Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

B ailey refused to cry in front of Nate. Not to mention, the boys could run back in any minute and see her upset. Sometimes, it felt like everything since Joe died had been hard. Everything. She'd made a promise to herself that she'd take care of the boys and do her best, and that's exactly what she'd done. She'd push through this just like she'd made it through everything else the last two years.

She had to.

Nate's voice dragged her gaze to his face.

"Talk to me, Bailey. Let me be your sounding board. Maybe it'll help you at least prioritize what you need to do. Sometimes, having a set list of priorities makes all the difference."

She glanced down to where his hand was still resting on her arm, his fingers warm against her skin. His thumb lightly brushed her arm twice before he moved his hand. Bailey tried to ignore how she instantly missed the touch.

He was right, though. She needed to get this straightened out in her mind. As it was, every evening, she was so mentally exhausted that she'd put it off until the next day. Her mom used to call it mental paralysis when you were so overwhelmed that your brain just called it quits and wouldn't allow you to focus on anything.

That's where Bailey was right now. Maybe having Nate here and being forced to list and go through the options was exactly what she needed.

"Yeah. Okay. Let me go grab my notebook." She'd left it on the side table in the living room where she was going to go through things last night.

As she rounded the couch, the image of the boys sitting on the floor, Minnie curled up between them, had her snapping a picture of them with her phone.

Nate was right. A dog would be good for them, but the thought of taking on another living creature that depended on her to stay alive sounded like too much right now.

She returned to the kitchen table and showed Nate the picture before sitting back down across from him. She took the pen off the notebook spiral and opened to the second section. The page was covered with questions.

Nate gave her his full attention and waited for her to start.

Bailey took a deep breath and intentionally looked away from the wall of handwriting. "We're getting busy enough this fall that I'm going to have to hire at least one more person to help Rachel and me. Maybe two. As it is now, it's nearly impossible to manage things and keep an eye on the boys." She lowered her voice. "You know how Jordan is. I turn my back for a second, and he disappears. I don't even want to know what it'll be like next fall when Seth starts kindergarten and Jordan has no one to play with." Seth barely missed the cutoff to start going to school this year. Realistically, Jordan would be a year older and maybe a bit more mature then, but she couldn't rely on that. He'd been one to run off ever since he was old enough to be on his feet.

"Hiring another person or two makes sense. It would help Rachel out and make it easier for you to be more flexible. You could hang out with the boys or wander around the farm more to interact with your guests." He leaned his chair back. "Do you have enough money coming in to hire two more people without putting stress on the finances?"

She nodded. "We'd be fine, at least for a while. That leads to my next set of questions, which are much harder to answer." With one finger, she traced the border of the page in front of her. "Joe and I had talked about expanding the area of the farm that's open to the public. Turn this place into a big attraction in the fall with a corn maze, hay rides, a playground, and a large pumpkin patch."

Nate looked interested, and he leaned forward again, the chair righting itself. "Wow, that would be amazing. What would it take to get to that point?"

"There's the old barn a couple of acres to the north through the trees. It's an eyesore, and honestly, we were both worried about it being a safety hazard. Now that the boys are getting bigger, it feels like a matter of time before they try to explore and wind up getting hurt. Especially Seth. He's obsessed with it." Her hair, which she'd put into a messy bun that morning, was coming loose on one side. Several strands of hair hung by her ear, and she twirled them around one finger. "I'm thinking of having the whole thing torn down and hauled off. Then we could section that area off for a corn maze."

She could picture it in her mind and see her boys running hand in hand as they tried to find the exit. If much of the area was already cleared, it would make that part easier. She'd just have to research drainage and what it would take to grow that amount of corn. More items for her to-do list, but she'd get to that once a decision was made.

Bailey shrugged. "It's going to take all winter and spring to do everything necessary, and it may even take most of next fall to get the corn and another pumpkin patch established. We might be looking at two years from now before we open that area to the public. So, you see why I need to make a decision and start moving forward. Talking about it is just the beginning."

Nate nodded. "You'll need to put costs together. See how long it might take to cover that investment and eventually turn a profit."

"Exactly. Right now, we pretty much rely on purchases. But once everything is in place, if there are enough activities, I'm hoping we can have a flat charge for admission. That, in combination with purchases, will hopefully bring in a lot more."

"It's a solid plan. Why are you hesitating?" Nate folded his hands and laid them on the table, his expression open.

For the second time that evening, tears flooded her eyes, no matter how hard she tried to will them away.

"Because Joe and I were supposed to do it together." The words came out as more of a whisper. She gave a shrug and swiped at a lone tear that escaped. "This was his dream, you know. He wanted this for our family. He hoped to retire early, and then we could run the farm with the boys. Joe had all these plans…"

She didn't dare look at Nate. She didn't want him to feel sorry for her. It'd been over two years, yet Joe's death left a hole in her heart that would never close completely. She had to figure out how she was going to manage things going forward.

"There are no words adequate to tell you how I wish things had been different for you two." Nate's voice was gruff. "You mentioned selling the place earlier. Is that something you're seriously considering?"

She wished she hadn't said that at all. She'd been upset, and it'd slipped out. "Sometimes, when it feels overwhelming, I think about the possibility. But it's just when I'm at the end of the day and exhausted. You know?"

"Bailey."

Silence. When she finally lifted her chin, Nate wasn't looking at her with pity—only understanding and determination crossed his face. "It doesn't make you a bad person."

She shook her head. Her chest tightened, and she wanted to object but said nothing.

"Guilt can wreck your life." He cleared his throat. "Trust me, I know."