3. Ella

CHAPTER 3

ELLA

It has been 12 days since my not-date with Xavier, and I still can't get it out of my head. It has also been six days since I heard from him. The man has only texted me a handful of times; the first time was the night he dropped me off at my house. He texted to let me know he got home safe, and my heart melted a little at the gesture. Other than that, there have just been a few casual texts here and there to check in. I know I could send him a few messages, but I already felt like an awkward mess, and I thought it was best to just leave it and hope he would reach out a bit more. It's fine though, he's probably busy and besides, I have another date lined up for tonight.

I'm not that excited about it—it's a blind date (cue my anxious freak out). A few weeks ago, Clay mentioned to Millie that one of his colleagues is recently single and looking to get back into the dating world. They mentioned I was single and told him a little bit about me, and he was willing to meet up for a drink. I agreed to it but had completely forgotten about it until two days ago when Millie told me she had booked us a table at Jimmies. When I protested her choice in venue since I didn't want Xavier to see me on a date, she said, "I booked it there because at least we know there'll be a good man nearby who can step in for you again if you need it. Plus, you haven't heard from Xavier all week. Might as well remind him of your existence by showing up with another man."

Now, let's be real—this doesn't work. Men don't really care unless they're a possessive alphahole. And possessive alphaholes are only okay in a fictional sense. But I guess she is right, in a way. Though really, Xavier isn't even an option at this point. He gave me one compliment, one I admittedly can't stop thinking about, but he didn't hint at anything else. Whatever, I should really be focusing on this date . I'm wearing my blue sundress again, but I've left my hair down and curly tonight. I'm wearing a little more makeup than I usually would, and I'm wearing heels. I'm feeling just a tad insecure, as I've never been on a blind date, and I want to impress.

Clay showed me a picture of the guy and he is the epitome of my ‘usual type'. Blond hair, blue eyes, a jawline that could cut you. Probably works in finance or something else that could be described as sensible and boring. I don't know why I tend to go for guys like this, it has never worked for me in the past. But he was attractive, and he was interested in me. The only thing I'm weary about is his age, he's 26. It isn't that big of a deal, I've dated younger guys before, but being 30 years old myself, I want to settle down.

I'll have to figure out a way to bring that up in conversation. I'm a strong believer in asking the big questions straight up when dating. There's no point in spending months getting to know someone and then finding out they don't want kids or have plans to move to Canada in the next three months. Both of these scenarios have happened to me in the past.

Before I head out though, I want to give Xavier a heads up that I'm coming into the pub tonight.

Ella

Hey Xavier, I hope you've had a good week! I'm just letting you know I'm meeting someone at Jimmies tonight for a blind date. Terrifying. If I feel like I need rescuing again, I'll give you a signal. That's if you're working tonight. And if you're not, then ignore this message. Bye! x

I grab my purse and once again make my way to the train station. I should drive, so I have another quick escape, but I want to be able to have a couple of drinks tonight and not worry about it. I pick up my kindle on the train, as I was halfway through a particularly steamy scene in the reverse harem novel I was reading. Thankfully, I finish the chapter by the time the train pulls into the city. I put it away and walk to Jimmies, a little more flustered than I was before.

I walk through the doors and I'm relieved to see Lena working behind the bar again. I'm 10 minutes early, so I go up to her and have a quick chat.

"Hello again, Ella!" she begins. "How've you been? Are you looking for Xavier?"

I laugh, awkwardly. "Hey Lena, I've been alright. And no, I'm not. I'm meeting some guy here on a blind date. My best friend set it up so it should be interesting. Is Xavier working tonight? I messaged him to ask, but he didn't reply," I say.

"No, sorry, he's not working tonight, but he might pop in later. I think he's got a family dinner or something. If you need rescuing though, I'm happy to help out in his absence!" she says.

I smile at that, though I am a little disappointed that Xavier isn't here. I was hoping to at least just look at him, or maybe even say hello. "That would be great, Lena. Thank you. If I come to the bar and ask for a Fireball, save me."

She laughs as I make my way over to an empty table. It's busier tonight, being a Saturday. The dinner rush has finished, and the drinks crowd has just started to appear. I check my phone, it's 8pm, right on schedule. I look around the room and I can't see anyone who looks like my date anywhere. It's only just now that I realise Millie never gave me his name.

8:15pm. Still no date.

8:30pm. I've ordered myself a rosé, still no date.

9:00pm. Lena has brought me over a second glass of rosé. I'm sitting at this table reading on my kindle. I definitely haven't been stood up. It's only been an hour. It's fine, he's just late.

9:30pm. I finished my book. I've been stood up. What. The. Fuck.

"Hey Ella," Lena appears at my table again, a sad smile on her face. "I'm going to make a guess and say he's not coming?"

"I guess not. Ugh. This is so embarrassing! Just my luck. Who stands someone up these days?!" I bury my head in my hands and groan .

"Nope. No. This isn't on you. That guy is clearly a wanker, who has now missed his shot with an awesome chick. He's not worth it," she says. "Do you want another glass of wine? Or are you done for the night?"

"Nah, I'll have another. I didn't drive in tonight for a reason, so I might as well drink away the shame of yet another failed date." I sigh. This fucking sucks. I haven't even met the guy and he's decided I'm not worthy enough of his time. What a kick in the gut. I pick up my phone and send a message to Millie.

Ella

This guy is great! I'm having such a great time!

She responds immediately.

Millie

OMG really?!

Ella

No. He stood me up. I'm about to have my third glass of wine. Fuck my life, honestly.

Millie

NOOOOOOO! What the fuck! Ella, I'm so, so sorry. Clay said he was a decent guy. God, I feel terrible.

A glass of rosé appears at my table, and I look up to thank Lena for my drink, but instead, I'm looking into the dark caramel eyes of Xavier James, bartender, metro lumberjack, and my constant rescuer.

"Oh, hey. I thought you were Lena," I say and try to plaster a smile on my face.

"Nope. It's me, Mr Bartender Man. Do you mind if I join you?"

"Go ahead. That seat has been cold all night—you might as well warm it up," I say, jokingly. It doesn't help the sting of rejection I'm feeling.

"Yeah, look, Lena texted me and let me know about your… ah… situation? I hope you don't mind her telling me. She just felt bad and thought perhaps I could try and cheer you up."

I try to smile, but it doesn't reach my eyes, and it feels forced. I take a big sip of wine, more of a gulp actually. "It's fine, I don't mind. She's so lovely to even think of trying to cheer me up. Though, if I'm being honest, I'm feeling pretty shitty about myself right now. So, I don't know if there's much you can do." I can feel myself sinking further and further down into the pit of self-loathing I have built. I was already feeling awful after my date with Jed, and then to not hear from Xavier for a week, to now being stood up. How is a girl supposed to feel? Rejection is fucking hard. It's one of the reasons I don't date very much. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I get attached quickly, and the fear of rejection keeps me from completely putting myself out there. I don't want to fall for another guy, just for him to tell me ‘sorry, I'm just not looking for anything serious right now' two months in. It's a vicious, never-ending cycle. One that has completely drained me of any hope of finding my person. Nights like tonight just reinforce that feeling.

Xavier is just looking at me now, and I know the look. He's looking at me like I'm a fragile little flower.

I sigh. "It's fine, Xavier. Really. The feeling will pass, it always does. I'll finish this glass, head home, and find another shitty romance novel to lose myself in. It's a well-practised routine, so I know it works." As well as crying myself to sleep, but I don't tell him that.

"Okay. I have an idea but feel free to say no, because I don't want to overstep. How about this, you finish your wine, then I'll drive you home. You can show me your book collection, and I'll let you pick out the cheesiest, spiciest, or most fucked up romance novel for me to read. Does that sound good to you?" he asks.

I smile and actually perk up a little at that idea. He wants me to pick out a book for him to read. I have so many ideas running through my head already. It's not going to make me forget about tonight, but it'll definitely distract me for the moment. It's actually my perfect style of distraction and I'm more than happy to go along with it.

"You know I actually don't mind the sound of that. Let's do it." I tell him .

"Excellent. Take your time though, you've still got almost a full drink—" he starts to say as I'm downing my drink in one go. Not the best idea, drinking wine like that, but no matter. I'm now buzzed and ready to go.

"Lead the way, Mr Bartender Man." I giggle.

"I wonder if I should get that on a t-shirt."

"Oh my God, please do! I'll make it and sell it to everyone."

He laughs. "Okay, entrepreneur. Let's go. Bye Lena!"

We both turn and wave goodbye and head out the door. Xavier has his hand on my lower back, guiding me. Not in a creepy and possessive way like Jed did, but in the way a gentleman leads his lady.

I don't know if it's the wine or the smut I was reading earlier, probably both, but just that little bit of contact has me so turned on.

I'm sad and horny—what a combination.