Chapter 53

Chapter Fifty-Three

T he rest of the evening is quieter and ends with June persuading Ezra to let her have a look at his house so she can make a first-draft sketch.

“Come on then,” Ezra agrees with a grin, eliciting a squeal of delight from June. “Mr. Shepherd, Mrs. Shepherd. It was a pleasure to have dinner with you today. Thank you very much. Mrs. Shepherd, it was incredibly delicious,” Ezra says goodbye to us and gives me a dashing smile, which he immediately hides behind his friendly expression so my husband suspects nothing.

“You’re welcome. It was nice having you with us. And thank you for giving June a chance,” I reply politely and nod to both of them.

Thomas stands up to shake Ezra’s hand, which he holds out to him to say goodbye. He says nothing to him, though, and just nods grimly. I’m sure that if June hadn’t been sitting at this table, this evening would have turned out completely different…

“Don’t be late, Pumpkin,” he chides June, and she gives him an embarrassed look. Then, she looks apologetically at Ezra, and they leave our house together.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about Ezra being alone with June in his house. Any normal mother would have been worried about her 19-year-old daughter going with an older guy for fear of something happening. I’m worried too, but not that Ezra would ever hurt June—because that’s nonsense. I know Ezra would never lay a hand on a woman or do anything against her will.

Instead, I worry that she might throw herself at him, which is completely the wrong thing to think—I’m aware of that. But I can’t shake the feeling, and the idea of June making a pass at him doesn’t sit well with me at all.

“I think we have some unfinished business here, Cora,” my husband’s angry hiss snaps me out of my jealous thoughts.

My head snaps in his direction, and I can see just how upset he is. We've been arguing for weeks about his dislike for Ezra and his insistence that I stay away from him. And now, here I am, sitting him down at the same table without any warning.

If it were up to me, this dinner would have never happened with this particular group. Especially since I'm now feeling jealous of my own daughter, which is utterly twisted. But that’s exactly how I feel right now.

Of course, I can’t tell my husband, so I just tilt my head slightly as I stack the plates on top of each other. I’d avoided having to go back into the kitchen before because I was worried that Ezra would have selflessly helped me put the dishes away, and I don’t know how much longer I would have resisted his hot game.

“I’m sorry, darling. Ezra came by unexpectedly and wanted to borrow some ingredients, and June invited him over for dinner. Should I have uninvited him?” I ask him as I take the plates to the kitchen.

Usually, that would have been the end of the matter, and Thomas would have sat down in his TV chair and watched the sporting results while drinking a glass of wine. But not this time. He follows me into the kitchen and seems to have much more to say.

“Yes, that would have been great,” he snorts.

“Thomas. That’s rude,” I reprimand him and give him a stern look.

His features harden, and he takes slow, angry steps around the kitchen island until he reaches me, takes the plates out of my hand, and sets them down on the counter with a loud clatter. My gaze falls first on the dishes and then back to him with furrowed eyebrows. But as soon as I look up at him again, he raises his hand, and I can only watch it speed toward me and land on my cheek with a loud and painful smack.

“I told you; I don’t want him anywhere near you! And you have the audacity to invite him into my house?! Do you think I don’t notice how you adore him? Right in front of my face?” Thomas shouts angrily at me as I fear for my balance.

I stumble into the kitchen counter, barely catching myself to avoid collapsing to the floor. One hand instinctively flies to my burning cheek as I hold it, my eyes wide with shock. Slowly, I turn to Thomas, my expression a mix of disbelief and horror as I meet his gaze.

“Don’t look at me like that, Cora! I don’t approve of you disobeying me! You knew I wouldn’t like it, and yet you invited him here. Spending time alone with him! What am I supposed to think of that, huh?” he spits angrily at me and grabs me brutally by my upper arm to pull me close to him again. “And now this sleazy jerk is making a pass at my little daughter, and you have nothing better to do than stand by and encourage it? Oh, Cora, you have no idea how angry I am with you right now!” His voice is so dark that I’m terrified of him.

Especially since he’s completely missing the point, even if nothing was going on between Ezra and me, and he was just here by chance, June would have invited him anyway, and I wouldn’t have been able to stop it because it’s rude to refuse. But there’s no point arguing with him when he’s like this. As much as I hate backing down and letting him win again, I’ve learned over the years that it’s easier to keep my mouth shut in situations like this. Let him think everything is going his way—for now.

“I didn’t mean to upset you, Thomas. But please…” I whisper and can’t stop my body from trembling.

My cheek is throbbing with pain, and I’m sure I’ll need a ton of makeup over the next few days to cover up the bruise so June doesn’t see it.

I hate that I’m so powerless in this situation. Sure, I could fight back—I’ve done it before—but it always ends the same way. It only gets worse until he apologizes the next day with an enormous bouquet or some other gift, as if that could make everything right in his world again. But not in mine. Every blow, every bruise, leaves another dark stain on my soul, deepening the scars that never seem to heal.

Thomas pulls me close to him once more with a dark growl and leans way down toward me as his fingers dig painfully into my upper arm.

“This is the last time I see him in my house or near you. June will finish the job with him, and then she’ll stay away from him, too. Tell her before I have to!” he spits angrily at me, crossing a line with his last threat that he definitely should never have crossed.

Snorting, I break free of his grip and push him forcefully away from me, glaring at him more angrily than I’ve ever done in my life.

"Did you just threaten our daughter?" I hiss, my voice trembling with fury. "You can take out your egotism on me if you must, but you will never harm a hair on June’s head or let her see this side of you. Because let me tell you, you won’t lose just your daughter! June is smarter and stronger than me. She’ll leave you and won’t be swayed by your apologies. And maybe it’s time I take a page out of our daughter’s book," I finish, defiantly jutting my chin out.

Nothing happens for a moment. Thomas doesn’t even make a face until he suddenly lets out an angry shout and swings his backhand so fast that I don’t see it coming. The force of his blow knocks me off my feet, and I hit my head on the kitchen counter as I fall. Dazed, I fall to the floor, and dizziness overcomes me. Everything hurts and throbs in my skull, and I struggle to focus for a moment as I see everything twice.

“Did you threaten to leave me and take my daughter away from me?” he yells at me angrily and drags me back to my feet by my hair, making me scream.

I grab my hair to somehow soothe the pain that’s pulling at my scalp. I feel like he’s going to rip my hair out in clumps as I try to stay on my feet. My head is spinning, and the dizziness from the violent blow is taking hold of me more and more.

“Never threaten me again, Cora! Or I swear I’ll forget myself! You will calm down now and tidy up here, and then I expect everything to go back to normal tomorrow. I don’t want to have to tell you again, Cora!” he growls darkly in my ear before pushing me roughly away from him so that I have to catch myself with my hands on the countertop to avoid hitting my head on it.

I don’t know how long I stood there propped up, trying to sort out my racing thoughts. The violent trembling that seizes my body won’t stop. Only when I gasp for air in panic, do I realize I’ve been holding my breath the whole time. I’m so terrified. Thomas has lashed out before, but it’s rare for him to hit me multiple times and grab me with such force.

Eventually, I pull myself together because I don’t want to upset him anymore. Besides, I don’t know when June will come home, and I don’t want her to see me like this. I don’t want to look in the mirror myself, but after I’ve tidied up the kitchen, I have to take care of my face so that it doesn’t swell up unattractively tomorrow when it will glow in every color. At least I can cover up the spots, but not the swelling.

So I hurry to clean up and then rush upstairs to our bathroom, locking myself in. Thomas sits in front of the TV, acting as if nothing has happened. I know that later, he'll climb into bed beside me, expecting me to let him hold me as if everything is normal. It's his way of apologizing for his harshness, even though all I want is to be far away from him.

I flinch in front of the mirror and jump at my appearance. My cheeks are already blue, and there’s a slight bump on my hairline where I hit my head. I immediately put the ice pack I took from the kitchen on my face and hold it on my bruised face to reduce the swelling.

I’m at a loss for how to hide the marks tomorrow so June won’t notice. I need to avoid Ezra as well, since he’s made his feelings about my violent husband clear. The last thing I need is a confrontation between them, which would only add to my troubles. After tonight, I can do without any additional conflict.

After taking care of my face and the bump on my head, I decide to sleep. I get ready for bed and am about to walk out of the dark bedroom and into my bed when I see the light in Ezra’s house. My eyes wander over to him, and then I see June and him in his bedroom and her running around the room excitedly, pointing everywhere, probably trying to gather all her ideas.

Ezra nods at her with interest and smiles kindly. Bitterness rises in me to see the two of them over there. I know it’s ridiculous to be jealous of my daughter, especially as I have other things to worry about now. And yet, I can’t help but feel this corrosive envy eating through my chest.

I can’t take my eyes off them and fear every second that they might fall into each other. Unfortunately, for all the wrong reasons. But when Ezra suddenly looks over at me, and I can make out a tiny smirk on his beautiful lips, the wild storm in my chest calms down a little. He can’t possibly see me because I’m standing in a completely darkened room and the curtains are almost entirely drawn. But the fact that he has to smile when he thinks of me warms my insides and lets me breathe a little easier.

I decide to go to bed before Thomas comes upstairs, hoping to avoid running into him again tonight.

“Mom, he’s so great. Did I tell you he’s letting me decide how to decorate his entire house?” June doesn’t stop gushing about Ezra.

“Yes, dear. You did,” I reply with a fake smile.

I don’t want to take out my feelings on her, especially since it’s not normal to be jealous of my daughter for unknowingly making me feel envious of my secret lover. I need to address these feelings on my own, not with her. So, I force a smile and help her pack her things in her dorm room with as much enthusiasm as I can muster.

Thomas wants us to take care of it this weekend and not put it off until the next, and as I don’t want to get into another fight with my husband in the next few days, we’re here now.

That’s just as well, because I wouldn’t have been able to bear it if he had tried to make up with me today by planting a hypocritical kiss on my cheek or offering some other gesture of apology. After all, he can’t bring an enormous bouquet when his daughter is there without explaining what it’s for. Even June knows her father has no sense of romance; she would have noticed something wrong.

Fortunately, Thomas did nothing else that evening. He simply climbed into bed with me without a word, and I pretended to be asleep. At least my face looks decent thanks to makeup, but what lies beneath is far from good. However, that’s none of our daughter’s business, and I’m left to deal with it alone.

“Don’t you think Ezra is so hot?”

I almost drop her bedside lamp at this question as I turn to her with a pained smile and shrug awkwardly.

“I… I don’t know, I wasn’t paying attention,” I evade and put the lamp in one of the boxes.

“Oh, come on, Mom,” June replies with a grin, wiggling her eyebrows promptly.

“No, I didn’t notice our way-too-young, single neighbor. And you should only worry about his house and not his body. After all, he’s a lot older than you,” I tell her as I clear out her bookshelf.

“He’s not much older,” she mumbles, but I leave it at that because I know June is a decent girl and knows very well that Ezra is too old.

If only he hadn’t offered her a job so she wouldn’t keep fighting with her father. Which brings us to the next problem. Thomas made it clear yesterday that he doesn’t want June or me to have any further contact with Ezra once the project is done. Now, I need to figure out how to tell June about this without Thomas getting involved. I won’t let him show her his darker side, not now or ever.

“Remember one thing, dear. Never mix business with pleasure. It’ll only get you into trouble.” I advise as I give her an urgent look over my shoulder.

“You work for Dad,” she shrugs.

“There are other reasons for that,” I evade and turn my attention back to her bookshelf.

I don’t want to talk to my daughter about the fact that I only work for Thomas at the law firm and have given up my dream of running my own business because he couldn’t keep his pants zipped. Those are our problems, not our 19-year-old daughter’s!

“So you like working for Dad at the law firm?” she asks meekly, and I can hear her uncertain tone, which is why I turn to her again.

“Why do you ask that?” I ask her, tilting my head slightly.

June avoids my gaze and pretends to continue putting things away. She moves her jeans from side to side in her closet.

“Just because,” she mumbles before sighing. “I mean… maybe I thought we could start something together when I’ve finished my studies, or while I’m studying, if you want to?” she suddenly babbles so quickly that I can barely follow her.

“Would you like to set up an interior design company with me?” I asked her, surprised, completely overwhelmed, and moved.

She nods uncertainly as she chews nervously on her lower lip.

“Yes. I found your old folders in the cellar and went through them a while ago. They were great, and I’ve considered doing something like that ever since. I thought… it would be cool to build something together and work together. But if you think it’s stupid, that’s totally fine.” She quickly brushes it off and turns back to her wardrobe.

I look at her with a soft smile before wrapping her in my arms.

“I would be honored and excited if we built something together. June, I’m proud of you,” I whisper to her, kissing the top of her head before pulling away from her.

She beams at me from ear to ear, and I do the same because it’s true. I couldn’t be prouder of her right now. June is going her own way without my or her father’s direction. She has chosen her path independently and without pressure and wants to follow it. It fills me with pride that she has become such a self-confident young woman who goes her own way and dares to fight for it.

“It’s going to be so great,” she squeals happily, jumping up and down like a bouncy ball.

That makes me smile.

“It will be. But before we take too big a step, first things first. Start your studies and get a grip on your courses first. Then, if you think it’s for you, we can start planning. Then your father won’t be quite so skeptical about the whole thing. All right?”

June nods eagerly and starts acting like a bouncy ball again, which makes my grin grow even wider.

“Good, then let’s get this done so you can get your room ready again. It’s become pretty bare since you only come home on the weekends. And if you want, we can go to the movies tonight or something. It could be a nice mother-daughter date like we hadn’t had for a long time. What do you think of that, love?”

“Sounds great,” June agrees, and we return to work.

I decide to keep our conversation to myself for the time being. Thomas has only just halfway accepted the fact that his little princess won’t be studying law and won’t be taking over his law firm eventually. I don’t know how he will cope with the fact that she would rather follow in my footsteps than his. So I’ll let him get used to her new plans for the future before I drop the other bombshell, for which I’ll then have to pay the consequences…

The day flies by as we busily clear June’s dorm room and tidy up and decorate her room at home. It’s been wonderful to spend so much time with my daughter again, instead of just seeing her twice a week for dinner since she usually spends the weekends with her friends.

We talk a lot and laugh even more. The atmosphere is exuberant and relaxed. It also becomes painfully clear to me that June is no longer my little girl but almost a grown woman. I thoroughly enjoy the day with her and find it a relaxing distraction from all the problems waiting for me at home.

I barely think about Ezra and how much I miss him, only to berate myself in the same breath for not thinking about him and not missing him either. It’s refreshing to escape this vicious circle for a day, even though I can’t ignore the fact that I’m already thinking about when I can see him again.

Admittedly, now that June isn’t studying and will be going in and out of his house, meeting him might be a bit more complicated. Nevertheless, I don’t want to miss out. However, I should probably avoid seeing him in the next few days if I don’t want him to notice my bruises.

My guilty conscience toward my husband is quite subdued today, but that could be because I’m currently not on good terms with him. I don’t know how our marriage will continue if he treats me like this. However, with June here for the next few months, it might bring some peace, as Thomas has always managed to control himself in front of her over the years. I’m confident he won’t risk showing his darker side now that she’s almost grown. At least, I hope he won’t.

“Are you ready, Mom?” June asks me as I head downstairs. We’ve both showered and changed after all the work.

I’m ready,” I reply happily, leaving the house with her for a lovely mother-daughter evening at the movies, complete with lots of popcorn and candy.