Chapter 20

twenty

Savannah jumped at the sound of the front door slamming. She hated that she still reacted that way sometimes. She’d gotten beyond defensive when Fallon had, and she hadn’t been able to control herself enough to calm the conversation down.

And she’d been scared.

What if Fallon was no different than Forrest?

What if Savannah just continued to date the same person over and over in a new form?

She’d known people like that. She’d witnessed the disaster that it would be year after year. Savannah couldn’t put Brinley through that. She couldn’t damage her daughter for the sake of love. Savannah pushed the blankets off, ready to grab her clothes, take a hot shower, and put this entire disaster out of her mind.

“I’m not perfect.” Fallon’s voice was quiet, but it was clear as day.

Savannah jerked her head up, fear coursing through her before it settled into something else. Something she couldn’t quite name yet. She wanted to reach for the blanket to cover herself up again, but Fallon’s gaze wasn’t locked on her body. It was locked on her eyes.

“I’m not perfect either,” Savannah whispered in an answer.

The tension between them tripled. Neither one of them said anything, playing chicken about who was going to admit they were wrong first. But hadn’t they already done that to an extent? Still, Savannah wasn’t sure where to go from here. She’d thought Fallon had left. She’d thought Fallon had given up.

“Why are you here?” Savannah finally asked, pulling the blanket to cover her nakedness. She wasn’t brave enough to get dressed, but she wanted to have the conversation, and since Fallon hadn’t actually left, they might as well do that now.

Fallon pressed her lips together hard, the defensiveness Savannah had seen earlier falling away almost instantly. “There’s more between us than just sex.”

The air was sucked right out of Savannah’s chest. Had Fallon actually just admitted that? She’d been so adamant for so long that they weren’t going to have a relationship that Savannah was pretty sure Fallon would never admit to there being more. Then again, Savannah had been adamant that she didn’t want a relationship either.

Case in point, the slamming door brought back the haunted memories of the last relationship she’d completely failed and didn’t want a repeat of. Savannah clenched her jaw hard, her molars grinding as she stared at Fallon, trying to figure out exactly what to do and what to say. Or perhaps more importantly, just exactly what she felt about the entire situation.

“I don’t like it when you say things like you did.”

“Say things like what?” Now Savannah was confused. She squinted in Fallon’s direction, trying to pick up on any hint as to what the hell Fallon was even talking about.

“It’s not my responsibility to break your bad self-esteem.”

“I never asked you to,” Savannah quipped back.

“You didn’t.” Fallon nodded, then closed her eyes and shook her head. “You didn’t, but I can’t ignore the way you think about yourself sometimes. It’s degrading, humiliating, the flat out lies you tell yourself.”

A warmth bloomed in Savannah’s chest before it stopped suddenly just at her shoulders. “Lies?”

“Yes. Lies,” Fallon agreed.

Savannah sat more confused now than ever. Fallon was adorable with her mismatched buttons, her disheveled appearance from what they’d started and didn’t finish. But that didn’t fully explain why Savannah was more attracted to her now than ever before.

“I don’t know if this is from Forrest or if it’s something you’ve believed about yourself before him or after him, but it’s not true. Bodies change as we get older, they change when we make babies, they change when we go through different life cycles. But your body is stunning.”

Fallon straightened her shoulders, raising her chin. She stared directly at Savannah, not giving an inch in her argument. She was going to war over this, and Savannah could either fight her or she could succumb to the fact that perhaps Fallon was right.

“Your body moves in the ways it's supposed to. It gives you—and me—pleasure in the beautiful moments that we have together. Your body is only one part of who you are. The rest is a woman who has a problem with caring too deeply and too hard for people. People that she should care for, like Brinley and Kyla, and people that she shouldn’t care for.”

“Like you?” Savannah interrupted, her ask small and meek, but she wanted to know if that’s who she was thinking of. If this was Fallon’s way of saying that she wasn’t good enough for whatever it was they were building together.

Shaking her head, Fallon stepped closer to the bed and took Savannah’s hand in her own. Fallon’s fingers were chilled, and Savannah squeezed them to warm them up, keeping them firmly locked in her hand.

“No, like an empty tombstone of a murderer because he never had any flowers.” Fallon raised Savannah’s hand up, kissing the backs of her knuckles. “Like the wife he murdered who you’ve never met.” Fallon bent down and pressed a kiss to Savannah’s cheek. “I’m sorry.”

Savannah breathed relief. It flooded into her body, wrapped up her soul, and held her tenderly. Lifting her free hand, she cupped Fallon’s cheek and pulled her in for a long embrace. She held on, keeping them connected for as long as she could.

Moving back slightly, Fallon whispered, “I’m not perfect.”

“I’m not either,” Savannah answered. “And I don’t want to be with someone who thinks they’re perfect.” She’d been there and done that with Forrest, and that had been one of the biggest mistakes of her life. “I don’t need you to be perfect.”

“Good.” Fallon moved in again, kissing her and then deepening that kiss. Fallon’s tongue traced the curve of Savannah’s lower lip before sliding into her mouth and tangling with Savannah’s.

Savannah moaned, threading her fingers into Fallon’s hair and pulling her down onto the bed. She opened herself to Fallon, letting Fallon’s compassion fill her. Fallon was soft in ways Savannah had never anticipated, especially when they’d first met, when she’d been cold and aloof. But that hadn’t been the true Fallon at all, had it?

“Fallon,” Savannah broke the kiss and put a hand on Fallon’s shoulder, pushing her back slightly. Fallon’s lips were swollen, slightly parted, and she stared at Savannah with curiosity, not fear. Reaching up, Savannah undoing the buttons on Fallon’s shirt. “You mismatched your buttons.”

“I was in an angry tizzy,” Fallon responded, her voice husky as she reached up to help Savannah.

Savannah pushed Fallon’s hands to the sides, indicating that she wanted to undress Fallon. Once the buttons were undone, Savannah pressed her hand flat to Fallon’s stomach before pushing upward and covering her right breast. Savannah massaged Fallon’s breast through her bra, smiling when her nipple hardened under the touch.

“Why were you so mad?”

Fallon hummed, which turned into a moan. Savannah dropped her free hand to Fallon’s waist and pulled the snaps and zippers on her slacks, easily pushing the fabric over Fallon’s hips and revealing the practical cotton thong she had on.

“Fallon?”

“Hmm?”

“Why were you so mad?” Savannah repeated.

“Because you keep telling yourself lies.” Fallon rocked her hips closer to Savannah, seeking more touch.

Savannah’s heart raced. She’d never been the initiator when it came to sex with Forrest, not like this. She’d never wanted to have that kind of control, not that he’d let her. And yet with Fallon, even after their intense argument, it felt natural. It felt perfect. Sliding Fallon’s shirt off her shoulders, Savannah reached behind Fallon’s back and flicked the clasp of her bra. Without hesitating, she moved in and covered that hardened nipple with her lips.

Fallon grunted. She slid her hands along Savannah’s shoulders and into her hair.

“M-maybe not because you keep telling them to yourself,” Fallon said, struggling to speak. “But because you keep believing them.” She ended with a groan as Savannah flicked her nipple with her tongue.

Wrapping her hands around Fallon’s hips, Savannah pushed the last bit of fabric down Fallon’s legs. The scent of her arousal was strong. Savannah had to close her eyes against it so that she could focus on what she wanted to do and where they were in the conversation. Something about this felt absolutely right.

“You smell so good,” Savannah murmured, moving in and pressing her lips to the soft part of Fallon’s belly, just to the side of her belly button.

“So do you,” Fallon whispered back, tightening her fingers in Savannah’s hair. “Touch me.”

Savannah sucked in a wavering breath. Her gaze dropped to the tuft of hair between Fallon’s legs. It called to her, that was for sure. But their argument from earlier was still replaying in her mind, and she couldn’t make it shut up.

“What are we doing here, Fallon?” Savannah’s voice dropped, disappointment seeping into her entire body. She would fail this as much as she failed everything else in her life.

“Trying something new.” Fallon cupped Savannah’s cheek. “Stop whatever thought just went through your head.”

“What?” Savannah frowned, looking up into Fallon’s eyes. “What thought?”

“I don’t know what it is. But some cloud just came over you. I don’t like it. I miss my sunny Savannah.”

Savannah’s lips quivered as she parted them in surprise. Was she that easy to read? But also, did she always have to be the happy, sunshine one? Couldn’t she ever have a moment of devastation and pain? “I’m not always happy.”

“You don’t have to be.” Fallon lifted Savannah’s chin gently, so she had no other option than to look into Fallon’s eyes. “But whatever thought just swam through your brain wasn’t a good one.”

“It wasn’t,” Savannah muttered quietly. “I’ve messed this up.”

“You haven’t.” Fallon moved in and pressed her lips to Savannah’s quickly. “I overreacted and couldn’t control my anger. I’m the one who stormed out without explaining. And we’re here, talking, right?” At Savannah’s nod, Fallon continued, “So you didn’t mess this up. This, whatever we’re doing tonight, is just different than before. Do you trust me?”

Savannah wanted to say yes. She wanted to leap up and wrap her arms around Fallon’s neck and drag her in close for a kiss. Fallon kissed Savannah’s forehead, then each cheek, her nose. She held herself inches away from Savannah’s mouth, holding the moment.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Savannah breathed her answer, relaxing her shoulders.

“Then we have to do something different, something new, something we didn’t originally agree to.” Fallon brushed her thumb along Savannah’s full lower lip. “Are you up for that?”

Nodding, Savannah felt her lips curl upward, the smile blooming on her face. Her eyes crinkled in the corners, and all the tension she’d felt before was gone. “Yes.”

“Then touch me.” Fallon straightened her back and rocked her hips forward.

On instinct, Savannah brushed her hands over the curves at Fallon’s waist and her hips down to the tops of her thighs. She trailed her fingers back up, teasing with her nails at the front of Fallon’s legs.

“Yesssss,” Fallon hissed. She tossed her head back, her eyes closed, the only things holding them together were Fallon’s hand in Savannah’s hair and Savannah’s hand on Fallon’s hip.

Savannah’s heart raced. Fallon was beautiful, stunning. Her entire body lit up as if she was a goddess on display for the world. But the world was just Savannah, and she knew she was the only one who had seen Fallon in a very long time. She was the only one permitted to touch and watch as Fallon bared everything for her.

“You’re mine,” Savannah whispered quietly, not even sure if the words were out loud or only in her head until Fallon nodded her response.

“I’m yours.”

Playing her fingers between Fallon’s legs, Savannah found Fallon wet, swollen, and ready. Fallon grunted, parting her knees as she dropped her hands to Savannah’s shoulders and gripped onto her.

“I’m yours,” Fallon said again.

Savannah slid one finger slowly into Fallon’s heat, surrounding herself and connecting them even more than they were before. Fallon tensed before she relaxed. But she kept quiet. Savannah, however, wanted to hear her. She wanted to hear the cries, the screams, the grunts and moans that were so guttural she would know she was doing something right. She would know that Fallon was right there in the moment with her.

With her thumb on Fallon’s clit, Savannah started a slow pattern of circles and thrusts. Fallon keened, her voice ringing through the air. Encouraged, Savannah continued. She added a second finger, deepening her thrusts. Her hand was wet, soaked with Fallon’s juices. Fallon rocked forward, and Savannah moved in swiftly, covering Fallon’s peaked nipple with her mouth and teasing.

Fallon’s hand on the back of her head pushed her face into Fallon’s body. Savannah took that as a good sign. Fallon was literally on her fingers, keening and moaning, writhing like her whole world depended on what Savannah did next, on the fact that Savannah was bringing her to the pinnacle of pleasure. And she wanted nothing more than to do it over and over and over again.

“Savannah!” Fallon cried out, digging her nails into Savannah’s scalp as she gasped. Her hips jerked before they smoothed back into very slow rhythm, her body cocooning Savannah’s fingers, pulsing around her.

“Come back to me,” Savannah whispered into Fallon’s skin.

Grinning from ear to ear, Fallon bent her head and pressed their mouths together. “What’s one thing that you love to do but are so scared of?”

Savannah shook her head bewildered. How could Fallon think at a moment like this? How could she even begin to form words?

“Come on,” Fallon murmured into Savannah’s ear. “What do you want to do?”

“Sit on your face.”

Fallon hummed, kissing Savannah again. Without another word, she climbed onto the mattress and rested her head on the pillow in the center of the bed. With one pointed look, Savannah knew she was supposed to move. She knew she was supposed to climb up Fallon’s body and position herself exactly where she’d said she wanted to be.

But she couldn’t make herself move.

She couldn’t bring herself to do the one thing she craved, the one thing she knew would break her.

“I can’t.”

“Just try,” Fallon said. This time she was demanding, but patient. Savannah envied that too. “Just try.”

“I’ll crush you,” Savannah countered, finally putting words to the fear that ran through her.

“You won’t. I’m hard to break. Trust me, everyone in my life has tried.” Fallon trailed her fingers over her body as she watched Savannah.

“Tap out if you need.” Savannah winked, but she knew it was more self-deprecating than it should have been. She still didn’t want to do this, fear coursing through her. Well, she did, because the amount of pleasure she knew she would experience, the wonders Fallon would give her—they would be worth it, right?

Fallon said nothing as she waited, that same damn patience still there. Finally, Savannah pulled herself all the way onto the bed, straddling Fallon’s head. She bit the inside of her cheek, keeping her hips raised up more than she wanted to, and leaning over Fallon’s head to prop herself up as much as she could. Fallon’s lips quirked up with a devilish smirk before she dove right in.

Hissing, Savannah clenched her eyes shut tight. She hadn’t expected such an onslaught. Fear coursed through her, followed quickly by the radiance of trust. It wasn’t just that Fallon was trusting her, it was that she had to trust Fallon. Fallon wrapped her arms around Savannah’s thighs and tugged her down, moving her position enough that Savannah swore she was going to suffocate her.

But Fallon sucked in a sharp breath, her nose buried in Savannah’s body, their gazes locked briefly before Fallon closed her eyes and focused again.

“Fuck,” Savannah muttered. She was at her undoing. Not the pinnacle of an orgasm. Not the moment where she knew she was going to experience pleasure or find a connection.

Fallon said nothing. She continued to suck and lick and tease. Savannah ground down before lifting up, losing what little control she’d worked so hard to keep. Her wrists hurt from pushing into the bed at such an awkward angle and the pressure from holding her body up. But she refused to move. She refused to let her fears rule her life anymore. Fallon was right.

This was new. This was different.

Crying out, Savannah clenched her eyes shut. She immediately flipped off Fallon, lying next to her and laughing. That had felt so good. She covered her face, trying to hold everything in before she just gave up. Why bother? Fallon had never once told her she couldn’t be herself.

“That was amazing.”

“Worth it?” Fallon sat up, running her hand up and down the back of Savannah’s calf.

“Absolutely.”