17. Hugo

Nighttime on planet Sha’hPihn was magical.

I hadn’t been out after the suns had set before, and as Ushuu and I climbed the staircase that took us toward the stars my head stayed tipped toward them. I did my best to memorize the beauty all around me because I wasn’t sure I’d ever see anything like it again.

Despite how busy he’d been, Roark had come back earlier that week with a new journal for me. A journal that I had used to sketch the city, expanding across the pages with every passing day.

This was the longest we’d stayed on a planet because it was the last stop before the trip home. Home. To a world I’d never seen, but loved already. Simply because it was the place that Roark came from.

Sha’hPihn was a sparkly blur of neon colors as we crested the top of the stairs. The same people that had populated the shops during the day had morphed into couples dressed in finery. The chitter of laughter rang like bells as shimmery fabric caught the lights above. We kept up with the procession of people moving toward the center of the city, lost in the crowd.

The hotel that held what Ushuu had described as a “ball” was massive. Located smack dab in the middle of the vast sprawl of buildings, it was easily the tallest that lined the sky. As we walked toward it, my hands grew sweaty.

What if I don’t fit in?

I’ve never been somewhere this nice before.

Maybe I should’ve picked a different outfit.

My skin itched.

“When is Roark coming?” I asked Ushuu for the fourth time. He yipped in amusement, sticking close to my left, careful to walk between me and the bulk of the strangers. He was here to guide as well as guard me.

Sometimes Roark treated me like I was the goddamn president.

I’d never really been important before. It was a new feeling, and one I was still learning how to process. It was nice though. Really nice.

Overwhelming too—but, this wouldn’t be the first time I came to terms with something overwhelming. It would, however, maybe be the first time that the overwhelming thing had turned out to be good.

“He’s grabbing a few things, then he’ll be here to collect you.” Ushuu—to his credit—never acted annoyed with my repeated questions. Most of the time he looked delighted actually, kinda like I was an overgrown puppy and he thought I was adorable.

It was the way I’d expected Roark to look at me, but he never had.

Which reminded me of a burning question I was dying to ask him.

After all that had happened, I had come to the conclusion that I wasn’t Roark’s pet.

At first I’d thought so, but to be fair I’d had no frame of reference for the way he had treated me. In my experience dogs were the ones that were petted, given treats, and cherished. Children were for scolding and ignoring. And partners were for cheating and betraying. I hadn’t fit into either of the last two categories, so I’d used scientific theory to eliminate them.

Only now the evidence pointed in a different direction entirely.

Hope was a scary, slippery thing. It wasn’t something I’d allowed myself to feel often since the day I turned sixteen and realized just how little I mattered. But with every passing day I spent in Roark’s company, it became easier and easier to forget why I’d lost it in the first place. Optimism had been the only reason I’d survived as long as I had alone, but behind my smiles, I’d still never let myself dream that I would ever be loved by someone else. That I would ever be valued or cared for or respected.

Until recently.

There was no denying that Roark didn’t make me feel inconsequential.

Roark didn’t make me feel invisible .

I wasn’t replaceable, ignorable, or forgettable.

He saw me—he had, from the very first day we’d been together.

He respected me.

He trusted me.

Maybe I was naive and inexperienced when it came to real relationships—but I had eyes. And a heart. I could feel the way he reached for me, even when he wasn’t physically at my side. Like his heart called to mine no matter how far apart we were. I could feel that things had evolved between us. Like we shared the same gravitational pull.

When Ushuu had broken the news that Roark planned to take me out on a date, I swear time stopped. The world spun. My axis tilted.

Everything I’d ever known was rewritten in that single, precious moment. Most people didn’t take their pets on dates or shopping sprees, right? They didn’t sleep wrapped around each other. They didn’t shower together. Brush their teeth together. They didn’t learn an entire new language just to communicate.

Maybe partners could be treated gently?

Maybe lovers could be cherished?

Maybe my parents had taught me wrong?

Because if Roark was taking me on a “date” it meant we were something special, didn’t it? It wasn’t confirmation that Roark felt as strongly for me as I felt for him, but it was close enough. Close enough, despite my best efforts, a new seed of hope was planted in my heart.

It was barely a bud, just pushing through the soil, but it was there.

And it grew with every day that had passed since then. It grew as our date approached, and I let myself imagine what forever would be like with the big pink alien by my side. There was so much I didn’t know about him. So many things I’d been dying to learn. At first, the questions would’ve been mostly scientific.

Why his people were pastel, for one.

Why they were gelatinous?—?

How it was possible they had tendrils at all.

Two cocks. For what purpose!?

But as time passed the questions changed.

They became softer, sweeter.

More personal.

More important.

What scares you?

What excites you?

Where did you grow up?

Do you have a family?

Do you miss them?

What made you so frightened that day in the hallway?

Can I help?

Why are you nice to me?

Why did you save me?

Are you happy when I’m around? Because I’m happy when you are.

Do you want me forever?

Do you really think I’m pretty? No one else has ever called me pretty before.

What am I to you?

Is it safe to fall in love with you?

Roark’s actions had shown me what he thought of me, but I still desperately wanted to hear his answers to my questions.

And…I figured by the end of tonight I would.

Ushuu had told me earlier that Roark had rented translators for us to use during the event. A fact that was as intimidating as it was exciting. We’d gone so long without being able to fully communicate I worried things would change between us when we could.

It took me a second to remember what Ushuu had just said, I was so lost in my thoughts. He didn’t seem to mind though, so I relaxed. I’d been too distracted to realize I’d fallen behind him as we’d been walking. Ushuu slowed, slipping back into place at my side.

As equals.

My head spun.

“It will be a good night.” Ushuu bumped reassuringly against my shoulder as we neared the entrance to the hotel. Shit. I’d spaced out the entire walk. “Don’t look so worried.”

I hope he’s right.

“I have a lot of questions,” I told him.

He nodded, his eyes as kind as ever. “He has answers.”

I hope they’re the answers I want.

What if we weren’t compatible?

No. That was a silly thought. And one I pushed aside quickly.

Roark was Roark.

There was no need to worry when he was involved.

We stepped through the large glass doors that led into the hotel lobby with a whoosh of chilly AC. My ears started to roar. Overstimulated and overwhelmed, my senses went haywire as I took it all in.

The air tasted like perfume, thick and cloying. Aliens in slinky dresses flitted across the shiny floor. Silken suits and elbow-length party gloves decorated half the sparkly population. Everyone was mingling and interacting—and nothing was familiar. Nothing at all.

There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to who wore what, which settled some of my nerves as I clutched the bag full of my party clothes close. Male aliens dressed in chiffon skirts, and their female counterparts donned pants and jackets. Most clothing resembled what one might expect from a high-end party back on Earth, only without the restricting gender norms. It was odd to see aliens with six, seven, even twelve limbs wearing cocktail dresses and flirting with their shorter, more tentacle-laden companions.

This was basically…an alien version of prom.

My gaze caught on one guest in particular, heart racing. Huh. He looked…he looked suspiciously human. His short hair was pale white and slicked back. The dress he wore was too short to be considered a mini skirt and I had no idea how he managed to keep it in place. Long, muscular legs coated in glittering tights peeped from beneath the hem as he was escorted around the room by a massive, almost rhinoceros-looking alien. Said alien kept a possessive taloned grasp on human-looking-guy’s lower back at all times.

He had a collar around his neck, just like the one I was wearing.

He had to be human, right?

Or maybe…maybe not?

From behind, it was impossible to tell for sure, and he disappeared before I could ask Ushuu to help me approach. I could’ve sworn that I’d seen a second set of ears on his head, as well as wings and a tail, though, so I must’ve been imagining things. He wasn’t a human after all.

While I’d been busy ogling the guests, Ushuu had led us through the line to the reception desk. A friendly alien with dark red skin, six eyes, and artfully styled, long, faded hair greeted us with a chirp.

I couldn’t understand what they were saying, so I remained quiet.

All six of the receptionist’s yellow eyes were trained on my large companion as though I wasn’t here at all. Their lips stretched into a broad grin as they dragged their gaze up and down Ushuu’s frame. In response, Ushuu’s spots turned fuschia and I had to muffle my laughter.

It didn’t take a genius to realize the receptionist was flirting with him. His reactions, however, were adorable.

He’s embarrassed.

While I’d spent a lot of time with shark-aliens lately, I hadn’t seen anything like this before. Ushuu, while flattered, did not look interested in flirting back.

Did Ushuu have a mate waiting back home for him?

Were sharks a monogamous species?

The receptionist’s eyes dragged over the older male’s form a second time before their clicks turned business-like again. They asked Ushuu a few more questions, before passing him what looked like a gift baggie. Did that have the translators inside it? Ushuu immediately clutched it close to his chest protectively, tendrils tangling around the handles to keep it shut like it held something precious inside.

“Upstairs,” Ushuu urged me with a serene little grin.

Halfway there, an alien with antlers bumped into Ushuu’s shoulder, jostling the both of us. Distracted, I tried to get a better look at him, my head tilted upward. Alien grunted an apology and moved, but my eyes stayed trained on the ceiling as he passed.

Holy shit. Damn . I hadn’t realized how big the hotel really was. The ceiling was impossibly high to accommodate the larger guests. Glittering chandeliers flickered at the apex of it, placed in even rows that spanned the top of the entire monstrous lobby. As my gaze drifted down again, recognition made me pause.

Huh .

Security cameras.

A shit-ton of security cameras.

Lining the walls halfway up, like they were trying to be sneaky but failed spectacularly. We’d had the same sort of technology in some of the rooms on F’ukYuu. They were far beyond the technology Earth possessed, almost capable of predicting the future so that problems could be eradicated before they even arose. A quick glance around the room confirmed that there were as many security guards as there were cameras.

At least if something happens, they’re prepared.

No wonder why Roark picked this place.

I wasn’t surprised. It was obvious based on how the others were dressed, and the large beefy aliens in suits that stood stoic against the walls, watching the party-goers, that this was no small event. This was a fancy party. Like the ones my dad’s work used to host. I’d never been invited to those, but he’d bragged about them enough times it felt like I had.

How was I supposed to act here?

I’ve never been to something like this.

I’ve never been on a date at all.

Crossing my arms over my chest protectively, my bag clutched close, I felt more than a little naked. Ushuu frowned at me, but thankfully didn’t ask what was wrong as we reached the massive golden elevators. They opened with a tinkling sound that reminded me of the wind chimes I’d hung on our porch back home. A group of drunk aliens stumbled out, leaving it empty.

As the door took its sweet time shutting behind us, I could feel eyes on the back of my neck.

Shit.

Apparently, I’d caught the attention of a few nosy guests. One of them sneered at me. Another licked his lips. I shivered, nails digging hard into my arms as I closed my eyes.

Just ignore it, Hugo.

You’re fine.

They weren’t looking at you weird.

You’re just nervous and you’re projecting.

It’s because of your time on F’ukYuu.

You’re not there anymore.

The moment the doors slid shut, Ushuu exhaled raggedly and relaxed. He slung an arm around my shoulders and gave me a gentle squeeze. It was a nice gesture, and I sunk into it.

“Almost there, little one,” Ushuu promised.

I nodded silently.

Truthfully, the hotel was incredible. I had never seen carpets more red, or wealth so opulent. But I was agitated, tiny, and dressed in “baby” clothes. I should’ve worn one of the outfits I’d bought this week, but I hadn’t wanted to get it dirty walking through the city.

I’d miscalculated.

I wouldn’t do that again.

Ushuu dug through the baggie he’d been gifted by the receptionist as soon as we reached our room. He pulled what looked like an average hotel keycard from the bag and tapped it against the interface beside the door handle. I was more than a little disappointed it hadn’t been translators, like I’d hoped. The door opened with a whoosh and we stepped inside the room.

“Stay,” Ushuu urged, before he stalked around the space, flipping on light switches and checking for threats. I almost wanted to roll my eyes, but I didn’t. I knew Roark had put him up to this, and his protectiveness was sweet, even if it was unnecessary. When Ushuu decided our room was safe, he beckoned me forward.

The moment he did, I allowed myself to stare.

There was a massive bed in the center of the space—even larger than the one Roark and I shared on the ship. It was the first thing that caught my attention as I took in the large pink pillows that sat against the headboard, and the piles of puffy blankets that draped over the edges like icing on a cupcake.

The whole thing looked like a giant marshmallow.

I want to bury myself in there and never come out.

I’ll become a marshmallow person.

There’s enough pillows to make an army.

The bed wasn’t the only magnificent part of the room. There was a huge red chaise lounger resting against what had to be the largest windows I’d ever seen. The view of the city beneath us was breathtaking, lights glimmering just like the stars above.

I was dizzy with amazement as Ushuu led me toward the bathroom where I would be getting ready. Once inside, I released the death hold I had on my bag of clothing, setting it gingerly on the counter. I tried to scrub the sweaty fingerprints off of it, but the action was futile.

“Do you need help figuring out how to turn the shower on?” Ushuu inquired. I shook my head, still dazed. “Okay,” he eyed me, amused. “I’ll be right outside. If you need me, yell.”

“Will do,” I said, needing space more than anything—not that I’d be rude enough to tell him that.

Ushuu gave me one last amused-slash-worried look before he left the bathroom—and me, alone. The second I could, I pushed the door shut after him. Locking it with a flick of my wrist, I laid my head against its cool surface and took a ragged breath.

I want Roark, the little voice in the back of my head whispered as I sunk to my knees and buried my face inside them.

I want Roark.

I need Roark.

Roark, Roark, Roark.

If he was here, this wouldn’t be nearly so scary or overwhelming.

If he was here, maybe I’d be able to breathe.

I was so excited for our date, so incredibly excited. And that was the problem. The higher the high, the harder the crash. My excitement had turned into fear about the same time I’d stepped onto the elevator and realized how the other guests were looking at me.

I wasn’t disillusioned.

I knew what I was.

I wasn’t sure Roark realized though.

To his credit, Roark had never looked at me and made me feel the way I had on F’ukYuu. I wasn’t even sure he knew just how fucked up I was, or how little value I could offer him.

On the ship, Roark and I lived in our own little bubble. It was easy to forget where I’d come from and what I’d been before he found me. But here ? Here I was just the slave he’d bought. Abducted and discarded. Cheap entertainment.

No amount of opulent clothing could make up for the collar around my neck.

One look and everyone here could already tell what I was. A scared, lonely man with a fucked-up childhood. A virgin—not by choice—but because no one had ever wanted to touch him. A kid even parents couldn’t love. And if they hadn’t been able to love me, what did that say about me?

What if Roark saw all that?

He’d never call me pretty again.

I’d lose him.

It took a decent amount of effort to pull myself together, but I managed. I wasn’t sure how long it took, only that by the time I’d showered and dressed in my clothing for the night, I was exhausted . Strung out. My hands shook as I attempted to comb my hair into place without looking in the mirror, afraid of what I might find there.

This was my first date.

I should be happy.

I shouldn’t be panicking, or crying, or hyperventilating.

I splashed some more water on my face. Get yourself together, Hugo. You only get one chance to do this right. Stop disappointing him, and yourself. If you want to prove yourself you’re gonna need to do better than this.

My eyes pinched shut. Water droplets dripped from my chin down the drain.

Roark wouldn’t have taken me here if it wasn’t safe.

It didn’t matter how the people downstairs looked at me.

Not when I knew how he looked at me.

Just like I’d told myself earlier, Roark was Roark. He was as steady as he was stubborn. His opinion of me wouldn’t change based on something as dumb as a crowd of strangers. In fact, I doubted he’d even notice them. He’d be too distracted being adorable and stern, making sure I was having fun, and that we both were safe.

Feeling settled again, I finished styling my hair.

My new clothes were tighter than anything I’d worn on Earth. They were classy though. Tasteful. Maybe a hair slutty, but nothing like I’d had when I worked the sex-pods. Exhaling raggedly, I tugged my garter belt into place beneath the silky fabric of the dress, then hiked the slit on my skirt up so the lace at the top of the thigh-high socks I was wearing was visible.

Ushuu had assured me that it wouldn’t be odd for me to wear a dress. After seeing the eclectic mix of androgyny in the lobby, I knew he’d been correct.

I wouldn’t stick out.

But that didn’t mean I wasn’t nervous.

I’d never worn anything like this before.

Ever.

Not that I hadn’t wanted to—I’d just…yeah.

I’d been raised to be a “good” boy. To never toe the line. And I’d been careful to only stick out in the ways my parents wanted me to. Even though that meant ignoring the ache I felt every time I passed a pretty display in a window—or filling my cart with lace in an incognito tab, and never checking out.

If I was being totally honest, I’d always been more attracted to dresses than suits. I liked the way they swooshed through the air. Loved how soft the fabric looked. Loved the different cuts to the necklines, the sleeves, the skirts.

One time, right after I’d turned eighteen, I’d rode the bus to the mall and spent a whole day inside a lingerie store just staring. When an associate finally noticed me and asked me what I wanted, I hadn’t been able to get a single word out. I’d just pointed at a pair of panties, and like the complete angel she was, she’d grabbed them for me and plopped them in a shopping basket.

I’d stood in line, shaking all the way to my toes, positive everyone was judging me—even though they weren’t.

By the time it was my turn to pay, I chickened out.

I didn’t buy the panties, but I sure thought about them. Thought about them every time I jerked off. Imagined what they would’ve felt like clinging to my dick. If they would’ve been as soft on my cock as they’d felt between my fingers.

I’d never gone back to that store again, afraid the employee would remember me.

It was a stupid fear, but my life was full of those.

I couldn’t believe I was wearing a dress. An actual, real-life dress. And not a cheap one either—this was one thing I hadn’t been frugal about. It was the dress I’d admired from the window. The one I’d wanted desperately. The price had made me gag, but I’d bought it anyway, because the moment I’d seen the mannequin—just my size—dressed in the silky white fabric, I’d fallen in love.

Fanning my hand along the glittery cloth, smooth to the touch despite its sparkle, I released the breath I’d been holding. It was beautiful . Absolutely beautiful. I hadn’t dared look in the mirror as I’d been pulling it on—I’d felt foolish enough when it got stuck halfway over my shoulders and I’d had to contort to get out—I didn’t need to see it too.

I bet it looks awful.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, afraid to look. I knew I was plain. I’d never been the kind of boy that got second glances. I’d filled out some since training with Roark, but there was no denying how scrawny I was.

I wasn’t a stunner like my mother, or classically handsome like my dad. Never had shoulders to write home about. Never had abs, or sculpted biceps, or a big bouncy chest like Roark did. I didn’t have the curves to fill out the dress either, no ass, hips, or breasts.

By all rights, I never should’ve bought the damn thing in the first place.

But…

But I’d wanted to. And Roark had said to have fun. And I’d promised—but even more than that I’d wanted…

I’d wanted …

I’d wanted Roark to think I was…to think I was pretty .

I wanted to feel pretty.

I’d wanted it so badly I ached.

You can do this, Hugo.

Like ripping off a Band-Aid.

If it looks bad you can take the damn thing off before anyone else sees.

I’d brought a backup outfit, just in case. Though my heart ached anew at the thought of changing once again. It felt like failing a test I’d given myself.

Look, Hugo.

It’s just a silly reflection.

If you don’t you’ll never know.

Sucking in a fortifying breath, I tilted my head up, and met my own reflection.