Chapter 69

CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE

LAKE

0 bobas left until we both die … I might drink one today, but this is it … the last day …

I’m the first to wake up, stretching and smiling as I come to. The alarm on my phone is going off, one of Tam’s songs summoning me back to the world of the living. I shut it off, yawn again, and then I check my wrist.

The curse mark is still there.

It’s still there.

“Is it time to get up?” Tam mumbles into his pillow, but I can’t answer him. Because I lied last night. Okay, fine, I didn’t lie when I said that I wasn’t afraid anymore. In that space, in the dark and in my own selfish joy, I didn’t feel scared at all.

But now?

I’m trembling all over, and my breath catches, and that’s when Tam rolls over to check on me.

“Lakelynn Frost, don’t you go there,” he growls out, wrapping me in his arms and pulling me against him. He tucks my head under his chin as I grab onto him, and I just let myself go.

I cry into Tam’s bare chest, and I think about him dying, and I just can’t. If it were just me that the curse was taking, I could handle that. I’d be scared, but not like this. Not like this. I understand Joe suddenly, the way Marla’s name was the very last word he ever spoke. I’ll be calling out for Tam if it happens. I’ll be worried about Tam.

“We missed the sunrise!” I tell him, pushing back a little bit. I’m panicked. Isn’t he scared? I search his face for fear, but all I see in Tam Eyre’s expression is worry for me. “Tam, we missed it.”

“We’ll watch it together tomorrow.” He’s dead-serious. Unwavering. I grab his face, and I press my forehead to his. As I do, I touch a palm to his chest, and I can feel the truth of it: he’s scared, too. He’s putting on an act for me, but he’s as terrified as I am.

How is this happening? We love each other, and the stupid fucking curse isn’t getting the memo. It’s broken. The magic that’s warped my family’s fate for centuries is warped and twisted. We’ll be the first matched pair to go to the grave while in love with each other.

A knock at the door is a strange, prosaic reminder that even if Tam and I are in the middle of a crisis, the world is still turning. I expect that it’s Jacob.

“Get decent because I’m coming in there.” It’s Joules.

It’s Joules. Oh, Joules.

I breathe against Tam’s chest and get my emotions under control. My family is suffering today, too. Worse than I’m suffering. I know that to be a fact because I was there when Joe died. I would’ve taken his place in a heartbeat. Would’ve been happier knowing he was with the family even if I were gone.

Joules is the one who’s going to break if I die. Tam will be gone alongside me, to wherever it is that people go when they die. But Joules? He’ll be here. He will stay here alone, and that is so much harder for me to comprehend.

Tam kisses me on the forehead, and we get up, pulling on whatever clothes are most easily accessible. I’m in Tam’s boxers and a flannel pj top that I brought from home. He’s wearing … jeans. That’s it. Also, his button is undone, and when I flick the curtains open, I glance back and notice that his head is tipped back, fingers in his hair like he’s posing.

Only, he’s not.

He’s upset.

He’s upset, but he’s trying not to be.

“Come in,” Tam calls, but when he drops his chin and opens his eyes, it’s me that he’s staring at. Joules comes in with Kaycee on his heels. It’s a little weird, having them in the room where Tam and I— But I don’t get to enjoy this moment of embarrassment because the curse is digging its fingers into that, too.

I shake out my hands and wish that the curse was another influencer that I could punch.

“Well?” Joules asks, sounding both annoyed and desperate. When I look at him, we communicate with each other in perfect silence.

His rough intake. Please, Lake. I need this win.

Me, turning my wrist over. Him, closing his eyes. Clenching his fists. Struggling and breathing hard.

Joules opens his eyes again to look at me as both Tam and Kaycee wait in patient silence on either side of my brother.

“We’re still going to the concert, right?” Joules asks casually, as if nothing is wrong. We did this with Joe, too, acted like it was no big thing in the morning. Grew progressively more freaked out as the hours ticked by. Little boba pearls in an hourglass, drip-drip-dripping. It’s a cute image, but it’s not cute enough to erase the horror in my chest.

“Whatever Lake wants,” Tam says, affecting a casual slouch that isn’t casual at all. He has one knee bent, the other straight. Beams of sunlight on his bare toes. He rubs at the back of his head with his left hand, turning to look at me with an expression that reminds me of the ones I got when we were breaking down each other’s barriers in the rental house.

It hits me again, the intensity of that look.

“Of course we’re going to the concert,” I tease with absolutely zero sincerity. “Jacob already dislikes me. Do you want him to kill me?”

“He doesn’t dislike you,” Tam says with a soft smile, gentling himself toward me. “If he did, he’d address you as Milady.”

“Good morning, Sir Eyre, Miss Frost.” Jacob turns to give Joules and Kaycee an odd look. “I don’t even want to know about this. Don’t explain it to me. Your ex-girlfriend in your bedroom alongside your current girlfriend, who is only wearing boxers. Right.”

“Jake, seriously? Do not get on my bad side today.” Tam huffs and drops his arm, exchanging a look with Joules. I don’t know what they’re saying, but there’s a silent conversation going on there, too.

“I’m not performing tonight, so … hwaiting.” Kaycee gives a little fist pump, using the Korean for fighting! as in let’s fucking do this. But the gesture is just that, an empty shallow gesture. She turns and pads out of the room, and I don’t like the moist look in her eyes.

I’m sure that Kaycee is worried about me because she’s worried about Joules. But … her expression was worse than that. I jog over and grab Joules’ wrist before he can leave to wake up the family.

“You didn’t get matched on the same day as me?” I ask, and Joules stiffens up before he relaxes.

“Seriously? It’s your last day, so now you want to make up a story where it’s mine, too? Don’t do that to yourself.” Joules goes to pull his arm from my grip, but then stops. He turns and he gathers me up, crushing me against him, and squeezing too hard. “Do not do this to me, Lake. Joe is gone. I’ll be alone. I can’t do it if I’m alone.”

I want to cry again, but I don’t. I hug Joules back, sniffling just a little when I pull away from him.

I make myself smile as Jacob waits not-so-patiently for this display to end.

“Make sure everybody knows that they’re leaving the same time as we are; it’s just going to take them way longer to get to the stadium in a car.” My words are blurred at the edges, stretched at the end. Lingering. Trapped between this world and the next.

“Will do, Canoe.” Joules ruffles up my hair with his hand and even manages a smile that’s far too nice for my liking. He never smiles at me like this, a tender mix of love and acceptance. It’s killing me. He turns away from me to follow after Kaycee.

“Sir Eyre, you’re opening with “Sweet Honey” tonight. I know that’s odd, but we need something short, sweet, and to the point.” Jacob snorts as he taps around on his iPad. “Something without a bridge.”

Tam is watching me, hands in his pockets. I don’t think he even realizes that Jacob is standing there.

“Next up is the first of two songs with Stricken and Dylan—”

“Shit. I keep forgetting about them.” Tam gives me an apologetic look. “Do you want me to kick them out of the show? They won’t get on your nerves, will they?”

I shrug as Jacob sputters.

“They were nice enough at the escape room. Do what you need to do,” I tell Tam, and Jacob scoffs.

“I’m not going to comment on that either.” Jake returns his attention to the screen. “Third song of the night is—”

“What time does the concert end?” I ask, trying not to mentally calculate which song it is that we’re going to die in. Will Tam collapse onstage with a stadium full of fans watching? No, no. If it comes to that, I’ll go to him, and we’ll hunker down in the dressing room together. But that won’t happen. It will not come to that.

“Just after midnight,” Jacob responds, narrowing his eyes on me. “Why?”

“No special reason.” I grab my duffel bag, toss the strap over my shoulder, and head into the bathroom to take a shower.

Tam doesn’t leave me alone, following right in after me and locking the door behind us.

He holds me under the hot spray of the shower twenty minutes longer than he has time for.

We’re running so late when we get to the stadium that Jacob starts off the morning by apologizing to everyone that he runs into. Hair and makeup. Wardrobe. Executives. The film crew. The backup dancers.

It’s astonishing to me how many people rely on Tam to do their jobs. I’m glad that I can be here for him. That’s a ton of stress, and if I’m able to take any of it off his shoulders, then I’m happy about that.

“Hey Leo,” Tam says, dressed in his first costume of the day, headset on his shiny pink hair. He uses his water bottle to give his assistant—one of dozens—a sharp, terrifying look. Poor Leo freezes like a deer in the headlights, and I slap Tam in the shoulder.

This is so normal. It shouldn’t be. I’m shaking. I’m so scared.

“Leave that poor man alone.” I cross my arms and pretend to be annoyed, catching sight of Joules and Kaycee both with drink carriers in their hands. They come up to us, and Joules shoves one of the drink carriers into Tam’s arms.

Employees nearby gasp, and I feel the genuine ripple of true shock.

Fortunately, everyone here has signed the strictest NDA in the business. They can’t even talk to each other about it.

“Family incoming. Your assistant gave these to me.” Joules releases the drink carrier and steps back in time for the horde of Frosts—and Luna and Ella and Aunt Lisa’s husband, Greg. Drinks are passed out, and I’m kissed and hugged and fawned over too many times.

Everyone is smiling and laughing, telling stories I’ve heard a million times before.

Like with Joe. Exactly like it was with Joe.

“Is your mom coming?” I ask Tam, sipping my peach Yakult with popping boba and thinking that if I do die, this isn’t a bad last drink to have.

“Nah,” Tam says, slipping a hand into the pocket of his red pants. There are navy stripes on the side, and a lot of glitter. I’d say they were ridiculous, but with the half-tucked T-shirt, red beanie, and boots, they look good. The pants of a performer, something to catch the light. Oh, and his makeup? Light foundation, pinked cheeks, a tad of red shadow around the edges of his eyes, sharp tight black liner. “She’s negotiating some overseas contracts, so … we had a good talk the last time I saw her.”

“Right.” I turn back to my brother, his hand wrapped tight around Kaycee’s, lips pursed, expression locked on the curtain at the front of the stage. When he senses me staring at him, he turns slowly to look at me. Kaycee scoots a little closer to him, but nobody says anything.

Because it’s fine. It’s all just fine. Everything is fine.

I wore long sleeves today on purpose, a white top with black polka dots that’s nice and soft enough to please Tam. Can’t see the mark in this sweater, and that’s how I like it. Don’t care. Not even worried.

“Didn’t you wear white for “Sweet Honey” before?” I ask, and Tam grins.

“Costume changes are always a hit. The director of the docuseries thought red would be a punchier, racier color. You know, to set the mood.”

“This docuseries, it’s basically light-core porn, isn’t it?” I ask, trying not to think of those stupid photocards. He was practically naked in them! I’ve never been a prude before. Might be now, when it comes to Tam.

And I’m about to watch him seduce ninety-thousand people—not including staff. Or the future viewers of the show they’re making about him. If he dies, it’ll be even more popular. I crush that thought by sipping up a huge mouthful of boba. If I’m chewing popping peach, then I can’t think morose thoughts.

If Tam and I weren’t about to drop dead, my family would probably be having a pretty good time. As it is, I still think they’re having a good time. Aunt Mandy and Lynn, in particular.

“When the show starts, we’ll go stand in front of the stage,” I explain to my parents, trying not to look them in the eyes. For some reason, I feel embarrassed, like I let them down. Because this must be my fault. Tam says he’s in love with me, and I believe him. I feel like I’m in love with Tam, but … Shit.

My breathing picks up, a little fast, a little weird.

Joe, before he left the house to visit Marla, hand on the doorknob. Me, wondering if Joules and I hadn’t invited him out to the café that night, if he’d still be alive. It was trivia night. Joe didn’t want to go. Marla was working. It’s how they met, how they … matched.

Useless, spinning anxieties wrack my poor brain and tired heart.

“Lake.” It’s my dad, putting a hand on my shoulder so that I’ll look at him. Joules has disappeared with Kaycee, and Tam’s been pulled to the side to discuss something with Daniel. It’s my moment to … be alone with my parents. As alone as it ever gets backstage. There are so many people.

“I’m okay,” I tell him, which is a lie.

“You don’t have to be okay.” My mom is eerily calm, so calm that I know she’s freaking out. My dad is less subtle about it, swiping his hand over his mouth and beard, sweating, cursing under his breath when he thinks I can’t hear him.

“I know, but I am.” I raise both brows and give my dad a pat on his massive bicep. “I’ve got this. Just relax and try to enjoy your future son-in-law’s show.”

“I’d rather break his neck,” my dad murmurs, and he sounds exactly like Joules when he says that.

I make my way back to Tam’s side, and I stay there until it’s time for the show to start.

We stand there, in front of the big curtain, staring at each other. Tam is breathing hard, his mic in front of his parted lips.

“If at any point you want me, just come out on the stage and grab me. I’ll leave with you. We’ll do whatever you want, go wherever you want.”

I nod at him, putting my hands on the front of his T-shirt. His skin is nice and warm underneath. I give Tam the most genuine smile that I can muster.

“No need for that. We’ll see the end of this concert.”

He smiles back.

“Fuck yeah we will.” Tam kisses me for a final time, and then he moves away to take his spot on a taped-off X at the center of the curtain.

I jog to the steps and then down, outside to the murmuring crowd. Tambourine light sticks are pulsing with ethereal, cream-colored glows, but the overhead lights are off. I find my family right away, clustered in the small space between the stage and the metal fence that blocks off the crowd. Security guards stand with their backs to us, watching the fans, making sure the barrier stays in place.

“Finally,” Joules growls at me, yanking me over to stand beside him. He keeps Kaycee in one arm—she’s not even bothering with a disguise—and me in the other.

The massive screens on either side of the stage flare to life, an impressive level of definition and color and sound. It’s Tam, the camera zooming in on that half-lidded look, like a lazy seduction. He turns his head toward the screen, and the room ripples with a collective scream.

They probably think this is a pre-recorded video, like a lot of concerts have. A piece of an unreleased music video. Or maybe something that was filmed specifically to tease the audience tonight. But it’s not. It’s Tam. It’s actually Tam backstage.

The curtain slides open, and the lights on either side of the stage floor brighten. White and red, bathing the lone figure in the center. There are gasps, shrieks, shouts.

The camera stays zoomed in as the music starts, this low, sexy bass that summons Tam’s backup dancers onto the stage. They jog into place, all of them wearing denim and some combination of red and white up top, a bit of navy splashed in accessories here and there.

Tam’s dance starts before he even turns around, rolling his head around on his neck. He presses his fingers into the mic and starts with, “Hey LA.” Nice and quiet. Everyone hears it, and all of the lights turn on, a spotlight following Tam as he turns and walks to the front of the stage.

“He-ey,” he sings, moving his shoulders, rocking from one foot to the other with the beat. “Let’s make a little fiction, tell a story, write a song. Sticky honey on your lips every time you lie to me. I don’t mind. Just kiss me, stain my skin with wet gold.”

The dance starts up, Tam and the backup dancers moving in a wave of almost peculiar unison. It’s eerie how on-time everyone is. Not a step out of place, not a single delayed flick of a hand or shift of a foot. Tam’s part differs in the middle, but when he starts singing again, he catches right back up with the other dancers.

“Lay your head on my shoulder, and I’ll lay you down on my bed. My hand tangled in your hair, the honeyed afternoon stretched out against the sky. The sugar rush of your lips. Clouds of cream, edges dipped in liquid gold. Churning heat and fiction. It’s just a dream, all that sweet honey.”

When Tam gets to that part, his hips rock as he purrs those last few sentences, like he’s about to come. It’s not unintentional, even if it’s a little weird for me.

“Would you stop blushing?” Joules shouts over the music, but I can’t help it. I might be blushing, but I’m grinning now, too.

This was the right choice, coming here. Watching Tam. If I have to die, yeah, this is a good way to go.

I race up the steps as the song comes to an end, and I’m in the dressing room to greet Tam when he bursts in. Sweaty. Panting. Grinning back at me.

We only have time to kiss, but I lick that last song from his lips, help him into his next set of clothes and send him on his way. More jogging to get back into the crowd, merging with my family. I push into the center of them this time, ready to throw my fist in the air when Tam appears onstage again.

He’s got an outfit on this time that vaguely reminds me of a pirate: tight black pants, boots, a tricorn hat. The song has nothing to do with any of that. It’s about his career, I think. References to sacrifice and big rewards, loneliness and music.

Someone—I think it’s Lynn—presses a light stick into my hand, and the color changes in time to the song. I start to jump along with the rest of the crowd, pumping that stick up in the air like a real fangirl.

Tam makes it worthwhile, moving to the edge of the stage so that he can look down at me. I know he sees me when he winks, and his expression is caught on the live cam, blasted all over the massive screens.

I scream when everyone does, just one voice among many. There’s a synergy in this stadium that goes way beyond Tam and his music, hits on a little bit of loneliness and refracts it back in connection.

Everyone in this room is connected by something, standing here right now and watching the same show, experiencing many of the same feelings. It’s powerful, and it’s stirring, and I’m electrified by it.

It’s high stakes there, passing the light stick to Lynn. Meeting Tam for a hot, frantic kiss. Running back. Watching him. Falling for him even harder. Happy to share him with the world tonight.

Song five features Adam Stricken and Dylan Bonne, Tam’s friends that I met at the escape room.

It’s a bouncy track that starts with the boys in a triangular formation, all of them wearing jeans and letterman jackets. Stricken is the first to sing, a cool, pop-tainted-rap that he busts out while dancing with Tam and Dylan.

They look a little like a K-pop group right now, taking turns with their own parts of the song, and singing in harmony for the rest. Dylan is up after Stricken, and Tam is last. There’s a noticeable shift in the audience when he takes center-stage for the chorus.

There’s a lot of hip movements in this dance, and Tam knows exactly which cheeky, shit-eating expression to wear for each of them. He gets on his knees with the other boys at some point, doing this backbend that would probably snap my spine. Tam gets out of it—while singing—and then rises to his feet like he’s possessed. It’s effortless for him.

My dad’s hand is on my shoulder for this one, and Maria is clutching my fingers in an iron grip.

During the next song—also with Stricken and Dylan—Tam starts off on the piano, playing for the other two men. It’s a sexy, sultry little song with a bright beat that gets the crowd (including me) moving.

Tam struts into the center of the stage with a black-and-white plaid shirt tied around his waist, a casual boy next door look on him that doesn’t quite match up to the unearthly perfection of his face.

No wonder I balked so hard in the beginning.

He’s just … yeah, he’s fucking lovely.

I’m enjoying the show so much that I don’t notice the rotation of my family members. Mom hugging me. Aunt Lisa kissing my forehead. Holding Maria’s hand then Lynn’s then Ella’s then Luna’s. Always by Joules. Forever wanting to stay by Joules.

They’re making their rounds, hugging and kissing me like they did with Joe.

I ignore that thought until the boba balls are running low, until I can’t deny the reality of this night any longer. We are right there at the end, and it’s ten-twenty-nine p.m.

At ten-thirty-four, I’ve stopped raising the light stick, stopped jumping, stopped singing.

I just stand there with the stick held at my side, staring up at Tam with my mouth parted, eyes wet.

We’re scheduled to die at eleven-twenty-three.

Less than an hour.

Tam is singing this incredible ballad called “In the Gloriousness of Us”.

I drop the light stick on the ground, pushing gently past my cousins and taking off at a run.

Up the stairs.

Past security and right onto the stage.

The crowd gets weird when they see me, and people stop waving their light sticks, stop moving in a glittering wave. From up here, they look like stars. So many stars. My mark rages, fire licking at my veins. I can tell that it wants to hurt me, that the whole purpose of this magic is to stain and punish. It led me to Tam, yes. It made me love Tam, yes. But only so it could rip it all away.

I don’t understand how so many of my ancestors survived. I really don’t.

I stumble up to Tam, catching his arm, and his singing falters, stops. The music keeps playing, but there are no words because my boyfriend sings live. He sings live because he cares about his craft, because he wants the crowd to be happy, because he’s truly one in a billion.

“I can’t wait any longer,” I whisper, and Tam nods, reaching up to take his headset off. He tosses it onto the ground, and then he grabs me by the hand.

We walk offstage to the distant rumbling of confusion, the whispers of disappointment.

Tam doesn’t let anyone stop us, forging a path straight through the staff and into the dressing room. When he goes to lock the door, I shake my head.

“My family—”

Joules bursts into the door, panting, stricken. Kaycee is there with him, and Lynn is right behind. We all squeeze into that room, and then the door is shut. Locked. Tam and I sit in the center of everyone, legs around each other, hands held between us.

It’s ten-fifty-nine.

I look into his green eyes, at the beads of sweat on his forehead, at his dance-mussed hair.

“You were incredible tonight,” I tell him in a whisper, not caring that everyone can hear me. “The best show you’ve ever done. The absolute best.”

“Because it was for you,” he tells me in a rough voice, squeezing my hands. “That was all for you, Lake. I would’ve done the same in your living room if that’s what you’d wanted. In my socks. Shirtless.”

I laugh, but I’m also crying, so when I reach up the back of my hand to my eyes, it comes away wet. I return my hand to Tam’s, and we continue to sit there together. Waiting. Just waiting. I lean in, and he does the same, and we kiss each other, long and slow.

It’s eleven-fifteen now.

Joules collapses on his knees beside me, tears rolling freely down his face.

“I cannot fucking do this without you, Canoe,” he grinds out, his teeth gritted hard, face strained. Joules reaches out a hand and cups the side of my face, putting his forehead to mine. I’m just crying now, openly and without shame.

I … I don’t know what happened.

I love Tam. Tam loves me.

I am going to miss Tam the most. If I don’t see him again after this, I’ll …

My brother and I hug each other until eleven-twenty-two. That’s when he draws back, eyes wet, and gives me the space to turn back to Tam.

“I don’t regret anything,” Tam tells me, and then we both gasp in time with one another. His hand flies to his chest, and he sucks in another violent breath, like a spasm. Just … like … Joe. I do the same. My mom is screaming this time, and Joules is holding a fistful of his hair in his hand. Kaycee is holding him from behind, squeezing him with her eyes shut.

Tam and I gasp again, and I get a little lightheaded. I can’t breathe. Those forced contractions in my chest don’t seem to be pulling in any air.

“Me neither,” I choke out, and that’s the last of it. No more words will come.

We’re both gasping and choking and blinking furiously. Tam yanks me hard against his chest, puts his arms around me, holds me against him while we die.

We’re dying together, as in-sync with our final breaths as he was with his dancers.

Joules is right there beside me, hand on my arm.

There’s a tightness in my chest as I pull back to look at Tam, vision swimming, the last person I will ever see. I should’ve made Tam go to the hospital, I think, but it doesn’t work. I’ve had forty different relatives check themselves into the ER in advance, and not one of them could be saved. It’s never happened, not once in our family history.

I lift my hand up to Tam’s cheek, and he looks right back at me as I drag my fingertips over his face. My hand falls; my eyelids are drooping. We’re collapsing together, lowered to the ground by my family. Tam and I are still staring at each other, lying on our sides on the dressing room floor.

It’s Joules who reaches in and makes sure that our fingers are twined together.

My eyes drift shut, and … I see stars.

I see stars everywhere, all around me.

There is nothing but stars.

The curse mark has turned me feverish, and I can feel that fire licking at me, trying to turn me to ash before I’m even dead.

There’s a hand on the back of my neck, lips against my temple, and I think for a minute that it’s Joe. It could be, right? Because I’m dying, and I can’t see anything but stars. There’s no dressing room. No stadium. No worried family members. No breathless Tam.

Me and stars, and a sense that I’ve been here—wherever here is—before.

Someone is kissing my forehead softly, lovingly. I can hear a wild heartbeat. But I only see stars. Just stars.

“It’s beautiful, don’t you think?” Joe, standing under a night sky with a telescope, looking up at all the things in space that he can’t see but that he knows are there. Cassiopeia. The Heart Nebula that he’s seen a million times. Mystery. The unknown. All of that. Joe turns to me, the wind ruffling his blond hair. “But I think it should stay wild for a little longer, that last frontier.”

“Joe, can you save Tam? Even if you don’t have the power to save me, please save him. Sever our connection.” I hate that I’m asking that, but it needs to be done. Whatever it is in the curse that draws two people together, I want to cut that cord. I want Tam to live.

But Joe doesn’t look at me because he’s dead, and this is just my mind’s last, frantic grasp at a life that’s slowly slipping away.

Why does it have to be like this? Why couldn’t I have died in Joe’s place? Why can’t I die in Tam’s?

I try to walk toward Joe, but the more steps I take, the farther away he gets.

He glances over his shoulder, and I stop moving. His green eyes find mine. The curse mark rages on my skin, an angry, writhing thing, some remnant of the past that keeps punishing us for no other reason than that it can. In another life, maybe I would’ve tried to find the origins of it.

But the origins don’t matter.

It’s the present that counts, and the present is slipping through my fingers like sand.

“You and me, Canoe. We’ve always been the most similar.” A smile from Joe that cracks my heart in half. My oxygen-starved brain is teasing me with a final goodbye from the person I loved the most. A person that’s now gone. We’re still standing under a blanket of stars, in a field of flowers that look suspiciously like the blossoms on the redbud tree back home. None of it is real, I know that. Doesn’t mean I’m not crying, wishing I could run to Joe, that I could hug him. “We’re both so stubborn.” My cousin turns around to look at me, the wind catching in his hair. “It wasn’t Marla that didn’t love me, Lake. It was me that wasn’t in love with her. That was all me.” One of those cheeky smiles that I miss so much. “I was afraid, and so are you. Loving someone else takes courage because it opens you up to hurt.”

“Joe, he’s dying,” I whisper, because as much as I want to stay here, I can’t. I’m dying, and so is Tam. I’m dying and none of this is real, even if I want it to be so badly. “Save him for me. Please.”

“You save him yourself,” Joe replies, tucking his hands into his pockets. He looks back up at the sky, the bright red smudge of the Heart Nebula glittering above us amongst a blanket of silver stars. “Let yourself fall, Lake.”

There’s a tugging, a pulling, a summoning. I’m being torn in two directions, and I’m fighting against it with everything I have. I’m going to miss Tam. All I want is to be with Tam. But if only one of us can live, it has to be him.

Even my dream-self closes her eyes, and darkness settles in all around me. There’s an agonizing pain in my chest, a panic that I can’t control. Loving Joe and then losing Joe, that was the worst pain I’ve ever felt. It dims the sensation in my chest, puts it in perspective. Loving Joules, worrying about Joules. Loving Tam, even if Tam doesn’t love me. That’d be okay if it were true.

It’s not.

I know that he loves me, and I fucking know that I love him, too.

I know because, like with Joe, I would truly give myself up to save him.

Nature is about survival. Most living things will do whatever it takes to survive—even at the cost of another’s life. Even at the cost of a life that they purport to love.

Not here. Not like this.

Tam.

Oh, Tam.

I turn, and then I see him. I see Tam, waiting at the edge of the hill, hands in his pockets. He’s just watching me, and he cocks a brow as our eyes meet.

“Hello, Kayak.”

A sensation passes through me, the purest love, distilled and strong and so like Joe.

I wake up with a gasp, sucking in air, knocking my forehead into Tam’s. He doesn’t pull away, not even when a bit of blood drips down from a cut in his skin. He’s peering at me, holding my hand, shaking all over. There are tears on his cheeks, too, a look of wild bewilderment in his green eyes.

I blink at him, a strange settling in my body that feels like falling. Like landing. A grounding.

“Wha …?” my voice warbles, trembles. I try to lift my hand to touch Tam’s face, but I can’t make myself move. I’m gasping for breath, these deep, violent inhales that turn my brain into fireworks. I close my eyes because the world is spinning, blurring, frosting at the edges.

“Lake.” It’s Tam, his own voice liquid and strange. “Look …” Gasp. “… me.”

His fingers are shaking as they brush over my cheek, and I force my heavy lids wide to find him with tear tracks on his own glitter-strewn cheeks.

I don’t check the curse mark. I only look at Tam. I only care about Tam right now.

“We … lived?” I ask, and I can hear my mom just sobbing and sobbing from somewhere behind me. It takes a great effort on my part, but I turn my head to see Joules with tears running down his cheeks, teeth clenched, hands fisted in my shirt. He’s the first to reach over me and grab my wrist, lifting the naked skin up to the light for everyone to stare at.

“We lived,” Tam murmurs, his words still fuzzy. He digs a shaky hand into his pocket and pulls out a handkerchief, a white one with gold stars on it. He dabs at the blood that’s dripped off his own face and onto mine, gently wipes away my sweat.

The room is both loud and quiet at the same time. My family is in complete shock. So am I.

What just happened? Weren’t we dying? Weren’t we just gasping for breath?

I finally convince my hand to move, stealing the handkerchief from Tam so that I can dab at his face, sweeping the blood away from his forehead. We’re lost in each other, absolutely lost.

“Let’s give them a minute,” Joules murmurs, kissing me on the temple. He rises to his feet, a little unsteady. It’s Kaycee that catches him, helping him out the door. My family follows reluctantly, various people—mostly my mom—pressing kisses all over my head as they go.

I can hear Jacob giving orders outside the door, the crew scrambling to cover up Tam’s absence. Pretty sure I can hear Stricken or Dylan or both giving an impromptu performance. The door to the dressing room slams shut, and then it’s just me and Tam, a little bit of blood, a whole lot of what the actual fuck?

Tam takes my arm, rubbing his thumb over the rapid pulse in my wrist.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” I tell him with a sniffle, and he looks up at me. My arms go around his neck, and his arms capture my waist. He drags me into his lap, and then we’re both laughing. We’re laughing, and he’s kissing all over my cheeks and lips and forehead.

“What the hell, Lake? What the hell?” Tam is grinning as he slumps back against the edge of the couch, tugging me forward so that I’m properly straddling him. His hands smooth over my body in wonder, like he’s having as much trouble understanding what just happened as I am.

“Did you see stars, too?” I ask, and Tam nods. I suck on my lower lip in thought, our eyes still focused wholly on one another. “Did you see … anything else?”

“I saw you,” Tam says, and my eyes widen in surprise.

“Me?” But I saw Joe. What does that mean if I saw Joe first? “Just me?”

Tam sweeps hair back from my face and smiles.

“Standing in a field, looking at a blond guy with a telescope. You, and Joe, and the stars. That’s what I saw. What I heard was you begging for my life in place of your own.” Tam grips my chin in his fingers and stares at me with a look that I haven’t seen much of since our night in the rental house. He looks grumpy and mean and way too serious. “Don’t you ever do that again.”

I laugh. It just comes out, a sharp burst of sound, and then I’m covering my lips with both hands. Tam tugs on my wrists—my perfectly naked, curse-free wrists—and forces my hands away from my face. He tilts his head just slightly and smiles at me.

“I’m serious. And don’t ever be ashamed of laughing again. Not after this. What could we possibly do after this if not celebrate being alive together?”

The door to the dressing room opens and Jacob waltzes over to us like nothing is wrong. Like something miraculous and terrifying and spectacular didn’t just happen five minutes ago. We both just stare up at him like we have no idea who he is or what’s going on.

“Pardon me, My Great and Terrible Lord, but did you just so happen to forget that there are ninety-thousand people out there waiting on you? Not including the staff. Not including the film crew. You do know that this incident will be included in the documentary?”

“Not if my lawyer has anything to say about it,” Tam murmurs absently, like he’s just saying the words reflexively, like he doesn’t even register them coming out of his mouth. We’re still staring at each other.

“Lovely. I assume you’ve broken the magic curse and will live happily ever after?” Jacob puts his hands on his hips and snorts at us, the edge of his lip twisted in a slight scowl. “Hmm. Interesting how it went to the very last second and spontaneously resolved itself. I assume you are coming back to the stage, Your Highness?”

“The stage?” Tam asks, tracing my lower lip. I don’t know how to explain what just happened, but I’m happy. I am so fucking happy. I see now why my relatives never wrote down what it’s like when the curse breaks. There aren’t words for something like that. It just … is.

“He’s coming back to the stage,” I say when Tam can’t seem to find the words. He blinks at me like he’s waking from a trance.

“Let’s tell everyone that I was having an allergic reaction, and that you noticed early. Saved my life.” Tam’s lips spread into a slow, devious smile. Like I said, cunning. The sort of man that gives you the best kind of trouble and the deepest kind of love—heady, addictive, all-consuming. “Your bad reputation from breaking me and Kaycee up … consider that scrubbed. Almost dying has done us some favors.”

“God, please help me,” Jacob murmurs, pinching his nose as Daniel walks into the room, heavy footfalls from his boots. He pauses just behind me, and I look over my shoulder to see him waiting with his hands on his hips.

“I’m glad you’re both okay,” is what he says, and it’s neither an acknowledgement nor a condemnation of the curse’s reality. I smile softly to myself, hands on Tam’s shoulders. When I push up to my feet, he’s quick to follow, and we both sway a bit. Tam and I grab onto each other to settle ourselves.

“Well? What am I telling the crowd? At this rate, it might as well be an Adam Stricken concert.” Jacob huffs, and Tam glances absently in his manager’s direction.

“Who’s Adam Stricken?” Tam teases, and Jacob’s face turns neon red. “Okay, okay, Jake, I get it. I’m coming.”

“I’m sorry I almost killed us,” I whisper, but Tam just shakes his head and leans down to kiss both my cheeks. Jacob storms over and shoves the headset onto his pink hair, pushing the mic between our mouths to prevent a spontaneous make out session.

All I want to do is kiss Tam right now.

But … we have time. We have a hell of a lot of bobas in our future.

“When you said I didn’t know how many bobas I had left, you were right,” I admit, and Tam grins as he stands up straight. There’s a tiny bit of blood on his outfit, but that’s okay. It’ll lend credence to our story.

“Told ya we’d live through this,” he says with a wink. While his expression might be a shallow tease, the look in his eyes holds a heavy sweetness that I want to tuck close to my chest. My heart is light in a way I haven’t felt since we said goodbye to Joe. “I’m an idol; I know everything.”

“Out, get, now.” Jacob slaps Tam with his iPad, and Tam gives him a look of pure hurt in response.

“I almost died, and you’re fucking hitting me?”

Jacob slaps him again, and Tam licks the edge of his lip, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the dressing room. Every single person backstage is staring at us.

“I was having an allergic reaction; Lake saved my life tonight.” Since only half of that statement is a lie, it rings true, and the expressions around us shift from confused and upset to shocked. Tam turns to the production manager. “Let everyone know that we’re jumping right in where we left off. Restart “Glory”,” he commands, using the nickname for that final song. “I’ll explain everything to the crowd.”

Tam puts his hand on the back of my head and kisses my forehead.

“Good luck out there,” I whisper to him, and he grins.

“Good luck back here.” He gestures at my not-so-patiently waiting family members and winks again.

Tam heads out onto the stage, and I hear him greeting the audience through the speakers. His face is on all the monitors, smiling. Bleeding just a little. Glitter smudged onto his cheeks.

“There was a medical event, and my girlfriend, Lakelynn Frost, noticed it before anyone else. She saved my life.” Tam reaches up with two fingers and presses the mic a little closer to his face. “Without her, I would’ve died tonight.”

I exhale as I turn my attention to my family. My girls are there first, fussing over me, asking rapid-fire questions that I don’t know how to answer. Aunt Lisa is in tears when she hugs me, and my parents appear both harrowed and relieved.

But it’s Joules that catches and holds my attention.

I smile at him.

My first loves, Joe and Joules. A different kind of love than I have for Tam, but equally powerful.

“I made it,” I tell him, and his eyes get wet. He’s trying not to cry, doing his best to look like some sort of book boyfriend prick. Doesn’t work. Because I know him too damn well for that. “Just cry already. We both know that you want to.”

“Canoe.” Joules steps forward as Kaycee waits with her back to the wall, arms crossed, a distant smile on her face as she watches us. I don’t like that, the shape of her smile. My brother puts his hands on either side of my face and gazes down at me. “You scared me so bad tonight, baby sister.”

“I know, and I’m sorry,” I whisper back, and then I close my eyes as Joules yanks me into a hug. I can hear Tam singing from the stage, and his voice is beautiful. It transports me to a happy place, and I pull away from my brother with a huge smile on my face.

That is … until I see the look on his.

Joules isn’t crying anymore, but his face is still wet. His mouth is flat and resigned.

“You know,” he says, his voice so rough and pained that everyone else—even Uncle Rob—stops talking to pay attention to what’s going on with us. “I was torn over this.”

“Torn over what?” I ask, my glee swirling down the drain, replaced by a sharp, ugly, metallic spike of fear. I take a small, wary step back from my brother. “Joules, no.”

“I wanted to give you as much time as possible to be happy, but I … I promised you. I promised you that when your curse was broken, I’d tell you about mine.”

“No.” I want to scream, but the word is lodged in my throat. “Joules, shut up.”

He wouldn’t bring up his curse tonight unless he was almost out of time.

He’s almost out of time.

“What’s going on?” my mother asks, coming up to stand between us. She’s breathing hard because she knows it the way I know it. In the heart. In the bones. In the soul.

“He’s cursed,” I blurt out, because I want Joules to tell me how long he has left, and he won’t until everyone knows. Now they know. “How long, Joules?”

“You were matched?” Lynn asks, voice high-pitched and frantic. She exchanges a look with Maria.

“I was matched,” Joules admits, letting his head hang, closing his eyes. “Two days after Lake was.”