Chapter 27

After spending a chunk of his day patching the living room and dining room to prep it for paint, his anger hadn't subsided. Renee hadn't said anything else as she worked on the books Chloe dropped off. He tried to convince himself his family hadn't totally ignored what he'd said, but it didn't work. Ronan and Brendan wouldn't drop it.

Once Renee had Sadie home from school, he asked to borrow her car. She didn't ask what he needed it for. Just handed him the keys. He drove straight to Ronan's house without thinking. He should've texted first to make sure his stupid brother would be there. But he wasn't thinking straight.

Luckily, Ronan's truck was parked on the street. Declan knocked on the front door even though he still had a key. He didn't want to walk in on Chloe naked. Ronan opened the door.

"Hey, I was just about to call you. Your windows are in. They called me by mistake. I can make some time tomorrow?—"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Declan said.

"What?" Ronan opened the door wider to let Declan inside.

"I told you to leave Renee out of all the bullshit with Dad."

"First, Brendan was talking about that, not me. I haven't had any contact with Renee since we left on Saturday."

"Of course not. You sent your fucking girlfriend to do your dirty work." He paced the living room. It had less space now that there was actual furniture in the room.

"You better watch what comes from your mouth. I didn't send Chloe to do anything."

Just then, Chloe came downstairs. "Hey, Dec." She looked at Ronan. "Send me to do what?"

"This asshole thinks I sent you to have Renee work on the shit Brendan wanted done to look into the Cahills."

"Oh." She winced. Turning to Declan, she said, "Ronan didn't know I talked to Renee."

"What the fuck," Ronan grumbled.

She held up her hands. "But it's not about the Cahills at all. I swear. I was going over the books for The Black Rose and something felt off. I asked her to take a look. I don't want to buy the bar and then have the IRS coming after me."

Ronan crossed his arms over his chest. "If you think the Byrnes are shady, find a new bar to buy."

"It's not that. The Byrnes are old, not shady. At least I don't think so." She turned back to Declan. "I wouldn't ask Renee to get involved with the Cahills."

"My brothers would." His muscles were still tight and his gut burned.

Ronan crossed to Chloe, kissed her head, and said, "Give us a few."

"I'm heading to work anyway." She pointed a finger at them. "No fighting."

"No promises," Declan answered.

Once she was out of the room, Ronan sighed. "Look, I get why you're pissed. I'd be ready to kill someone too if I thought they put Chloe in danger. Hell, I was ready to kill Brendan when he involved Chloe. But there are two things you need to know."

Declan looked at his big brother.

"One, I wouldn't intentionally put someone in danger. And two—and this is the one you really need to get—your woman is gonna do whatever the fuck she wants and you won't be able to stop her."

He almost argued about Renee being his woman. While she was trying to keep them casual, she felt like she belonged to him. He scrubbed a hand over his face.

Ronan continued, "I told Chloe to stay out of it, but she wouldn't listen. It didn't hit home for her until Danny Cahill showed up at her apartment."

"He did what?"

"He did just enough to make her feel uncomfortable."

Declan watched as Ronan tensed.

"He knows something. His father must've told him. Or he was around when whatever happened to Dad went down. That's why Brendan and I are pushing this. But I wouldn't put anyone in danger. Danny Cahill has nothing to do with Chloe buying the Rose."

Declan felt a pinch better but not much. What else had his brothers been holding back? He rubbed the top of his head and then down the back to his neck.

"I don't get why you keep poking around the Cahills. Alan is dead. Even if he knew something, he took it to the grave."

Ronan shook his head. "How can you not want answers? You spent your whole life thinking Dad ran off because what? He didn't want us?"

Declan lifted his shoulders in agreement. That had been what he'd thought.

"I was older, so I knew better. He loved being a dad. He adored Mom. I wish I'd gotten my shit together and started looking for these answers a long time ago. They owe us at least that."

"But it's not gonna change anything. So you get answers about how he died. Great. He's still dead. I still don't have a dad."

"You're right. That part won't change. I guess we're hoping answers will make us feel better. And if the Cahills were behind it, we'll make them pay." He paused. "Now, do you want to order pizza and have a beer?"

Declan sighed. "Yeah, sure. What were you saying about windows when I got here?"

"The window company called me instead of you. Renee's windows are in. I can make some time later this week to pick them up to save her the delivery charge."

"Oh. Thanks. That'd be good." He pulled out his phone and texted Renee to let her know he was having dinner with Ronan.

"Checking in with the woman?"

Declan grunted.

"You were all about dishing it out when I got with Chloe. You should be able to take it."

"Whatever. I'm grabbing a beer." While he was in the kitchen, he heard Ronan calling the pizza place. After grabbing a couple of bottles of beer from the fridge, he stood back and admired his handiwork in the kitchen.

He'd built this and it was damn good. Ronan had had his doubts, but Declan had proven himself. If he could do it here, there was no reason he couldn't prove himself to Renee, too.

With beer in hand he went back to the living room and sat on the couch. "This room is much homier with furniture. Makes people want to hang out."

"Maybe I don't want people to stay. Did you ever think of that?"

"Maybe most people, but you actually like me." He took a swig of beer.

"You sure?"

They sat for a couple of minutes while Ronan flipped through channels on the TV. "How'd the kid like her playset?"

"Sadie loves it. She spent all morning on it and went back out after school."

"What other work you doing over there besides windows?"

"Mostly cosmetic. Patching and painting. The kitchen needs a complete overhaul, but Renee doesn't think she can afford that right now." He wasn't interested in the game Ronan put on the TV. His mind was on Renee and what he needed to do. "How did you land a chick like Chloe?"

"What?"

"I mean, she's nice and the kind of girl who wants to settle down and that's not how anyone would describe you." He took another drink.

"Fuck if I know."

"How did you convince her you were worth it?"

"I'm a damn good catch." Ronan gave one of his rare smiles.

"Better watch it. You're starting to sound like me."

Ronan leaned forward and braced his beefy forearms on his knees. "I assume this is about Renee?"

"Yeah. She keeps saying we need to keep it casual. Just have fun. Which, yeah, I'm on board for that. But she's keeping me at a distance."

"Did she say why?"

"She says it's because of Sadie. She doesn't want her to get hurt if things don't work out. And I get that. But today, I saw them playing on the swings and it hit me that they're like their own little family. She doesn't want to take a chance on me messing that up."

"She's known you a long time. Your track record isn't great. The real question is, why should she give you a chance?"

Fuck if he knew. He just knew he wanted to be with Renee. He liked who he was when he was with her. But hearing those thoughts sounded selfish as hell.

"She's rebuilding her life. She's not going to take a chance on someone who isn't making her life better or easier, you know? Think about our mom. Dad was gone and she figured shit out on her own. Renee's the same."

"So what you're telling me is I'm fucked."

Ronan shrugged. "Maybe. I've never been a single mom. When you showed up here, I gave you a chance to do my kitchen, but in the back of my mind, all I thought was if you fucked it up or didn't follow through, I could fix it. That's not an option for her."

The reality of everything hit him hard. The doorbell rang and Ronan got up to get the pizza. Declan really wanted another beer, but he didn't want to get too drunk and not be able to drive Renee's car home. He grabbed a beer for Ronan and a can of pop for himself.

He had a lot to think about.

A couple of hours later, he sat in Renee's car and instead of going back to her house, he went to see his mom. Every time he walked up to his childhood home, a weird feeling came over him. The place held so many childhood memories; it should be happy. But he always felt like there was a gaping hole in his chest.

It was the reason he always chose to couch surf with friends rather than to move back home. This place was suffocating.

But he needed to figure his shit out and Ronan wasn't much help.

He parked and climbed the new stairs Ronan had built. Shoving open the front door, he saw the TV on, but the living room was empty. "Ma?" he called.

"Declan? What're you doing here?" she asked as she came from the kitchen carrying a cup of tea. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I figured you'd still be up and I wanted to talk."

She side-eyed him but sat in her chair. She muted the TV. "Come in and talk."

He plopped on the couch, uncharacteristically at a loss for words. And of course, his mom was no help.

"Why didn't you date after Dad?"

"As I told you all before, who said I didn't date?"

"But it was obviously nothing serious. You never brought anyone home or introduced us to a guy."

"Finding a man wasn't a priority. Making sure my children made it to adulthood was." She sipped her tea. "What's all this about?"

"You remember my friend, Ty, right?"

She smiled. "Of course. The two of you have always been thick as thieves."

"I've been doing work on his sister's house."

"She's the one with that adorable little girl, yeah?"

Surprised she knew about Sadie, he paused.

"Last time you brought Tyler here, he showed me a picture of his niece."

"Oh. Well, we've been kind of dating."

"Kind of?" She raised her eyebrows.

He rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean. She wants to keep it a secret from Sadie. She keeps saying we're having fun, but that's all it can be."

"And?"

"And I want more."

"What exactly do you want?"

"Her."

She set her cup on the table beside her chair. "She's cautious, as she should be. She can handle a broken heart. I'm sure she's handled it before. But no mother wants to see her child's heart broken."

"I wouldn't do anything to hurt Sadie. I told Renee that. No matter what happens, I'll still be in her life. Tyler's my best friend."

"But it wouldn't be the same, now would it? For her to get used to you being around all the time and then you go back to being her uncle's friend. For a little one who's already been through some upheaval, it's a lot. Her mother is trying to protect her. That's all we ever want to do." She settled back in her chair and picked up her tea again.

Declan ran a hand over his face. It was the same argument he'd had with Renee. "I was hoping you'd have answers."

"What answers are you looking for? You haven't asked a question."

"How do I make her believe this isn't just fun for me? That I'm not going anywhere."

"That part is easy. Show up. Be there for her and her daughter even when it's not easy. When it's inconvenient. When she pushes you away. You have to show her you're willing to sacrifice because that's what being a parent is."

Whoa. Parent? "Sadie has a father, as shitty as he might be, and he loves her."

She hefted a sigh. "Even if you're not making decisions and disciplining the child, you're there as her mother's partner. You might never be dad, but if you want to be in Renee's life, you can't pick and choose the easy path."

The look she shot him said it all.

He'd spent his life choosing the easy path.

"You know I love you, Declan. But since you were young, you've run from challenges. Pretended to be too dumb in school so pretty girls would help you with homework. Bounced from jobs as soon as there was mention of additional responsibilities. She doesn't have doesn't have that luxury."

"I know that."

"Instead of asking me what you should do, you need to ask yourself if you're ready to stop running."

One thing he'd always loved about his mom was that she never pulled punches. She was blunt and told you what you needed to hear even if you didn't like it. Here she was echoing pretty much everything Ronan had said.

"Well?" she prompted.

"I don't know. I really care about her and I adore Sadie. But you're right. I don't know what it means to choose not to take the easy way. I hang out with Sadie and play with her. I don't need to go out partying all the time. I love hanging out in the living room reading a book with Renee."

"That's still about the things you enjoy. What about the boring monotonous things? What about when Sadie is sick and Renee is out of sorts because she hasn't slept and has to work and there's vomit-filled laundry on the floor?"

He couldn't stop the face he made, because vomit. "I'd help her."

"That's what she's afraid of. That she'll come to rely on you."

"And then I'll fuck up."

"You might. But what you do after matters. If you're going to give up, leave her be."

"Thanks, Mom." He stood to leave.

"The door is always open. You have a place here."

He bent and kissed her cheek. He knew she was talking about more than him stopping by for advice. He could move back home if he needed to. But he didn't want to.

What he wanted, even after all of the warnings, was Renee.