43. Violet

Chapter 43

Violet

One of the frames on the wall is crooked, something I noticed the night before, so I stop to fix it on my way to make coffee for my first day at my new job at Creative Reach. Pleased, I step back to admire it and all the hard work I’ve put into decorating the apartment since I moved in a few days ago.

I’ve still got a few things left in boxes strewn about here and there, but most of my stuff is unpacked and put away. It’s been long enough now that the place should have at least started to feel like home, but something about it still feels off. Part of me feels like I’m house sitting or something, like I don’t actually live here.

And I know why.

There aren’t any drawing supplies, or any little boy’s toys littering the floor. I still have the lavender-colored bunny Jake gave me, sitting in a place of honor on my dresser so that I’ll see it first thing every day, but even she seems lonely without Chewy to keep her company. There’s no hockey equipment or memorabilia, and no voices—one light and youthful, one deep and gravelly. There’s no soul to the place. There’s nothing but me, my things, and my memories to keep me company.

But all they’ve really been doing is keeping me awake at night. My insomnia flared up with a vengeance again the first night, which I guess isn’t too much of a surprise. Most people have a hard time adjusting to sleeping in a new environment, but this is different and it’s not getting any better.

I didn’t realize how much easier it had gotten with Sawyer sleeping beside me—until he wasn’t there anymore.

With a deep sigh, I try to shake everything off and go into the kitchen to start the coffee maker. I can’t let myself keep wallowing like this, but even the thought of Sawyer and Jake makes my heart ache. I knew leaving them behind wasn’t going to be easy, but I clearly underestimated how difficult it would be to adjust to life without them.

It’s just temporary. You’re in a new state and city where you don’t know anyone. Give it a few months and you’ll feel the same way about the idea of ever leaving here.

While the coffee maker gurgles to life, I walk into the living room to open the blinds on the sliding glass door that opens out onto a small balcony and a killer view. The sun is already high and beaming in the sky, and the white caps of the ocean’s waves off in the distance sparkle in its rays. I never would’ve predicted I’d one day live in California, and the view is so picturesque that it almost doesn’t feel real, but when I open the door and feel the ocean breeze gust around me, reality sets in.

I step out onto the balcony to breathe in the sea salt, my hands resting on the railing, and a smile breaks across my face. Instinctively, I turn to the two chairs on the balcony, expecting Sawyer to be there to comment on how incredible this is. But they’re empty.

I love you. I know it doesn’t change anything. I know you have to go. But I wanted you to know that before you leave.

His words come back to me like the ocean breeze is whispering them in my ear, and my heart lurches because for a fleeting second, I think he’s actually here. I duck into the apartment again to look, just to make sure he hasn’t shown up unannounced or something, but all I find is an empty space and the smell of freshly brewed coffee.

Still, he loves me. The thought repeats on loop in my brain as I go into the kitchen for a mug to fill it, then dress it up with cream and sugar. I pull a spoon out of the drawer to stir everything together, then take the first delicious sip and lean against the counter, my mind wandering.

Some crazy part of me thought he would ask me to stay, and another part of me hoped he would, but he didn’t. I know what we agreed on was for our time together to be special and valuable because it couldn’t last—but it’s hard to appreciate that now when every time I think of that house back in Denver and the boy and man inside it, a stabbing pain shoots through my chest.

“The only way out is through, Violet,” I tell myself out loud, then take my coffee into the bedroom to get cleaned up and ready for work. I already picked out what I was going to wear the night before and it’s hanging neatly on the back of my bedroom door, so I take a quick shower and finish my coffee with a bagel while I do my makeup, then get dressed and head for the door.

I’m very early when I get to the Creative Reach offices, but I don’t know my way around town yet and didn’t want to be late so I gave myself extra time in case I made any wrong turns. But they’re expecting me, and a woman my age greets me in the lobby when I walk in.

“Good morning. You’re Violet, right?” she asks, offering a hand for me to shake.

“Good morning, and yes, I am.”

She smiles brightly at me. “Welcome in. I’m Sarah, I work in HR. I’ll be showing you around a bit and introducing you to some important people. Do you want a coffee or anything to nibble on? There are snacks this way in the lounge,” she says, pointing down one of the halls.

“I’m okay, but thanks for offering.”

“Okay, then let’s get started. Follow me.” Sarah leads me down the opposite hall where we pass a couple of private offices and a conference room. People smile and wave at me as we pass, so I assume they know I’m the new hire. It’s a little thing, but the friendliness and warmth I’m getting from everyone is definitely making me feel like I made the right choice coming out here.

We stop outside an office at the end of the hall where Sarah knocks on the door softly.

“This is Michelle’s office,” she tells me, and my ears perk up.

Michelle is my new boss, so I put on my biggest smile as Sarah pushes the door open and ushers me inside. A desk waits across the room where a beautiful woman with perfectly straight, black hair and piercing blue eyes sits typing at a laptop.

She beams at me when we make eye contact and closes her laptop, then hurries around the desk to come over and shake my hand. “Good morning, Violet. It’s so nice to finally meet you in person.”

“You too. I’m so excited to be here.”

“And we’re excited to have you. We’re going to do amazing things together,” she says, echoing Reese’s words and widening my smile. Maybe I’m just hearing what I want to hear, but it’s hard not to see it as a sign from the universe that I made the right choice. “Has Sarah shown you where your office will be yet?”

“Not yet. We started on this side,” Sarah answers.

“Well, let’s get you situated first and then we can continue the tour and introductions. Sound good?”

“Sounds great,” I tell her, and Michelle leads us out of her office and back down the hall toward the lobby where we wrap around to the other wing. My office is the second one on the left, and I know it’s mine because there’s already a shiny metal plate installed on the door that bears my name.

“Go ahead, make yourself comfortable. I’ll give you a few minutes to put your things away. Just come find me in the lobby when you’re ready,” Michelle says and leaves with Sarah, both smiling at me.

I step tentatively into the office and set my purse down on the desk that’s already stocked with a little organizer for paperwork, a container full of pens, and a desktop computer with an additional, external monitor that I can use with my laptop as a second screen. There’s a fancy ergonomic chair behind the desk, and I can’t resist, so I sit down on it and spin around once to give it a try.

I stop with my back to the desk and stare out the window behind it. It doesn’t have the greatest view, but the sun is still beaming outside and it’s hard not to feel hopeful about this job. Everyone has been super nice so far, and they all seem legitimately excited about having me join their team.

Reese is right. I’ve got an amazing career ahead of me . I feel it in my bones.

I pull my company-issued laptop out of my bag and set it on the desk along with my phone and the charger I brought to keep at my desk. It takes a little bit of gymnastics to reach the outlet behind the monitors, but I make it eventually and sit admiring my little setup. I’ll definitely bring some stuff from home to make it feel more welcoming and mine, but it’s a start.

My gaze drifts to an empty spot on the desk next to the monitor that looks perfect as a place to put a little framed picture, and my heart lurches again—because I wish I had a photo of Sawyer and Jake to put there.

Before I can stop myself, I’m unlocking my phone and scrolling through the dozens of pictures I took of both of them, together and separately, while I was there. There are way more of Jake, which makes sense because we spent the most time together, and the one I stop on is a selfie of Jake and me sitting together on the merry-go-round. Jake’s on my knee and beaming at a beautiful yellow butterfly that landed on my hand.

With my heart hurting, I close out of the photo and set my phone face down on the desk and try to hold on to Reese’s belief in me in this new phase of my career. It’s a new day and my new life here is just getting started, so I have to stay focused on that.

But even as I take a deep breath and stand up to meet Michelle back in the lobby, Jake and Sawyer are all I can think about.