Chapter 26

I can’t believe Kaiden managed to rope me into tonight’s parents’ evening, but a bet is a bet. It’s barbaric that the university even does this. I must be crazy agreeing to accompany him at all, but it was only his insistence that The General and Axel’s father definitely wouldn’t be there that caused me to cave. Well, that and losing the bet.

Axel definitely wasn’t losing that fight and although I’ve not come to terms with all of the events of that night, it seems no matter how hard I try to lock them up in a little mental box and ignore them, they keep coming back to haunt me at the most inappropriate times.

I can’t stop thinking about everything that happened. About my reaction to it all…I need help. Like, serious professional help.

The knowledge that Kaiden really needs me just helps keep me from chickening out. Plus, he was there for me the other night when I freaked out at the hotel after we exited the lift and Axel left us to find our own way home, so I guess I really do owe him.

The hotel was such a weird place. It intrigues me, what it’ll be like when it’s fully operational. Will I get to go there again? Do I want to?

If I’m being honest with myself, yes, I do. My freak out was less about what they were doing to Rob – who well and truly deserved what he got and more – but by my reaction to it.

I already know that I’m fucked up seven ways from Sunday, but I didn’t expect to like watching what they did to him. I didn’t anticipate becoming so turned on that I would need to get out of there to prevent myself from doing something stupid like joining in, or begging one of them to fuck me silly over Rob’s corpse.

Maybe Kaiden knew. He stayed the night again and tried to comfort me but I barely slept. My whole body was thrumming with electricity and I felt more alive than I have in years. The things those guys did to Rob…it gave me ideas. Every time Kaiden innocently brushed against me, it was like sparks igniting on my skin.

So of course sleep evaded me. Kaiden tried his best, but he didn’t truly understand the real problem with me. Hence needing to pay him back for his efforts.

Despite everything The General did to me, I hate Mr Kelly more for the damage he inflicted on his son. He killed him. At least The General never did that to Zie. Or me. Sometimes I just wish he had.

“Are you ready?” Kaiden’s voice, coming from my open window, startles me. “Whoa, you look beautiful.”

“You know, you could use the door like a normal person,” I point out with a smile as he climbs through and joins me in my room.

“Nah, where’s the fun in that? I’ve become attached to this window.” I shake my head and give him an amused tilt of my lips.

“Shall we get this shit show on the road?” I ask. He grimaces apologetically.

“I’m sorry about this. I know Axel and Zie will be there tonight, but you’ve always been my strength when it comes to facing him.”

“It’s fine. And I know. It’ll be like old times tonight, then, yeah?”

“Except I won’t be teasing you to kiss me.”

I ignore that comment. “Does your dad know about…all of this?” I gesture to my tattoo which is hidden away under my deep green velvet off the shoulder dress.

“No. Well, yes.” He sighs. “He knows about the contest, knows we’re taking part as an alliance. They – all of our fathers – know that it’s started and that we’re doing well, but I got the feeling that they don’t all know that you’re The Doe. Axel wants to keep it that way, probably for your protection given…the past.”

He means The General’s obsession with me. The one they think they put a stop to, the ‘one and only time’ he touched me. If only they knew the truth. Would being The Doe protect me from The General? I doubt it. He took sick delight in fucking with Axel’s original brand on my skin, so I can only imagine what he’d do to the tattoo if he got his hands on me once more. I shiver.

“I’m glad that…the past won’t be here tonight.”

“Well, some parts of it anyway,” Kaiden mutters darkly.

“I’m sorry. If you don’t want to do this, we can skip it. Go get some junk food and hide out somewhere until it’s all over,” I offer.

“Thanks. But it’s fine. I have you by my side. All is well. Just, don’t leave my side tonight, please.”

“Of course.”

We leave my room via the door and Kaiden loops my arm through his as we cross campus. Tonight’s banquet will take place in the faculty dining hall, rather than the student canteen. It’s a posh, formal affair, hence the dress. Kaiden’s even donned a gorgeous grey suit, though he’s refused to wear a tie of course, and he looks amazing. Even without his tattoos on show, he still manages to make the impeccably tailored suit look punky somehow. Maybe it’s the haphazardly laced combat boots. Whoever would have thought laces could be sexy.

I’m not sure I’ll be able to cope with the sight of all three of them in suits. Especially thinking about the last time we were all together and they were covered in blood. The contrast is too much, too perfect.

As we approach our destination, my heart rate spikes. My palms moisten with nerves and my steps falter.

The banquet hall is stunning: parquet flooring, white linen tablecloths, glittering chandeliers. It’s completely over the top for a bunch of teenagers who aren’t going to appreciate it, which is probably why the university only uses it for occasions such as fundraising and events like tonight, where they suck up to the parents of the rich and entitled little brats that come here.

Kaiden leads me through the already busy hall towards the round table which is set up for six. There should’ve been eight spaces but with Axel’s dad and The General not coming…it takes me a moment to realise that the other empty seat would actually be for my mum.

Pain shoots across my chest at the realisation. I miss her. I miss her so much it hurts.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” I give myself a little shake. I can do this. I can sit down to dinner with my enemies in order to protect Kaiden. I can pretend for one night only that the last two years didn’t happen, that all of the heartache and pain and suffering and crippling loneliness didn’t happen, to protect Kaiden from his demons. “Let’s do this.”

Axel and Zie stand as we approach the table and it’s all I can do to keep my jaw from dropping. They look stunning. Axel’s black hair is slicked back and his all-black suit is edged in blood red piping. My stomach flutters. His pocket square and tie match, and silver cross cufflinks glint in the light. He looks devastatingly handsome as he also assesses me. Deadly.

“You look gorgeous, Peony,” Zie says, swallowing hard. Zie’s wearing a navy suit which accentuates his golden looks. He’s so beautiful it makes my heart ache for what we had. For what we were and could have been if things were different.

For once I let the reference of the past slide. Tonight is all about appearances and lies. I smile widely at the boys as Kaiden pulls my seat out for me and sits on my right, putting himself to Axel’s left as usual. There are two empty seats between me and Zie, but I can’t blame Kaiden for wanting a buffer between him and his dad.

“Is your dad here yet?” I whisper to Kaiden.

“I haven’t seen him,” he replies with a frown.

There’s a commotion at the entrance which distracts us all. The Trinity rise to their feet but when I see why, I’m unable to move.

Mr Kelly isn’t joining us for dinner.

The General is.

My stomach lurches and I’m dangerously close to being sick. I haven’t seen him since the day he told me my mum was dead and he took —

“Little flower, still have these boys wrapped around your charming little fingers I see…or do you use other means to keep them in line these days?” My skin feels slick and dirty as The General’s greasy gaze and slimy words slide over me and stick like fly paper.

I swallow audibly and feel the colour drain from my face.

Everyone sits.

I feel Zie’s confused eyes on me, alongside Axel’s assessing gaze and Kaiden’s apologetic stare. I’m the centre of attention and hating every minute.

“I-I thought you couldn’t make it, dad,” Zie stammers out. Thank goodness they all seem as shocked by The General’s presence as I am. I couldn’t handle the thought of being duped by them again.

The fleeting idea that this may have been a trap leaves me deflated and relieved.

“Sorry, son. Plans change. Mr Kelly and Mr Abbot had some urgent business to attend to, and so I was sent instead.”

Is it completely fucking weird that he refers to his supposed best friends, allies and business partners by their titles rather than their first names? Yes. But it’s always been so. I’m not convinced I even know any of the fathers’ real names, besides The General himself. Even then, I only know it from when he was running for office.

“I see. And mum?”

“Your mother has her hands quite full at home. It wouldn’t have been appropriate for her to come tonight.”

My pulse quickens and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Despite wanting to keep my eyes glued to the pristine white linen tablecloth that’s fisted in my hands, I can’t help but raise my trembling gaze to The General.

What is he doing?

His hand slips under the table and finds its way to my thigh. He squeezes, letting his nails sink into my tender flesh and I blanch.

“I don’t understand. Why?” Zie frowns.

I can barely breathe. I feel like his whole world is about to come crashing down…mine too. I’m stone under The General’s wandering hand but inside I’m on fire with loathing, wishing I could burn his touch from my skin and my memories.

“Well if you boys weren’t so busy building empires up here and came home once in a while, you’d know.”

There’s an expectant silence that settles over the table but I can’t move. Can’t look. Can barely even hear over the blood roaring in my ears. The General is enjoying this, the anticipation and suspense. My muscles are coiled so tight I could snap.

“Your mother has her hands full because you have a baby sister, son.”

Zie laughs. “Is this a joke?”

“No joke.”

“But like, aren’t you guys too old to have more kids?”

“Worried about having to share your inheritance, son?”

“No. But it would have been nice to know I have a sister!” Zie cries, banging his fist down on the table. I jump and the action presses me further into The General’s touch.

Thank god we haven’t eaten yet. I’m barely holding on to what little’s in my stomach as it is.

“Well, I guess I should say half sister. Your mother, it turns out, is too old to have more children. I am not.” He sounds so smug that bile burns my throat.

“So you what? Got a surrogate? Cheated on mum?”

“Proceeded to secure another Montgomery child with her blessing.”

“Why?”

“Ever heard of the saying an heir and a spare?”

“Are you anticipating that something might happen to me?”

It’s fleeting, but I feel The General’s eyes flick to me. I’m so attuned to his every move now - a necessity of surviving - that I don’t even have to have eyes on him to feel his on me.

“Third year at Trinity College can be exceptionally…dangerous. Especially this year in particular.”

The General is speaking about the Hunting Grounds, his voice is so callous and cold that my heart pangs for Zie.

“You don’t expect me to win,” Zie says flatly.

“Well, you’ve never been much of anything…except a disappointment. I don’t see why this new set of challenges would be any different.”

Just then the conversation is interrupted by the arrival of the servers with our starters. Everyone waits in silence for them to leave. I glance at my plate and my stomach flips. I can’t eat.

I can’t stay in The General”s company. But I can’t leave either. The things he might reveal…I can’t.

“Odi,” Axel clears his throat and I glance at him gratefully. “Why isn’t your mother here tonight? I bet she would be so proud to see you at Trinity.”

Doesn’t he know? No, Axel knows everything. Is he being deliberately cruel? Why would he do that, tonight of all nights, when it’s all about pretending for the sake of the past?

“She hasn’t told you?” The General cuts in before I can reply.

“Told us what?” Axel’s question is sharper than a knife.

“Little flower?” All eyes fall on me, the weight of their expectation crushing me. “Oh, that reminds me, I have something for you. With the house being gone, I guess they had no way of passing this on to you, so it’s been in my care for a while now.”

The General clicks his fingers and somewhere from behind him one of his security personnel steps forward and hands him a cardboard box. He reaches over and removes my untouched plate, dropping the box in its place.

“What’s going on?” Axel demands.

“I’m surprised she didn’t tell you, what with you all being so close.” He knows. Our ruse here tonight isn’t fooling anyone. “Odile’s mother passed away.”

“What?” Zie gasps.

“When?” Kaiden demands.

“Oh quite some time ago,” The General replies loftily. Fuck him. Every carefully chosen word is dropped like a carelessly tossed grenade, but hits with the precision of a sniper rifle full of exploding bullets. Maximum damage with minimum effort.

“What happened?” Axel asks guardedly.

My attention is snatched from the conversation by the box before me. My hands have opened the box of their own accord and inside, nestled on a bed of black tissue paper, lies a silver urn.

My mother’s ashes.

She wanted to be buried.

My chair scrapes noisily across the fancy wooden flooring as I stumble to my feet before I know I’ve even moved.

“What is it?”

“What’s in the box?”

“Peony?”

“E-excuse me!” I gasp before turning and bolting from the room. Unshed tears blur my vision but I manage to fumble my way to the toilet. I heave into the toilet bowl, bringing up bile until I have nothing left and my head is clammy. With shaking hands, I flush and stagger to the sink to wash my hands and splash my face. I work on autopilot to rinse my mouth out too.

Then I take five. Or maybe it’s ten or fifteen, or even an hour…I don’t know. I just know that it feels like a lifetime before I stop trembling enough to actually be able to move. I could use a drink right now.

I’m blindsided by this whole clusterfuck of an evening. I never expected The General to turn up, let alone all the other stuff, and—

I realise I left my bag on the table…with my mum.

Fuck. I’m going to cry.

I can’t cry.

My hands curl into fists and smash into the mirror before me. It hurts like a mother fucker but it stops my tears from falling.

I. Won’t. Cry.

Not anymore.

I can’t go back in there. I could sneak out instead, head back to my room and climb through the window. Maybe Kaiden will pick up my bag and drop it off tomorrow. I don’t even have my phone to text him.

Sighing, I exit the toilets and pull the heels from my feet. I feel overdressed and ridiculous. Shame and humiliation make my sticky skin overheat and I just want out of these stupid clothes.

“There you are.” The General’s voice makes me want to turn tail and run but he grabs me before I can move. “You know, you shouldn’t run off like that. It’s rude, and it isn’t safe.”

“Let go of me.” I cringe at how weak I sound. How weak I am. I could scream. Make a scene. Better to be caught by The General out in the open than in an enclosed bathroom with a lock on the door…

All of those self-defence classes I took last year have fled my mind. Though, wasn’t the number one rule if you can run, run? Stupid. Why didn’t I run? Why didn’t I check the coast was clear before leaving the bathroom?

Because a year of respite from The General made me complacent, or because I know that whatever I do, I’ll never be a match for him.

It all seems so pointless now. If The General came here just to fuck with me, he’s succeeded. If he’s here to reclaim me, no amount of self defence will save me. History has proven that not even The Holy Trinity themselves can protect me from The General and his friends.

“Odile? What’s going on here?” Axel’s icy voice washes over me, a soothing balm to my frayed and burnt-out nerves.

“Nothing. I’m just checking on your little flower girl. I found her alone out here after her outburst at dinner and I was making sure she’s alright.”

“Odile?” Axel probes, his tone suspicious. I can’t bring myself to lie, or to speak the truth either. Tonight has wiped me out and even though I can’t face a confrontation with Axel right now – couldn’t bear to deal with his questions and accusations – I’d still rather he was here than leaving me alone with The General.

I force out a jerky lift of my shoulder, but I can’t meet his eye.

“You shouldn’t be touching her,” Axel warns The General, who laughs.

In the blink of an eye Axel has pulled his gun on The General and the dozen bodyguards that I never even knew existed but who were surrounding the room have theirs trained on Axel too. The bodyguards I understand, but why is Axel bringing a gun to a family dinner?

The General stops laughing and scornfully demands, “Do you forget who I am, son?”

“I am not your son,” Axel spits, his eyes blazing with hatred that takes my breath away. “And I think the issue here is that you don’t know who she is.” The General scoffs.

“Odi, show him.”

I shake my head. I can’t. Axel steps forward and drapes his left arm around my shoulders, the gun in his right hand still trained on Zie’s father.

I cringe. I know what he means for me to do, but I can’t. I can’t willingly expose my skin to the monster standing before me, and if Axel were even half as all-knowing as he claims to be, he’d know not to make me.

Delicate fingers pinch the neckline of my dress and carefully lower the material, exposing my tattoo to The General’s heated gaze. Goosebumps rise along my skin even though Axel is so careful not to actually touch me.

The General drops my arm like I burned him, when in actual fact, it’s the other way round.

The trembling starts again and my knees threaten to give out. Axel allows him a mere glimpse of The Doe before snapping the velvet back into place. All around the room guns are lowered, but Axel doesn’t move.

“You see, Odile here is The Doe. And any attempt on your part to touch, communicate or interfere with her, will be seen as an intention to disrupt the Hunting Grounds and could be construed as a declaration of war. Is that what you wish?”

The glare The General gives me could kill, but through gritted teeth he refutes Axel’s statement. “Of course not. My mistake, I apologise…It won’t happen again.”

His eyes meet mine and promise that his final words are a lie. He’s not going to let me go that easily. Why can’t Axel see the truth?

“Kaiden?” Axel calls without taking his eyes – or his gun – off The General.

“Here.”

“Take Odile home for me. To our home this time. And make sure she eats.”

“What about Zie?”

“Text him and tell him to stay in the banquet hall.”

“Why?”

“I don’t think he needs to come out and see what’s going on here.”

I gasp at his savage timbre but Axel doesn’t spare me a glance. “I’m just going to have a little chat with his daddy dearest and then I’ll be back to join him for the main course.”

I jump when I feel Kaiden’s hand on my arm, but the second he touches me, Axel releases me. It’s weird, like he’s handing me over but didn’t want me on my own for even a second in front of The General. Kaiden carefully takes my heels from my hand and guides me away from whatever standoff is going on behind me.

“What about my bag and…things?”

“Zie will pick it up. I’ll get it back to you tomorrow.”

In silence, we cross campus, Kaiden leading me around the back of my dorm block out of habit I expect, before opening the window and helping me climb through. He drops my shoes by the bottom of my bed and then looks at me expectantly.

“What?”

“Axel said to feed you. What do you want?”

“I’m not hungry. I just want a shower.”

“And Axel will kill me if I don’t feed you. Is pizza okay?”

“Whatever. He also said not to bring me here.”

“Don’t worry about Axel. Leave him to me. Go shower. I’ll sort it.”

I disappear into my ensuite without a word. Part of me does want to shower, but I know from experience that no amount of water can cleanse me of The General’s look or touch. The circumstances are less than ideal with Kaiden in the room, but I start up the shower anyway to give me some cover.

Stepping into the warm spray fully clothed, I reach under my dress for the knife that’s strapped to my thigh. Stupid, stupid, Odile! I chastise myself. I should have used it on The General. I should never have frozen like…I snort at the irony…Like a deer in the headlights.

Flicking open the blade, I slide the hem of my dress up my thigh until The General’s marks are exposed. Five small, bloody crescent moons mar the pale skin of my thigh. My stomach lurches. I tighten my grip on the flick knife and dig the tip into the first nail mark. A hiss falls from my lips but I push the blade deeper until the blood coats my fingers. Then I twist, twist, twist. I move on to the next one when I can’t bear the pain any longer. Over and over until my legs give out and I fall to the floor of the shower.

Only blood can wash away the memories and there are a lot of memories to wash away.

“Odile? Are you okay? I heard a ban— Christ! What happened?”

I don’t even move when Kaiden comes into the tiny bathroom space. I’m too numb. His presence takes up so much room, but I can’t summon the energy to care. I can’t hide my secret from him, can’t be bothered to lie. I’m exhausted. Spent. Broken.

And Kaiden, my beautiful, damaged, tormented soul, simply sinks to the floor beside me, pulls me into his lap and holds me until I’m done washing away The General’s sins.

He doesn’t try to stop me or comfort me when I pick up the knife once more and go back for round two. Doesn’t take the knife from me or try to talk me out of what I’m doing. He simply keeps me company while I work through the pain, understanding the process I need to move through to release the demons from my flesh. He knows because he’s been there too. And like I was there for him, never questioning or cajoling or bargaining, he does the same for me.

And that’s why I still love him.

Done, the knife clatters to the floor and Kaiden switches off the water. It’s long since gone cold anyway, I just couldn’t feel it until now. Couldn’t feel anything. Clambering to my feet, I wince at the sudden onslaught of pain. I went too far.

“C’mon. Let’s get you warm and dry, and then I’ll patch you up.”

I allow Kaiden to take over, pulling my wet clothes from me and wrapping me in a huge towel. He takes a second, smaller towel and gently wraps my hair up, then carries me to my bed. He places me down like I’m fragile and wraps a blanket around my shoulders before returning to the bathroom for a first aid kit. I guess all rooms have them as standard or something.

I flinch when he presses something into my hands, and when I look down I see that he’s made me a cup of tea.

“T-thank you,” I whisper, taking a sip. It’s the perfect temperature – only just cool enough not to scald – and he took the time to brew loose leaf for me, none of that bagged shit. I’m oddly touched that he remembered how I like it.

“Sure. I would have joined you sooner in the shower but I was making that in the kitchen for you,” he replies as he starts to tend to my cuts. Now that I’m out of the water, the bleeding has slowed right down.

I appreciate the falsely casual way he makes out like we just took a shower together and not that he just found me self harming in a pool of my own blood. The elephant in the room should be that he let me, all while doing nothing, but it’s just not awkward between us. It’s history repeating itself, with the tables flipped this time. Maybe he feels like he owes me. Maybe he got off on my pain as much as he used to get off on his own. There were so many times we almost crossed a line together when we were in those situations, but somehow one of us always managed to hold back.

His phone buzzes just as he’s finishing patching me up and when he pulls it out he grins at me. “Pizza’s here. Be right back.”

“What? You didn’t get it delivered to the window?”

He chuckles as he leaves to get the pizza and I take the opportunity to pull on some pjs, sort out my hair, and hang up my towels. Yes they need washing, but I’m not putting a blood-soaked wet towel into my wash basket with all my other things. My leg stings as I move, but nowhere near as much as I expected it to, and actually the bandage on my thigh is pretty secure. I guess Kaiden’s been patching himself up in the last two years without me.

A huge yawn is escaping me when Kaiden returns. He chuckles.

“Too tired for food?” Now that I’ve smelt it, I’m absolutely starving so I shake my head. “Good. Because I was going to force feed you if I had to.”

“No need. Meat feast?”

“Of course.”

I groan and he chuckles. “Gimme.”

I don’t have to ask twice, he drops down on the end of my bed and places the pizza box between us, nudging it closer to me in invitation. I don’t care if it stinks my room out, right now, it’s the best smell in the world.

We eat in companionable silence, and Kaiden doesn’t once ask about what triggered my activities in the shower. I’m grateful. And weirdly relieved that he’s here and I’m not alone.

“What now?” I ask when we’ve finished and Kaiden’s cleared up.

“Now we sleep. Scoot over.”

“You’re staying?” I ask, surprised.

“I’m not leaving you.”

“What if I don’t want you to stay?” I tease, even though my voice is dead serious.

“If you don’t want me to stay, I’ll sleep on the floor outside your window, but I’m not leaving. If you’re happy for me to stay, we’ll share a bed.”

I grin at him even as my heart flutters. “You sounded a lot like Axel then.”

“Get into bed, babygirl. Don’t make me punish you for that comment.”

I snort and do as he says, but I can’t help wondering what a ‘punishment’ from Kaiden would entail.