CHAPTER 87 A Song About Magical Arson

Henrietta

"Alright, alright! No shoving! I'll be here until St. Veralyn's Day." Minstrel Brownie's voice could be heard over the crowd as if she were standing right beside me and not up on the stage in Scowls. "Who's ready for a rowdy song to start off the evening?"

A cheer of excitement nearly shook the tavern. Most of the furniture, I noted, was enchanted or made from incredibly durable materials. Some of the tables were even reinforced with strips of iron casing. His Royal Viciousness had declared tonight a celebration of Nilheim's "overwhelming victory over the invading forces of Drendil," although everyone I had spoken to was actually disappointed by the lack of experience points.

Keith and I sat in the back of the hall, lounging at a cozy corner table. We were nursing mugs of warm honey and cream, with a foam top and a dash of cinnamon sugar to tie it together. We were also cuddling. It wasn't something I was familiar with, but as of this evening, it was my new favorite thing.

"You don't think she'll play the song about us, do you?" Keith asked, a little nervously. "She said it wasn't ready yet. I don't know if I'm ready yet."

"Have you never had a song written about you?" I reached up and plucked at his neatly done-up buttons. They so rudely covered his neck, and I had an unending urge to rip them off.

"Well. There was this one that kept popping up a decade ago in Drendil about how I ate babies …" Keith coughed. "But I'm happy to say it didn't get popular."

"I remember that one! He'll come for your child so hold them tight. The Dark Lord will feast till your bone's clean white. So lock up your doors and turn off the light!"

Brownie cut me off with the start of her show. Probably a good thing, since Keith had buried his face in his hands. He looked to be in pain.

"I'll start the night with a crowd favorite, ‘Tammy's Tavern.'"

Now Tammy was a mean one who would water down the beer,

Her inn was full o fleas and her face a happy sneer,

No matter what you did you couldn't get her to admit,

That the floaties in your drink were spit, and not some barrel grit!

So Jack and I went up the hill to see what could be done,

To rid us all of Tammy's ill before the rising sun.

She smokes like a dragon, poison in the flagon.

And she keeps all the change for a tip!

She won't wash the dishes, or debone the fishes,

She slaps you for giving her lip.

So tonight is the night, friend, we'll give her a fine end,

One long overdue, gather round,

By spell or the sword, if you're in get on board,

We'll burn the place down to the ground!

So off we went together, to share in one last drink,

And Jack he brought his axe and Jill her quill and ink,

But what happened one fateful night I never will live down,

Tammy must o seen through us, she spiked our final round!

Ol' Roger the Rogue was out on the table, and Jack asleep at the bar.

The moaning and groaning, the stomachs unloadin', and Tammy just laughed from afar.

But Jill, oh Jill, with her ink quill, was a rowdy magical lass,

She danced in the aisle, she danced on the table, she danced on spilled beer and glass.

And when she fell down

In a heap on the ground,

She hated the grime and the smell,

So she whipped out her book,

That was all that it took,

To activate skill and a spell.

The fireball took to the beer and the wood,

And the clothing of some sorry few,

The cry and the clatter were stopped as the crowd,

Rushed to exit the inn two by two.

Some carried the fallen by head or by tail,

Some carried them over their back.

But none tried to save the old inn or the maid,

As it all burned down in a stack.

The crowd was singing along. For a song about magical arson, it was very popular in taverns around Valaria. It was always amazing to watch Brownie work. Her voice was lyrical but very emphatic, and she could sing like a nightingale or a gritty old sailor at the drop of a hat.

"I still can't believe that"—Keith pointed to where a particularly enthusiastic fan was trying to contain himself—"is my Commander General."

Rufus was vibrating with excitement as he sang along with the songs. He knew all the lyrics to every song Brownie sang, including "Minstrel Fine," "Dragon's Wife," and "Ander's Widow." He sang a beautiful harmony to "The Traveler's Tale," and just watching him was as entertaining as watching Brownie.

Though I'd never tell her that.

For some reason, he was trying to hold it in, and besides singing along, he stayed seated. It looked like his claws were gouging holes into the bar with his grip, though his tail gave away his happiness. The proprietor, a male selkie named Vincent, had chastised the general, but everyone knew he would repair the damage.

"Woooooooooooo!" Rufus howled along with everyone else as another song ended.

"I'd like to see him let loose at one of the concerts. I'm more surprised Brownie doesn't recognize him; he's clearly been to her previous shows, and he's very … well, big and noticeable?"

Keith let out a soft, "Heh, heh, heh. I just had a thought."

"Yes?"

"What if," Keith surmised, "she's never seen him in his human form?"

"Ohhh. She mostly plays in Drendil and only travels to festivals in other kingdoms a few times a year."

"If you think about it, few, if any, have seen him in his human form. He could come and go without causing too much trouble."

I nodded. Our food arrived, and we enjoyed some fish cakes, stuffed mushrooms, and tossed flowers. There were a lot more varieties of food harvested in the forest. Since arriving, I'd had at least fifteen different kinds of mushrooms, four different tubers, and over a hundred different edible flowers. My favorites so far were the glowing blue stringy mushrooms with little green gills, and the ignia bulb flower that I tapped, and it burst open with motes of pollen sparkling in the air and settling like sweet glitter on the rest of my plate.

"I'm so happy Brownie will be here for St. Veralyn's Day. I'll be sad to see her go, but if she's performing at the Spring Ball she'll need to get there early to prepare. I'll miss her when she's gone."

"We can invite her often," Keith said.

It was a kind offer, and I thanked him. He looked at me for a second and sighed. "You know you can invite her whenever you want, right? I'm just saying that we could invite her for official things as well."

"Oh." I blushed. Actually, I hadn't realized that.

Keith took a sip of his drink and came away with a bit of foam on his lip. We both laughed.

I was so happy I didn't think of the other important event coming up.