Chapter 70

CHAPTER SEVENTY

LAKE

2 bobas left until my big brother dies …

I’m not sure how I make it through the rest of that concert, but I pull myself together. I smile at Tam when he comes offstage. I kiss him. We hold each other. He’s still reveling in the beauty of our survival, and I’m already grieving again.

Joules is going to die.

Joules doesn’t know Allison at all.

Allison is married, a mom, someone with an entirely different value-system than Joules.

Joules and Allison are not going to break the curse.

“What’s going on?” Tam asks as we walk from the helicopter to the house. Joules and Kaycee are with us, but they haven’t said a word. Poor Tam looks terrified, so I stop him just outside the door, leaving Joules and Kaycee to go inside.

As soon as my family gets here, we need to make a decision about what we’re going to do.

“My brother … the curse … his Match …” I stop talking, force a breath in, force an exhalation out. “Joules only has until four-forty-two in the afternoon the day after tomorrow.” I let that sink in, and Tam’s eyes widen. His lips part. He doesn’t know what to say any more than anyone else in the family did. I think my parents are hurt that Joules kept this secret from them.

Mostly, they’re afraid.

We’re all afraid.

A miracle happened tonight, and miracles don’t often happen back-to-back.

“He …” Tam trails off and then he’s wrapping me up in his arms and holding me tight. I am so grateful then that there are drone eagles living here. Drone eagles. Fucking drone eagles. I’m crying a little bit, but I don’t want Joules to see. I cannot let Joules see.

“I killed him,” I tell Tam between breaths. “I killed my own brother. He couldn’t break his own curse because he was so worried about mine.” I lean away from Tam, but my hands stay clutched in his pale pink T-shirt. He wraps his hands over mine, holding tight.

“You didn’t kill him, Lake. He made a choice. I’d choose you every time, too. There’s nothing crazy about that.”

“For once, he says something worth listening to.” Joules strides up to stand beside us, hands on his hips, a dark look on his face. He has the audacity to scowl at me. “What would you have done, Lake? Saved my life or broke up someone else’s marriage?”

I want to yell at him the way Aunt Lisa yelled at Joe. “It’s your life! It’s your fucking life!”

“I would do whatever it took to save you,” I growl back at him, and I’m serious. He knows that.

“I tried,” Kaycee offers, raising her hand as she steps forward. She’s wearing the Frost Family Construction hoodie, and I wonder yet again how she ever got involved in the curse side of things. “I wanted to pay Allison’s husband to leave her, but he wouldn’t let me. Said no to the idea of a hitman, too.”

My gaze slides back to Joules, and he turns away.

“Wouldn’t have mattered. I’m in love with Kaycee. I was never going to fall in love with Allison.”

It gets really quiet, really fast. I suddenly miss last night when Tam and I were eating boba-not-boba ice cream and having too much sex. This feels worse somehow. I live only at the expense of my brother? How is that fair? Why is this stupid curse so goddamn awful?

“So … we’re just supposed to stand here and let you die?” I choke on the words, the chill in my heart only slightly warmed by Tam’s arm around my waist.

“We could use the company jet to fly back to Arkansas,” Tam suggests and Jacob, who’s been standing off to one side with Daniel, makes a noise of disgust. We all ignore him. Not to be rude, but I don’t have fucks to give to Jacob. “Let me know now, and I’ll have your family taken straight to the airport. We could be there in twenty minutes.”

Kaycee and Joules look at each other. Tam and I do the same. He isn’t smiling, but there’s a gentleness in Tam’s eyes that reminds me that I’m not alone. No matter what happens with Joules, I’ve got someone going through it with me.

“I want to see Joe,” Joules admits, shrugging. “I’d … it’d be easier to go through that at home.”

“We’ll take the jet, and if somebody needs to be blamed for using it when we’re not supposed to, I’ll take the blame,” Kaycee says loudly, scowling in Jacob’s direction. She even flips him off, calls him a name under her breath that I can’t understand. I think she’s speaking Korean.

“Canoe?” Joules asks gently, and I nod.

“Let’s go home, Joules,” I whisper back, and so … we do.

1 single boba left until my big brother dies … (the wee hours of the morning)

It only takes three hours for the flight from LA to Fayetteville.

My family does what they do best, laughing and joking, telling stories. It’s my curse all over again. It’s Joe’s curse. It’s GG Louise’s curse. It’s Aunt Clara’s curse.

We land and another entourage of SUVs picks us up, shuttles us back to the house. There are still paparazzi and fans camped outside, but this is bigger than that. I don’t care about those people right now. I just want privacy to be with my brother.

Tam asks Daniel for more security, and by the time the sun comes up, there’s a full team situated around the edges of the property. It buys us the space and time we need to … process.

And there’s not a lot of time to process.

Joules retreats to his bedroom with Kaycee and shuts the door; I take Tam upstairs.

Lying in my bed, I feel nostalgic for last week, when we were here, and I didn’t know that Joules was going to die. I reach out and rub my thumb against the furrow in Tam’s brow. He returns the favor, rubbing my dimple.

“Good thing we learned our lesson about the skylight already,” I whisper, an old blanket nailed to the ceiling above my bed. Tam and I won’t be photographed in our underwear again.

“Lucky that,” he replies with a little smile. “In the morning, do you want to eat Trix cereal with me? Your mom bought me a box before we left for LA, and she said she’d keep it in the cabinet for my next visit. Well, it’s my next visit and I want it.”

“You never got to eat cereal as a kid, did you?” I ask, and Tam shakes his head.

“Just salad,” he whispers, and that makes me laugh. It’s only sort of a joke though. My brother is only sort of going to die at four-forty-two in the afternoon tomorrow. Ouch. “Rarely had cereal as a kid. Never have cereal now. If Jacob sees me eating it, he might punch me.”

“As if you’d let him,” I tease, and Tam raises a brow. We both laugh at the reality that Tam did, in fact, let Joules punch him.

Joules.

Shit.

I roll onto my back, the Christmas lights burnishing the familiar space with gold.

“My brother is going to die,” I say aloud, and then I close my eyes, knowing that I have to accept it. Knowing that my life with Tam is going to start from the seed of tragedy. I can do it. I can survive this, but oh my fucking God, it’s going to be hard. It’s going to be so hard, but I will get through it. I’ll get through it just by taking everyday breaths, by doing everyday things like kissing Tam or falling asleep. “I am going to sleep tonight. Today. Whatever.”

“Rest, and I’ll tell you when Joules comes out of his room, okay?” Tam pushes on my shoulder, so that I’m lying on my side, and then he spoons me. He wraps his arm around me, and I let the exhaustion of the day decimate any reminder of my worries.

1 single boba left until my big brother dies … (later that same day)

Tam shakes me awake in the late morning, so that I can join Joules in the backyard. We sit cross-legged in front of Joe, getting our pajamas damp from the dew. It goes Tam, me, Joules, Kaycee. We’re all holding cereal bowls in our laps and consuming far more sugar than we probably ought to.

“You always loved Cheerios best—which is honestly weird, Joe.” Joules chuckles as he pours out a spoonful of cereal and milk at the bottom of the tree. “When I die, I want Reese’s Puffs.”

“You’re getting something whole grain with oat milk,” I tease, and then my cereal all comes up in my throat, and I have to drink the milk from my bowl to wash it back down. Joules is going to die. Joules will be gone. Joules is going to leave me like Joe did.

Tam takes my wrist and gently pulls the bowl away from my mouth. My next bite of cereal tastes like sugar and salt, but I don’t say anything aloud. Joules doesn’t want that. He wants to spend the day being lazy, pretending we’re seventeen years old and lying on the grass out here with no worries in the world.

I give a shaky exhale, take another bite of cereal.

“When I’m gone, Lake, I want you to be happy with Tam. Just focus on Tam. Get your degree. Get married. Buy a house. Adopt a dog.” Joules swallows his emotions as he stares down at the dirt in front of him. “Have kids—someday. Don’t you dare wander around here thinking you killed me or whatever stupid shit you’re dreaming up.”

“Screw you,” I whisper, but there’s no heat in it.

Joules sighs as he looks at Tam.

“I hate that I have to trust my sister to you, but it is what it is.”

“Gee, how kind of you,” Tam replies with a little half bow. He snorts and picks up his cereal spoon, but I know better than to think he’s as nonchalant as he’s pretending. He’s worried about what this is going to do to me.

“And you.” Joules turns sideways to look at Kaycee, but she just offers him an unimpressed once-over. “Get back to your career. Find a hot husband. Move the fuck on.”

“You disgust me, you know that?” Kaycee says, and then she flicks cereal on him. Joules scowls at her, and then tackles her into the grass.

Yep. Time to leave.

Tam and I hurry back inside, shutting the back door and laughing. The sprinkler in the backyard—malfunctioning off the same timer as the front—goes off, and I hear Kaycee’s shrieks.

“I just made turtle brownies.” My mom puts them on the counter, like nothing’s wrong. Same as she did for the three weeks that Tam and I stayed here. Just plugging along. It’s a normal everyday and nobody is going to die.

I suppose that’s a testament to the way we live our lives. What if you only had one year to live? Would you keep doing what you always do, or would you change things? I like my life. My family likes their lives. We’d just keep on with all of this.

Joules and Kaycee pad in the back door, soaking wet. They each grab a huge, gooey brownie out of the tray, pour some milk, and head into the living room together.

“Here.” Tam plates a brownie for me, too, and I sit with my brother on one side, my boyfriend on the other. It’s a bit squished with four adults on one couch, but we make do. Eat brownies. Drink milk. Watch a movie.

When it gets late and Joules takes Kaycee upstairs, I understand.

They want their own time to say goodbye, the way that only lovers do.

“Let’s go use the telescope,” Tam tells me, so we bundle up in blankets and we go outside. Standing on the grass and looking up, we use an app on my phone to position the telescope so that we can see it.

The Heart Nebula.

That stupid fucking constellation.

I flip it off and then lean around the telescope to shout at the night sky.

“I hate you Cassiopeia!” I shout, and Tam laughs. He can’t seem to stop laughing, bending over at the waist with his borrowed blanket hanging down on either side of him.

“You tell that emissions nebula who’s boss,” Tam murmurs, turning his head to look at me. “I know I should hate it because of what it’s done to you, what it’s still planning on doing to you.” Tam pauses and stands up straight, taking the blanket off his shoulders and adding it to mine. I give a little smile and tuck it closely around me. “What it did to us. It’s hard to be mad though when it brought you to me.”

“Can you please stop? You’re not on the clock today, Tam Eyre.” I bump him with my shoulder, but he just smiles a little wider. We go inside to get more brownies and find my mom weeping at the dining room table.

It’s just that sort of night.

There are two faces: one happy and one that’s oh so fucking sad.

We drank the last boba, the very last boba … the cup is … empty …

We have a big barbeque in the backyard with all of Joules’ favorite foods.

The sight of the picnic table covered in bowls of chips, an egg souffle that Aunt Lisa messed up three times before she got right, a towering bowl of green-skinned apples because my brother is a weirdo and Granny Smiths are his favorite.

Joules is lounging on the grass in front of the tree, head thrown back, eyes closed. Sun bathes his face, turns his smile into gold. He looks like he’s already gone, and I can’t stand it. I look at Tam, and he reaches out to brush my hair back.

“Go,” he says, and I do. I jog over to Joules and drop down on the ground beside him.

We’ve been hanging out here since the sun came up, and it only gets worse with each passing moment.

Because it’s two-fifteen and there’s not much time left.

“Counting down the magic seconds until an unknown force strikes down your relatives, that’s pretty harsh, don’t you think?” I ask, trying on the mantle of dark humor. It works on Joules, and his smile gets a little wider. He drops his chin to look over at me.

I can see Kaycee pacing in the grass just a few feet away from us, biting onto her thumbnail in thought.

“At least I got to fall in love first,” Joules remarks, turning back to the tree. It’d be nice if it had flowers. Leaves, at the very least. It’s still warm, and it’s August, but it’s just a bunch of barren sticks. Thanks a lot, Joe. You better take care of Joules.

Bile rises in my throat, and I turn to Joules, grabbing onto the front of his shirt. My teeth are gritted. I want to scream and cry at the same time. I want to punch another influencer. I want to drink another boba. I want to collapse and die, but I also want to be strong for him.

“Why? Why did you spend all that time with me when you should’ve been trying to break your own curse? I don’t understand, Joules. I don’t get it.”

His eyes are wet even as he scoffs and rubs his hand over the lower half of his face.

“I couldn’t save Joe, but I could save you. Lake, you know I’d give my life to you. I did. I have.”

I shove at him, but he grabs me so that he can hug me, and it’s the worst moment of my life.

Saying goodbye to Joules is … torture.

We hold each other, and it’s now three o’clock.

Tam brings over some plates of food, and we all eat hot dogs and Joules pulls up the worst photos of me in the hot dog costume so he can make fun of them. Kaycee sits in his lap. Kaycee cries on his shoulder. Joules disappears briefly into the front yard to talk with my dad and uncles. He takes pictures with Lynn and Maria and Luna and Ella.

He holds my mom while she cries.

It’s four o’clock.

Forty-two minutes to go.

Everyone sits as close to the tree as possible, just talking, relaxing. I’m in Tam’s lap, but my eyes are on Joules. All of our eyes are on Joules.

It’s four-forty, and I’m starting to feel the beginnings of a panic attack coming on.

Then the clock ticks again, and Joules takes his first violent inhale.

I scramble out of Tam’s lap and grab onto my brother’s shoulders.

“Look at me,” I whisper at him, holding it together just for this final moment. He needs me now. He needs me here. Kaycee is kneeling on his other side, rubbing his back, tears streaming down her face. “You’re okay. We’re here together. We’re here.”

“I love you, Joules Frost,” Kaycee tells him, kissing his cheek.

In typical Joules fashion, he just laughs between hiccupping breaths.

“I think we can have more than one soulmate,” Joules says, shuddering with his next, rattling inhale. “And they don’t have to be romantic.” He turns to me, and I know it’ll be the last time that he ever does. “You and Joe are my soulmates. You should’ve been my Matches. I’d have given anything for him, but at least I was able to save you.” And then he turns to Kaycee and touches his hand to the side of her face. “You’re the first and only woman I’ll ever love.”

He smiles, and it’s not even a line because Joules is about to die. Kaycee really, truly is the only woman he’ll ever love. I grab onto him, throwing my arms around his neck, tears pouring down my face.

“I don’t want to live without you!” I yell at him, but he’s breathing too hard now to respond. He’s panting and choking, and he’s leaving me just like Joe did. I can’t stop it. I can’t save him.

Kaycee and I are both weeping as my uncles and dad help to lay Joules in the grass, his blue eyes staring up at Joe’s naked branches. He inhales, and there’s a long pause. He exhales, and there’s another long pause. I’m brushing his hair back; my mother is clinging to his shirt; Tam is holding me; Kaycee is caressing his face.

Another inhale. A pause. An exhale.

Nothing.

Silence.

The only sound is my Aunt Lisa, calling for another ambulance.

There’s an entire minute there where nobody moves. Joules doesn’t breathe. The mark on his wrist doesn’t disappear the way mine did. There’s no last chance save for my big brother.

I slump back onto my ass and Tam is right there, wrapping me up in his arms from behind. Someone starts to wail, and Ella runs into the front yard to meet the paramedics.

“He’s gone,” I whisper, staring at Joules’ still body in the grass. “I lost him. I saved myself, and I lost him.”

“He gave himself to you. That’s completely different.” Tam rests his head against mine, rocking me gently. I can’t be soothed because I can’t even feel. There’s no sadness yet because there’s nothing. I’m an empty shell, a person without a soul, a sister without a heart. “He loved you so much, Lake. So, so much.”

I’m crying softly now, and so is Kaycee, lying on Joules’ chest.

He’s been dead for several minutes now. I think I can hear the sirens down the street.

The wind blows past, and I notice something strange.

A single, silky pink petal floats down from above, and I look up.

The tree is blooming.

The redbud tree is blooming, its branches exploding with wild, luxurious pink. It’s shameless against the blue sky and white clouds. Absolutely shameless. Joules. This is Joules. I can feel it!

I push up from Tam’s lap and run to the tree, putting my hands on the trunk. There’s energy in this tree, a sense in me that I’m okay here. I’m safe. I’m loved. It’s Joules.

I turn around and I stumble over to him, falling to my knees beside his body. His eyes are open but sightless, lips parted, chest still. I put my hand on the side of his face as Kaycee finally looks up to see what I saw. My mom gasps, and my dad curses. Uncle Rob comes jogging up to stare at the branches.

Above us, the beautiful late summer sky morphs into a sea of navy and black and silver, a nighttime full of stars in the middle of the day. In the center of it all, there’s the Heart Nebula, pulsing with a bright red light. It bathes us all in its glow the way my curse mark did the night before Tam and I broke the curse.

“What the hell?” Tam whispers, grabbing onto my arm. I can’t tear my eyes away from the sky, and then I feel this awful burning in my wrist, in my belly, in my chest. I suck in a gasping breath, in perfect unison with the rest of my family.

My mom and Aunt Lisa and my grandmother and Aunt Mandy and Maria and Uncle Rob and Aunt Daphne and Uncle Peter and Lynn.

Anyone with the Frost name; everyone with the Frost blood.

My mother collapses to her knees. Aunt Lisa stumbles into the wall. Lynn falls as she’s opening the back gate for Ella and Daniel, Jacob and the paramedics. I suck in another breath, but it doesn’t quite catch. I’m suffocating. Again.

Tam catches me when I fall backward into his arms, lowering me to the grass, climbing over me. He touches my face, lips moving without words coming out. I can’t hear anything anymore. Can’t see him. Can’t breathe.

I can’t see anything but stars.