Chapter 33

Chapter Thirty-Three

Twenty years earlier

The taste of barbecue chips clung to Jason’s lips as he sat on the pier, feet swinging off the side.

The waters of Lake Michigan stretched in front of him, glistening in the sun. They’d been up since four o’clock, when Jason and Kevin had snuck into their parents’ bedroom. “This is the best time to go fishing.” They’d wheedled and whined—until their dad had promised them that if they didn’t wake up their mother, he’d take them.

But they hadn’t caught anything.

Four hours of sitting there and nothing. At least the July temperatures hadn’t made it so bad. And their dad had let them stop at McDonald’s for breakfast.

Dad wound the fishing line up, tying it off as Kevin climbed the rails of the pier. “Jason, I’m going to go pack up the car with this stuff here.” He pointed at some of the gear and chairs they’d brought. “Keep an eye on your brother until I get back, and then you boys can help me carry the rest.”

Dad was barely out of view when Kevin hopped up on the top of the rails. “Watch my balance,” Kevin said, grinning with two big front teeth that didn’t match the rest of his mouth.

“Get down. Dad doesn’t like you climbing up there.” Jason stood, frowning down at the churning waters below.

“You’re a sissy.” Kevin laughed, then stuck his arms out wide. “I won’t fall. You’re just afraid to do it.”

“I’m not afraid.” Jason puffed out indignantly.

“Fine, then you just can’t do it.” Kevin continued his balance beam act, walking the length of the rail until he reached the corner.

Jason rolled his eyes, then climbed up onto the rails. He put one foot securely on the top plank, then the other and stood straight. “I’ve been climbing since before you were born.”

Kevin lifted his leg. “Okay, then let’s see who can stand here longest on one foot.”

Before Jason could respond, Kevin wobbled. He tried to put his leg down but missed, his foot catching the air behind him.

Jason watched in horror as Kevin’s face froze in shock. Then he plunged off the side of the pier, legs and arms flailing, into the deep waters below.

The yell that ripped from Jason’s throat sounded as though it had come from somewhere else. Had Kevin yelled, too? Jason took one step forward, his palms sweating, hands aching. He jumped off the rails, then squatted, looking for Kevin’s head to come up. Circles rippled in the water where Kevin had dropped.

Jason didn’t see him. “Kevin!”

He looked back toward the parking lot. It was too far away for his father to have seen. And the other people on the pier were several feet away. When Kevin still didn’t turn up, Jason jumped, feet first.

The fall was faster than he expected. He plunged into the cold water, bubbles around his eyes and nose and face, the water dark. His arms immediately went into action, clawing toward the surface until he broke free and gulped a deep breath.

Where was Kevin? “Kevin!” He called his name repeatedly. Where had he gone? Swimming out farther, he looked back toward the pier. Then he saw him. Kevin was climbing out onto the rocks near the base of the pier. He waved toward Jason.

The relief that filled Jason made his arms and legs shake. Kevin was safe. He wasn’t dead.

Jason started the swim back when something brushed his leg. He shivered, then went the long way around the pier instead of the dark water under it. The more he swam, though, the more he didn’t feel as though he was going anywhere. The water seemed to tug him along, pulling him in the direction it wanted rather than where he wanted to go.

Jason pushed harder. Panic slid up his body, his arms and legs exhausted from the struggle. He couldn’t get out.

A wave crashed over his head, and his head went under.

The waves broke over his head, and he was kicking, kicking, exhausted. Water filled his nose, and he felt himself being pulled by the currents. Powerless to get out of them.

As exhaustion increased, so did his fear. Water filled his nose, choking him, stinging his throat.

Then powerful arms locked around him.

Dad’s voice was in his ear. “Hang on tight, Jason. I’ll carry you.”

Dad swam, but they kept getting pulled out, farther and farther. Still, Jason clung to his neck, his body shaking, his muscles relaxing in the strength of his father. He was no longer alone.

Another wave nearly ripped them apart. “Dad!”

The water felt choppier, the current faster. “We’re going to do this together, okay?” Dad said, breathing hard. They couldn’t tread water, couldn’t stay still. The more they lost themselves to the current, the farther it pulled them out.

Jason sucked in a breath as his father pulled him away from his neck, taking his hand instead. “Swim that way!” His father pointed. “Hard as you can now, Jason. I’m right beside you. You just keep going without stopping. I’ll be right here the whole time. Next to you.”

Jason gritted his teeth, water in his mouth, stinging his nose. He coughed, then sucked down a deep breath. They swam forward. Occasionally, Dad grabbed the back of his shirt, pulling him forward. Then Dad gave one last big shove, and Jason felt the grip of the current loosen around his legs and torso.

He flung his body forward, weeping and sputtering, kicking and breathing until his hands hit the rocks.

A small crowd had gathered and a man pulled him out, hooking his arms under Jason’s armpits. Jason turned, scanning the water for his dad.

“Dad!” He lunged toward the water, but several sets of hands held him back.

“Let me go. I have to get my dad!” He searched the churning water. “Let me go, let me go! Dad’s still there. He was right next to me. Right beside me.”

But he was alone.

Jason raked his fingers through his hair, then pounded the steering wheel with the fleshy part of his palm. He was late. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been late anywhere, and the feeling was suffocating.

And this might be the most important thing he’d ever tried to be there for.

Damn cell phone reception at Mildred’s house meant he hadn’t gotten Jen’s voice mail message until he’d taken a break from work and gone into town in search of a sandwich since he’d skipped lunch. By then, it was already past four thirty, and he’d turned the car and driven straight here.

Jason resisted the urge to stop staring at the clock on his dash, his eyes flicking back to the parking lot. There wasn’t a single spot available. And the half mile up to the parking lot was equally crowded, lined with parked cars on each side.

The boats—he shuddered—were going to leave without him.

He saw a sign for the boat launch and drove toward it. Maybe if he left his car near there, he could just worry about the fine later.

He drove straight to the launch, pulling his car to the side. A group of people near the launch gave him strange looks. He jumped out of the car, leaving his phone and keys inside it. He’d tried calling Jen about twenty times. Now that he was here, he realized why. No service.

Some things in Brandywood he wasn’t going to get used to, that was for sure.

He ran onto the launch. “Has Peter Yardley’s boat gone?” he asked a passerby, who stared at him as though he was a maniac.

Maybe he was a maniac.

He didn’t have a coat, for starters. He’d left it in Chicago. And the only clothes he had were old things that Mildred had dug up from her attic that had belonged to her husband, his grandfather, John. His grandfather had been close enough in size and stature that Jason hadn’t rushed out to buy clothes.

“All the boats are gone,” the man answered, then pointed out to the water to the right. “But they’re not far.”

Jason took off running alongside the water’s edge. What was he hoping to do exactly? Wave them down? Have them turn around and come back for him?

The colored twinkle lights from the boat blurred in his vision. The cold air filled his lungs, and he dodged people by the water’s edge, not paying attention to the stir he was causing.

He had to get out on that boat.

If Jen was out there, he wanted to be with her.

The thought was singular in his mind, pulsing with an urgent beat as he ran out of shoreline to run along. He stopped, watching the boat gliding into the water.

The gentle lapping of the lake brought terror to his heart.

She was out there, slipping farther away.

Peeling his shoes and socks off, his heart continued pounding in his chest.

He hesitated, his bare feet aching in the icy mixture of snow and mud by the water.

He couldn’t let her down again. Couldn’t let her think he’d failed one more time.

Jen can’t save you. Mildred’s voice rang through his mind. You’re the last man standing. And you don’t think you deserve to be.

What did he deserve? He’d spent so long thinking he deserved nothing, deserved to be dead instead of his father—the words that his grandfather had put in his head that awful summer day at Dad’s funeral.

But his dad had died for him. He’d given up everything so that Jason could be here right now.

And what had he done with that gift?

He’d spent the last twenty years letting himself become hard, selfish, and focused on making himself feel happy, even at the expense of others. He’d been bitter, angry that he hadn’t saved Kevin. Angry that his son-of-a-bitch grandfather would take Cavanaugh Metals from him because he blamed Jason for Dad’s death. Angry that Mom hadn’t had the strength to be there for them.

Angry at being alone.

But he wasn’t the last man standing. There was Colby. And his future child. Cavanaugh Metals had failed anyway, outside of his control. His grandfather had done that—not him.

He was done squandering his father’s gift. Even if it took the rest of his life, Jason was going to spend it like he was worthy of the sacrifice Dad had made. Mildred had taught him he could be someone different than he’d believed. That all wasn’t lost with the people who deserved his love.

And maybe if he could be worthy of Jen, be the man she deserved, he could start toward a different future—one he longed for more than anything he’d ever known.

He ran out into the water to audible gasps behind him. People had been watching him, and now if they’d wondered if he had lost it, he’d just confirmed it.

I probably have lost it. I’m just not going to lose her if I can help it.

The water was so cold, he clenched his jaw. His entire body broke into a single sheet of gooseflesh. The pins and needles on his skin felt like knives poking in from all sides.

He was about to dive under when he felt arms wrap around his waist.

“Jason, stop!”

He swung around. Jen was in the water, holding him back. He trembled, then pulled her up and out. He wrapped her legs around him and buried his face in her shoulder. Cheers of applause broke out on the shore. The tears in his eyes were from an equal mixture of freezing pain from the icy waters and his relief at seeing her. His teeth chattered as he asked, “What are you doing here?”

“I didn’t get on the boat.” She wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. “Not once Millie told me about why you hate water. I’d never have asked if I had known. I think I love you, Jason Cavanaugh. I would never do that to you.”

Jason pulled his face back, scanning her eyes.

He could barely think with the cold.

She said she loves you.

He dropped a kiss on her mouth. As she kissed him back, Jason’s legs started to go numb, his body shaking in response to the cold. She laughed, then pulled away. “Should we go to the shore?”

He nodded, and the ice that had been strangling his heart for so many years melted away at last. “I’ll carry you.”