Chapter 7

Siona

O ver the six days since Zerien stormed out of our room, I remained locked inside our suite, refusing to see or speak to anyone. Naax was the last person to have entered the room when he came to fetch Zerien's belongings.

Both my parents, Anton, Grace, and their children had attempted to contact me. After replying through text that I needed time alone, I simply stopped answering their calls or messages. They wanted to help and be there for me, but I needed to sort out my own feelings first without their influence.

No words could describe the depth of the devastation I felt. Obviously, shame and guilt ate away at me for lying and deceiving him for so long. He had every right to be angry and to feel betrayed for me dumping this on him like this at the last minute. However, I also shared the same sentiments towards his own reaction. He called me a child, and yet he just ran at the first conflict. The mature thing would have been for him to stay here and for us to try and work it out.

Was that the future that awaited us: me having to systematically bend to his will for fear he would call off the entire relationship?

More than once, I considered messaging him while he was still close enough for direct communication. We needed to talk. But what would I tell him? Each time I wanted to do it, I lost the courage and curled up on the couch instead to bawl my eyes out. I kept hoping that he would call me, or better yet that he would return. But minutes turned into hours, and hours into days without me ever hearing back from him.

How can he have so easily given up on us?

Had all this truly been a lie? Had he ever sincerely loved me, or did he simply go along with the fact that his psionic powers claimed we were meant to be together?

The door chime going off startled me. For half a beat, anger surged within me at the thought my family was once again refusing to respect my boundaries. Then, I remembered this was the time room service would bring me food. Technically, I could have gone down to one of the four restaurants of the hotel.

Zerien's compulsion forbidding me from leaving my room had lifted less than twenty minutes after his departure once William showed up with two guards. I had sent them away and locked myself in my room. And now, as I didn't want to risk getting ambushed by anyone if I went out to eat, I had my meals brought to my room at specific hours. I barely picked at it, but I wouldn't be one of those females who allowed themselves to wither away over a broken heart.

And my heart was undoubtedly broken.

Dragging my feet to the entrance, I unlocked the door and opened it to allow the hover tray to glide in. Normally, I barely spared a glance to the employee, merely giving them a polite smile as a thank you. But this time, the imposing silhouette standing behind the tray startled me. As I attempted to slam the door shut, I berated myself for not checking through the peephole first.

Before I could even start pushing on it, with his usual lightning speed reflexes, Gavin slapped his palm on the door, effortlessly keeping it open as he barged into the room.

"Gavin, get out right now!" I exclaimed. "I asked all of you to leave me the fuck alone!"

"You have," he conceded in a calm voice while casually closing the door behind him. "And we've given you plenty of time. But now you're just hiding, getting all locked up in your head, and suffering on your own. I cannot allow this any longer. Whatever happened, you and Zerien belong together. You've both waited for far too long to allow some nonsense to keep you apart like this."

I opened and closed my mouth multiple times, wanting to yell at him and cuss him out. But instead of angry words, it was a flood of tears that poured out of me. I didn't think I had any of them left to shed, and yet I completely fell apart.

Gavin scooped me up in his massive arms and carried me to the couch. He sat down and settled me in his lap. I bawled on his chest with loud, ugly sobs. He caressed my hair, gently rocking me as he spoke soothing words.

It went on for an eternity. By the time it dwindled into sniffles, my entire body ached. You'd think I'd been steamrolled. Pulling out a handkerchief from his pocket, Gavin gently wiped my face. Maker, I had to look like a total and utter mess. I hadn't exactly been taking particular care of my appearance over the past few days. I could only imagine how puffy and red my face had to be, not to mention my disheveled hair.

As was his wont, Gavin didn't pressure me. He just sat there, caressing my back in a soothing fashion as he waited for me to open up.

"He left me," I finally said in a shaky voice. "We had an argument, and he just left me."

"From what I understand, it was a very serious argument," Gavin replied in a soft voice devoid of any accusation.

Another wave of guilt surged through me. My throat too constricted to speak, I nodded, my cheek rubbing against the soft fabric of his black shirt.

"According to Grappa," Gavin continued carefully, "Zerien left because you apparently refused to give him an heir. But that can't be accurate, right?"

I stiffened and lifted my head to peer at him with an air of betrayal. His genuine surprise and confusion upon seeing my expression—which undoubtedly confirmed my father's statement—hurt deeply. Even he thought I was wrong.

"I don't understand," he asked once again in a gentle voice. "You're Braxian. His culture on that front is the same as ours. And you love children. Why are you reluctant now?"

"Because I'm just eighteen, Gavin! I know you're going to throw at me that the firstborn of any Braxian clan leader must secure the bloodline by getting heirs right away. You're going to talk about Keran and Dheran. But they were all allowed to proceed in their own time. Is it a sin for me to want to grow normally?"

"No, it's not a sin. But your circumstances are different. There is a terrible war impending," Gavin said, seeming confused that he even needed to explain that to me. "You know that this is Zerien's main priority and his duty. By his people's custom, he should have multiple heirs already. He waited out of respect and love for you."

"Then maybe he shouldn't have," I retorted bitterly.

Gavin stiffened, shock and disbelief settling over his features.

"I love him , not his crown, and especially not all the duties that come with it," I said, instantly feeling ashamed by this childish outburst.

"One comes with the other," Gavin replied unimpressed. "Do you expect him to abdicate?"

"Of course not but… What about you? You will get together with Zhara barely a year before the start of the Great War. Are you going to force her to give birth to your child before the fighting begins to make sure your bloodline continues?"

He frowned at me. "Our situations are completely different. Zhara is not a Queen, and I am not a Clan Leader. Neither of us have a duty to have children within a specific timeline. She and I will make the decision together. But I suspect we'll choose to wait."

"Why? Because like me you would want to have a little bit of time with her first?" I challenged.

He shook his head. "That would not be the deterrent. We would have a great support system, so having offspring right away wouldn't be a problem. The reason I would prefer we wait is because it's too risky for us. Unlike with Sarenians, a Veredian's pregnancy takes many months. On top of taking a toll on her body right around the time things will start getting heated with the war, I will also need to be by her side every step of the way. Remember that she's half Xelixian. Their babies need the physical presence of their sire to develop properly, or they risk being deformed and even dying. With a Sarenian child, you'd be pregnant for barely three months."

I pinched my lips, feeling stupid and frustrated. He tilted his head to the side and narrowed his eyes at me.

"That's not really the problem, is it? What aren't you telling me? What did he do to you?"

"He didn't do anything to me," I replied defensively.

"But?" Gavin insisted.

"He got mad and just left!" I exclaimed, outrage filling my voice. "He didn't even try to work it out!"

"To work out what, though?" he asked, a hint of challenge seeping into his voice. "He has no choice but to uphold his duty to provide an heir to the throne. Therefore, the only solution to this conflict is for you to give in. Clearly, you don't want to. Or did you want to be coerced?"

"Of course, not!" I said, bristling.

"Then what is it, Siona? What could Zerien have done or said to make you want to be the dutiful Queen he needs?" Gavin retorted.

The soft way in which he asked the question, encouraging instead of judging, broke the dam again. I shrugged before starting to weep.

I was tired of crying, of feeling inadequate, and as if I was drowning in an endless pit of despair. Like with the previous round, Gavin patiently consoled me until I regained my composure.

To my shock, instead of waiting for me to start speaking again as he had done previously, Gavin lifted my chin to make me look at him, his stare intense as his golden eyes bored into mine.

"This has nothing to do with you not being ready to be a mother, is it? You don't want to be convinced to give him an heir. You want to be reassured," he said softly.

His words struck me like a boulder to the chest. It was like a thick curtain had been ripped away, allowing light to come flooding in. My chest constricted, and my throat tightened as the lies I had been telling myself fell apart, and the truth I had been denying slapped me in the face.

"I don't belong there, Gavin," I said with a shaky voice as words suddenly tumbled out of me in an endless flow. "Everything I do or say, I see judgment in his guards' eyes. They think I'm not good enough for him. Zerien is working all the time. And when he describes the duties that await me, I just feel completely overwhelmed. His people don't like me. And what kind of babies can I even give him? I'm a pureblood Guldan. We have no powers! Sarenians are like Braxians. Your people are ruled by the strongest. But Guldans are the easiest species to mind control. So what kind of heir will I pop out?"

A shudder coursed through my body as I fought back yet another wave of tears threatening to crash over me.

"I have nothing to offer him. Look at Mercy. She's a powerful psionic. She's filthy rich, incredibly smart, an insanely talented warrior, and owns the greatest weapons and science labs in the galaxy. I'm just a pretty girl who can fight," I continued dejectedly.

"Dawn had even less to offer Keran than you do, and yet she still makes a wonderful Queen for him," Gavin countered.

I shrugged dismissively before wiping some of the wetness off my cheeks with the back of my hand.

"It's not the same. At least, she's half-Braxian. She's the daughter of a Councilor, the hybrids adore her, and Keran has pureblood heirs," I argued. "The children Mercy gave Ravik, and the ones Dawn will give Keran could never rule Braxia. It will be the same with any child I could give Zerien."

"You don't know that it's true," Gavin challenged. "I'm also a hybrid. I'm not even half blood, I'm quarter blood. And yet, I'm a Berserker and one of the most powerful males on Braxia. Fate had her reasons to choose you for him. There can be no greater Queen for him than you. Have faith in yourself and in the two of you."

I swallowed hard, and studied his features, wanting to hope but fearing to.

"Your insecurities are totally valid, though I believe them unfounded," Gavin continued in a soothing voice. "But did you tell him any of this?"

I gave him a sheepish expression as I shook my head. He rolled his eyes and glared at me as if I was a hopeless case.

"You didn't tell him, and yet you're mad that he left?" he asked disbelievingly. "You are such a woman! You say one thing, mean something completely different, and then get mad that we didn't figure out what you actually wanted. Men are simple creatures. We're not mind readers. You need to speak plainly to us because we'll otherwise never guess what you really meant. You have to be honest with him. Secrets, white lies, and vague insinuations will solve nothing, and likely create even more unnecessary complications. Communication is key."

I scrunched my face, embarrassed to be so brutally called out.

"I didn't mean to mislead him or to be mysterious," I said in a small voice. "It's just that Zerien is so accomplished and so perfect, how can I ever live up to him? I always find myself lacking, even though he does nothing to warrant me feeling that way."

"Because you're not lacking," Gavin said forcefully. "Zerien is crazy about you. Right now, he's in a world of pain because he thinks you don't really love him."

"I do! I really do!" I exclaimed.

"Then be with him. Dawn was also scared to become Keran's wife. She had no one but her estranged father. You will have the Korletheans who joined Zerien's court," Gavin explained. "And if you ask him, I'm sure he will allow you to bring some of the Guldan females you trained. Talk to him honestly. He wants nothing more than for you to be happy and to succeed. But he needs a Queen. He needs you."

"I'm an idiot, aren't I?" I asked dejectedly.

Gavin smiled, caressed my left horn, and gently kissed my forehead. "What you are is young and overwhelmed."

I glared at him. "In case you forgot, we're the same age."

He scoffed. "I'm seven months older, which makes me wiser."

I snorted while he chuckled.

"Come on, silly girl. Let's get you on a ship to Sarenia. There's still plenty of time before Zerien's crowning," he said while gently pushing me off his lap.

"You know, Zhara is a lucky girl," I said as I got back on my feet.

"Of course, she is!" Gavin said smugly. "Now go fix yourself up. I'll pack your bags."

Lifting myself onto my tippy toes, I kissed the corner of his jaw, gave him a big hug, and hurried into the hygiene room.

To my dismay, it took two entire extra days to prepare the ship and crew that would escort me to Sarenia. Obviously, my father went into overkill mode. If not for me putting my foot down, he would have traveled with me and a small armada. That said, I almost took Gavin up on his offer to tag along. But I needed to start making smarter decisions for myself and stop relying on crutches.

I was strong enough to do this and wanted to give it a fair try. Worst case scenario, if things really got too hard, I could always ask for members of my family or of our clan to come support me until I fully adjusted.

As we entered the bridge of the Valiant—a top-of-the-line, fully decked out frigate—I bit the inside of my cheeks to repress a smile. If he had his way, Father would force me to travel in a destroyer or even a battlecruiser. I didn't need an even bigger warship for this journey.

Grumpy as always, my dad was glaring at his men in a menacing fashion. He didn't need words to convey that they would experience the most excruciating death should they allow anything to happen to his baby girl.

By the look he gave me, he was still tempted to ignore my wishes and tag along. It was just his overprotectiveness going into overdrive. He also understood that dismissing my request would further undermine my already greatly frayed confidence.

He drew me into his embrace, his massive arms swallowing me whole. Where he terrified pretty much anyone else, my father had a way of always making me feel safe and sheltered. He could crush me with a simple squeeze. But to me, his hugs felt like being wrapped in a warm blanket of infinite love. My biological father never gave a shit about my mother or me. Krygor taught me what a true father was. He wholeheartedly accepted me as his and spent every day of our lives since then making sure I never experienced fear, hunger, or despair.

No words could ever describe the depth of the love I felt for him, and the gratitude that filled my heart to bursting for the happiness he brought to both my mother and me.

With much reluctance, he pulled away and cupped my face in his massive hands.

"I am sorry I failed you, Daughter," he said in a serious tone.

I instantly frowned. "You did not fail me, Father. I failed myself by allowing my fears to overwhelm me," I countered forcefully. "You prepared me the best way that you could and even went above and beyond. I just allowed myself to forget one of your very first lessons which was to never let myself be controlled by fear. It is good that I should have had that reminder under these circumstances rather than later where there may not be time to reassess the situation."

My chest warmed at the glimmer of pride and love in his obsidian eyes.

"As much as I hate to let you go, my heart rejoices for you. Zerien loves you. You're exactly what he wants and needs. I love you, Daughter, and I'm extremely proud of you."

"I love you, too, Father," I said, my throat constricting.

He gave me another hug, kissed my forehead, and then stepped aside so that my mother could also hug me.

"From the day you were born, you gave me a reason to live, to fight, and to hope," mother said in a voice filled with emotion. "So many times through the tough years, I would have given up if not for you. And look at you today. You have exceeded anything I ever dreamt of. It is odd to part from you. As much as it pains me, and whatever challenges you will meet at first, do not doubt that you will know the same type of true happiness with your Zerien as I do with my Krygor."

"I will miss you, Mom. Promise to come visit," I said in a shaky voice.

"Try to stop us," my father growled.

Mother and I snorted before hugging each other. After a few more words of affection, my parents took their leave—but obviously not before Dad glared one last time at Captain Baldur. Although somewhat intimidated, he was also amused. He had served my father for as long as I could remember. As much as I didn't want my father to coddle me, it still touched me deeply that he would send me with his personal crew and Captain.

We set off on the seven-day journey to Sarenia. The trip dragged on endlessly. Every minute of every waking hour had me going through a roller coaster of hope and insecurity.

What if he wasn't thrilled to see me after all?

Zerien still didn't know that I was on my way. I made my father promise not to inform him before I did. But this wasn't a conversation I wanted us to have through text, but directly through a vidcom. As advanced as this vessel was, it wouldn't allow for real time conversation without major delay until we were closer to our destination.

Finally, on the fifth day, I sent him a message requesting a direct call. Heart pounding, I waited with bated breath for his response. To my dismay, it wasn't Zerien who responded, but his bodyguard Drade. My initial shock at him saying that Zerien wasn't available felt like a dagger in the heart. Was it his way of saying he no longer had time for me? However, he continued by saying Zerien would call me back as soon as he was done with his current imperial function, and that it might take a little over two hours.

I thanked him and ended the communication. In the back of my mind, the foul voice of doubt and insecurity came back with a vengeance. Had I made a mistake coming to Sarenia without warning him? Was he still angry?

He told me to come whenever I was ready to be his Queen.

I doubted anyone could ever be fully ready for what awaited me. But I was willing to put in the work. We were soulmates. And as proven during his stay on Venus Hive, Zerien worked all the time. It had been silly of me to expect him to just be available the minute I was.

Kicking the voice of doubt to the curb, I patiently settled into the longest wait of my life.