, shivering as the cold morning air nipped at her skin and settled down into her bones.

“Kate,” the marquess said, closing the door behind them.

“You may call me Miss Bancroft.”

He snorted, glancing up toward the sky. “It’s damn cold here. Perhaps we can discuss this inside.”

“You didn’t take issue with the cold when you led me outside that March night almost two years ago.”

“And you followed, I recall. ”

“Yes, my mistake. What do we need to discuss exactly, my lord?”

“Marriage.”

She slammed her eyes shut, afraid she might scream. “Correct me if I am wrong…” Kate opened her eyes on a slow exhale. “But you made it very clear you did not wish to marry me.”

He stretched his arms up as if surrendering to a hostile enemy. “I nearly died. That changes a man.”

The crisp leaves crunched under her boots as she circled the stone patch of the garden. The tumbling mess of roses had dropped its gorgeous show to leave a tangle of sharp thorns in its wake. She gazed up at the castle, looming over her as it had when she first arrived, yet it no longer held uncertainty for her.

“I can imagine. Even so, I will not marry you.”

He rubbed the back of his fist against his mouth, his dark, thick brows pinched. He was beautiful even now, but that did not sway her heart. “I recognize arriving here as we did was a shock. I advised your father to take a different approach. After I recovered, I realized my mistake, and how a partnership with myself and your family could benefit the both of us.”

“I fail to see how I would benefit from marrying you.”

“Marriage could restore your reputation. It would take time of course, but I am offering to marry you, and we can repair the damage done. I am prepared to rebuild with you.”

Kate scratched at her brow, her temper far too strong to censor what she truly wished to say. Or perhaps, it was that she no longer cared.

“Let me be clear. You were injured, quite seriously. But I remained in London for over a year, and you were well recovered before I left for Scotland. I received no letter, no apology. When I attempted to visit to see how you were doing, I was turned away. I am sure you heard about that because your neighbors watched as if they were at a show at Drury Lane. I was humiliated, again.”

“I did not know?—”

“No!” She held up her hand, avoiding any further excuses from him. “I wish to speak, and you will listen. Marrying me does nothing but help your family’s dwindling coffers and allows you access to a powerful family. Please do not insult me by attempting to sell me a pretty lie that you wish to rescue me. I do not need your help.”

“That is hardly fair, Kate.”

“Miss Bancroft,” she corrected once again. “And you are right, none of this is fair, but it is my burden, nevertheless.”

“You are being ridiculous. Please, calm yourself. You should be thankful I came here and offered my hand. Who will marry you now?”

“Don’t pretend your quest for freedom is any different from mine just because I’m not tupping my way through London, Hugh.”

He rolled his eyes, so casually cutting, as if above being in her company. She could hardly believe there was a time in her life where she risked everything for this… boy.

“I believe we are done here. No, I will not marry you, and no, you will not change my mind.”

She stormed around him, ready to rush inside when he reached out and shut the door on her.

“And your parents? You will tell them no as well? I would love to see you tell your father no because I just traveled to Scotland with that man, and he will not accept that for an answer.”

“He can’t make me marry you.”

“If you choose not to marry me, they will not support you. They will have nothing to do with you. And you will be stuck here in Scotland withering away, teaching arithmetic and reading to two spoiled little girls. And then what? Your future is nothing but bleak misery if you refuse my proposal.”

She spun around and slapped him, red flashing before her eyes. “Do not dare speak of my charges in such a way. They have shown me more bravery in three short months than you have ever shown in your twenty-nine years.”

The marquess turned his head back coolly and glared at her. “I am not an evil man.”

“No, you are complacent, and that might be equally as bad. I am not a prize to be bartered around London. I have thoughts and desires of my own. I am a person, and I am begging you to understand that. But I see you no longer wish for it to be your concern.”

“I never agreed for it to be my concern to begin with. That was your first mistake.”

Kate sighed, her anger ebbing into pity. “I wish you the best, honestly. Living as I had in London after the scandal was miserable, and it made me feel small and worthless. But I don’t need you or my parents to save me. I have done well by myself. And I am proud of what I have accomplished. I don’t care if you understand that.”

Oscar waited for her by the stairs. She tapped her hand against her thigh, urging him forward, and he quickly trotted along and pressed his face into her palm. A gentle reassurance that her world was not crumbling, even if it felt that way at the moment.