Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty-One

M y heart pounds heavily as Kelly suddenly appears in the bedroom doorway, nearly catching sight of what I saw. She would have teased me about it for the rest of my life and never let me forget it. Worse, she might have picked up on the tension between Ezra and me.

I couldn’t let that happen, so I quickly stopped her from entering the bedroom any further and shooed her back downstairs. We went to sit in the garden, where I poured the wine I’d promised her—I could use it now too.

I want to numb the images with alcohol and preferably forget them altogether, although I’m sure they’ve burned themselves into my brain for all eternity. An angry snort escapes me when I think that he’s already over me, while I’ve been tormented by heartache for days, feeling like I’m losing my mind.

“Cora honey, is everything okay?” Kelly asks me as she watches me angrily open the wine.

I try to pull myself together and give her the best smile I can manage.

“Cut the crap and save your fake smile for Thomas,” she reprimands me, giving me a warning look.

Kelly knows me too well. She always knows when something is wrong with me and usually knows what’s going on without me telling her. But in this particular case, she couldn’t possibly understand. The way I’m behaving with Ezra couldn’t be more out of character for me.

I hand her a glass before we head outside into the garden, armed with the bottle, to sit by my beloved pavilion. I can still feel her questioning gaze, demanding I finally speak up.

“Stop it, Kelly. It’s nothing,” I sigh and take a big sip of my wine.

Kelly raises her eyebrow reprovingly and gives my glass an incredulous look because I’ve almost finished it in one sip.

“Mmm…” she says knowingly.

She knows how much I hate it when she does that.

I sigh again and slump back in the wicker chair.

“I just don’t know if this is it. If this is all I have to look forward to in my life,” I confess quietly, not lying, even though I leave out the important details.

“I thought things were better between you and Thomas?” she asks with interest, sipping her wine.

I give her a quick sideways glance before nodding and raising my shoulders uncertainly in the same breath.

“Yes,” I simply reply and empty my glass.

I can’t talk to her about this. I’d make an absolute fool of myself, especially considering what’s happened. It’s the best proof that I meant nothing to Ezra and that he wasn’t serious about me. How could I be so stupid and almost jeopardize my marriage over a young and horny guy? Enough of this! I am officially cured of you, Ezra King!

Tipsy—okay, maybe almost drunk—Kelly and I stagger to the cab I called for her. We’ve had a lovely afternoon, although it’s now late evening. Her nanny has an important appointment, so Kelly has to go home.

“Take care, sweetie. It was nice seeing you again, and I hope you’re back to your old self soon,” she says goodbye to me and kisses my cheek.

“Thank you, Kelly, I needed that,” I confess, smiling back at her. I giggle and push her into the cab before closing the door.

I’m grateful to have a friend like her. Even though she can be a little silly and annoying sometimes, she’s always there for me when I need her, just as she gives me space when I ask for it without resenting me afterward.

“Always at your service, Mrs. Shepherd,” she slurs, saluting out of the window.

I laugh and shake my head in amusement.

“We’ll go out soon, okay? To take your mind off things.”

Nodding, I agree before tapping the cab’s roof twice to indicate to the driver that he can drive before I step back. She waves with a broad and silly grin, which makes me smile, too— crazy girl.

Shaking my head, but with a big grin, I go back into the house and into the garden to tidy up a bit. Thomas texted that he’s staying late at the office today because he has a big case coming up and needs to do some research. So I’ll probably be alone in this big house tonight and, I suspect, for the next few evenings. And usually, I don’t mind, but right now…

If I let them, my thoughts will return to what I saw today. But I don’t want to think about Ezra anymore. I don’t want to feel bad about myself anymore. Damn it!

Instead of cleaning up the half-full bottle and going inside, I and empty it. It doesn’t matter now.

To silence my thoughts and relax, I lean back in my wicker chair and briefly close my eyes. But unexpectedly, I hear a rustling and immediately straighten when I see him stepping out of the shadows.

“What are you doing here? Don’t you have a visitor?” I sneer at Ezra, knowing how ridiculous I sound. Especially since the words came out of my mouth slurred.

But I can't shake the biting feeling that’s been gnawing at my chest since I saw him with that terribly attractive young blonde.

Ezra steps up to me under the pavilion and runs his hand over the back of his neck as he stops close to me.

“Don’t be jealous, Beauty. I’m all yours if you want me to be,” he replies, regaining his old self-confidence.

I snort and stand up indignantly. My head is spinning because I got up too quickly. But never mind, I will give him a piece of my mind now.

“I’ve seen how much you belong to me,” I growl, hoping I won’t lose any credibility by slurring my words.

Ezra raises an eyebrow, and his demonstrative glance over the empty bottles shows me he hasn’t missed them. But I don’t care about that either.

“I don’t think we should have this conversation when you’re drunk.” His deep voice sounds almost reproachful.

“We don’t have to talk to each other at all!” I retort snappishly and try to walk past him, but the spinning top in my head is suddenly spinning so fast and intensely that I wobble.

I threaten to lose my balance, but Ezra catches me and pulls me to his broad chest in a flash. He wraps his strong arms tightly around me, and his unmistakable scent immediately creeps back into my nose. I don’t want to, yet I can’t stop myself from briefly inhaling. It feels like coming home because he is already so familiar to me, more than he should be.

My fingers have clawed their way down his back and into his shirt. Slowly, I lift my head. Everything is still spinning there, but when our eyes meet, and I look again into that familiar and soft mix of gold and amber, everything suddenly stands completely still in my mind. My heart is pounding heavily as Ezra puts his hand on my face, and his gaze intensifies. His thumb gently caresses the corner of my mouth, and everything he touches, every spot, every cell, every goddamn molecule inside me, is stirred up by that gentle touch.

“I miss you, Beauty. I… need you,” he murmurs in that deep, sexy voice of his that I’ve missed so much without even realizing it.

Even though his words send a swarm of butterflies through my belly, I shake my head weakly and lower my gaze. The images of him taking that blonde in his bed earlier… I can’t get them out of my head, reminding me his words are a lie.

“You don’t. You showed me that earlier. You’re young, and you have your needs. I get it. You don’t want me, Ezra. You should date women your age and have fun. You’re single and…”

But I don’t get any further because Ezra suddenly grabs my chin and pushes it upwards, and not a second later, his lips are on mine.

I freeze, only to turn to wax in his hands in the next second. My arms wrap around his neck, and I return the kiss. I willingly open my mouth and eagerly welcome his tongue with mine.

“I only want you, Beauty,” he mumbles against my swollen lips, and he’s lifting me onto his hips, making me sigh softly as I feel his powerful erection between my thighs as I wrap my legs around his torso.

He turns with me, my feet knocking over the bottles on the small table, but we couldn’t care less. Ezra presses me against the pavilion’s beam as he kisses me out of my mind once again.

“I want to hear you moan. I only want to kiss you . I want to fuck only you . Just you , Beauty… Please, let me,” he murmurs softly and almost pleadingly, yet with a passion I’ve never heard in a man before. It was as if I were the most precious thing in the world to him, and it would destroy him if he couldn’t have me.

“I’m married, Ezra,” I counter with a whisper before I press my lips to his again because I can’t help myself.

I know what I’m doing is the stupidest and most wrong thing ever. A mistake! And yet, I don’t stop kissing him. My core throbs, and I can feel my wetness dampen my panties. I want him so badly that my heart almost jumps out of my chest.

But suddenly, without me being able to stop it, images of the blonde flood my head and seize all my excitement.

Gasping, I break away from him and look at him. I can feel the tears welling up, and I don’t even know where they’re coming from. It’s probably the alcohol. It’s easier to blame it on that than admit that Ezra hurt me with today’s actions.

I disengage my legs from his hips, which makes him put me back on my feet and look at me with a furrowed brow in irritation. His hand finds my cheek again, and his thumb gently strokes the corner of my mouth as before, tracing the contours of my lips as he looks at me intently.

“Beauty… I’m sorry you saw that. I… I really wanted to keep my word. Leave you alone. But… fuck, Beauty, I can’t get you out of my head. I only think about you. I can still taste you, and I go crazy almost every day because I’m so close to you, yet you’re out of my reach. I know you’re married, and I would never break up a marriage, but…”

“But what?” I hiss in warning because he’s on very thin ice here.

“But your marriage is already beyond saving, which has nothing to do with us. You’re not happy with him. He doesn’t make you happy. I can. I would lay the world at your feet every day. You deserve so much more than mediocre sex that doesn’t even consider you and your needs. You deserve more than standing at the stove waiting for your jackass of a husband to come home so he can ignore you even while you’re eating the dinner you cooked with love and blame it on his demanding job.”

During his speech, Ezra clutches my face tightly with his hands and steps a little closer to me. His gaze is directed at me as if begging me to finally open my eyes. But what he says only makes me angrier than anything else. What do you think you’re doing? Do you want to judge me and the state of my marriage?

“It’s easy to judge other people’s lives if you only look at them from the outside. You’re young, Ezra. Still so incredibly young and have no idea how life works.”

A contemptuous snort gives me pause. His expression changes entirely for a moment. Ezra lets go of me and shakes his head with an angry expression.

“Believe me, Beauty. I know what it’s like to get fucked by life. But I get it. You don’t want to get involved with me; you don’t want to trust me because your oh-so-loving husband has completely messed you up when it comes to trust. It would be best if you thought about that… I would make you the center of my attention every single day—every minute we share—Beauty. Every. Fucking. Minute!”

He shakes his head again, and a sad smile spreads across his full lips before he looks at me.

I look up at him and don’t know what else to say. I’m completely confused by his words, his closeness, and everything that has happened.

He wants to say something else, but the LED lights along the stone path to the pavilion light up and interrupt him. We both look around. I take a step back, and my heart skips a beat.

“Cora?” I hear Thomas’s voice, and the pressed undertone tells me he is anything but thrilled to find me here alone in the middle of the night with our young, single, and attractive neighbor.

“Hello, darling,” I reply, causing Ezra to tense up beside me.

But I ignore him and walk toward my husband with a put-on smile to greet him.

“What are you doing here?” he yells at me, blocking the kiss on the cheek I was about to give him in greeting. Instead, he pushes past me, his face contorted with rage, to stop right in front of Ezra. Oh, boy.

“Nothing. I spent the day with Kelly and was still sitting here alone…”

“So what’s he doing here when my wife sits alone in our garden, apparently getting drunk? I repeat the question: What are you doing here?” Thomas snarls at him and stands a little straighter in front of Ezra so that they are the same height, as Ezra normally towers over him by a few inches. Wonderful…

I glance nervously at Ezra for a moment and shake my head gradually to make sure he doesn’t say the wrong thing. Ezra puts on his usual rakish and more than inappropriate smile as he raises his hands innocently and shrugs his shoulders.

“Take it easy. I have no ill intentions toward your wife, Mr. Shepherd. She had knocked over some bottles, and I wanted to know what that unusual sound was at this late hour. I was worried it could be a burglar. That’s all. But now that your wife is in the best hands, I’ll be going again. Good night, Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd.”

With that, Ezra turns away from us with a knowing twinkle in his eye and jumps over the fence again with an impressive leap.

I’d love to smack my head because of his stupidity. Couldn’t he at least have taken the usual route around the outside of the house…?

Although Ezra is no longer visible, Thomas and I look after him momentarily. Then, I give him a cautious, sideways glance to check his mood. Thomas is standing next to me, completely stiff, and I can see how he keeps tensing his muscles as if trying to calm down.

“Thomas…” I speak up first, but he turns to me abruptly, and I fall silent. I look at him with wide eyes as I press my lips tightly together.

“Do I have to worry about you forgetting who you belong to? Who the man at your side is, Cora?” Thomas asks in a dangerously calm tone.

I shake my head and step a little closer to him. My hand finds his cheek, and I place the other on the center of his chest.

“No, darling,” I whisper as I press my lips to his.

I don’t want to argue with him again, and I certainly don’t want to because of Ezra, especially not after what he said about my marriage.

Anger rises inside me, and I must show Ezra and prove to him I have a happy marriage. I love and desire my husband, and he feels the same way. I know that. Thomas wants me at any time of the day or night. He never turns me down, no matter how exhausted he is from work. When it happens, I’m the one who says no. But I’ve decided to work more on our marriage again.

My hand slides from his cheek to his neck, and I pull him further toward me to intensify the kiss. But instead of responding, Thomas shakes his head and pulls away from my lips. Breathless, I looked up at him and could scream with frustration and anger.

“Don’t do that, Cora. I’ve had a long day, and I don’t feel like it now after what just happened,” he reprimands me and keeps me at a distance.

I try not to show any disappointment. Ezra can’t be right. It’s late. Thomas’s been working late, and the situation with Ezra has upset him. Usually, he’s not in the mood for sex now … I try to convince myself forcibly that everything is fine.

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to make love to my husband,” I justify and give him an apologetic smile before grabbing the bottles from the floor and tidying up.

Thomas nods at me before casting another withering glance over to Ezra’s house.

“I’m going to sleep,” he informs me, leaving me alone.

I sigh, feeling the anger and frustration build up inside me. Before Ezra decides to show up again and lecture me about my marriage, I quickly gather the bottles and two glasses and follow Thomas inside. I don’t want Ezra to be right about my marriage because he couldn’t be more wrong!