Chapter Forty-two

T here was no time frame for healing.

Liana didn't wake up one day and miraculously feel better; her grief and guilt wiped away in the light of a new day or with a few words of affirmation from Damien.

She wished it were that easy.

Weeks after the battle, Liana still had to force herself out of bed in the morning. Phillipa was a huge reason she was capable of doing so. The woman loved her so unconditionally that it took a little sting of her grief away, enough to get her day started.

Liana spent most of her days in the city helping to rebuild. When she didn't actively use magic to rebuild, she visited each and every family that had lost a soldier in the war. She offered them baskets of potions and spells she concocted herself and made sure they were going to be secure without that person. There was a fund available to those families that lost a family member while in the line of duty, but she still wanted to check on them. Perhaps give them some peace of mind that their sacrifice wasn't in vain, that the kingdom valued them.

She visited infirmaries in the early days and offered to heal more of the severe injuries. Sought out businesses that had been affected during the battle to help repair any damage. The city was back to rights by the end of two weeks.

Each night, Damien would join her in bed, hold her while she cried, and soothed her into sleep. She stopped crying after the first week, but he still held her, whispered how much he loved her until she slept. He was always busy during the days as well, dealing with more political rebuilding than physical. He appointed a new mage to the King's Council after thorough vetting and helped orchestrate a vote to find a new mage to fill the open position on the city's Council left by Ranville. Wesley took their father's place. He also helped fill in the gap that her uncle left in Sapphire Cove.

Two male mage were assigned to the title despite how much Liana pushed for a female to take at least one of the positions. There was apparently only so much change people could handle at once. For now, they'd get the kingdom settled, let them accept the new decrees and laws against crimes of discrimination toward mixed breed couples. The female mage would have their time. Soon.

It was the first day Liana didn't go into the city and found herself sitting in the Queen's garden with her mother and sisters. She was pleased to see Sasha, Eva and Ophelia joined them.

Her mother looked far better than she'd last seen her but still had dark circles beneath dimmed eyes. Ophelia also seemed in better spirits today, and the way she held Sasha's hand made Liana think she told the soon-to-be grandmother the good news.

"I have such pleasant news for you all," Ophelia stated, patting Sasha's hand who looked resigned to her fate. "Owen and Sasha are expecting."

Charlotte and Hannah gasped, bright smiles filling their faces. "Congratulations," they said in unison.

Liana smiled. "I'm thrilled for you two."

"How sweet," her mother mustered, her eyes still a bit vacant.

Sasha nodded. "Thank you, I am very excited."

Liana wanted to ask about how Owen took the news but could guess by Sasha's statement that it didn't go over well. This wasn't something she could mettle in though. She would if Sasha asked her to, but the vampire had her own family to support her in this.

"I've already convinced Mateo to move to the castle indefinitely so we can be nearby. I told him I am not missing out on our grandchild's life. He agreed wholeheartedly." Ophelia beamed a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Sincerely, wonderful news," Charlotte said. "You will have to send us an invite for the birth ceremony when the baby arrives. I will be taking Mother to Sapphire Cove with Wesley to help settle my uncle's affairs. The King has asked Wesley to oversee things since our cousin was also involved in the rebel cause but claimed he only did so because of his father and wanted nothing to do with it." She brushed a wisp of hair off her face as a breeze rustled it.

Liana hadn't heard any of this but wasn't surprised everyone else had it all in hand. She was used to being left out, likely because she was never around. Guilt tried to consume her again. She wasn't around though because she decided to put her efforts into tasks she knew she was capable of, like rebuilding. The political stuff just made her head hurt. Still, she should have been there for her family more, for her mother.

"Lord Dietrich has offered to look after Hannah and the boys while we are gone," Charlotte added.

"They could have stayed with us," Liana interjected.

"It's okay, Liana," Hannah replied. "We all just want to get home and get back to our lives."

Liana frowned but nodded. Back to their lives. The lives that would now be absent of their father. It was bound to happen one day, but a day far in the future when they were all grown and married off with families of their own. Carlisle and William were still young boys. They'd have to continue growing up without their father. It was a small measure of comfort that they would have Wesley to guide them into being men. A wave of grief had tears pooling in her eyes. She wished things were different but was also incredibly grateful that she still lived.

"Yes, life must go on," Ophelia said, her own tears appearing.

Liana stood suddenly, the grief and guilt too much. Walking into the garden, she admired the beauty of the vibrant peach and yellow dahlias to distract herself from the crushing feelings. She'd been using the rebuilding as a way to avoid feeling, and Damien's arms would protect her from most of it at night. Sitting idle now though, in the face of the people most affected by the losses she was responsible for was too much.

Liana sank to her knees on the pebbled path. That's where her mother found her staring at nothing. Kneeling opposite her, Molly cupped her daughter's tear-streaked face.

"I'm so proud of you, Liana," she said, and Liana couldn't hold it together anymore. She sobbed, throwing her arms around her mother. She smoothed her hand down Liana's back, cooing at her until she calmed down. "Your father and I love you so much. He would have given anything to protect you, to protect any of our children."

"He and Asher gave their lives for me."

Molly kept rubbing her back. "They did. But they also gave their lives to protect this kingdom, just as you were prepared to do, and all the other soldiers and civilians did. They all died because of that crazed male, not because of you. I can't sit by while you blame yourself anymore."

Liana pulled back, shaking her head. "But they would still be alive if I'd acted faster. If I'd killed him sooner and didn't fail."

"We cannot live in the what ifs. We can only live in the world we have right now. There is no changing the past, and most of the time, there is no understanding it either. You'll drive yourself mad thinking that way." She wiped her own tears away.

Damien had said much the same. Liana knew they were right, but she still couldn't help the feeling that she could have done something different. The prophecy was about her. She was supposed to be the savior.

"I'll miss your father every day for the rest of my life, but I will also love him just as much as I did while he was alive, even more so because he saved my little girl for me. He saved you Liana, and I thank the gods every second that he did because it hurts to lose him, but to lose one of my children…" she trailed off, more tears slipping out when she closed her eyes and shook her head. "Your father is my hero, and you are my baby. Please, don't carry the burden of his death or Asher's. Live for them. Live for yourself."

Liana could only nod while her throat was clogged with emotion. "I will, Mother. Thank you."

She would do her best. And she knew, in the recesses of her mind she knew, that everything her mother said, everything Damien told her, was true. This wasn't her fault alone despite the guilt that lingered. Perhaps she'd move past it some day. Until that time, she'd live and keep making this kingdom everything they fought to make it.

Gathering themselves, they took a moment to breathe before rejoining the group. They doted on Sasha, providing comfort and hopes for the future of her baby. Liana offered to plan the birth ceremony if Ophelia wanted any help, despite not knowing anything about the vampire's traditions. She accepted gratefully even though they had nine months to wait.

All this talk reminded her of Cassia and her family. She knew they were alright, had checked in on them and Felix a few days after waking, but knew she should be a better friend to her. She wanted to be a better friend to her, to Elias, Diego and Dahlia. Wanted to keep in touch more and mend things with Dahlia. She'd kept herself so locked away, so fearful of the world discovering her magic that she gave everyone the bare minimum of herself.

Like her mother said though, she had to live. There would be no more hiding. No more fear of herself. No more judgments or assumptions. She wanted to live her life to the fullest; to bring back the joyous, shining soul Charlotte saw her as when she was a child not yet broken by this world.

She wanted to live a full life with Damien and to accomplish all of her many dreams.

A small smile pulled at her lips when she thought this, then he strolled into the gardens. She summoned a seat for him which he sank languidly into, grabbing for her hand to place a kiss there.

"I apologize for intruding on your conversation, ladies, but I missed my wife terribly," he explained with a mischievous grin.

Her smile widened. Hope surged in her chest along with her magic. She would make it through this. They would all survive this grief. It would still hurt, but they'd survive, and they would live in the kingdom everyone fought so hard to create and defend. She may not have been the ultimate savior of Triaedian, but she could admit she played a role in its victory.

Liana stood, dragging him with her. "Please, excuse us," she said without explanation before pulling him away. Back inside, she pulled him into a fierce hug. "I love you."

He kissed the top of her head and squeezed back. "I love you. Is something wrong?" he wondered, her abrupt departure concerning him.

"No, nothing is wrong." She looked up to him, smiling. "I think I finally understand."

His brows furrowed even as he smiled at her joy. "Understand what?"

"That life was never meant to be easy. That I can't hide myself away from the world to make it seem easier. I only hurt myself and others by doing that." His smile faded, but she kept going. "I may not be the best or most qualified for certain things, but I am good enough and excel at other things."

He cupped her cheeks. "Am I allowed to say, I told you so? Because I have been telling you this since I met you." That cocky brow rose, and she could only laugh.

"You can, this once, because I know you have been telling me so repeatedly. I just wasn't ready to hear it yet."

Sighing, he pressed his forehead to hers and closed his eyes. "You have no idea how euphoric it is to hear you say I was right."

Laughing, she pulled him down for a kiss.

"In all seriousness, Liana, I am so proud of you. I love you with all my heart and soul."

"And I love you, Damien. They said I was the Savior, but you're my savior. You showed me the light again."

He swept her feet out from under her and ran up to their chambers where he threw her on the bed. "No, Liana, you found your own light, I just helped you get there."

She sighed as his familiar weight pressed against her. "Yes, well, why don't you make me glow for the next few hours."

Chuckling, he seared her smirking lips with a kiss. "You know you never have to tell me twice, temptress."

Locked in his embrace, Liana felt that surge of hope once more. They would get to live the life she dreamed. They would create a new Triaedian, a better one where peace reigned. It wouldn't be easy, but it would be worth the life they'd get to live in doing so.

Liana hadn't been the Savior everyone envisioned, but that was fine with her. She would be exactly herself and that was far better than what anyone else wanted from her.