Chapter 22

I'm practically crawling out of my skin with the urge to see Eden. Being apart from him was a stupid idea, and I don't want to play this game any more. No thanks, I'll have a refund.

Well, actually, it wasn't that stupid. It was what we needed, and it served its purpose. Although I'm still a hot mess that could combust at any given moment. I've started working through things with my new therapist, Eloise, without the distraction of trying to maintain a new relationship.

I've seen her three times since we escaped just under a month ago. The first two times were almost unbearable. I felt like she was trying to peel the skin from my bones, so I resorted to my sarcastic banter. She even smirked a few times, which, I have to admit, made me pretty proud of myself for almost making my therapist laugh. I thought they were supposed to be all serious, but no, not our girl Eloise.

Something clicked in the last session, though. She was patient with me and didn't get too hung up on my silly remarks, so my walls naturally came down. She made me feel like less of an alien and helped me understand everything I'd been thinking and feeling was normal, considering what we went through. Even when I expressed some sinister thoughts, Eloise didn't make a big deal out of it. I feel like I can trust her to help me get through to the other side of this.

Nola's been stuck to me like glue since I came home. At first, it was cute, but I had to forcefully remove her from my flat last night when she tried to sleep over for the third night in a row. Apparently, she sleeps better when we cuddle. Not a one-time offer, after all.

Nola relayed bits and pieces of all the bizarre places she looked for me and all the people she'd contacted/threatened while trying to find me. It was very Liam Neeson from Taken by the sounds of it, but no one took her worries seriously until she contacted Olivia, and then all hell broke loose.

When they used Eden's spare key to check his apartment and realised all his clothes and suitcase were still there, and the fridge was stocked with mouldy produce, they knew for certain that we'd gone missing.

I hate that they had to go through that. I imagine that was traumatising in its own right. I'm just glad Nola had Olivia to lean on during that time.

They're still in touch and have become overnight besties, which fills me with warmth. I can't help but fantasise about holidays and special occasions with us all together if I eventually manage to sort out the poison in my head.

I'm cuddled up on my sofa with a heavy wool blanket draped across me, already on my second glass of wine before 4 p.m. Jesus, I should really try not to add raging alcoholic to my list of problems. With thoughts of a future teasing my frail mind, I can't help my itchy fingers as they reach for my phone and message Eden.

Kai 15:47:I miss you. I'm over this bullshit. I want to see you like NOW.

Eden 15:51:Miss you, too. Are you serious?

Kai 15:52:Yes, I'm about to fucking riot.

Eden 15:52:Ok.

Kai 15:53:Ok, what?

After 25 minutes there's still no response. Now I really am going to riot. I pour myself another generous glass of red and decide to stare out of my window at the drizzly British weather like the dramatic bitch I am. I swirl my wine and scowl at passers-by. When some teenagers start yelling at me, I give them the middle finger. I really am a grouch these days. But can you blame me when I can't even get a text back from the guy I almost killed for?

Once I'm sure I've scared the little bastards off, I slump back on my bed and start scrolling through the never-ending void that is social media. I'm so engrossed in a video of a hot gay farmer prancing around with baby goats that I jump when there's a loud knock at my door.

Fucking Nola.

She doesn't even tell me when she's popping over any more. I groan, climbing to my feet to answer the front door.

"Nola, I swear to god! You're obsessed with me," I shout.

Looking through the peephole, I stumble backwards, almost losing my footing. Right outside my drab apartment stands Eden, looking like he climbed out of an aftershave ad. I look down at what I'm wearing in horror and bring my hand to my mouth to smell my breath. Not cute.

"It's not Nola, it's Eden. Can I come in?"

"Just a minute!"

Sprinting to the bathroom, I stub my toe on the way, making me yelp, "Fuck."

"Are you ok?" Eden calls through the door.

My hands tremble as I squeeze toothpaste onto my toothbrush, half landing in the sink.

"Yeah, two minutes," I shout through a mouthful of foam.

After frantically brushing my teeth and probably making my gums bleed, I roll on some deodorant.

By the time I swing the door open, I'm panting, and my cheeks are burning.

"Hi," I force out, trying to regulate my hectic breaths and casually leaning against the door frame.

"Hey." Eden smirks as his eyes trail down my questionable outfit.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I scowl, my lips twitching with the need to smile.

I can't believe he's here. I'd forgotten how truly breathtaking he is. Yet here I stand in a baggy Spice Girls top and striped knee-high socks.

"God, you're cute," he says, rubbing the back of his neck.

My cheeks flame, and my heart does a little dance.

"Thanks," I murmur, getting lost in his olive irises.

I look him up and down, too, indulging in the enchanting sight before me, but my eyes pause when I notice he's hiding something behind his back.

"What you got there?" I quirk an eyebrow at him.

"The-these are for you," Eden stutters, a pink glow painting the apples of his cheeks.

I can't contain my gasp as he reveals a stunning bouquet of blooming white roses. I die. Right there on the spot, I die. Because this is some next-level rom-com bullshit, but I'm enamoured. I told him I missed him, and the dude has shown up on my doorstep with fucking roses. Really expensive, luscious-looking roses, may I add.

I reach forward with shaky hands and bring them to my nose, closing my eyes as I inhale deeply. The floral scent tickles my senses. Nothing has ever smelt so good, well, apart from Eden. When I open my eyes, he's beaming at me.

"Thank you," I whisper against the silky petals.

I stare at him in awe, like I've lost my ability to function as a flurry of butterflies let loose in my stomach. I should be used to this overwhelming flutter that persists in my stomach whenever I'm around him, but it knocks me for six every time.

"So, can I come in, or are you going to make me stand out here all night?"

"Shit, yes, sorry. I'm just surprised to see you, and I'm not gonna lie, I'm swooning pretty hard right now."

Eden boisterously laughs as I step aside to let him in. God, I've missed that sound. Yes, he's laughed over the phone, but right here, in person, it's my North Star. A sound that leads me home.

I lock the door and turn around to see him taking in my cramped and slightly depressing space. I've added a few plants, candles, a rug and some scatter cushions, but it's far from feeling like it reflects me. I suddenly feel self-conscious. It really isn't much compared to his luxury penthouse.

"Can I get you something to drink?" I ask, hating the sound of my high-pitched voice.

"What do you have?"

"Wine, water or coffee."

"Let's go with wine."

Eden sits at my copy-and-paste Ikea table while I potter over to my kitchenette. Climbing on my tiptoes to reach a wine glass, he's gawking at me when I turn around, and I realise why. Under my tragic band T-shirt, I'm wearing a simple black thong. I rarely wear boxers these days. The thong I'm wearing right now is specially designed for men, so my junk is nicely tucked away, but my arse is on full display, and I'm pretty sure I flashed him, diddums. I smirk at him over my shoulder and pour him a large glass of wine, not bothering to pull my top down. I place the roses into a pint glass half filled with water, giving them one more greedy sniff and sighing happily.

When I hand Eden the wine, he audibly swallows and then finds his words, "I came here to ask you a serious question, but it's really fucking hard when you're dressed like my teenage wet dreams."

"Well, I didn't expect any guests. This is my everyday attire."

"Slutty little knee-high socks are your everyday attire? Are you fucking kidding me?"

I lift the hem of my T-shirt slightly, look down at my socks, and wiggle my toes, blinking at him innocently.

Eden shakes his head and then runs a hand through his shiny hair. His beard is trimmed now, and his cheeks have filled out.

"Please just sit down. I came here to woo you, not to have sex with you."

I roll my eyes and grin, then take a seat opposite him. I want to climb onto his lap and straddle him, but the time apart has created a physical barrier. I can flirt, no problem, but I don't know how to slip back into physical intimacy. My whole-body itches to touch him. It feels like we're starting from scratch, and the swirling feeling in my stomach reminds me of the first time we met.

"Ok, let the wooing commence."

"How are you doing, Kai?" Eden asks, voice more serious now.

"You know how I am. We speak every day."

"I know, but I want to see your eyes when you tell me. Those eyes can't lie."

I momentarily contemplate, wanting to tell him I'm fine, but in reality, I'm far from ok. I have a long way to go, and I need to be transparent if we want to salvage our connection.

"Honestly, I'm a bit of a mess. I hardly sleep, I'm scared to go outside because our abductors are still free, and I'm an irritable bitch."

He laughs at the last comment.

"Well, some things never change." Eden reaches across the table to pinch my ear, but let's go too soon. Leaning back, he clasps his hands together on the table like he's trying to stop himself from touching me.

"How's therapy going?" he asks.

"I think it's too soon to tell, but you'll be glad to know I've had less intrusive thoughts, and I tried meditation. I'm probably not doing it right, but god loves a trier."

He smiles at me warmly, making goosebumps erupt all over my skin.

"I'm proud of you, Kai."

I almost choke on the air in my throat and have to break eye contact. The room suddenly feels too small, with his overwhelming presence filling the space.

"Thanks, honey." I smile, trying not to sound like I'm about to burst into tears at his tender words.

Needing the attention off me, I ask, "How are you, and how's your therapy going?"

"I'm good. I've been trying to get back into a routine. Spending time with family, and I've started working again. And as for therapy, I've had a few sessions and it's been helpful, I think."

"That's good. I'm glad it's helping."

I smile weakly, not really sure what to say next. The tension in the air is thick. I feel a mix of nerves and excitement pinging around my body from being in the same room as him again.

"So, you said you wanted to ask me something." I finally muster up.

Eden clears his throat and shuffles in his seat.

"Yes, I, erm, wanted to ask you on a proper date."

"And you came all the way over here with a dozen roses to do that?"

"Exactly, it's only what you deserve."

I breathe deeply, trying to calm my internal glee.

"You know what my answer is going to be."

"I actually don't. You kind of have me sweating over here." He chuckles, pretending to wipe sweat off his brow.

I stand up, fighting the anxiety raging inside of me, climb onto his lap sideways and wrap my arms around his strong neck. Eden's eyebrows pull together, and he bites his lower lip. When he plants one hand on my lower back and the other on my knees, I feel the tremor vibrate through his fingertips. I lean closer so our lips are only a hair's breadth apart. His minty breath tickles my lips, and his fingers flex and close back around my kneecaps.

"Yes, I'll go on a date with you," I whisper against his lips.

He closes his eyes and lets out a trapped breath. I frame his face with my hands and stroke his bristly cheeks, making him open his eyes.

"So, are you going to kiss me or what?" I tease.

"Shut up, you brat."

Before I can bitch, he covers my mouth with his full lips and well and truly, shuts me up. The thrill of knowing that there's still chemistry and we can have this back-and-forth soothes something inside of me. I submit to the kiss, letting myself get lost in his taste. He tightens his grip, and I lean my whole weight into his chest, forcing his head to dip back. His tongue brushes the seal of my lips, seeking entrance. When our tongues lash, we release greedy moans. Each stroke of his tongue is intoxicating, sending me higher and higher.

I want to stay suspended in this perfect moment where none of our trauma and pain can reach us. But on cue, just as I'm free falling into this all-consuming ecstasy, my brain short circuits, and a flash of Devlin's limp body smacks me right back down to earth. I freeze, but it takes Eden a few seconds to realise something is wrong. He leans back and searches my pale face.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he asks, voice wavering.

Embarrassment floods me, making my body tense. I can't even kiss him without having a nervous breakdown. Why can't I have this? After everything. Why can't I just get lost in this moment?

Eden wraps his hands around my face and reaches for my ears, stroking them lightly, guiding me back to safety.

"I keep getting random flashbacks," I force out.

"What did you see?"

One of his hands falls to caress my knee. I briefly watch his long fingers and neat nail beds dance over it before replying, "Devlin's body."

He leans his forehead against mine, closing his eyes.

"Fuck, I wish I could take that away from you."

He lightly kisses my forehead, then seeks my foggy eyes.

"I have nightmares about it, too," he confesses.

"You do?"

"Yes." He averts his eyes. It seems like we both need to work on making eye contact when spilling our guts.

I lift his chin with my hand, forcing him to look at me.

"What do you dream about?"

Eden aggressively shakes his head, trying to expel the dark thoughts.

"You can tell me."

His body tenses, and I consider dropping it, but I know we can only move forward if we're open about where we're at.

"You, I dream of you."

"That sounds nice. Am I naked?" As the words slip out of my mouth, my cheeks heat. I have to stop using humour as armour.

Surprisingly, he puffs out a small laugh and holds me closer.

"I wish," he scoffs before continuing, "It's fucking awful to be honest. It usually involves you and the girls dying and me and Jeremy having to clean up the mess."

My stomach drops, and my heart slams against my chest.

"Shit, Eden, I wish you'd told me. I would've tried to be there for you."

"It's ok. We're both just trying to do our best, but we've been through a lot. I want to be there for you, too, and explore what this could be, regardless of the hurdles we have to overcome."

"I want that, too. I'm sorry I've not been more supportive and for basically pushing you away. You've given me everything, and I've been so caught up in my own turmoil I've given you nothing in return."

"Baby, I don't want anything. I just want you."

My breath hitches, and I snuggle into the crook of his neck, soaking up his addictive scent. Silent tears fall between us.

Having time apart worked for a while, but in my heart of hearts, I know we're stronger together. So, no more space. I'll do the work, keep going to therapy and allow this phenomenal man to take me on all the dates. I have to try and allow myself to feel happiness again.

After a long hug and many gentle kisses, we pull apart and finish our wines with our hands interlocked across the table. Eden fills me in on his work, and I ask him about his best friend Jacob and his family. We discuss the case and Jeremy, but only briefly.

Jeremy has been cooperating with the detectives, giving them information about the other people in the organisation. Apparently, he's extremely regretful and keeps asking to be put in contact with us, but it's too fresh. Maybe one day I'll be able to, but I need to focus on my healing right now. Unfortunately, no one else has been arrested yet.

"Question."

"Yes?" Eden says with his eyebrows pulled together.

"Don't look so worried," I say, squeezing his hand.

"Go on."

"As stunning as they are, why white roses and not red? Most guys go for the standard romantic option. You always surprise me."

Eden smiles, stroking his thumb across the palm of my hand.

"Apparently, white roses mean new beginnings."

Joy ripples through me, and I can't hold back the massive smile that takes over my face.

"Fuck me, you're precious."

"Am not," he grumbles.

"Yes, you are," I say sternly.

Climbing to my feet, I lean across the table and give him a chaste kiss. Eden gazes up at me as I retreat like I've hung the moon. My tender heart contracts at his shy smile and glistening eyes.

I'm so fucking in love with you—goddamn, these intrusive thoughts.