Chapter 9

Phoenix

McKenzie is leaning against the door as Rex drives us to the piano bar, trying her best to stay as far away from me as possible in the confined space. From the time she was in my office until now, she's gone deep in her thoughts and is now pulling away from me. I want to force her to talk to me, but I don't want to be anything like her father. From the things she's told me about growing up, I know her father was a hard man.

He didn't allow her to speak her mind. He didn't give her the comfort she craved. And after her mother died, he shipped her off instead of dealing with her emotions. I stare at her profile as she looks out the window. Then he sold her. In spite of all that, she still has this hope that he's a good man.

No matter how many times I've told her he's the one that took her, she refuses to give up. I know she remembers who took her the first time. If she doesn't tell me soon, I'm going to have to get it out of her by telling her I know she's lying. I exhale slowly. Why would she lie about that?

She shifts slightly, the soft glow of the moonlight reflecting off her hair. She is gorgeous, and she has no idea. I have missed being able to stare at her whenever I want over the past couple of months. Unable to stop myself, I lean over slightly and rub her jaw with my knuckles and push her hair behind her ear.

She startles slightly, like she's deep in thought, but she doesn't push me away. She turns toward me, her lips tipping in a slight smile. The days and weeks when I first got her back, when she'd flinch anytime I'd try to touch her… Things were different after I got her back the first time, but not like these past months after she lost her memory.

I wanted to fulfill my promise that I would make it good for her. I did anything but that in the beginning. So, in my own way, I fulfilled that promise during those months when she realized we were married. I stopped trying to stay away from her after that day she called me out on my bullshit, but it wasn't anything like it has been.

We experimented. A lot. We used the auctions as a way to delve deeper into the Master and pet role playing, but there was always something missing. She remained at arm's length and nothing I did helped.

When she gets the rest of her memories back, will it be like that again? Did something happen when she was taken the first time to put me at arm's length?

I inhale slowly and focus on her.

"What are you thinking?" I ask her. Her tongue darts out, wetting her lips as she looks down at her hands clasped tightly in her lap.

"Are you sure you want to know?" she whispers. Rex and I share a look in the rearview mirror. I grip her chin lightly with my forefinger and thumb, lifting her face until she looks at me. I want her to see the truth in my eyes. She swallows as she returns my stare.

"Yes, love. I want to know. I may not like it, but I have always encouraged you to speak your mind. I never want you to water down anything for me." She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth as she gathers her courage and I drop my hand, giving her time to collect her thoughts.

"The night of the auction," she begins. "My father stopped us as we were leaving and said he had someone else that was going to buy me." Her voice cracks and my heart aches. "And you knew."

I stare at her, contemplating what to tell her. I finally decide she needs to know the truth. If this is going to work between us. I have to be honest with her. "I started going to the auctions when I turned eighteen. It was a plan my father and I had come up with. Try to infiltrate The Society and its council, but I learned your father was on the council and part of the bylaws to become part of the council was to sell your first-born daughter."

Her mouth drops as her nails dig into her jean clad thighs. "Aren't you on the council?" she asks.

I nod. "Yes. You can sell your first-born daughter or buy someone else's daughter to be on the council. I chose to buy you."

She closes her eyes and inhales slowly. "So, you weren't trying to save me at all. You were using me."

"No," I reply right away.

Her eyes pop open. "What?"

"I wasn't using you. I knew your father was going to sell you. He had planned on selling you to the dean."

Her hand comes up to her throat as she processes what I'm saying. "The dean of Brighton?"

"Yes. But your father didn't go to every auction. So, he didn't see the two other girls the dean bought and had sex with in front of everyone. I don't know what he did with those girls after, but I knew he wasn't going to abide by his agreement with your father. I knew you'd wind up in horrid circumstances. So, yes, I bought you to save you. But I also bought you because I wanted you. I've wanted you since the first moment I laid eyes on you."

She doesn't respond, instead she stares at me wide eyed, probably trying to decide if she believes me or not. "Why didn't you tell me that? Instead, you made me believe…"

"I told you I bought you because I wanted you. That was the truth."

Rex pulls up in front of the club before she replies. "We're here, sir." Kenz stares at me before inhaling deeply. When she turns to get out of the car, I put my hand on her thigh.

"I'll come around." I share another look with Rex, and he gives me a good luck look. "You can pick us up in a few hours." He nods as I get out. I know he'll park the SUV and stand outside with our other security, but Kenz doesn't know that, and I want to make this as much of a normal outing as possible for her.

Glancing around the street, I see one of the new security guys waiting a ways down the street. He blends in nicely, like he's waiting for someone. Rex has been trying to talk me into hiring these guys for a while now. Ever since we got McKenzie back, he's been convinced there's a leak within.

I've tried to pinpoint who it can be, but after McKenzie left this last time and no one stopped her, everyone was fired. And Rex hired all new men. Rex still feels responsible for her leaving, even though he wasn't on the premises when it happened. Getting to Kenz's door, I push those thoughts aside. Looking around one more time before opening her door, I extend my hand to her and she takes it as she climbs out of the SUV.

My eyes roam over her full red lips and the red dress I told her she had to wear. Her nipples pebble against the cold and goosebumps break out along her arms, but she doesn't say anything. Every nerve in my body wants to rub my thumb, then my tongue over her nipples, but I force myself to take a step back.

She looks up at me under her eyelashes. Her brown eyes tell me she knows what I'm thinking. She raises one eyebrow at me and smirks. As much as I have enjoyed the past few months with her, I missed this McKenzie. When I got her back, it was like she had reverted back to her shy high school persona. I know it's because she couldn't remember the relationship we had, but I missed the flirting. The texts that said she needed my dick now because of some smutty book she was reading.

I was hoping after the auction maybe that part of her would be awakened. I didn't realize the auction would help her remember and push her further away. I close the door and wrap my arm around her shoulders. As we enter the bar, I give the bouncer a slight nod. The show hasn't started yet, but there is music playing as people order their food and drinks.

I lean down, my lips brushing her earlobe. "There will be people here who know you. If someone speaks to you, just be friendly. You don't have to have long conversations. If you get uncomfortable, tap your wrist. You remember that?" She swallows and inhales sharply. She taps her wrist, showing me she remembers. I kiss her just below her ear. "Such a good girl," I murmur.

This time when her nipples pebble and goosebumps breakout along her skin, I know it's a reaction to me and not the cold. My cock twitches at the sight. I wonder briefly how much time she'll need before she'll let me touch her again.

I lead us to a booth that is secluded yet has a good view of the stage. McKenzie slides in first and I slide in next to her. The booth is round and has walls high enough that the people at the next booth can't see us. I've lost count of the amount of times I've made her come in this booth and she doesn't remember any of them.

"What's wrong?" McKenzie asks as I settle next to her.

"I was thinking about how you can't remember the times we've been here together." I could easily tell her exactly what I was thinking, but I don't think constantly making sexual innuendos to her will get her to trust me any faster.

She sighs and rubs her hand up my arm. "I didn't think about how my amnesia affected you," she admits.

"How it affects me isn't the priority. You knew me as the guy you went to Brighton with and nothing more. My first priority was making sure you felt safe with me." I run a hand through my hair, looking away from her and toward the stage. "I don't think I did the best job with that."

"That's not true." She begins to trace the tattoos on my forearms. "You let me be myself. Allowed me to bake and read. I felt more like myself than I ever did with my father or even at Brighton." Her eyes flick to mine for a brief moment before she returns to tracing my tattoo. "I think part of feeling safe is being able to express yourself without fear of being judged. You never judged me even when we were at Brighton. You never made fun of me that I'd read during lacrosse games, or I spent more time in the library than I did going to parties. You accepted me for who I was and never tried to change me. To me, that's feeling safe."

I open my mouth to respond, but I'm at a loss for words. Our server arrives, dropping off two glasses of water. "I assumed you two would want your usuals, so I went ahead and brought you drinks." He set a glass in front of McKenzie. "Rum and Diet Coke." Then a glass in front of me. "Bourbon."

I nod at him in thanks. "Very good, Clay." He sets two menus in front of us.

"I'll come back in a moment to get your orders."

McKenzie lifts the cup to her nose and sniffs. "Rum and Diet Coke?" she asks, taking a tentative sip and hums. "I didn't realize I liked this."

I chuckle and wrap my arm around her, pulling her in close to my side. "You discovered that at an auction. It soon became your favorite drink."

She takes another sip and chuckles. I raise an eyebrow at her in question. "I was just wondering if rum does to me what tequila did to the woman in that country song."

I try to think about what she's referring to. "Which song?" I ask as I take a sip from my glass.

"The one that says tequila makes her clothes fall off." I cough as I swallow the bourbon the wrong way. She laughs and I tickle her side, making her squirm.

I lift the cup back to her lips. "Drink up and let's find out."