12. Ella

CHAPTER 12

ELLA

I'm sitting on Millie's couch in her living room, a hot Milo in hand, with Taylor Swift playing in the background. It's Sunday night, and I called an emergency debrief following my book shopping adventure and unexpected kiss with Xavier yesterday.

"Okay, so tell me… what did he taste like? What did he smell like?" Millie asks as she takes a sip.

"Oh my God, Millie, really?"

"What! I want to know everything. Give me all the details."

"It was just one kiss," I say. She just looks at me, waiting.

"Okay fine. Um. He tasted sweet, like maple syrup from our breakfast. There was also the scent of smoke lingering on him, as if from a woodfire." I have no idea where the smoky scent came from, given it's summer and it's fire ban season. But whatever, the combination was delicious.

"That's kinda hot. Sweet and smoky, I like it. Now onto bigger things…" she waggles her eyebrows at me, and I groan.

"Okay, here we go."

"He literally pressed his boner into you to prove how attractive you are. That is so fucking hot, Ella. So, tell me… how big are we talking?"

"I don't know Millie—I only felt it for like a second and I didn't exactly get out a measuring tape to measure his dick in a bookstore."

She laughs and we sit in silence for a moment, taking sips of our drinks. Hot Milos have become somewhat of a tradition of ours. We start our evenings with a bottle of wine, and then after dinner we switch to a hot beverage. Mostly, it's to counteract the alcohol because one of us always has to drive home.

"Okay, but all jokes and dicks aside, how are you feeling about the kiss?" she asks.

"Honestly, I'm so confused. He's hinted a couple of times before that he thinks I'm attractive, but he's never made a move or made any indication he wants to act on that attraction. And then out of nowhere, he kisses me. And not just your average kiss either… that kiss felt desperate, the type of kiss you give someone when you've been holding it in for a long time."

"Confused is fair. Did you like it?"

"Yes. I get goosebumps every time I think about it."

"And have you spoken to him since it happened?"

"Um. We texted a little bit last night while he was at work. I didn't bring up the kiss, though." I wanted to bring it up, but I didn't know how to approach it. He didn't say anything either, so I settled with ignorance and pretending everything was normal.

"Okay. Get your phone out right now and organise to meet up with him. I know what you're like and your overthinking brain is going to go into overdrive the longer you put off talking to him about the kiss."

"Firstly… I hate that you're right. And second, do I have to? I'm perfectly happy pretending nothing happened." I wasn't, but I didn't want to admit that I had in fact already started spiralling.

"Yeah, I call bullshit on that one. Why did you come over again tonight?"

"Touché."

"I know you too well, Ell. You can't get anything past me. Now. Send. That. Text."

"Okay, okay! So bossy."

"You love it." She blows me a kiss and I roll my eyes. I really do love it, but I won't tell her that. I pull up my text thread from Xavier last night and type out a new message. I don't know why, but I'm nervous.

Ella

Hey. Hope your Sunday was a good one. Are you free to catch up this week at all? No biggie if you can't, nothing urgent or anything. Just let me know when you're free x

"Okay, done." I put my phone down and finish my Milo.

"Good. Now here's another question for you. What do you want to happen with him moving forward? Do you want to kiss him again?" she asks.

I ponder this for a moment. What do I want to happen with Xavier? "I mean, I wouldn't say no to another kiss. No one has ever kissed me like that before. As for more? It's been a year since I've had sex, and if that kiss was anything to go by, sex with Xav would be hot."

"Okay, that's good! What's to stop you from doing that?"

"Probably the fact that he isn't looking for a relationship right now, but I am. I've been single long enough, I don't want another one-night stand, and that's what it'll be with him." The idea of another root ‘n' boot fills me with literal dread. I couldn't think of anything worse and would rather stay abstinent for another year than hook up with someone just for the sake of breaking my dry spell.

"I understand not wanting a one-night stand. But you don't know if that's what it'll be for Xavier. What about something casual? Would you be up for that?"

"I don't know… maybe? But those types of arrangements never work. Feelings develop and someone always gets hurt." Usually, it's me. I get the feelings. Because I'm hopeless.

"Yeah, but you don't know that for sure."

"Okay but what if?—"

"Girl, stop with the what ifs. You need a good dicking, and this may be your opportunity to get some with someone you ACTUALLY like. So go meet with the man, see what he has to say about the kiss. If he regrets it, then forget everything I just said. If he enjoyed it and wants more? Then go for it! "

I take in what she says. I do deserve some good sex. And I do like Xavier, as a friend. If he was up for some casual, no-strings-attached fun, then what would be the harm? It's not like I've known the man my whole life. It's been less than two months since we met, so I don't have too much to lose, despite really enjoying his friendship. Perhaps it's time I push myself out of my comfort zone. Right as I think this, my phone pings with a new message. Millie and I both stare down at it.

"Check it!" she demands. I pick it up and read the message out loud.

Xavier

Hey, right back. My Sunday has been fine. Nowhere near as good as my Saturday :p I've got a pretty busy week and weekend coming up, but I can probably meet somewhere or come to your place on Thursday night when you get off work? I have the night off.

"Flirt alert. This is a good sign!" Millie says excitedly. She's practically bouncing in her seat over this text.

"Maybe. Good thing I'm free Thursday night, I guess." Immediately, Millie squeals with excitement. "Jesus Millie, you're making me feel like a teenager all over again! It's a midweek catch up. I doubt anything exciting is going to happen on a Thursday," I say.

Ella

Thursday works for me! You can come over. I have another book recommendation for you. Come any time from 6pm x

"You never know, Ella. You never know."