Chapter 5

Ava

It'd been a week, and I'd like to say that I felt better about things, but that would be a lie. The simplest tasks took me forever to complete, and I needed my dad or Madi to pretty much do everything for me. I had crutches, and now that my leg was starting to get on board with this whole recovery process, I could use them in small doses. It hurt to stand for more than a few minutes, so I spend most of my time sitting on my ass getting fat. For some reason, my dad thought food was the answer to everything. I told him if he kept it up, he was not going to be able to help me anymore, I'd be too heavy. He laughed until he realized I was serious.

"I think I wanna go on the porch," I called to Madi. She was moving about in the kitchen, cleaning up from lunch.

"Ok, give me just a minute," she called. She soon appeared, wiping her hands on a towel with a smile covering her face. She was always happy, more so since she married Dad, but I saw a real change over the years since I was little.

She came over behind me and released the brake on my chair. When we reached the front door, she propped it open before pushing me outside. "How's this?" She turned the chair so I wasn't facing the sun.

"Perfect. Can you grab my phone and maybe a water, please?" I smiled as the fall air surrounded me. It smelled different at the beach. The salty sea air was still there, but there was a different scent added. One of crispness and this woodsy smell that I couldn't really describe. It was just fall.

"Be right back." She disappeared inside only to reemerge with my items. "Just yell, or call when you want to come in." She patted my shoulder and then went back inside. I saw the look she gave me. I knew without asking that she was picturing my mom. I didn't know much about Mom's last days, but I knew that she and Dad saw them in their minds this last week as they took care of me. I mean, I looked just like her. I'd seen the pictures to know that much, and even though I was going to heal and be fine, I knew that all of this was bringing that pain that they'd both put behind them right back to the front of their minds.

I took a deep breath and leaned my head back. I stared at the porch ceiling before closing my eyes. "Why'd this happen to me, right now?" I whispered. "I thought you'd protect me?" The breeze blew. I knew it was an answer, but I didn't know what it meant. This happened a lot. There was a breakdown in the communication, but when I was little I seemed to be able to figure it out better. I don't know if I was just young, and made things up, or if I just listened better then.

It was in that moment that my phone chimed. I glanced down to see Danny's smiling face. I hadn't talked to him since he left after my birthday. I didn't know if I even wanted to. My stupid heart began to race with excitement and even though my brain told me to ignore the call, I stupidly answered it.

"Hello?" I tried to hide the excitement. I wanted him to tell me he was sorry for not calling me when I got hurt.

"Hey." He sighed. "We need to talk…" He voice trailed off. The line was quiet. Part of me knew what was coming, but the other part didn't want to believe it.

"About what?" My voice trembled, betraying me.

"This isn't working." He swallowed. "I mean, I like you, but I can't be worrying about you while I'm here. I need to concentrate on my job."

"Why would you worry? I'm fine. Not that you would know since you didn't call me back." Anger bubbled up as I tried to hide the pain. Part of me knew we were heading in this direction months ago, but I'd been lying to myself to try and wait it out. We were really good together when things started out, and I didn't really know when things changed or why.

"We've been over this. I have to work. My job is stressful, and I don't have much down time. I call when I can, and I come back to see you as much as possible. This is what I mean. It's not working, and I can't do this anymore." He seemed angry now too, but it seemed to be directed at me.

"Why are you mad at me? I'm the one who got hurt. I'm the one stuck in a wheelchair. I'm the one who can't play the rest of the season. How did any of this hurt you?" I was screaming at this point, tears streaming down my face.

"Ava… do you hear this? All we do is fight. Why are you trying so hard to fix this? We aren't good together." There was no emotion in his voice. It was as if I never mattered to him, we never meant anything. I was a toy, and he was done playing with me. "I have to go. Good luck with all of that." The line went dead.

It took a minute for it all to sink in, but when it did, I exploded. Anything I could reach, I swung my fist at. Madi came rushing out at one point, but just stayed out of the way until I calmed down.

"I hate him," I seethed as I crossed my arms over my chest. "I have to work. I don't have time for this," I mocked him as I glared out at the front yard. "Why are guys so dumb?" I glanced over at Madi. I wasn't sure if I wanted her to answer me or not.

"When you find out, let me know." She laughed lightly as she held her hands in front of herself. "You'll find someone who loves you and respects you. Sometimes it just takes a while." She moved closer and slowly sat down in the chair beside me. "It feels like a lifetime ago when your mom and I sat and talked about boys. I remember how hard your dad worked to get a date with her." She laughed lightly and then sighed as if remembering was both hard and wonderful at the same time.

"But Mom fell in love." I blinked tears away. Sadness was slowly replacing the anger as my heart felt the loss.

"She did, but it wasn't for a long time. Your dad just didn't give up. He knew she was the one, and he wasn't going to go away without a fight."

"I want someone to fight for me," I mused.

"They will." Madi patted my good leg. "How about we try to bake some cookies?" She grinned at me. This was her answer to everything when I was little. Any time I had a bad day, we'd bake. The year I got my period I think we baked every month until I accepted that it was something that wasn't going away any time soon.

"Sure. Can we make chocolate chip?" The sadness started to subside as childhood memories flooded me.

"Yep, and maybe we'll even bake a few." She laughed as she stood and moved to push me back inside. The last few times cookies were whipped up, we ate so much dough that there wasn't much to bake.

"This was a good idea," I mumbled as I licked a dollop of dough off the spoon. "A very good idea."

"Cookies are always a good idea." Madi smiled as she pulled a tray from the oven.

"Maybe I could open a cookie shop if the whole soccer thing doesn't work out," I lamented as I stared at the cast on my leg.

"It's only been two weeks." Madi leaned against the counter and gave me the look that she'd perfected when she was my coach. "You have to give yourself a chance. Lots of athletes come back from injuries. I mean, your mom was so sick she couldn't do much of anything when she was young, and look at the records she set in college."

"I just feel like this happened at the worst possible time it could," I growled. I was still angry over the whole situation.

"I know, but concentrate on the road back to success, not success ending." Madi smiled as she moved behind me to push me into the living room. "We go back in a few weeks to get the pins out, then you can get out of this chair." She plopped down on the couch beside me.

"I am looking forward to going back to class." I nodded as I pictured being able to move back into my apartment. As much as I appreciated the help with everything, there were days I felt like I was being smothered.

Most of the afternoon was spent watching TV and talking about how dumb some of these reality stars were. I almost forgot I was hurt until Madi had to help me go to the bathroom. Dad came home late, and after a short chat about his day, he helped me to bed.

I lay there, staring at the ceiling for who knows how long. Just thinking, and wondering what my mom thought about all of this. I didn't have a letter for this big moment, the moment I had a major injury. I wondered if she ever thought I'd be chasing her records, or if she thought I'd want to play at all? Did she want me to be a soccer star? I honestly didn't know what I'd do if I didn't play. It was all I'd done since I could walk. So much of my childhood revolved around tournaments and camps.

This recovery time made me feel lost. Without soccer, I realized how much other stuff I didn't have. Besides Danny, I never really dated. He worked because he played at the rec center too. I didn't do the normal stuff kids did. I played, I practiced, and I got better. I'd often wondered what my life would have been like without it, and now I was getting a firsthand look. My life was boring, I just never knew it.

As the minutes passed by, my mind spiraled deeper and deeper into the what ifs. I finally fell asleep during the twilight hours after I promised myself I'd be better about doing the things I wanted to that didn't involve the game. I needed a plan for after, and after might come sooner than I was hoping for.