Chapter Seventeen

“I was born into a clan in France, sometime in the Middle Ages, don’t ask me when exactly, because I don’t know.” It was so much easier speaking in the dark. “It was an exciting time to be a young man, especially for people with money and my clan was well off in every way. My parents weren’t particularly caring, but for our kind it was the clan that raised the child…” Simon snorted. “That was one of the reasons I left. But still, you didn’t need an ancient history lesson when you lived through it yourself.”

Kolton grunted, but his hands started a soothing motion up and down Simon’s back.

“Gargoyles aren’t raised to know about fated mates. I was raised with the expectation that I would bond mate with another clan member and continue to contribute more mini gargoyles to the clan. In my family the clan was everything – a very insular, and secretive group who didn’t encourage interaction with the outside.”

“Sounds more like a cult.” Kolton wriggled, getting more comfortable, and then his hands started their stroking again. It was nice. Simon could see why the hounds would like it.

“I didn’t know about cults at the time, but I can see your point, in hindsight. I wanted to get away. I wanted to travel. I wanted to learn about the world and non-paras in particular, and so I snuck out one day and never went back. That was such a long time ago, and living among humans was a real eye opener for me at the time.

“But over time I got interested in the arts, and then science, and that evolved over many centuries into a passion for medicine. I truly believed at one point I could save everyone I came across if I just tried harder. I was driven, and I worked to the exclusion of much of a social life, or anything else a single man might be interested in.”

“You wanted to help people,” Kolton said gruffly. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I will say honestly that I probably should’ve spent a lot more time learning about interactions with people instead of their illnesses, but still. I was socially isolated, I was a workaholic. If I was my own doctor I would’ve prescribed myself a month’s holiday and while it wasn’t something I wanted to do, ten years ago, the hospital that I worked with told me that I basically had no choice.

“I had accrued leave for years, and they were getting hassled from their HR department for me to take my leave. I asked to be paid out instead, or I was happy to sign a waiver and relinquish my claim on those leave days, but none of that was possible. So there I was, footloose and fancy free, with absolutely no chance of going back to work for at least eight weeks.”

“I’m guessing you didn’t spend your time at the local library reading books.”

Simon let out a long breath, so grateful for the implied privacy the darkness around them gave him, even though he knew his hound could see him clearly. He was the one who needed the darkness. “Strangely enough, I did spend a lot of time at the library. I spent enough time there to arouse the interest of a man who presented himself as a visiting professor at the local university.”

Kolton pressed closer with his whole body and Simon realized he’d shivered.

“I’m not naming names. I refused to let that person’s name cross my lips ever again and nothing would make me break that vow. Discussions over books led to coffee dates. Coffee extended to meeting up for lunch. I enjoyed his company. He was an intelligent man, and he seemed very learned about his particular field which was psychiatry. It was through discussions about his work that led to him explaining about the games… Gods, this is so embarrassing.”

Kolton growled. “You said I couldn’t be considered stupid for someone else playing me for a fool. Why should you be embarrassed by falling for someone’s power games? He was a paranormal, I assume.”

“Dragon shifter. I think that was part of the attraction as we were both rare paranormal types.” Simon inhaled slowly, and then let out his breath. “It’s so clear now, how he was playing a long game. He told me, over a period of time, that he was conducting a study about power and control, the dynamics of how individuals might come together and how far boundaries around trust could be pushed and exceeded over time. His theory was that the more the boundaries were pushed and trust was increased, the whole experience created a heightened sense of intimacy and bond with the other person.”

“Sounds like a creepy excuse for someone to get his rocks off.”

Maybe it was the darkness, or maybe it was because Kolton’s hold on him hadn’t wavered, but Simon chuckled. “I admit I never saw a write-up on that study in any academic medical journal afterward. But yeah, I let myself be convinced it was for science…I was so damn gullible, and it almost cost me my life.”

“How long did he have you?”

“It’s not easy to say exactly, but about a year I think. From the moment I entered the study, as he called it, I was chained physically, and my second half was constrained by magic. I entered into it willingly, so keen to be part of a living experiment. It never crossed my mind that the articulate, educated individual would refuse to let me go. I was, according to him, his perfect specimen.”

Kolton winced, both visibly and through their bond. “I’m sorry. I’ll never use that word in association with you again, I swear on my hound.”

“You didn’t know.” Simon felt lighter than he’d felt in a decade from that simple vow. “I should’ve told you. In my defense I believed you were still processing the trauma of losing Warner, and then I was there, not necessarily helping the way I should’ve done because our bond was pushing us to be together when we really didn’t know each other at all. You even gave me the opportunity to tell you, when you asked me about the saving aspect, and I…I…I didn’t want to tarnish the image I thought you had of me. I was still so scared of being seen differently.”

/~/~/~/~/

“I don’t see you as a victim, but I do see you differently and not in a bad way.” Kolton struggled to find his words. All his hound wanted to do was find a certain no-name dragon shifter and play some games of his own – like a game of tug of war in the wastelands of the Underworld with the man’s limbs. But Simon didn’t need to know that…not yet.

“You asked me back when we shared our first breakfast together what I was looking for in a mate, and I explained about how I was looking for my person, the one who would be my pack. My bonds with my packmates will never die – we all care for and protect each other. I would drop anything if one of my packmates called, and they would do the same for me. Now we’re mated, they would respond to you, too.”

“I’ve never been in a pack before.” Simon snuggled closer, his hands warm through Kolton’s shirt.

“The thing is, if you lined me and my packmates up, and ranked us from most effective, or most fierce, or most successful, or basically anything you wanted to measure – I’d be the one right at the back, the end of the line. I’m not the most intelligent, I don’t understand how a lot of things work in the human world. I’m not the fiercest or the best fighter – at best, I’m back up and I do that well, but I’d never be leading the pack.

“Among all my packmates, when Lord Hades said we could shift and come to Earth, I was the one who didn’t want to come because I knew I’d miss being with my pack all the time. It was my insecurities that made me run from you today. I know I’m not the best bet for anyone.”

“Does that mean you understand about my fears a bit better because of those feelings?”

“Yes and no.” It wasn’t in Kolton’s nature to be anything but blunt and honest. “I haven’t lived your experience so I can’t know for a second what that might be like. When I believed you were…the word we’re not going to use anymore…I didn’t feel as though I had anything to add to your life. But then you trusted me with your secret, you opened yourself up to me and showed me who you truly were. That’s exactly what Lord Hades said I needed to do – prove to you I was a person who could be trusted with your secrets.” He paused, and then added, “I just wish I hadn’t hurt you in the realization process.”

“My breakdown was a long time coming, my wonderful hound. Strangely, I feel a lot better now, although I’m sorry I yelled at you, because nothing you did deserved that. Did you want to know what does attract me the most about you?”

“My sexy grin?” Kolton teased.

“No, although your grin is sexy and makes my knees weak every time I see it.”

“Ooh, I know. My manly physique.”

“No, although you are a very handsome man. Try again.”

“It has to be my butt, right?” Kolton reached behind himself and slapped his butt cheek. “You can bounce quarters off my ass.”

“It’s a very sexy ass, but no. The thing that attracted me to you most, even before you knew I was your mate, is the way you care about others. I saw it in the way you were with Warner, I witnessed it more than a dozen times when you tried to be helpful with the hospital nurses. I saw it again today, or yesterday, or whatever because I have no idea what time it is, but when we were at the casino, I saw it in the way you handled your staff. You genuinely care about people, Kolton, including your packmates, and that is a truly wonderful attribute to have. It gave me hope, even when you thought I was nothing more than Warner’s doctor, that you would come to care about me, too.”

Kolton felt his cheeks heat up. “Are you sure it wasn’t my sexy butt?”

“You have the sexiest butt in existence, but caring is sexy, babe. And you have that in spades. Do you know what else I really enjoy being around you?”

“More compliments? You’ll make me bigheaded.”

Simon yawned. “You have magic, my sexy mate, and right now it’s going to take a hefty dose of your powers to get me up to bed. I think all that booze I had is still sitting around my knees and this floor isn’t very comfortable.”

“I’ll zap us.” Kolton kissed the top of Simon’s head. “Thank you for being honest with me.”

“Thank you for being the man I can be honest with. You do keep me safe, Kolton, and I know that deep in my heart.”

For Kolton that was akin to his mate telling him he was loved, which made him smile and his hound do a happy dance. With a thought, they were both in bed, naked, and curled around each other much like that had been on the floor. As a quick after thought, Kolton got rid of the wine bottles downstairs as well. He was sure no one needed a reminder of an emotional night before they’d had breakfast in the morning.