Chapter 21

Declan had accomplished the near-impossible: Renee in his arms again. This past week had been nothing short of torture. Every time he looked at her, he wanted to grab her and kiss her. But he couldn't.

He'd promised he wouldn't.

But it didn't mean he didn't want to. He understood her hesitation, but they were good together. And right now, things felt pretty perfect.

When she didn't pull away, he did his best not to cheer.

He enjoyed feeling her pressed against him as he considered his next move.

The song ended, and she slipped away from his body. He continued to hold her hand.

"That was fun. Thanks for the dance," she said before pulling away.

He followed her back to the table and ordered them another round. When they sat, he said, "I wish you wouldn't pull away from me."

"You know why."

"I'm not sure I do. We like each other. We get along. We have amazing sex. When we're together, we can spend hours talking or just sitting silently. How many people have you had that with? I know for me, the answer is zero."

Their drinks arrived, but he wasn't really thirsty. Renee, on the other hand, chugged about half her beer.

Then she sighed as she set her bottle down. "Why can't we have all that without the sex? We had it before we spent the weekend together. I just want to go back to that."

"I don't want to." If he was being honest, he wasn't sure he could.

She shook her head.

"You don't have to decide anything right now. Let's just enjoy the night. Want to dance again?"

She looked past him to the people on the dance floor. "I would."

They danced for a few more songs and stopped in between for drinks. While he switched to water, Renee continued with another beer. More dancing and more drinking on her behalf until he finally called it quits. She was more than buzzed, and he hated the possibility that she was drinking that much because of him.

He paid the tab and she said, "I don't want to go home yet."

"Babe, you're drunk."

"I'm not drunk. You told me to have fun. I'm having fun."

"But you won't have fun tomorrow. You'll be hungover."

"Pssh. I don't have Sadie for the weekend. I can sleep it off." She stood and wobbled toward him. "Wanna sleep it off with me?"

Sure. Now she makes the offer. If he'd thought that was on the table, they would've been out of here hours ago. "We'll see," he said, knowing full well that he'd be tucking her in alone.

He led her to the car with an arm wrapped around her shoulders partially to keep her steady, partially because he wanted to hold on to her as long as he could. She was quiet on the drive home and he thought she'd fallen asleep, but as soon as he'd parked the car, she huffed.

"What?"

"As much as I love my life—and I really do—I kind of didn't want tonight to end. If last weekend taught me nothing else, it was that I need to have more time for me to be Renee." She opened the car door and stepped out.

He met her and put his arm around her again. "I'm here any time you need a break."

"I know. That's part of why I can't be with you."

"What?" He unlocked the front door.

"You're all about having fun. I get that. I'm even a little envious. But you've seen my life. Most of it isn't fun. I can't take off whenever I want. I can't stay out late and party. I can't just decide to not come home. But you can." She kicked off her shoes and wove her way through the living room to the kitchen.

"Are you saying we can't be together because I'm irresponsible?"

She poured herself a glass of water. "It's not that you're irresponsible. It's that you don't have any responsibilities. And that's okay. It's your choice. Just like I made my choices to take on the responsibilities I have. I didn't have to buy a house. Certainly not this one. But I wanted to even though I knew it would be hard. I'm looking for a full-time job even though it'll be hard to not be with Sadie all day."

Nothing she said was wrong. She wasn't even criticizing him, but it still stung. "I don't understand your logic. I'm happy to take on some of your burden. That's what you do when you're with someone."

"I don't want you to take on my burdens. And neither do you. Not really."

"Then what do you want?"

"I'm not even sure. I need someone who gets it, and I don't think you do."

"Because I don't have a house and kid?"

"Or a regular job or a car payment or an apartment. You live a no-strings life, and I can't comprehend that."

"So we can't be together because I'm too different and we don't understand each other." He stepped closer and looked directly into her eyes. "I understand you better than most people in your life. I think you're scared. We have something pretty good here and you don't know how to handle it. You're used to doing it all on your own and the thought of letting some of your control slip freaks you the fuck out."

She jerked back a little as if surprised he would call her out.

"But know this. I'm not going anywhere. You will be able to count on me. And you only have to loosen the control you feel comfortable with." He kissed her temple and stepped away. "I'm going to prove to you that we work."

He went to his bedroom vowing to himself to figure out a way to show her that they deserved a chance.

Holy crap what was that noise? Renee sat up in bed, checked the time, and flopped back. While it was later than her usual wake-up time, it was only eight, and without Sadie in the house, she thought maybe she imagined the noise. She closed her eyes again and allowed herself to enjoy being in bed.

But there it was again. Someone was yelling. And power tools? She sat up and her head thumped a little. Next to her phone on the nightstand was a glass of water and a couple Ibuprofen with a note from Declan.

This should help.

She hadn't had that much to drink last night, had she?

After taking the pills and drinking the water, she thought back over her evening. She'd had a great time with Declan, dancing and talking. Then she vaguely remembered asking him if he wanted to join her to sleep it off. Shit. That had launched them into a longer conversation about why they needed to remain just friends.

He wasn't buying into it though. She hoped her reasoning wasn't going to drive him away anyway. The whole point was to be able to keep him in her life as a friend. She kicked off her covers and stumbled to the bathroom for a shower. Once she was dressed, she decided to investigate the noise. She couldn't imagine one of her neighbors was doing some kind of work that would be that loud.

Which meant Declan had started whatever his project was.

Damn it. He'd promised he wasn't going to mess with the house. She went through the living room and into the kitchen but saw no sign of him. Then she heard another yell. It wasn't like a fearful scream but more of a command or barked order. She looked out the window and saw Declan in the backyard with two other guys building something.

She was going to kill him. But first, she was going to enjoy a cup of coffee. The caffeine might be enough to stave off homicidal thoughts.

She poured a cup and watched them work. She couldn't tell what they were building but after watching, she realized the guys with him had to be his brothers. They looked similar even though the one was hugely muscular.

That had to be Ronan. He was the one barking orders. The sounds of a saw and drill filled the air. She had no idea how long they'd been at this, but whatever they were building on the ground seemed pretty big. Once her coffee was finished, she headed outside.

As she neared, Ronan noticed her first and tilted his chin in her direction. Declan turned around.

"Hey, you're awake. Feeling okay?"

"I'm fine. What's going on here?" she asked, waving a hand in the general direction of the lumber spread on her lawn.

"We're building a playset for Sadie."

She closed her eyes and tried not to blow a gasket. When she reopened them, she spoke calmly. "We talked about this. I can't afford an extra project. This isn't a necessity. Good windows are."

"Your windows are coming in a week or two. And this isn't costing you anything. Ronan got me extra materials from jobs."

She eyed the lumber. "All of this was free?"

"Mostly. But I did some work on his house to pay for the rest."

She hung her head. She felt like a loser. "God, Declan. This is not your job."

He came closer and grabbed her upper arms. "I'm doing this because I want to. I want Sadie to have an awesome backyard."

When he gave her such an earnest look, she couldn't stay mad at him. "I suppose your brothers are working for free, too?"

"Hell yeah. That's what family is for. Speaking of which, Tyler will be here later to help."

"Jeez. Now I'm gonna owe Ty, too? Are you trying to kill me?"

"Shit. You know Ty will work for food."

He slid an arm around her shoulders and turned with her. He pointed across the yard. "See where Ronan is standing? That's going to be monkey bars. Then, where you see Brendan, that's going to be the swings. On the other side of the monkey bars, I'm going to add a slide."

"How big is this thing going to be?"

"Pretty big, but we want her to be able to grow into it. It would suck to have something for a little kid and not be able to use it later."

"I don't know what to say."

"How about—Declan, you're amazing and I bow to your greatness."

"Now you sound like Ty." She nudged him with her elbow. "Thank you."

"No problem. I better get back to it before Ronan gets mad."

She followed him where the others were putting wood together. "What can I do?"

Ronan looked up from where he held a circular saw and a length of wood balanced against his leg. "Unless you can use power tools, nothing."

That seemed a little harsh.

The saw whirred and he zipped through the wood, dropping a smaller piece on the ground. When he set the saw down, she stepped closer. "I'm Renee. Thank you for doing this. I don't know how Declan got you here, but I'm willing to help or try to pay you something."

"He got me here because he's my brother. You can scrap up when we're done. Till then, you'll just get in the way."

She stepped back and turned around. Brendan met her. "Sorry my brother comes across as a dick. He doesn't mean anything by it. He's not good at using his words."

Renee cracked a smile at that. "Thank you for what you're doing here."

Brendan waved in the direction of the house. "Go about your business. We got this."

"Are you sure? I don't feel right about leaving you all here to do work when you don't even know me."

"You must matter to Declan, or he wouldn't ask, so that's it."

She nodded, unsure of what else to say. If roles were reversed, would she do the same for Declan? Yes, she would, even if they had never slept together. They'd known each other for too many years to not have some connection.

Since she couldn't help them build, she would do what she could. She'd run to the store and get some beer and plan to make them a good lunch.

Once she got back from the grocery store, she hauled in the food and beer and loaded the fridge. Then she got to work. She made a batch of cookies. Desserts weren't really her thing, but cookies were easy. Then she seasoned the chicken and steaks she got for the grill. She wouldn't be using the grill too much longer as the weather got colder, so she liked the idea of using it for Declan and his family.

She didn't know what time they would break for lunch, so she went outside to ask. As she walked out the back door, she couldn't believe what she found. The three men were raising a structure and attaching it to another. If Declan hadn't told her what they were building, she might've been confused, but she could envision what he planned. The monkey bars were up and they were attaching the section where he would hang swings.

It was a pretty massive project, but she had to admit it was going to be amazing. She took a deep breath and waited for what she thought would be a good time to interrupt.

"Hey, I got some food to grill for lunch. When do you guys think you'll take a break?"

"Food?" Declan asked. "We'll stop whenever it's ready."

She checked the time. "About a half hour?"

"Sounds good. Thanks."

She started the grill and went back inside to check her cookies. She pulled them out of the oven and set them to cool. Then she stood by the window and watched the guys work. It was a thing of beauty to watch men build something from nothing. A few minutes later, Declan jogged toward the house.

"Hey," he called from the door.

"Problem?"

"I don't think so. Ronan's girlfriend Chloe is coming over. You got enough food for her to eat too?"

"Of course."

"That's what I figured, but Ronan was ready to have her bring food for both of them. He doesn't want to impose."

"Impose? The man is like eight feet up in the air bolting things together for my daughter, who he doesn't even know. I think I can spare some chicken and steak."

"Steak? Going all out to impress my family?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

"To thank your family? Yes."

He came closer, snatched a cookie from the rack, and jumped back before she could swat at him. He scooted around her, leaving a wide berth as he went to the fridge. "And you got more beer? It's like heaven."

"The bar is pretty low there."

"Whatever." He loaded three bottles in his arms and reached for another cookie.

This time, she did smack his hand.

He just laughed and said, "Yell when lunch is ready."

Once he cleared the door, she heard him yell, "We got steak, chicken, and beer."

She shook her head and went back to preparing the meal.