Chapter 13

thirteen

“Savannah!” Fallon exclaimed in her surprise.

“I wanted to thank you again for the other night.” Savannah slid a box across Fallon’s desk.

Fallon’s stomach twisted. She glanced furiously at Athena’s office door. It was closed—thank God—but she knew that inside was not just Athena but Monti. This was a disaster waiting to happen.

“You don’t have an appointment today,” Fallon mumbled, trying her best to keep herself pulled together. She couldn’t have this happening. If Monti saw them together, then she would know exactly what the other night had been about. Athena might not be that observant, but Monti wasn’t clueless. And if Monti figured it out, then she would tell Athena, and if Athena knew—it might all have to end.

“I know, but I was in the area meeting up with another coach, and I thought I’d stop by and drop this off.” Savannah pushed the small box across the desk even further, leaving it right in front of Fallon.

“I told you to stop bringing me gifts.” Fallon snatched the box up and didn’t open it. She set it to the side of her desk and stood up, needing to be on her feet for this impending disaster.

“Yeah, but it felt fitting. Another gift for another apology of running all over your night.”

“You didn’t…” Fallon stopped, hearing Monti’s voice through Athena’s closed door. Savannah must have noticed Fallon’s energy and the furtive glances she kept giving the door because her smile faltered. “Let’s get together tonight, okay?”

“I have Brin tonight.”

“Tomorrow. I promise, I’m not worried about the other night at all.” Fallon stepped around the desk, coming to stand right in front of Savannah. Why was she so worried about this? Other than Athena might find it inappropriate and force her to choose. At this point, Fallon wasn’t sure she’d be able to.

The door to Athena’s office clicked open.

Fallon’s heart sank. She wrapped her hands behind her back and then immediately moved them in front of her body, remembering at the last minute that Athena preferred to see hands. Monti stepped through the doors, her eyes alighting on Fallon standing up and then Savannah standing next to her. She faltered slightly, something that only Fallon would notice, before she glanced over her shoulder and back into the office.

“I think there might be someone here for you, Athena.”

“No, I’m not.” Savannah gave Monti a wry smile. “I was just dropping something off. I don’t have an appointment.”

Athena joined them, her cool blue eyes locking on Savannah before immediately pinning Fallon. This was the disaster. It was right here in front of Fallon’s eyes, and there was nothing she would be able to do to stop it. It was all screeching to a huge halt right now.

“Monti, this is Savannah Logan. Savannah, this is Monti.” Athena was the first one to break the silence.

“My sister,” Fallon mumbled the words. She didn’t move her gaze to Savannah, too scared to see what Savannah would think or say. Instead, she left her gaze locked on Athena, wondering just exactly what was about to happen.

“It’s good to meet you.” Savannah put out her hand and walked toward Monti. The expected Fallon’s told me so much about you never happened. Because Fallon hadn’t. She’d barely spoken about Monti or the fact that her sister was dating her boss, or the complications that brought to her job and her relationship with everyone involved.

“You too,” Monti touched Savannah’s hand lightly, tossing a curious glance over her shoulder toward Fallon. She looked to Athena, as if expecting some sort of explanation as to who Savannah was, but no one in the room was going to give it. Not unless Savannah broke that silence.

“Did we have an appointment?” Athena looked directly at Fallon, as if she’d screwed something up entirely.

“No, no we didn’t. I was just…” Savannah trailed off, finally turning and looking at Fallon for the first time. She must have seen something in Fallon’s eyes because she stopped. “I was just dropping something off. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“I was just leaving,” Monti said, stepping between Fallon and Savannah. “I met Athena through Fallon, you know.”

“Oh?” Savannah sent a nervous glance to Fallon.

“She called me one day to see if I could help her boss with a special project, and well, I stuck around.” Monti smiled brightly at Athena. “I’m so glad that she did. Because I never would have met Athena otherwise. You know those moments that seem like kismet?”

“That’s how I met Fallon, actually.” Savannah’s voice was quieter, and she sent a look as if asking for permission.

Fallon knew she was going to have to step into this, she was going to have to make sure that she led the conversation so that everyone stayed as happy as possible. “Savannah found me at the cemetery when I was visiting Mom.”

“Oh.” Monti’s eyes widened.

“It’s a long story,” Savannah said, not elaborating.

“A long and interesting one,” Athena chimed in, crossing her arms as she stayed a distance away from the other three. She always seemed to be one step on the outside, and Fallon was okay with that, for now. But if Athena and Monti were going to continue to be together, they were probably going to have to work on that relationship together, making it more personal and less professional.

“I’d love to hear it.” Monti looked around at each of them, as if expecting to be filled in on what she was missing.

“Maybe at dinner tonight,” Fallon clenched her jaw. “We were just heading that way.”

Savannah stepped away from them, backing toward the door. “I better get going anyway. I need to pick Brin up.”

She didn’t say anything else as she left the room. Unfortunately, the tension didn’t leave with her. Fallon’s shoulders were so tight that she knew she was going to spend thirty minutes trying to work the knots out in the shower that night before bed.

“So that’s—”

“Dinner, right?” Fallon interrupted Monti. She faced Athena. “Is it all right if I leave?”

“Yes.” Athena’s hands were at her sides, but her head was cocked to the side as she stared at Fallon curiously. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Monti.”

“Tomorrow for sure.” Monti stepped forward, pressed her lips lightly to Athena’s and then winked at Fallon. “This is going to be an interesting meal.”

“Shut it or I’ll make you walk,” Fallon mumbled.

Laughing, Monti waited while Fallon gathered her stuff and shut off her computer. They were in her car and on their way, the silence deafening and the tension still present. Instead of going to a restaurant, Fallon drove back to her apartment. She was going to get good and drunk for this one, and she didn’t want to drive anywhere. Monti followed her up, but as soon as the door was shut, Fallon sighed and toed off her shoes.

“So…” Monti crossed her arms and pinned Fallon with a look that said far more than any younger sister should say. “That’s the woman who’s got you all mixed up.”

“Monti…” Fallon growled.

“Oh, you’re not getting out of this one.”

“Don’t tell Athena.”

“That’s not how relationships work. But I will respect you enough to let you fill me in, and I’ll walk as many lines as I can. But that means you have to spill the beans.” Monti followed Fallon into the kitchen.

Fallon stared at her cabinet of wines, really wishing she had something stronger, or rather something with a bit more of a kick. She sucked in a sharp breath and reached for the small bottle of vodka that she’d stashed away and hardly ever opened.

“Oh, we’re taking out the big guns tonight.”

“Shove it, Monti.”

Laughing, Monti took the vodka and started pouring each of them drinks, mixing it with some of the orange juice that Fallon still had in her fridge. Handing one glass to her sister, Monti eyed her carefully. “Savannah seems nice.”

“I can’t do this.”

“Do what?” Monti laughed a little, trailing after Fallon toward the living room. “She is nice.”

“She’s very nice.” Fallon pursed her lips before sipping her drink. The liquor burned on her tongue and down her throat. Monti made the drink way stronger than she normally would have. Rolling her shoulders, she set her glass onto the side table and crossed her arms. “That’s all she is.”

“I don’t believe that for a second.”

Fallon wrinkled her nose.

“She’s got you all tied up, and I want to know why.”

Sighing, Fallon grabbed her drink again. She took another sip, immediately regretting the choice, and then settled into the couch. How much should she tell, and how much should she hold back? They were trying to rebuild their relationship in a new way, which would mean that Fallon was going to have to take some risks, just like Monti would have to.

“I don’t want details about you and Athena. I want to make that very clear. She’s my boss, and I want to keep it that way.”

“Understood.” Monti lifted her glass to toast, but Fallon didn’t join her.

“How are you not afraid of becoming them?” The question sucked the air right out of the room. Fallon wasn’t even sure that she could look up and meet Monti’s gaze. And all she could hope for was that she was going to get her sister Monti, not the therapist Monti. Because what she needed right now were some real, hard answers.

“I am,” Monti said, more honesty in those two words than Fallon had expected. “So I work hard every day to not become them. I honor who Mom was, Fallon, but I don’t want to be anything like her. I always got the impression you wanted to be her.”

Fallon shook her head, tears brimming in her eyes. “No, not in that way. I won’t allow myself to fall into the same patterns that she did, but that’s not what I’m really afraid of.”

“You’re afraid of being him. ”

“Yeah.” Fallon clenched her fist hard. “Yeah, I am.”

“You could never be him,” Monti answered. “You have a heart.”

Fallon let out a wry laugh and drank more. “I hit my limits sometimes, and I can feel him sneaking into my brain and wrapping around my heart. You weren’t there like I was. And I have a deep-rooted fear that I’ll be nothing but him.”

“And that fear is coming up now because of Savannah?”

Fallon shrugged slightly. “There’s something about her, something that I can’t put my finger on, and I don’t want to break her more than she’s already broken.”

Monti chugged the last of her drink and set the cup heavily onto the coffee table. “I think the very fact that you’re worried about it, that it’s something you’re looking out for, tells you exactly what you need to know. You’re not him, and you’ll never be him.”

That was more comforting than Fallon had ever known she’d needed. “She’s so broken though, Monti. Her brother died recently, and she’s struggling so much with his death.”

“Something I think you can relate with.”

“Yeah, I can. But I know how long such a deep grief can last. She needs more than what I can offer.” Fallon went back to her kitchen and rummaged for some kind of food for them. She didn’t have much, having forgotten to go shopping after Savannah had shown up the other night. They’d spent hours together on the couch talking, laughing, Savannah crying and Fallon holding her. It had been simple and yet complicated all at the same time.

“Maybe what you’re offering is exactly what she needs.”

“What?” Fallon jerked her head up from the fridge. “What are you talking about?”

“Savannah,” Monti reminded her. “You’re the one who brought her up.”

“No, you did.”

“Ha!” Monti crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. “Why was she there today?”

“To give me something.”

“What was it?”

Fallon pinched her face, but she walked over to her purse and pulled out the small box. She still hadn’t opened it. It had been rude of her, she knew, but she was panicking. And she didn’t know what to do or say, and Savannah seemed to constantly push that one particular boundary, despite Fallon asking her not to.

“Well?” Monti stood next to Fallon, eyeing the box. “What is it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Open it.”

Fallon slowly slid open the rectangular cardboard box, revealing a wine glass inside. It was etched with It’s a wine and cheese kind of night . Fallon grinned broadly, remembering their back-and-forth exchange with so much fondness. She wished that night had been able to last even longer, that Savannah had stayed instead of going home, that they’d had a reprise of their first night together.

But she understood why it hadn’t.

Savannah hadn’t been in any state of mind for sex. What she’d needed was connection and safety.

“I’m going to assume that makes sense to you,” Monti said.

“Yeah, it does.” Fallon brushed her fingers over the glass. She walked toward the kitchen again and set it on the counter to be washed before she put it away.

“So this girl brings you gifts, she has you in knots, and you still think you’re going to end up like him.” Monti put her hand on the refrigerator door. “I don’t think she’s the only one who needs a good dose of therapy.”

“Therapy’s never really worked for me,” Fallon fired back. She’d tried it, more times than she cared to admit, and she could honestly say that reliving the trauma she’d faced as a child was the last thing that she wanted to do. Therapy simply wasn’t for her.

“You keep saying that—”

“And I mean it.” Fallon ended the debate right there and then. She didn’t need to be pushed into something she didn’t want to try again.

“And Savannah?”

“It might work for her.”

“No, what are you going to do about her?”

Fallon stilled. She looked Monti over from head to toe and back again. Savannah had brought a light to her life that she hadn’t thought possible. From their first awkward meeting in the cemetery to the next few in the office to their one night tangled naked together in Fallon’s bed.

“How did you do it with Athena?”

“I thought you didn’t want to know about us.” Monti grabbed the orange juice from the fridge and started mixing them another drink.

“How did you move beyond our past?” Fallon hinged everything she had on what Monti had to say. She’d never thought she’d be asking her baby sister for advice, but here they were. And she was waiting for Monti to give her a wallop of it.

Monti handed the drink over, looking Fallon directly in the eye. “No one is perfect. No one will get away without making mistakes. No one will ever be good enough if you won’t allow them to grow with you.”

“That’s your advice? Lower my standards?” Fallon’s eyes widened.

“Well, I thought it was pretty sound.” With a laugh, Monti headed back toward the living room. “You better feed me if you don’t want me to get drunk!”

“Feed you,” Fallon muttered. But when she took a step, she realized just how right Monti was. They both needed food, and at least another shot of the vodka.