26. Damages

1864 AUGUST 26, FRIDAY

26

Idid not know how long I slept, but when I awoke, the world was quiet, except for drips plinking in pie pans and birdcalls welcoming the dawn. I had been semi-conscious of Brett through the night, his body's warmth around me, the weight of his arm embracing me beneath the quilt. It was the absence of his warmth that woke me.

Brett was donning his damp clothing when I sat up.

"We best be on our way." He did not look at me.

I shrugged off the quilt. My body ached from lying on the hard floor. I did what I could to adjust the stays beneath my dress, the bones of the corset digging into my sides. My feet screamed at me in protest, unaccustomed to sleeping in riding boots. Brett left to prepare the horses, while I hastily picked up hair pins from the floor, doing my best to pin them into place. I grabbed my hat and gloves before following Brett outside.

Brett saddled the horses and helped me mount. He swung himself up into the saddle with ease, but he still did not look at me.

The cool air wafted through the branches, allowing water to drop from the bows. Brett's back was stiff as he led us back to the road. Was he regretting last night? Was it my refusal?

We trotted down the road, and still, Brett said nothing. I bit my lip and attempted to break the silence. "The storm has cleared."

Brett looked up into the heavens, where blue sky was peeking through a thin layer of clouds, the orange sunrise breaking over the ridge of hills. "Yes," was his simple reply.

I allowed the silence to settle again as we trudged down the road where we had left Clara and Downs the day before. Mud kicked up with the horses' hooves, and I cantered up to ride beside him.

"Are you not going to speak to me, Corporal?" I chastised, irritated at myself and him for allowing our physical needs to leave this intolerable silence between us. The man did not have any shame in flirting, yet he couldn't confront his own feelings.

Brett's head snapped back, his eyes narrowed on me. "It's nothing, Miss Coburg," formality putting space between us.

"Brett, please," I softened.

He swung his horse around, positioning our mounts nose-to-nose. His anger and frustration evident across his reddened face.

"I want you to know, Ella, that I adore you, and I think I'm deeply infatuated with you, if nothing else. You trust me enough to share secrets with me. We shared a moment I thought we both needed. When you told me about John, I was jealous … am jealous. When you stopped us, it made me feel like the smallest man in the world. I don't know why I have these feelings for you, but I need time. Time to think." His brows furrowed.

He turned his horse away. I had no words.

"I'm sorry, Brett," I called after him, following behind.

He left distance between us as we traveled.

When we reached the road to town, I asked him if we would be all right. He merely nodded as we parted ways, saying, "Best we don't arrive together." We exchanged farewells, and Brett lowered his hat over his eyes as the morning sun cut over the hills.

"We've been dreadfully worried!" Mrs. Mathis exclaimed at the breakfast table. Arriving in the predawn allowed me to sleep a couple more hours and wash up. I was thankful no one saw me muddy and disheveled, knowing there would already be questions. "Sergeant Downs braved the storm to see if you'd arrived. We're very thankful you made it home safely."

"Did you stay all night with Brett Chisholm?" Nora leaned close so no one would hear her question, her eyes dancing mischievously.

I gave Nora a weak smile. The whole family came to breakfast after they'd heard I did not return last night. Renny and Mrs. Mathis both showed genuine concern, but Margaret seemed downright embarrassed. Seth was too busy shoveling food into his mouth to look up from his plate, uncomfortable by his female family members. If I had known I would be bombarded, I would have stayed in my room. I was thankful Katie was having breakfast in the kitchen to keep her kitten from the dining table.

"I'm certain she doesn't want to talk about it," Renny excused, trying to save me from the scrutiny.

"No need to ask. We all know she was with him!" Margaret exclaimed. "I'm mortified!"

"Margaret," Mrs. Mathis chided. "She had no other option at the time. However, the optics do not look favorable."

I flushed. "Nothing happened." But I could feel the lie sour in my belly.

"You can trust I will not utter a word," Margaret promised. I knew it was not for my benefit but for her own.

"Can't expect Clara to keep quiet, though," Nora huffed.

Margaret grimaced, confirming my own worries. "I'll pay her a visit on my way home. After she realizes what that will mean for Brett, she won't say a word."

What would that mean for Brett? A pat on the back or a simple slap on the wrist? The fallout of this would mean far more for me, and I knew it as soon as Brett kissed me.