Chapter 9

Siona

I paced nervously, fear, impatience, and growing panic twisting my insides. Nearly three hours had gone by since Drade told me Zerien would call me back. As paranoia settled in, a billion different scenarios kept popping inside my head. Had Drade lied and never passed on my message to Zerien? He clearly didn't approve of me. If he intercepted our communications, it would help keep me away. But I doubted he would be that bold. And what if it was Zerien who had changed his mind? What if he had rekindled a romance with an old flame? Worse still, what if he had gone ahead and impregnated another female and become infatuated with her. What if—?

A startled yelp escaped me when the beep of an incoming com request went off. With one palm pressed to my chest to keep my heart from beating its way out, I gaped at the vidscreen, shock and disbelief keeping me rooted in place upon seeing Zerien's name.

The beep going off a second time when I failed to respond quickly enough snapped me out of my panicked daze. I ran a hand over my hair, flattened the non-existent creases on my skin-tight dress, and cast a nervous glance at my reflection in the mirror before rushing to the couch of my sitting area.

"Accept the incoming call on screen," I said, using the vocal command.

The wave of emotion that crashed into me when his beloved face filled the screen nearly choked me. The memory of our first two weeks together on Venus Hive flooded my mind. The hugs, the smiles, the sweetness of his words, the loving way he looked at me, the tenderness of his kisses, and his unbridled passion, all of them had my throat constricting.

In the five days of my journey here, and over the past few hours as I awaited his call, I had rehearsed the greeting I would give him, the words I would say, and tried to account for all the arguments he might throw my way. All of that flew out the window in a blink.

"You're so gorgeous," I blurted out.

I winced, and my cheeks felt on the verge of bursting into flames. The wary expression—my brain had barely registered he bore—turned into surprise followed by an almost timid happiness I couldn't recall ever seeing him display.

"Of course! I'm Sarenian after all," he replied teasingly.

I snorted then nodded in concession. As awkward as our situation was, his response to my clumsiness gave me hope he would be positively receptive about my arrival.

"You're breathtaking as well, my mate," he continued in a gentle tone. "You always are."

My mate!

My heart leapt upon hearing him use that word. If he still considered me as such, then we truly had a chance.

"The communication is solid. You are near," he said in a careful tone.

I swallowed hard and tucked a lock of hair behind my pointy ear. "I'm twenty-six hours away from reaching Sarenia. I hope it's okay?"

My heart melted when a powerful emotion filled with undeniable happiness settled on his face.

"Yes, it is! It's more than okay! I want you with me. I miss you, Siona. You are the love of my life," Zerien said.

Blinking rapidly, I tried to stem the tears pricking my eyes. "I love you, too, Zerien. I couldn't stand being away from you anymore."

To my shock, an air of guilt descended over his beautiful features.

"I'm sorry I left," Zerien said, his eyes lowered in shame.

"What?" I whispered, stunned.

I had expected to be the one pleading for his forgiveness and hoping he would take me back, not for him to be the one apologizing.

"I was hurt and allowed my pain and anger to get the better of me. I should have stayed so that we could have tried to work things out. In fact, I was going to return to you on Friday, after we had completed the imperial tour Father and I were on. You simply beat me to it."

I gaped at him, my mind reeling. It struck me then just how badly he, too, had been beating himself up over how things had turned sour between us.

"It wasn't your fault," I said vehemently. "You had very good reasons to leave the way you did. I betrayed your trust and deliberately misled you. As a Braxian, I knew what my duties were, and yet I ran from them like a coward."

"You are not a coward!" Zerien countered with a frown. "You are young. And unlike me, you haven't been raised your entire life specifically to fulfill this role. It took me too long to realize that I was demanding way too much from you and far too quickly. For this, I am truly sorry."

Tears welled up in my eyes as a mix of guilt and love for my man filled my heart to bursting.

"You didn't make any demands, Zerien. You were always honest and upfront with me about the future that awaited us and the role I would play in it. I accepted it. And I genuinely did until the reality of it overwhelmed me. I got so terrified of it all that I latched on to a lie."

He blinked, a frown creasing his forehead as he looked at me with an air of confusion.

I sighed, my shoulders slouching as I gave him an apologetic look. "Regarding the baby, I lied about not wanting to have one right away."

He stiffened, confusion giving way to wariness. "Are you unable to—?"

"No! Not at all. I can have children. Sure, I'm a little scared to be a mother while still being so young myself, but I'll have all the support any female could possibly wish for. Your society is wonderful on that front."

"So what was the issue?" he asked in a gentle voice laced with deep curiosity.

"I'm just scared that I'm not good enough for you," I said in a small voice.

"WHAT?! Why in the world would you think such a thing?!" he exclaimed.

For some silly reason, the depth and sincerity of his shock and disbelief that I could entertain such a thought acted like the most potent balm on the deep wound of my insecurities.

"Over our short time on Venus Hive together, I've seen all the crazy stuff you handle around the clock. You have so many important decisions to make on things that will impact not only your entire species but also the other planets you're allied with," I said, feeling overwhelmed even just saying it. "I wouldn't even know where to begin with any of that. It's all the harder as I know that the Sarenians are disappointed that I'm a Guldan. For the first part, I could learn given enough time. But I can't change my ethnicity—not that I would want to.

"Nor should you," Zerien said forcefully. "It's normal for a people to want to be led by their own. Mercy also faced some resistance at first when she became the Braxian Queen. And yet, she won their hearts, and now they adore her. It will be the same for you. And those who have an issue with your origins can go fuck themselves. I am not marrying your race, but the person that you are. For the rest, as you said so well yourself, you will have time to learn how to help me rule."

I gave him a sad smile. "I tried to tell myself all that. But reality truly sank in once I started picturing our offspring. I have no powers. What if I give you lame babies?"

While each of my words had clearly stunned him, my last comment appeared to anger him.

"There is no such thing as a lame baby. With or without powers, our children will be perfect because they will be ours, the physical embodiment of our love. Whether they inherit my abilities will be up to Fate to decide. You are my soulmate. Fate paired us for a reason. If our children cannot hold the throne, then we'll address that issue in due time. And anyway…"

Tension immediately crept up my back when his voice trailed off, and he appeared to be looking for his words.

"What is it?" I asked, worry seeping into my voice.

He shifted with a sliver of unease that had my own skyrocketing.

"The pressure for us to have a child no longer exists. If you want us to wait a little while, we can," he said carefully.

I blinked. "Really?"

He nodded. "It turns out I have an heir after all."

My stomach dropped, and I felt my blood drain from my face as I stared at him in shock while a sense of betrayal crushed my heart.

"Already?" I whispered, hurt audible in my voice.

"It's not what you think," he said quickly, lifting his palms in an appeasing gesture. "My father and I toured the adoption centers in case I had one. We found him today. He is seven and a half years old. I made him nearly two years before I met you."

Although still reeling by that news, an enormous weight lifted from my chest, allowing me to breathe easy again.

"I see," I said, as I digested the news.

"Just so you know, Siona, I would not have cheated on you. Had I not found him, the plan would have been for me to use artificial insemination. A handful of trusted females would have served as surrogates."

Another wave of relief washed over me. I still hated the thought that he even entertained having a child with another female, but I had given him no other choice.

"You thought of everything," I said with a shaky smile.

"I'm yours, Siona," Zerien said firmly while holding my gaze unwaveringly. "No other female has touched me since the first day we met, and none ever will until the day I die. Everything that I am belongs to you."

My lips quivered, and another wave of tears threatened to start gushing out.

"I'm an idiot, aren't I?" I said sheepishly.

"We both are," he said with a hint of self-derision. "We just need to communicate better. You must always be honest with me, especially when you feel insecure about anything. It is my duty to reassure you. But I also need to be more aware and empathetic of your challenges and needs. Do not fear the role that awaits you. It's not easy, but you won't be alone. You will be guided every step of the way."

"The war will soon be upon us though," I argued.

"It will be, but it isn't yet," Zerien said calmly. "Let's just take things in stride. Go at your own pace. I've had over a decade of being prepared for all of this, and yet I'm still learning. For what it's worth, I get scared, too. My decisions impact my entire species. What if I'm wrong? What if I turned out not to be good enough?"

I waved a dismissive hand. "You don't realize just how your allies respect and admire you. And you know I have close ties to the Braxians, Veredians, and Korletheans. They're as much in awe of you as they are with the young General, Vahl Praghan. Fate chose you for a reason."

"As Fate chose you, my love," he deadpanned.

I scrunched my face at him, annoyed to have my own words thrown back at me in a way I couldn't argue. He chuckled, and my heart melted some more.

"You have no idea how much I wish I could hug you right now," I said, aching to be in his presence.

The tenderness in his eyes turned me upside down.

"Soon, my Siona. I cannot wait to—"

The sound of the alarm going off interrupted him. His face reflected the shock I felt. Seconds later, Captain Baldur's voice resonated through the com system.

"All hands to battle stations. Two Guldan vessels have decloaked and are in pursuit."

"No!" Zerien shouted. "Where are you?!"

"Baldur will send you the coordinates!" I said while shooting to my feet. "I must go. I love you!"

"Siona!" Zerien shouted.

But I was already running out of my quarters.