20. Henry

20

HENRY

W hat was once right side up is now upside down. And shaken. I can't wrap my head around what Lana is saying. Oh, sure, I understand her anger. I've been on the receiving end of it before. But what she's saying makes no sense. I'm not corrupt. My men aren't corrupt.

Except… there was something off about the ones who executed today's search. The search was sloppy, unprofessional. If they'd found anything, it probably would've been inadmissible in court. Were those cops really that inept? Or did they knowingly break protocol because they were dealing with the D'Amatos?

The thought unsettles me. As officers of the law, we're supposed to be better than that. We're meant to uphold the law, not bend it to suit our needs or personal vendettas.

I've always prided myself on being a by-the-book detective. But now, I'm questioning everything. If this is how some of our officers behave, what does that say about our department? About me? After all, I've been seeing a suspect. Sleeping with her. Wanting to help her.

I hope Peter can trace the call that initiated this fiasco. If it was another anonymous tip, like the ones we've been getting lately, it could shed some light on who's behind all this. Is it really the Rinellas, as Lana suggested? Or is there someone else pulling strings, using the police as pawns in their game?

And why hadn't the tip come to me or Peter? Why had it gone to these two cops, who I was aware of but didn't know personally? I hope Peter can find out what happened.

"You're supposed to be the good guys," she spits out. "Following the law, protecting people's rights. Instead, you're acting no better than the criminals you claim to be after."

Her words hit home. The cops who conducted that raid crossed a line. They've potentially compromised any future investigations into the D'Amatos.

It's not a good feeling to be schooled on proper police procedure by a woman whose family makes their living in illegal acts.

"Now get out. Looking at you is making me sick."

I stare at her, and for the first time, I see more than anger. I see pain.

That's rich coming from the man who sent a man to physically assault me and suggest I could go free in exchange for sucking his dick.

I don't know why it's taken so long for that tidbit to filter through. Denial, perhaps. But now that it has, I'm wondering what she's talking about.

"What did they say to you?"

I hate how she's looking at me. Like I'm the bad guy. "You were there, Henry. You saw him."

I think back to the incident. He stood too close as he uncuffed her. It appeared he said something, but… it couldn't have been sexually threatening, could it?

"I should have trusted my instincts and stayed away from you." The vigor in her voice drops, like all the wind has left her sails.

"What did he say?" I've got a sick feeling in my gut.

"I told you. When he cuffed me, he suggested I might get off if I suck his dick. And when he uncuffed me, he said something to the effect that I'd suck his dick before he was done with me."

I study Lana's face, searching for signs of deception. Is she playing me? Trying to turn me against my fellow officers?

"That's a serious allegation, Lana," I say carefully.

"Fuck you, Henry. Don't even pretend you didn't brag about fucking me to them. Just—" Her voice breaks. "Just get out."

It's the tears welling in her eyes that hit me in the gut. I know they're not tears for what the cop said to her. They're tears of betrayal. My betrayal in questioning her story.

My blood runs cold. Anger surges. "I never told anyone about us. First, I'm not a man to share his sexual exploits, but second, I'd be risking my career to tell anyone about us. In fact, I wondered if that was your point. To compromise me." I don't want to reveal so much because even as I'm beginning to see that I might be wrong about all this, I still have to consider that Lana is the one who could get an Oscar for acting.

She scoffs. "Right. Didn't you just say no one would believe my making an accusation against the police? You don't believe that dickhead groped me, so how would anyone believe anything I said against Detective Lutz who shits sunshine and righteousness?"

I wince, because it was an asshole thing to say, especially since it verifies to her that justice isn't blind. "I shouldn't have said that."

She laughs bitterly. "You're just like the rest of them. Corrupt cops protecting their own."

Her words sting, but I can't entirely deny them. I've seen enough in my years on the force to know that not every cop is as clean as they should be. Hell, she knows it too as there's no doubt her family has cops on their payroll. I'm convinced the officers who responded to the domestic dispute at the Collins home worked for Elio. But who is going to condemn dirty cops who took out a man who'd been holding a knife to a child's throat?

"Not all cops are corrupt. Some really do want to help. To make a difference." My defense sounds weak even to me.

"Is that what you were doing when I was holding on to your headboard while you fucked me? Making a difference? Investigating me intimately so you can rid the good citizens of Chicago of my presence?"

"Jesus, Lana…" I drag my hands through my hair, at a loss for words because I can see how she'd think that.

"What, Henry? Does the truth hurt?"

"Look, if they?—"

"If?" She gapes at me, and it's the hurt over the anger that flares in her eyes.

"I'll deal with it."

She shakes her head. Her disappointment in me guts me. "Never mind. Men like that don't scare me anymore. Lazaro taught me that. Besides, it's no surprise they'd act like that. They're cops. They can do whatever they want, right? Because who will believe me?"

Fuck. I want to deny it except I'm the one who said it.

"As far as I'm concerned, the only good cop is one you have in your pocket," she finishes.

I don't like being pushed back on my heels. My defenses rise. "Is that what this is about, Lana? Did you fuck me to get me in your pocket?"

Lana's body tenses, and again, I feel like an asshole. "You're the one fucking me for information. Were you planning to pass me around to all your buddies before taking me and my family down?"

Her words hit me like a physical blow. "What happened between us has nothing to do with the case."

"I'm not an idiot, at least not anymore," she hisses. "You've been trying to entrap me from the start. Getting close to me, pretending to care about my brother, all so you could dig up dirt on my family."

The accusation hangs in the air between us, heavy and suffocating. I want to deny it, to tell her she's wrong, but she's not. I didn't fuck her to bring her family down, but I did use Lazaro's disappearance as an excuse to spend time with her so I could get information. The problem is I fell for her.

I don't even know how to respond. "Lana?—"

"Save it. I should have known better than to trust a cop. That's on me. My bad. Well, I'm done being your pawn, Henry."

"That's not what this is. You have to know that."

"What else am I supposed to think? I opened up to you, shared things I don't share with anyone. Not even Elio knows about that night Lazaro kicked those fuckers' asses. And then today, the day after I tell you that… after spending the night with you, my office is searched? That's no coincidence. I don't know what you heard yesterday to make you think you'd find something here. Clearly, you think I'm dumb enough to have something incriminating, but?—"

"That's not true." A desperate feeling wells inside me. I can't stand that she thinks I used her trust against her. That I'd orchestrated this search.

"You used my love for my brother to manipulate me. You knew how desperate I was to find Lazaro, and you dangled that hope in front of me like bait. It's all a lie, isn't it, Henry? You never planned to look for him, did you?"

Her accusation cuts deep, not just because of its intensity but because there's truth in it. I can't deny that I initially approached her with ulterior motives. A part of me says I need to fix this by giving her the info I have on Lazaro and then reporting the officers who searched the office. After that, I need to take myself off the case and stay the fuck away from her because I can't fall even more, only to have our differences create this toxic mix.

But what I really want to do is take her in my arms and soothe the hurt and betrayal she feels. I need her to know I'm not the man she's accusing me of being. Like to my core, I need her to know I'm not like the cops who were here this morning.

"You're right. At first, I did use Lazaro's disappearance as a way to get close to you."

She gives me a look of triumph. "At least you're honest."

"But something happened that I didn't expect." I take a step toward her. "I fell for you, Lana. Hard."

She holds a hand up. "Don't. I won't fall for that again."

"It's the truth. I didn't anticipate these feelings. I shouldn't feel them. I know what's on the line, and yet, I can't stop wanting you." I run a hand through my hair, frustration and vulnerability warring inside me. "My career, my integrity, everything I've worked for… it's all on the line because I can't stop myself from falling for you."

"Right, well if that's true, I feel sorry for you then, because I don't feel anything for you."

My heart sinks, even as the pain in her eyes suggests she's lying. "I understand why you don't trust me. I've given you plenty of reasons not to. What I'm saying is true. My feelings?—"

She laughs bitterly. "Your feelings? What about your job, Henry? Your duty? Are you going to throw all that away for me?"

I hesitate, and I see something flicker in her eyes. Disappointment? Resignation?

"That's what I thought," she says, her voice cold. "You can't have it both ways, Detective. You can't be the cop trying to bring down my family and the man who claims to love me. It doesn't work like that."

She's slipping away, assuming I'd even had her. And the worst part is, I can't entirely blame her. How can I expect her to believe me when I'm still torn between my duty and my heart?

Lana's eyes are fixed on me, waiting for my next move. I know I need to be honest with her, even if it risks pushing her away for good.

"Okay. I understand. But you should know that while I did use Lazaro to spend time with you, my promise to look into his disappearance wasn't lip service. I have been investigating, and I've made some progress on his case."

She raises an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. "What have you found? Or are you going to give me the same nothing-burger of information you tried to give the other night?"

"I've tracked down reports of abandoned vans matching the description of the one that took him. I'm planning to follow up on them, see if there were any suspicious activities reported in those areas around the time of Lazaro's disappearance."

I'm heartened by the flicker of hope I see in her eyes.

"Of course, it's possible the van was broken up, so I'll be visiting some chop shops as well."

Lana studies my face, I imagine searching for signs of deception. "You're really doing this?" A hint of vulnerability creeps into her voice.

"I am. Because it matters to you, and because it's the right thing to do. I know it's not much to go on, but it's a start. And I promise you, I'm going to follow every lead, no matter where it takes me."

My breath holds as I wait for her response. It could go either way. Either she'll believe me or think it's a ploy to stay close to bring her family down. God, I hope she believes me. Standing here, waiting, it feels like my life is on the line. Like my future happiness is in the balance.