30.

Ryan

D rinking is the one way I can clear my head, and I'm three vodkas in when Damien calls. I answer on the first ring because that fucker owes me, and it's far too late for him to be calling me to apologize for his absence. Fuck PTO. Fuck his stupid family visit.

My words come out as a growl. I sound feral even to myself.

"Where the fuck are you?"

"I'm at Granny's," he says. His innocent tone does nothing but piss me off even more.

"Sipping tea and eating cookies?" I can't keep the bite out of my voice. "Where are you?" I don't say I need him even though I totally do. I adore Alex, but I'm falling madly in love with her. I can't seem to stop myself. This was never a problem with Damien. He kept me grounded firmly in reality. Falling for him was never something I had to worry about. With Alex, it's all I worry about.

"Something like that," Damien says. He breathes heavily, like he wants to say something more, but he doesn't spit it out. I'm going to have to just ask him.

"What do you want, Damien?" It's not anything good. If there was good news, he would have texted me. Damien is old-school, though. He's polite. Despite being slightly younger than me, he's got the heart of a retired butler. He's all about efficiency coupled with politeness and good manners.

Then he finally spits it out.

"I'm going to be a little longer than I said."

No.

I need him.

I'm falling apart and falling in love. I need Damien here so he can help me. I need him here so he can help me stay straight. He can keep me from drowning in work. He can sotp me from making a terrible decision with Alex.

I want to tell her I love her.

I can't.

I want to tell her I need her, but I'm too broken.

I'm too damaged for a girl like her, and I know that I'm only going to destroy her. If I allow myself to fall for her instead of pretending like this is just a game, I'm going to break us both, and I can't do that. Alex is too damn perfect. She's too wonderful.

"How much longer?" I say. I don't freak out. I don't panic. I can get through a few more days without Damien, I bet. It'll be hard, yes, but many things are hard.

"Are you okay? What's wrong? Is the new girl not working out?" Damien suddenly sounds nervous. Did he think I would just let him go?

"She's working out." I'm barely being honest. She's doing so much more than "working out." She's making me come. She's making me feel things. For the first time in years, she's offered me something to care about that isn't revenge or anger.

For years, I thrived on the idea of sticking it to my dad. I didn't care who I hurt as long as he got his just reward. Now I'm dealing with feelings I didn't know I could feel. I'm facing these incredible emotions that I didn't know existed within me, and I'm...

I'm cracking under the pressure.

"Then what's the trouble?" Damien asks. "If she's doing just fine, me being gone a little longer won't matter."

He's right. I want to lie about this. Damien will think I'm weak if I tell him I've fallen for my new assistant. He'll think I'm a complete idiot who is incapable of running the business I'm trying to manage, but even though I'm trying to tell him, I can't quite get the words out.

"She's just...really good."

He laughs. "Is she now?"

"Something like that."

"You're speaking in riddles, boss. You in love?"

And there it is.

Damien is proving that he knows me better than I give him credit for.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm in love.

I didn't mean for it to happen, but it happened. I didn't want to adore her, but I do. Somehow, between planning for meetings and making out with Alex in my office, I happened to fall for her in ways I didn't expect.

"She drives me crazy."

"In a good way?"

"In the best way."

"Yeah, you're in love." Damien laughs a little. The two of us don't really talk about our personal lives. I know he's had boyfriends since he's worked for me. Girlfriends, too. Damien isn't picky. Still, he keeps his personal life very separated from his work, and I tend to do the same thing.

"It's not like that," I say again.

"It sounds like it is. Let me guess: you want me to come back to keep you grounded. You're worried you're falling too hard, so you want me to come back and act as a mediary."

"She won't work here when you come back."

"Does she know that?"

"Yes." Only maybe she doesn't. Maybe I've been too busy sleeping with her to explain that sooner or later, she needs to move on. This was supposed to be a temporary thing, yet she's permanently impacted my ability to see straight.

"Make sure she does. I don't want to ruin any lives when I come back."

We talk for a few more minutes. Mostly, Damien tells me about his journey. He's been having a lovely time, but I can't bring myself to feel happy for him. I'm too annoyed with the fact that I'm hurting. I'm in love. I'm going totally crazy.

When the call ends, I pour myself another drink.

"Drinking alone?"

I don't know how long Oscar has been here. He's got a key, as does Phoenix, and they both know all of my security codes needed to access the house. It's not like they can't get in. I just don't normally have them showing up unexpectedly.

"What do you want, asshole?"

"Oh, somebody's got their panties in a twist." My brother reaches for the bottle of vodka and grabs a glass. He pours himself a drink and sits down next to me at my kitchen counter. We sit silently, drinking. "You couldn't have known."

"We should have known our dad was doing something like this. He was never a nice man."

"How could we have known he was stealing kids, Ry?"

It's a name he hasn't called me since we were little. I don't have the heart to tell him not to.

"There were clues."

"There are always clues when you look at the past," he says.

"I know. I just didn't know the clues were going to hurt so bad."

"Our heroes are never really heroes, are they?" Oscar says. He stares at me for a long time. Memories flash in my head. There really was a time when I thought our dad was the greatest guy alive. It was a long time ago, sure, but some memories never truly vanish.

"I remember when he left Mom." Oscar and I never talk about this. We don't talk about the past. Honestly, we never really talk about anything personal. For the two of us, we just talk business. Always. Not today, apparently.

Something has broken inside of me since I've discovered my father's secret, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it.

"Me too."

"You were little."

"We both were."

"I was so angry with him," I say. "And she's so damn happy now."

"Yeah, and she deserves to be happy. You do, too."

"Now I don't think you're talking about Project Sunshine."

"I haven't seen you in love before," he says.

"I've been in love."

"Not like this."

Because Alex makes me want to be a better person. She makes me want to find answers. She makes me want to seek justice and find the truth. Alex is the type of person who never stops fighting. She's brave, and she makes me want to be brave.

"You have to make a choice," he says.

"What choice is that?" I feel myself start to slur, but I pour another drink. I'm going to pass out soon, and I'm sure I'll wake up with the hangover from hell.

"You can choose her."

"There doesn't seem to be another option in your scenario."

"You can choose her, or you can be miserable."

"That isn't going to work," I say.

"Why not?"

"Because she deserves better."

Oof.

I did not mean to say that. I don't like appearing weak. As the face of the company, I'm always making public statements. I always have to sound strong and put-together. My director of marketing does most of the heavy lifting on that. She prepares my talking points, and I stick to what she says. I don't deviate. Not ever. I do exactly what she wants and nothing more.

I don't try to get fancy, and I certainly don't try to go rogue.

Real life isn't like giving a speech, though.

"Look," Oscar says, "I know things have been hard."

That's putting it lightly.

"But I also know that life can be depressingly wonderful."

"She makes me feel like I'm not alone in the world," I say. This is far too personal for me to share with anyone, let alone my brother.

"Does she know that?"

"No."

"You should tell her."

"I don't think this needs to be said."

"You'd be an idiot not to tell her."

"You think she's going to leave," I say.

Oscar stands up and places a hand on my shoulder.

"I think all good things come to an end," he says.

"Then why even bother?"

"Because some things are worth fighting for."

Oscar leaves, undoubtedly walking to some random part of the house to set up fort for the night, and I'm left alone with my thoughts. I don't really want to lose her. No, I definitely don't want to lose her.

It's just that there's a lot about Alex that I don't know. There's so much she doesn't know about me. Most recently, we've got the entire issue with my dad, and...

I don't know how this is going to change our relationship.

And I don't know what I'm supposed to do next.