18. Violet

Chapter 18

Violet

A few days later, Sawyer is off at another away game. At just after eight o’clock, Jake springs into bed and makes room for me, patting the mattress next to him.

“Story time!” he says excitedly, his hair still wet from his bath.

I did promise to read him a bedtime story, so I guess he’s holding me to it—not that I mind.

“Okay.” I sit down beside him, and he cuddles up into my arms, resting his head on my chest. “What will it be tonight?”

“Tell me a new story!”

We’ve made short work of all the books that Jake has since I got here, so I don’t blame him for wanting something fresh, but I don’t really know where to start.

“Any requests for this story?”

Jake reaches for Chewy and holds the tattered rabbit up to me. “Tell me Chewy’s origin story! Where did he come from?”

“You mean you don’t already know? Chewy comes from the beautiful, faraway land of Hoppington, of course.”

“Hoppington? That’s silly,” Jake says but giggles.

“Haven’t you heard of it? It’s where all the best bunnies come from.”

“Then Chewy probably fits right in! But how did he get here? And does he miss his mommy and daddy?”

“Chewy came to Colorado like everyone else: on an airplane. It was a direct flight from Hoppington.” Jake giggles again, and I feel silly making all of this up on the spot, but he seems to be enjoying it, so I decide to keep going. “He definitely misses his family, and they miss him too, but Chewy’s a grown rabbit, so it was time for him to leave Hoppington and make his own way.”

Jake glances up at me tentatively. “Ms. Violet?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Are you going to leave us someday too?”

It’s an innocent, earnest question, but coming from him—and knowing his history with his mom—it pierces my heart like a jagged shard of glass. I smile at him and give him a squeeze. “Yeah, I am. But that’s not going to be for a while, so we don’t need to worry about it now.”

“But when?”

“In a few more months.”

“Why?”

“Well, I’m starting a new job in California, buddy. So I have to move there. But that doesn’t mean you won’t see me anymore.”

Jake twists in my arms and his eyes dart to mine. “Really?”

“Yeah! My brother will still be here, so I’ll be back all the time to visit him. And I promise, every time I come back, I’ll be sure to visit you too.”

Jake’s face lights up. “Really? You pinky promise ?” He sticks out one of his little pinkies at me, so I hook mine around his and smile at him.

“Pinky promise. I mean, how could I visit and not want to see you?”

Jake beams for a second, but it falls off his face just as quickly when something else strikes him. “Mommy said that too.”

It takes everything I have not to wince at those four words. Jake is such a sweetheart and a well-behaved kid, so I can’t imagine why Miriam wouldn’t want to see him more often or have anything to do with him the way she does. But it’s not my place to get in the middle of all that, and I don’t want to accidentally make Jake feel even worse by saying the wrong thing, so I just give him another hug.

“Do you think I’m a bad kid, Ms. Violet?” he asks, his voice muffled against my chest while we hug.

“What? No, not at all.” I hold him out to look him in the eyes because I want to make sure he takes in what I’m about to say. “You’re the best kid. And that’s exactly why your dad loves you to pieces.”

“I love him too.”

Jake rubs his watery eyes with his fists and snuggles back up against me, holding Chewy tight. I stroke his hair softly, almost as much to comfort myself as him, while I search for something else to say. But what can I even say? The poor kid feels abandoned by his own mother, and no offense to Sawyer, but I can’t help worrying that no amount of love from him will ever fill that hole for Jake.

I kiss the top of his head. “You’re an amazing kid, Jake. You really are. And I’m so lucky I’ve gotten this chance to get to know you.”

We sit there quietly together, me still stroking Jake’s hair, until I feel him start to nod off. I try to get out from under him without waking him up, but he jolts awake and clings to me.

“One more story,” he begs sleepily, and I can’t imagine telling him no. He’s always a bit needier when Sawyer is away for a game like he is tonight, and the thoughts about his mother probably aren’t helping.

“Alright, but let’s get you tucked in first, okay?”

He nods, so I scoop him up and stand to pull back the covers, then lower him back to the bed so he can crawl under them. He pulls them up to his chin and smiles at me, his eyes heavy. Chewy’s cartoonishly big eyes stare back at me from next to him when I lower myself to the floor at Jake’s bedside.

“Let’s see, where were we? Oh, right. Chewy was a young rabbit when he got on the plane from Hoppington to Denver,” I start, and Jake lets out a little giggle. “He was scared— so scared—to fly by himself for the very first time, but he knew there was someone special waiting for him. Someone who needed him.”

“Me?” Jake asks, looking at me quizzically.

“Exactly. See, in Hoppington, when rabbits get to a certain age, they’re assigned a person to take care of.”

“How?”

“Good question. In Chewy’s case, he pulled your name out of a hat.”

Jake laughs. “Like a magician pulls a rabbit from a hat!”

“Yup, you got it. He pulled your name when you were just a baby, and even though he was scared to leave Hoppington, he was even more excited to meet you. And then when he finally got here and met you and saw how special you really were, he knew Denver would be his new home, and that you two would be best friends forever.”

Jake reaches for Chewy and pulls the stuffed rabbit in for a hug, then peppers its face with kisses. “I love you, Chewy.”

“And Chewy loves you too! So, so much,” I tell Jake and stroke his hair again. He reaches for one of my hands and squeezes his fingers around mine. Slowly, his eyes grow heavier, and within a few minutes, he’s dozed off.

As quietly as I can, I free myself from his grip, push to my feet, and leave the room, closing the door softly behind me with my heart hurting. I’m not sure if the story I made up about Chewy was enough to help him feel better about his mom, but it was hopefully a step in the right direction toward sweet dreams.

In my bedroom, the TV’s still on and showing the last of the Aces game. I want to watch the rest of it, and after the heavy interaction I just had with Jake I could use the distraction, but I don’t want it to wake Jake up, so I mute it and close my door most of the way.

The Aces are up 4-2 with only a few minutes left to go. Just as I’m sitting down on my bed to watch, the camera zooms in on Sawyer, who’s bracing himself to stop one of the opposing players currently streaking across the ice toward him. At the last second, the guy tries to pass to a teammate, but Sawyer’s smart and fast enough to read it and moves along with the opponent. His stick shoots out, intercepting the puck and scurrying the play.

“Yes!” I hiss, doing my best to keep my voice low.

The interception seems to completely demoralize the other team, and they mostly just mill around and accept their fate as the clock ticks down to zero. Even if they’d scored, it might not have turned the game around, but it would’ve given them a fighting chance—and Sawyer scrapped all that.

I can’t wait to tell Jake about it in the morning and show him the recording. When the game’s over, I unmute the TV and keep the volume low to listen to some of the commentary. Everyone’s giving Sawyer the credit for locking down the game, which seems like exactly the kind of ego boost he’s been needing.

About an hour later, I’m scrolling social media on my phone with the TV going in the background when my phone rings and Sawyer’s name shows up on the screen. Smiling, I swipe to accept the call and bring the phone to my ear.

“I had a feeling I’d be hearing from the MVP tonight. Nice save.”

Sawyer laughs. “You were watching?”

“Of course I was.”

“That explains why I was playing so well then,” he says, and I can hear the grin in his voice. His words and tone make my heart flutter, and the room suddenly feels at least a few degrees warmer.

“I don’t know about all that.”

“Oh, I do. You have no idea how much of a weight it takes off me to know someone I trust is at home with Jake. It really lets me focus on the game. I think tonight was the best I’ve played in months because of that.”

My heart flutters at his words, both because I’m glad to hear I’m helping him as much as he’s helping me and because part of me loves hearing how much he appreciates me being here. Maybe it’s stupid of me, but I have a feeling he hasn’t felt that way about any of the other women he’s hired to babysit Jake. Either way, hearing how much of a difference I’m making for him definitely makes me feel less like a charity case.

“I missed a big chunk of the game because Jake insisted on bedtime stories, but from what I saw, you were on fire tonight.”

“Oh, no. Was he missing me again?”

“No more than usual,” I tell him honestly, but hesitate while I try to figure out how to share with Sawyer what Jake was asking me tonight.

“What do you think was going on with him then?”

“I think it’s Miriam.”

Sawyer grimaces. “Damn it, I was really hoping he didn’t hear any of that call with her, but he must have.”

“Possibly. But he also could’ve just put two and two together. Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for.”

“What did he say?”

I sigh, my heart hurting all over again just thinking about what Jake asked me. “He asked if I thought he was a bad kid. Of course I told him no! That seemed to cheer him up a bit, but I could tell he was worried.”

“Ugh. I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize. I’m glad he talked to me about it instead of keeping it to himself, you know?”

Sawyer groans his agreement. “True.”

“But he also asked me about me leaving Denver. I told him I had to move to California for work in a few months, but that I’d still come to visit since Reese still lives here, and I’d make sure to see him too. And you know what he said?”

“I bet I can guess.”

“He said, ‘Mommy said that too.’ God, Sawyer, it crushed me. I almost broke down crying right along with him while I held him in my arms. I didn’t know what to say, so I just told him he’s an amazing kid and how lucky I am to have met him.”

Sawyer doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, but I hear him sniffling on the other end of the line and it almost shatters my heart all over again. “I hate that his own mother has set such a low bar for him like this, but thank you for being so great with him. I can’t even tell you how much that means to me.”

“It’s easy to do. He really is a great kid. I know you’re worried about the whole single parent thing, but from what I’ve seen, you’re doing an amazing job.”

“Thank you, seriously. That means a lot to me too.” I can hear the smile in his voice, and it brings one to my face as well. “Is he asleep now?”

“Yeah, he’s out cold. He wanted to hear a story about where Chewy came from, so I made one up on the spot. You’ll probably have to fill in some more details about the faraway land of Hoppington, so heads up.”

Sawyer laughs. “Okay, I think I can handle that. Anything else to report?”

“I don’t think so. It was a pretty chill day here other than that.”

“Good, glad to hear it. Well, listen, I don’t mean to run off, but I should get some sleep so I’m not passing out on the ice for the game tomorrow.”

“No worries. I should get to bed too.”

“Okay. I’ll see you and Jake soon. Sweet dreams, Violet,” Sawyer says, and my skin erupts with goosebumps.

“Goodnight,” I say back, almost breathless, and hang up but lie on the bed staring at my phone with my head and heart buzzing. When I finally come down, I plug my phone in to charge and set it on the nightstand by the bed, then go to the bathroom to wash up and brush my teeth.

But when I turn off the lights and crawl under the covers with them pulled up snug against my chin, I can’t stop hearing Sawyer’s sweet, almost suggestive voice in my head when he wished me sweet dreams. It whispers against my ear like he’s lying in bed right beside me, even though I know he isn’t there.

And that he can never be.

You can’t get too attached, Violet. Don’t forget, you’re going to be leaving soon, just like you told Jake, and the next couple of months are going to fly by. Don’t screw this up.