Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

Evelyn

I SHOULD HAVE CAPPED THIS THING WITH BOWEN AT ONE night. One night can bruise a person, but it shouldn’t rock their foundations down to their very core. It shouldn’t have them questioning their very reasonable plan to escape a realm they were never meant to wander into. I wasn’t built for cities, but that doesn’t mean I was built for Threshold.

I don’t have to think about any of that now, though. Not with this complicated, lovely man spread out at my mercy. Bowen is … stunning. He would argue with me if I said as much, but it’s the truth. He has the kind of body meant for work, carved muscles and solid stomach. And his scars. Gods, I’m not one to swoon at signs of violence, but he should be dead a dozen times over if the map of his body is anything to go by.

I suck his cock down as best I can, drinking in his sharp little inhales and the way his thighs flex every time I lick the head of him. For someone so stoic, he holds nothing back from me. It makes me feel powerful and melty. I want to see what else I can do to provoke even more of a response.

I’ve never been so aware of the time ticking down. We have so little of it. That should be a good thing. This was never going to be permanent. And yet it feels like grains of something priceless slipping right through my hands.

“Come here.” Bowen sinks his fingers into my hair and tows me off his cock. I could fight him, but what’s the point? He’s doing exactly what I want, too. I straddle him and work myself down the length of his cock. It doesn’t matter how many times we’ve had sex; his size means I have to work for it.

I plant my hands on his broad chest and roll my hips. More. Faster. Harder. Anything to keep the pending loss at bay. But even as I tell myself to stay silent, I part my lips and words spill out. “It shouldn’t be this good. It shouldn’t mean this much.”

Bowen sits up and pulls me close. He kisses me as if this is our last day living. “It is. It does.”

I love him a little bit in that moment for not trying to reassure me. This will hurt him when it ends, just like it’ll hurt me. I always was a fool when it came to my heart. Repeatedly tossing it at the feet of people who will hurt me. Literally, in the case of Bowen and Lizzie. I don’t want to think about her right now, though. I don’t want to think about anything but him and the orgasm barreling down upon me.

It’s not love. Not really. But it feels like it could be if I gave in and let myself fall.

I kiss him and ride him faster. At least if his tongue is in my mouth, then I’m not saying things I have no business putting to voice. Except it doesn’t seem to matter, because he pulls me even closer, holding me as if I’m the most precious thing in existence. As if he truly is worshiping me like he said last night.

My orgasm crests and there’s no peace in it. The pleasure seems to get deeper and stronger with every moment I spend with Bowen.

It scares me. Because there’s one rule of Bunny’s that was less of a rule and more of a warning. The women in our family might play at giving their heart away, but the truth is that they only do it once. Guard yours, little bird. Because once you hand it over, you’ll never get it back.

I’m not giving my heart to Bowen. Damn it, I’m not. He might be honorable, and sexy, and protective, but so are a lot of other people. He might kiss me like I mean the world to him, but that’s just because he’s so devastatingly serious.

He tightens his grip and moves my body over him, fucking up into me. I thought I was done. I should’ve known better. My thighs are shaking so intensely, I can do nothing but hang on. He doesn’t need my help, anyway.

When he comes, it’s groaning my name against my throat. He makes it sound like a benediction. Like a prayer.

Bowen scatters kisses along my jawline before taking my mouth again. When he finally leans back, I’m breathless and shaking. He looks just as devastated, which is only a small reassurance. “I can’t get enough of you.”

The feeling is entirely mutual. I should dredge up some kind of sarcastic, witty response. I have nothing. I just stare at him and shake. “It feels like the world doesn’t exist outside this room right now.”

He laughs little. “Does it exist? Or did time stop the moment we walked through the door?”

“What did I tell you about being charming? It’s upsetting.” But I smile as I say it. I like him charming. I like him stubborn. I even like him when he’s been particularly paladin.

Oh no.

As much to escape my thoughts as anything else, I slide off him and crawl to the edge of the bed. “A bath. What I need is a bath.”

Bowen watches me with dark eyes that see too much. “Are you running from me, Evelyn?”

“Of course not. That would be ludicrous. We just had messy sex and I want to clean up. That’s all.” I don’t sound convincing, even to myself. I’m running from the strange feelings in my chest, from the suspicion that’s taking root deep inside me. It doesn’t matter. It can’t matter.

I look around the room for something to focus on. It’s a rustic kind of cozy, the stone floors covered with a thick handwoven rug and several macramé pieces of art hanging on the walls in bright colors. The big, sturdy bed dominates the space, but I’m not looking there because that bed contains Bowen and the evidence of just how far in over my head I am.

On the opposite side of the room, there’s a door to the bathroom—more indoor plumbing, thank the gods—and the large inset stone pool that connects to what I suspect is a system of natural hot springs. Combined with the proximity to the bay and beach, it’s no wonder a town sprang into existence here.

The stone pool has steps carved into it, and I wade down them without hesitation. Too fast. The water is hotter than I expected, and while it feels good, it’s downright shocking. Not that I let that stop me. Not when I’m too busy being a coward. “Listen, the sex is amazing, but I think this hot spring might be better than sex.”

“Now you’re just trying to hurt my feelings.”

Even though I know better, I glance back at him. He might accuse me of being a succubus, but it feels like he’s cast a spell on me. One look and I forget why I was running at all. “I’ll prove it to you. Come here.”

For a beat, I think he might call me on my mixed signals. I see the exact moment he chooses not to. He stretches, and the bastard is definitely putting on a show for me. Then he rises and I watch him with my heart in my throat as he walks naked to the bath. He’s so at home in his skin. I don’t know why that’s a revelation, but it is. Even though I’m sore and tired and exhausted, my pussy pulses.

He eases into the water and moans a little. “I retract my statement. This is better than sex.”

I grin. “Now who’s trying to hurt someone’s feelings?”

“Come here.” He holds out his hand but makes no move to close the distance between us. Leaving the choice up to me. But then he always leaves the choice up to me. At least after that first one upon arriving in Threshold.

I should be focusing on ensuring that he understands that this is just sex. And temporary sex at that. I have every intention of finding the portal home and slipping through it back into my life. Or, if not to my life, at least into a realm that’s familiar. One where I know the rules. If I have to run, I have a better chance of surviving there. Falling for Bowen means all of that will be so much harder. It’s a fool’s gamble that I’m destined to lose. Maybe I’ve already lost.

I slip my hand into his and let him tow me across the distance to situate in his lap. He smooths my hair back from my face. “I feel like my entire world has been turned upside down.”

“Sex with me will do that to you.” The joke comes out far more strained than I intend.

He smiles, but his eyes remain serious. “We really are the villains, aren’t we?”

I can’t lie to him. The fact that I would even consider it speaks for itself. I take a breath and cover his wrists with my hands. “I think it might be wise to examine where your laws came from and who they actually serve. I won’t pretend there aren’t some creatures out there who are dangerous, but the moment we start labeling anything nonhuman as monsters, it becomes a slippery slope.” I almost stop there, but I might as well get the rest of my reservations out. “And it’s worth asking: Who does it serve that you have a policy where instead of escorting people who are lost back to their home realms, you conscript them into your service? It’s almost as if the Council doesn’t think people would join of their own volition …”

He looks stricken. But he doesn’t instantly jump to the defense of the C?n Annwn. That’s progress. It’s a damn shame I won’t be around to see him truly break free. Because he will. Bowen is too good a person to continue fighting for a cause that is so clearly evil. He just has to be able to recognize it for the evil it is.

“I feel like a fool,” he says. “These are all questions I should’ve been asking on my own. You shouldn’t have had to force me to see the truth.”

“What is the truth?” I don’t know if there needs to be a deeper purpose. Tyrants exist in every realm. Maybe the original C?n Annwn set things up this way so they’d have unquestioned power. Maybe there’s some ancient reason for it, but it got twisted by mortals along the way. That sort of thing happens often enough in my realm. Religion and politics exist on a spectrum to be abused by the powerful. If there’s a universal truth across all realms, it’s probably that.

“I don’t know.” He slides his hands down to my shoulders and over my arms. It’s not a sexual touch, for all that I’m straddling him. He’s obviously looking for comfort. “I should know.”

“Don’t beat yourself up too much for not being all-knowing. You were dropped in this world as a child. From the comments you’ve made, the last captain of the Crimson Hag wasn’t a terrible person, so it makes sense that you looked up to him and took his word as truth. You never had a reason to question it.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t go giving me the benefit of the doubt. I’ve had doubts before now, but I let the laws drown them out. That’s on me.”

Yeah, it kind of is. But he’s already feeling so shitty, I don’t want to kick him while he’s down. Not when I’m already planning on leaving him to deal with this on his own. Guilt swarms me, but I breathe through it. I am a witch and a thief who likes drinking and fucking in chaos. I am not the person you want at your side if you’re starting a revolution. That might not even be something Bowen is doing, but if I stay here, the only choice is the C?n Annwn or whatever force rises to oppose them. Which is no choice at all. “What will you do now?” I finally ask.

“I haven’t decided. The first step is getting on a ship, and then I’ll figure it out as I go. But I don’t want to waste the time I have left with you talking about what happens after you leave.” His hands find my hips and he jerks me close, eliminating the last few inches between us. “Once more, Evie. Do you think you’re up for it?”

Five minutes ago, I would’ve said there’s no possible way I could have sex again without a longer recovery time. Five minutes ago, I would’ve been a goddamn liar. “I’m only a little sore. Nothing you can’t kiss and make better.”

He smiles, some of the shadows fleeing from his expression. “You don’t have to give me an excuse to get my mouth on your pussy again.” He tightens his grip and rises out of the water, turning to set me on the edge. It’s much cooler in the room than it was in the hot spring, and my nipples pebble in response.

I prop my hands on the ground behind me and spread my thighs as Bowen sinks into the water until his face is even with my hips. Without him saying a word, I scoot to the very edge. He doesn’t fuck around. He covers my pussy with his mouth and kisses me there as if he’ll never get another chance. It feels so fucking good, I barely have the presence of mind to mourn the fact that it probably is the last time. If not this time, then maybe the next. The clock on our interlude together ticks faster. This will be over too soon. We just have to make it count.

I’ve never felt so doomed, even as I’m receiving the best pleasure of my life.