Chapter Twenty-Seven

“Do you mind if I pop down to the Underworld for an hour?”

It was late evening, nine weeks since they’d seen their egg on the ultrasound machine. For the first six weeks, Simon had seemed fine – he had barely a belly at all, and they’d had a lot of fun traveling around various pack mates, including Faron and Patrick, who had bought a new house in Australia of all places.

Simon got to see his first ever kangaroo, and Kolton’s hound had been sufficiently spooked by a giant spider to have Simon chuckling about it two days later. The freak out was totally understandable. That thing was as big as Kolton’s hand, and Faron agreed with him privately that some things were scarier on Earth than anything they faced in the Underworld.

But since they’d hit the two month mark, Simon started getting really uncomfortable. Kolton felt helpless. He didn’t have a clue what to say or do. He innocently asked after one tiring day if Simon was all right, and Simon had snapped at him.

“You see how all right you’d be if you were carrying a boulder the size of your head in your gut. I feel like I want to shit all the time, but I can barely squeeze out a pebble. Why? Because this thing in me is pressing so hard on my bowels, I’ll be fucking amazed if they ever work again. So no. In answer to your question I’m not all right. I’m fucking sick of this. Does that answer your question?”

Feeling as though he’d had his ears slapped, Kolton zapped up coffee, a large box of chocolates – it turned out Simon had a bit of a sweet tooth – and two more pillows before going out for a drive. It seemed, in that moment, that every time Simon opened his mouth Kolton was being snapped at.

Simon had apologized when he got home, and Kolton knew his mate’s apology was genuine. But he couldn’t help but worry deep inside that his mating and impending fatherhood wasn’t going the way his fellow packmates had enjoyed. As much as he wanted to help and protect his mate, Kolton was finding more and more excuses to go out.

“The Underworld?” Simon looked up and smiled, although Kolton could see the strain. “Of course. That’ll be fun for you. I’ll be fine. I’m just going to read this evening, and then I’ll try napping in this bad boy later.” Kolton had bought Simon a large recliner chair when he found lying flat in bed was too uncomfortable, and most nights Simon preferred sleeping in that, rather than sharing their bed.

“I’ll only be an hour. My hound’s just feeling edgy and needs to stretch his legs.”

“Maybe when we’re looking after the egg we can see about getting a house with more land. Somewhere private where you and I can both shift and enjoy time outside.” Simon nodded. “But sure, babe, have a good run, and I’ll see you soon.”

Feeling like an absolute shit, Kolton barely managed to kiss Simon before he disappeared from the house, reappearing on the path that overlooked the Elysian Fields. His heart heavy, Kolton’s eyes filled with tears not even the beautiful outlook below could lift.

I’m a failure as a mate.

I’m going to be a failure as a father.

I have no one to talk to.

I feel so alone.

And that was Kolton’s biggest problem. It’s not like he could talk to Beau or Cain, who already had children, about his problems. From what he had seen in their visits those couples sailed through their pregnancies with absolutely no issues, both partners in the couple loving on each other and filling their houses and hearts with love.

Talking to the child-free mates or his unmated packmates was an even sillier idea. They would see any issues Kolton described as being his fault and would probably tell him to suck it up and be a decent mate.

But I have been doing that. I’m sure I have.

The problem was, because of the way he was, Kolton wasn’t absolutely sure. He was prone to second guessing things if he thought about them too hard. Now, he went through, thinking of the things he thought he did, showing he was a good mate. For example, he zapped up or bought anything Simon asked for. He definitely loved on his mate every chance he got. Those were good things, he was sure of it.

But truthfully, now he was thinking over all they’d been through Kolton realized he’d felt as if he was on the back foot in his mating from the very start. Admittedly they’d had a lot of fun when they were two men out enjoying new sights and having a relaxing time, the past two weeks had Kolton wondering if he’d done enough.

If I am enough, more like. I don’t even know if Simon loves me anymore. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

“So, you’re a hellhound, huh?”

I know that voice. Kolton looked up, his eyes widening as he saw Warner’s spirit floating in the air above the fields.

“Warner? What are you doing? You’re supposed to be down there, aren’t you?” Kolton pointed at the fields of flowers. “This place is for the bad guys, and you’re not bad.”

“Thank you for that, but it seems your master felt you needed a friend to talk to and gave me dispensation to see you one last time. Highly unusual, from what I’ve been told, but I was happy to do it. I always knew you were special, but I didn’t ever dream you were paranormal. Being dead is a real eye opener.” Warner’s wide smile was so familiar, Kolton felt a pang for the life he had before. “You gave me a dream life in my last three months. What can I do to help you now?”

“I’m not sure anyone can do anything.” Kolton found himself spilling everything. About how he thought Warner had been his fated mate despite their more sibling type relationship. How it turned out his actual mate was Warner’s doctor…

“Dr. Teeg? Oh la-la, you did all right there. He’s a hunky man with such a kind nature.” Warner laughed. “He was so good to me, even though I could see how sad he was he couldn’t do anything to help me.”

“Yes, well try getting him pregnant and then see how kind that nature is then.” Kolton went on, explaining about the fun times, but how Simon wasn’t coping with the last stage of his pregnancy. It all came out. How Kolton felt like a failure, and how he truly despaired of their mating ever being the fun and loving relationship his packmates enjoyed.

“Some of the other spirits I talk to speak about fated mates,” Warner said, his body waving in a non-existent breeze. “I always think they’re talking about fairy tales, although the concept is really beautiful. But tell me, my lovely friend, if you could go back, if you could go back to a time where you hadn’t met me, and therefore hadn’t met Dr. Teeg, would you be happy?”

“No. Don’t even say that.” Kolton quickly looked around making sure Lord Hades wasn’t lurking nearby. He didn’t think the god of the Underworld could impact the timeline, but he didn’t want to take any chances. “At least not now I’ve known you both. My time with you was really special – you gave me the chance to care for someone deeply and I did. And now I love Simon and our unborn egg with all that I am. I just don’t seem to be able to make him happy.”

“I think you’re looking at things from a one-sided perspective,” Warner said with the same gentle smile he used to use when his medical test results came back worse than before. Patient and kind.

“Nothing you’ve told me suggests that you’re the one that Dr. Teeg is unhappy with. It sounds like Dr. Teeg is in a frustrating position of carrying a lump of rock in his gut and isn’t handling it as patiently as he used to handle his patient’s concerns.”

Warner’s smile bloomed into laughter. “It’s so funny to me, thinking back about it now. Dr. Teeg would stride around the hospital, and everyone used to follow his instructions immediately. He exuded confidence from every pore and always seemed to know what to do, no matter what was happening on the ward.

“And now, think about it. He’s in the position of not even being able to poop properly. His body’s not his own, he’s getting barely any sleep, and he has a rock that’s taking over his insides. He probably can’t even enjoy sexy times, seeing as he’s feeling like shit all the time. But I don’t see how any of that means he’s unhappy with you – his immediate situation definitely, but not you personally.”

“It sure feels personal when he’s snapping my head off,” Kolton said glumly. “You know, I never even mentioned the getting pregnant part of our mating to Simon because I didn’t think he’d be interested. And then it turned out it was him who wished our egg into being – it was his intent. Not that I’m not happy about it, because I am. I’m also not suggesting for a second that it wouldn’t have been a shock for him, as I know that it was, but he did say he was happy about it. Now…now, it’s like he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore and I miss the way he was.”

“From what you’re telling me, you’ve only got a few weeks more to go, if that, before your little egg comes into being. Once Dr. Teeg feels like he’s got his body back…”

“Wait a minute.” Kolton tuned into his hound who was suddenly desperate to get back to Simon. “Something’s happened. I’m sorry. I have to go. It was so good seeing you again, and I hope your next life is a hundred percent better than your last, and thank you, thank you, thank you for being a friend when I needed one…”

“Go, go, go.” Warner waved him on as Kolton got to his feet. “Have a happy life, my wonderful friend, and give my best to Dr. Teeg.” He disappeared at the same time as Kolton did.