41. Violet

Chapter 41

Violet

I kiss Sawyer back, losing myself in it. Our hands are all over each other, clinging to each other desperately, like we can both already feel the world trying to pull us apart.

We stumble into his room, half-dressed and gasping for breath, and Sawyer kicks the door closed behind us. There’s so much I want to say to him, so much I can’t say, but I hope it’s coming through in the way I’m kissing and touching him. I’m putting everything I have into this, into him, because I have nothing to lose.

Except for this.

The thought makes my heart lurch and my hands move with even more determination. I grab the hem of his shirt and drag it upward, tugging it off his head. He’s gorgeous—a walking, carved marble slab of a man—but I feel like I’ve never slowed down enough to appreciate the details until now.

I bring my face to his chest, letting my lips hover just above the skin, and a low moan rumbles in Sawyer’s throat. My lips meet his skin, and I kiss my way down his pecs, then across his abs and down until I’m forced to sink to my knees to keep going. Like I’m being driven by something, my hands reach for the button of his pants, and he doesn’t stop me. He just stares down at me, watching my every move with a heated look on his face.

I tug his pants and boxer briefs down, and his stiff cock springs free. With one hand wrapped around it, I push it upward to admire his piercings that have quickly become favorites of mine. Sawyer’s heart must be pounding—I can feel his cock pulsing in my hand—and he exhales sharply when the tip of my tongue finds the tender skin near one of his piercings.

Smiling, I flatten my tongue and drag it slowly, teasingly, all the way up the underside of his cock, coating it and his piercings with wetness. His hands find my shoulders, and his fingers dig into them like he’s about to lose control but is trying his best to hold himself back.

“Fuck, you’re killing me,” he whispers, and when I take the entire head of his cock into my mouth, he shudders and squeezes my shoulders.

His eyes flutter as he gazes down at me, his eyes shining with need. He watches me take more and more of his cock in my mouth, and one of his hands moves to my head to stroke my hair out of the way. Then he cups my cheek and nods at me.

“Go deeper. Go on, you can do it.”

Hunger flares inside me. I’ve gone down on him before, and it’s always such a fucking turn on, feeling the way his body responds. He’s so big that it’s been a challenge for me to take all of him—but right now, I want to. I want it more than anything else in the world.

My pulse kicks up as I slide my lips farther down his length, opening my jaw as wide as I can to fit around his girth and his piercings. His crown hits the back of my throat, and I draw in a deep, steadying breath through my nose.

“Fuck yes. Good girl,” Sawyer mutters, his voice full of pleasure. He strokes my cheek with his thumb, looking me right in the eyes. “Keep going. I want to feel you gag on my cock.”

I whimper around his length, my clit throbbing at his filthy words. This is as deep as I’ve ever taken him before, but there are still several inches of his cock to go. I suck in another deep breath, forcing my body to stay relaxed as I tip my head forward, sliding farther down his length. The pressure at the back of my throat activates my gag reflex, and I choke a little, swallowing several times.

“ Fuck .” Sawyer’s curse is a guttural groan as his fingers tangle in my hair. “That feels so damn good, baby. So hot and wet and tight. Can you take more?”

I nod—or try to—squeezing my thighs together as I bob my head up and down, challenging myself to take him deeper each time. Saliva coats his cock, sliding down his length as I suck him harder, and the sounds that fill the room have my arousal ratcheting higher and higher.

My hands are braced on his thighs, and I can feel the way he’s holding himself still, his muscles tense and braced. With a wet pop, I slide my lips off his cock so that I can speak.

“You don’t—have to be gentle,” I pant. “I want more. I want all of you. Give it to me.”

“Jesus.” He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Are you sure? I know I’m a lot to take, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’ll pinch your thigh if it’s too much,” I say, grinning up at him, and he laughs—that deep, low rumble that I love so much. “I can take it. Please.”

The smile on his face morphs into something hotter and more intense, and he nods. “Open your mouth, baby.”

My entire body shivers at the command, and my mouth opens instinctively. Sawyer slides his cock between my lips, then pitches his hips forward, driving his cock to the back of my throat until I feel like I can’t breathe anymore. But I don’t want him to stop. I clutch his ass cheeks in both hands, pulling him even deeper down my throat.

“That’s it, dirty girl. Swallow that fucking cock,” Sawyer orders, bucking his hips to push his length into the very back of my throat, cutting off my air flow. My heart pounds against my ribs, but I can feel him watching me carefully, and I know that he’ll always take care of me.

So I let go, allowing him to use my mouth just like I asked him to, sucking in small sips of air every time he pulls back and digging my fingernails into his hard, toned ass.

My eyes flutter closed, narrowing my focus down to just what I can feel and taste—to just Sawyer . I fall into the rhythm of it, and even though I’m not even touching my clit, I can feel it throbbing as if it’s directly connected to my racing heart. My thighs tighten, my inner walls clenching, and I feel like I could come just like this.

When Sawyer draws back all the way, slipping out from between my lips, my eyes fly open again. He meets my gaze, his irises dark as slate as he brings the head of his cock to my lower lip and drags it back and forth, coating my lip with his precum. We’ve never done anything like this before, and it’s easily one of the most intense things we’ve shared.

“One more time,” he murmurs, his voice low. “I want to come down your throat.” He strokes my hair, urging me to tilt my head back just a bit. “Nice and open now. So fucking good for me.”

My body thrums with need, and I stare up at him, feeling both powerful and utterly at his mercy at the same time—and loving it all.

I open my mouth as wide as I can, and Sawyer slides in again. He fucks my face, deep and almost desperate, low grunts punctuating each movement. I grip his hips to steady myself and watch with awe the way his muscles flex with every powerful stroke he drives into my mouth.

“Just like that, heartbreaker. I’m almost there,” he whispers, his voice strained.

He nods to encourage me, and although I want to close my eyes again to focus and keep myself from gagging, they refuse to fall shut. I want to watch it all. I want to see the look on his face when he comes, see the way his abs contract as his cock pulses against my tongue.

His thrusts grow faster and more erratic, slipping in and out of rhythm, and I try to time my breathing to the breaks. Keeping him this far down without gagging is difficult, but I’m determined.

Finally, his head tips back and a groan rises in his throat. With one last thrust, he comes hard, the muscles in his neck straining as his climax hits.

A rush of arousal and adrenaline shoots through me as his thick cum floods my mouth, and I swallow over and over to catch it all as my heart races and my lungs burn. When the last spurt hits the back of my throat, I slowly draw back, dragging the flat of my tongue over his pierced cock to clean him up.

Sawyer gazes down at me, his eyes flaming, and takes me by the chin.

“Get up here,” he growls, his words scorching, and pulls me to my feet so he can kiss me.

It’s hungry and intense, as if tasting himself on my lips is only turning him on more. My hands roam over him as he pulls me close, his wet cock pressing against my lower belly. I can feel it hardening all over again, and a little thrill zaps through me.

“I’m not done with you yet,” he murmurs against my lips, then draws back to meet my gaze. “Do you want more?”

I shiver, even though it’s a question he’s asked me at least a dozen times before. The way he’s looking at me, melting me from the inside out, makes me feel like he’s asking about so much more than just sex. Like he wants to stave off the future just as much as I do. To stay here in his room, wrapped up together forever.

“Yes, please,” I murmur.

The need is clear in my voice, and fire ignites in Sawyer’s gray eyes. He grabs me by the waist and lifts me up as if I’m feather-light, then carries me to his bed where he gently lays me down on my back with my legs spread.

He stands over me, his eyes raking across my skin like hot coals, and climbs on top of me. He looks so turned on that I think he’s going to fuck me right away, but his mouth finds my chest first, kissing all the way down my scar to my breasts. He licks and sucks at my nipples, flicking his tongue against them until I’m writhing beneath him and arching up off the bed.

“That’s it. Show me how good I’m making you feel,” he whispers in my ear as he pushes two fingers into my pussy, eliciting a moan from me.

When he’s sure I’m ready, he starts fucking me with his fingers, driving them in and out, getting faster and faster until I’m so wet and desperate that there’s no resistance.

“Fuck yeah. Open up for me, heartbreaker,” Sawyer mutters, peppering my neck with kisses as he keeps finger fucking me. He buries his fingers up to his knuckles, curling them to find my g-spot and making my toes curl.

“Please fuck me,” I whimper, my voice raw.

As good at this feels, nothing will feel as good as being stretched by his cock, feeling his muscled body moving over mine. I reach for him, wrapping my hand around his rapidly hardening length and stroking him until he’s fully hard again. He matches my rhythm, plunging his fingers into me every time I slide my fist over his cock.

“Goddamn, you’re gonna make me come again just like that if you keep going,” he groans. “Let me get inside you before I embarrass myself. You drive me too fucking wild.”

That makes me laugh softly, but the sound turns into a plaintive moan as he gently pulls his fingers out of me. He lifts me by the hips, turning me over, and I scramble up onto my hands and knees, arching my back as if presenting him with an offering.

His hands trail over my ass and hips, gripping and massaging. Then he slaps one ass cheek lightly—just enough to send a jolt of sensation through me. He moves into place behind me and notches himself at my entrance before sliding inside and burying himself up to the hilt in a single thrust.

“Oh my god,” I hiss as every nerve in my body lights up in response to his girth and the stimulation of his piercing studs against my walls.

Sawyer doesn’t make me wait any longer for more. He draws back and thrusts into me, clapping his body against mine, and my breath catches in my throat. My fingers dig into the sheets, my hair falling around my face as my whole body rocks with each thrust.

“I want to fuck you everywhere,” he murmurs roughly, palming my ass. Then he pulls one cheek to the side, giving himself more access as his fingers trail circles around my asshole. “Will you let me?”

A flash of heat surges through me as I realize what he’s asking, and I nod immediately. I’ve never done that before, but with Sawyer, I want to.

“Yes! Please . I want everything.”

Sawyer grunts softly, his thrusts picking up speed as if my words alone have almost driven him over the edge again. When he finally stops thrusting, stilling inside me for a long moment, we’re both breathing hard.

“That’s my dirty girl,” he whispers. “I’ll take care of you, I promise.”

He pulls out slowly and pushes off the bed to pad over to his closet. I brush my hair over my shoulder, craning my neck to watch him as he grabs a bottle of lube from a box on a high shelf —the same place he keeps the nipple clamps he used on me after his game that night. He grabs a vibrator too, and I bite my lip as he strides back toward the bed, his cock jutting out from his body.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he runs his fingertips lightly down the curve of my waist and hip. “Turn over for me, heartbreaker. On your back.”

“You don’t…” I glance at him, my heart crashing against my ribs. “You don’t want me like this?”

He grins, possessive hunger in his eyes. “Hell, yes, I want you like that. I want you all ways. But for your first time doing anal?” His gaze softens, although it’s no less possessive. “I want to be there with you. I want to be able to look into your eyes and see every little expression on your face.”

I swallow, hit hard by the honesty in his words. Nodding, I drop down onto the mattress and roll onto my back. With his gaze locked on me, Sawyer flips the lid of the lube open and drizzles a generous amount on the tip of the vibrator.

“Pull your knees up toward your chest,” he instructs.

I lock my hands behind my knees and pull, opening up and exposing myself to him completely. I feel so vulnerable lying like this, but the vulnerability turns me on just as much as it scares me. And I trust Sawyer completely.

The vibrator’s tip grazes my hole, making me jump, and Sawyer smiles at me. “Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

“Take a deep breath in and out.”

I do it, and he starts pushing the tapered vibrator into me as I exhale. It feels… different, but not bad. And I’m surprised at how easily it’s going in. I’ve never done any kind of ass play before, and I know how much I’m going to have to prep if I’m going to take Sawyer’s huge cock, so this is a good sign.

“Doing okay?” Sawyer checks in, and I nod, so he pushes more of the vibrator into me.

It’s a different kind of stretching sensation than I’m used to, but I like the way it feels. And thinking about how it’ll feel to have his shaft filling there with all of its piercings makes me shiver with anticipation.

“Keep breathing for me, nice and slow,” he murmurs, watching my face for any hint of pain or discomfort. I already knew I could trust him, but the way he’s treating me and going at my pace makes something warm fill my chest. He’s not in any rush, which I appreciate more than he probably knows.

After a few more deep breaths in and out, Sawyer smiles at me. “Just like that, it’s all the way in.”

I blink. “Really?”

I almost can’t believe it. Maybe it’s because I’m so relaxed with him, but I barely felt the vibrator most of the way. Then he switches it on, and I feel my entire body light up like a city at dark. Every nerve ending blinks to life at the same time, and it’s so intense that it makes it difficult to keep my breathing steady.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m amazing,” I gasp, my eyelids fluttering.

“That’s exactly what I want to hear.”

Sawyer slowly drags the humming vibrator partway out of me, and when he stops moving it again, it feels like a shockwave coursing through me. Parts of me are being stimulated that I didn’t even know it was possible to stimulate, and it must really be doing something for Sawyer too, because his gaze is scorching.

I involuntarily clamp down around the vibrator when he starts pulling it away from me again, until my body relaxes again and releases.

“You’re so tight back here,” Sawyer tells me, stroking the inside of one of my thighs with his free hand. “Are you sure you want me to fuck you like this?”

“I’m positive,” I tell him fiercely, looking him right in the eyes so he knows I’m not wavering. Now that I’ve had a taste of what it feels like, I can’t wait to find out how it’ll feel to have Sawyer fuck me there.

“That’s my good girl.” He nods, and the pride in his eyes is almost as good as the verbal praise, melting me from the inside out.

He takes his time warming me up, dragging the vibrator in and out of my hole and drizzling more lube on the toy until I’m relaxed and stretched out enough that he can do it faster and with more intensity. The sensations are so intense that I feel like I could come just from this, but I know better than to think Sawyer’s going to let that happen.

“I think that’s enough prep,” he murmurs a few moments later. “Are you ready to take me now?”

“Yes.”

The word tumbles out of my mouth as Sawyer slides the vibrator out of me. Never looking away from me, he gets himself into position and lubes his cock up generously before he rests the head of it against my puckered hole.

“I’ll take good care of you. You know I will. But if you need me to stop, all you have to do is say it, okay?”

I nod, doing my best to keep my breathing steady and measured, but my heart is racing at such a fast clip that I barely register each beat. He starts to push into me, and although my breath hitches at first, I catch it and force myself to inhale and exhale.

“There you go, just like that. Keep breathing.”

At first, taking his cock isn’t too difficult and doesn’t feel all that different from the vibrator—until we get to the first of his piercings. He’s already noticeably thicker than the vibrator he was using to prep me, but I didn’t really appreciate how much more his piercings would stretch me until the first one slips inside me.

There’s more than enough lube, so it presses in without much effort, but when it does, my vision blooms with spots and sparks.

“Oh my god,” I whisper, more out of surprise than anything else.

“Am I hurting you?”

“No. It’s just… holy fuck… please keep going,” I gasp out. I’m not really sure my words make sense, but he flashes me a satisfied smile.

His cock felt almost overwhelmingly big the first time he fucked my pussy, and in my ass, it feels even more massive. But every time one of his piercings slips in, it’s like its own little reward, giving me all the encouragement and pleasure I need to take it all.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” Sawyer asks, staring at me in awe.

My head lifts off the bed on its own, and I’m stunned to see that he’s almost all the way inside me already. Maybe it’s actually seeing his cock buried inside me in such an intimate place, but I suddenly feel so full of him. So connected to him.

As if he’s reading my mind, his eyes drift to mine and he gives me a look that’s full of so many things as he keeps pushing the rest of the way into me. When the last inch of his cock finally disappears inside me, we both let out the breath we’ve been holding at the same time.

I didn’t really know what to expect, doing this for the first time, but it wasn’t this level of intimacy. Maybe it shouldn’t be a surprise, but I feel closer to him now than I think I ever have before.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” he murmurs, holding still and watching me as he gives me time to adjust to his thickness.

While he’s waiting, he reaches between us with one hand, finding my clit with his fingertips and brushing light circles over it. I instantly clamp down around him, which feels shocking and amazing at the same time, but Sawyer doesn’t take his fingers away.

“How does that feel?”

“Incredible,” I gasp, my spine arching as my head falls back onto the bed.

“Good. That’s what you deserve.”

He pulls back slowly, still working my clit with the pads of his fingers, and I have to bite my lip to keep from letting out the moan that’s burning at the back of my throat. But it’s nothing compared to the way it feels when he slides back in. I suck in a sharp breath, and the sounds I’ve been trying so hard to hold back spill out of me in bursts until he’s up to the hilt again.

“Keep going,” I beg.

It’s such an intense feeling but I can’t get enough. I don’t want it to end, don’t want him to stop. He starts to work faster circles around my clit as he picks up the pace of his thrusting, pulling almost all the way out just to plunge right back in. It’s so intense and unfamiliar that I can’t focus on any one feeling. They all blend together in my brain.

But then he pushes his fingers into my pussy, and my mouth drops open as a low, needy sound pours out of me. I’ve never felt so full, so complete. It’s almost like I could float away, but Sawyer’s touch and the look on his face grounds me, keeping me here in the moment with him.

He eventually matches the rhythm of the fingers sliding in and out of my pussy with the thrusting of his cock, unlocking a level of pleasure I’ve never experienced. It steals the breath from my lungs and leaves me clenching him with both holes. I squirm a little beneath him, feeling like my body can barely contain all the sensations crashing around inside it.

“It’s okay, heartbreaker,” Sawyer rasps. “I’ve got you. Let yourself go for me. I want to see you fall apart on my cock and my fingers. Show me how good you can be for me.”

He pinches my clit as he finishes speaking, and I fall to pieces, my body seizing and arching off the mattress. But Sawyer never lets up. He fucks me through it, dropping his head to claim my mouth with his.

“Keep going,” I whimper against his lips as the last few shudders pass through me—because I already feel another orgasm swelling.

He pushes his fingers as deep as they’ll go, twisting and curling them against my g-spot while his cock glides against them through the thin wall separating them.

“Oh my god, yes, Sawyer!” I whisper-shout as my body tenses again and my eyes squeeze shut. “I’m… oh fuck! Come with me. Please…”

I don’t know if it’s my breathless plea that does it, or if he just can’t hold off anymore, but he grunts as he hits his peak at the same time I do, his body clapping against mine rapidly as he fills my ass. My first orgasm was explosive, but this one is borderline overwhelming, to the point that it feels like I’ve left my body. For what feels like several long heartbeats, everything goes fuzzy and white as pleasure steals all of my senses.

Then everything comes rushing back like I’ve stepped out of a vacuum. Sawyer is still slowly thrusting into me, emptying the last of his release as my ass clenches around him. He presses in one last time and then melts against me, our bodies locked together and my knees pressed up against my chest. We lie tangled up in each other, both of us trying to catch our breath and come down from the high, for what feels like forever.

Finally, Sawyer slips out of me as his cock softens and places a kiss at the base of my neck.

“Stay right there. I’ll be back in a second,” he says and carefully climbs off the bed to pad into his bathroom.

I hear the water running in the sink for a few seconds, then Sawyer comes back with a warm, wet cloth that he dabs gently around and between my legs, tenderly cleaning me up.

He gets rid of the cloth and joins me on the bed, pulling my back against his chest and wrapping his arms tight around me like he doesn’t want to let go. He buries his face in my neck, and I curl against him with my fingers locked in his, because I don’t want to let go either.

But even the warmth and comfortable exhaustion seeping through my bones isn’t enough to ward off the ache in my heart.

Because when the time comes, I know we’re both going to let go forever.