4. Crew

4

Crew

I t's colder this morning than it has been in the last few weeks. There's a thin layer of frost covering the ground and my windshield as I pull up to the main barn. For the past week I've met Logan here every morning, right at seven a.m. Most of the time she's already here waiting for me. Huddled in against the heater of what she deems is a car. I call it a deathtrap.

I glance over to the spot where she normally parks but it's empty. Frowning, I pull out my phone and check the time. 6:53AM. She's usually here by now.

Something wrenches in my gut. That same feeling I used to get when the enemy line was too quiet. I stare at her spot, waiting, as if she's just going to magically pop into existence with that beater car but as the moments pass and she doesn't show up, I reach for my phone again. I could have Cammy check on her; he's usually up doing rounds this time of morning.

Just as I scroll through my phone to find his number I hear her, even before I see her. That high pitched squeal of her engine makes its way down the long gravel driveway and pretty soon she's parked in that same spot.

I get out, pull up the collar of my work jacket, and round the bed of the truck to wait for her. Fully ready to give her shit for being late. Until I see her face.

Her brows are pinched together and her lips are moving like she's talking to someone, but she looks…scared.

Logan opens her car door and climbs out. She glances my way, her eyes never meeting mine, and aside from the morning frost I can feel the heaviness in the air around her. Logan leans back into the car and folds her seat forward, muttering something I can't hear before she steps back again just as a boy climbs out.

His Spiderman beanie is almost too big for his head, with little tufts of blonde hair sticking out from under it. The jacket he's wearing, also Spiderman themed, is rolled up at his sleeves and hanging past his tiny waist. Tiny blue eyes glance over at me and I see that he's a spitting image of his mama. The little guy tucks his hands into his jacket pockets as Logan kneels in front of him, fixing his hat so it's over his ears and zips his jacket up to his chin.

"Everything okay?" I ask glancing between the two of them.

"No," Logan mutters as she glances over her shoulder at me, "his babysitter had an emergency and I—" she stops herself as her voice cracks with emotion.

"Mama," the little boy whines, "I want Miss Julie."

His worried eyes never leave me as he shuffles to tuck himself into her as if he's scared. Something clenches in my chest at that idea.

Logan's eyes close and I can tell she's trying to swallow down the emotions stuck in her throat before she looks at him again. When they open she turns back to him, "Ash—baby, we went over this, Miss Julie had to go to the diner, okay? She can't watch you this morning."

His little brows furrow and his lips turn downwards in the smallest frown I've ever seen.

"Logan," I say even before I know what I'm going to do.

I can't have a small child running around the ranch while we get chores done and deal with the animals, but how do I tell her no when she glances back at me with glistening storm-filled blue eyes.

I watch as she stands and plants herself in front of her son, shielding him from whatever she thinks I'm about to say. In an instant it tells me what kind of mother she is. A soldier in her own right, protecting him from just another rejection .

"I didn't have another option," she says before I can talk, "Tommy's gone off again and without Julie, I don't have–" Logan's voice cracks again as she stops herself. The frown that adorns her face matches her sons and it's like I can see the emotional wrestling match she's having on the inside.

"What do you mean Tommy's gone off?" I ask.

"He left," she bites out, holding her anger back through clenched teeth.

I tuck my hands into my jacket pockets to hide the fact that I've got them balled into such tight fists that they almost hurt. He just left her? With the kid when she's already struggling to juggle everything?

"I'm sorry," I start, "Logan, I can't have him runnin' around the ranch, it's not safe and we won't have time—"

"He won't be a problem," she interjects, "I promise. I can do the chores and watch him."

You shouldn't have to , I want to say.

I glance down at Ash. His arm is wrapped around the inside of her leg, still hiding behind her. I know I'm going to regret saying yes to this and I sure as shit won't hear the end of it from Ford or Bode if they see this kid trailing behind her all damn day. If it wasn't for the panic in her eyes, I'd tell her no. I get the feeling that not a lot of people have given this woman a chance. Or a choice.

"Alright," I pull my hands from my jacket and pull her gloves out of my back pocket where I've kept them ready for her every morning since the first time she complained of the cold leather in the bitter dawns, "but if he wanders off, I'll have to send you home."

Logan's eyes go wide for a moment in surprise before she lets out a breath and nods, "understood." She pauses and those cold bitten lips part for a moment as if she's going to say something else; the movement drags my gaze to them. Supple and nipped, a soft blush color from the crisp morning.

"Thank you, Crew." Her voice is barely audible but I tear my eyes from those lips and nod.

"We'll see how today goes." I offer her a tender smile probably looking like an idiot before I add, "I might regret this."

Logan scoffs, "Okay, well don't be a dick."

I laugh holding out her gloves but I don't miss the slight upturn of those perfect lips as she says it. She snatches them from me feigning annoyance as she turns to take Ash's hand, but before she gets a chance to drag him away I take a step forward and crouch down.

"Hey buddy," I say as gently as I can. His eyes widen, mimicking his mother's, which makes me smile. "I'm Crew."

Ash stares at me for a moment before tugging on Logan's hand, "Mama he looks like the Hulk."

"Ash!" She almost laughs.

I chuckle, shifting my boots against the gravel and nod, "I'll take that as a compliment, little man." Leaning forward I point to his beanie, "Spiderman's cooler though, don't ya think?"

This earns me a smile. A glimpse at that little beam of sunshine that, in person, hits me straight to the core.

"He is the coolest!" he finally says to me but the words just keep coming, "he has these webs that he can swing on and did you know he was bitten by a spider!"

I laugh at the sudden ramble of words that tumble out of him with the same breath.

"I got bitten by a spider once," he informs me and points to a spot on his leg, "I didn't get any powers though." Ash glances back up at me with a frown. "Mama says it wasn't a special spider but maybe one day I will find a special one and then I'll turn into Spiderman."

"Or," Logan chuckles, "We'll hold off on getting bit by anything." She swings his hand gently back and forth, "c'mon baby, Mama has chores to do and you get to help me."

Her gaze meets mine and it almost knocks me on my ass. For once there's no anger behind her eyes, no exhaustion, and the panic I saw earlier has dissipated into something warmer. Something she must reserve only for him.

"Stick with your mama today, Ash," I say, glancing from her to him, "there's a lot to do to take care of this place and we need your help."

"Will I get dirty?" He asks, surprising me.

"Probably, bud," I smile.

Ash grins again, "awesome."

The morning seems to fly by and as promised, Ash is glued to Logan's hip as he follows her around. He pitched in where he could, carrying his own bucket of hay and feeding small pieces of it to the horses, tugging on the corners of the hay bales that she carries into the barn and whatever else he can do to help her. I'm fully aware that Logan Shepard has smiled more today than she has the entire week she's been here. I've heard her laugh ring through the barn like a dinner bell at whatever off-hand comment Ash made about what they were doing.

Hell, I don't think I've smiled this much in one day.

When lunch rolls around Logan is missing and Ash is propped up on a bale of hay against the back of the barn, his little feet kicking over the edge.

"Where's your mama?" I ask, setting down the wheelbarrow full of dirt.

He shrugs, picking at the fibers of his worn out t-shirt and avoiding eye contact.

"You hungry?" I ask him and his head shoots up to look at me with a big smile on his face. "Follow me," I help him down off the bails.

I lead him into the barn and grab my lunch from the shelf where Dot leaves it every day at eleven. There's a sandwich, an apple, some carrot and what looks like a pastry filled with jam.

"You want half?" I wave the pastry at him.

"Mama says you can't have sweets first," Ash scrunches his little nose up at me.

"Well," I pretend to look around for Logan, "I don't see your mama."

I carry the lunch over to my truck, drop the tailgate and hold my hand to him. Without any effort I lift him, his legs dangling off the ground as I sit him on the edge. "Here," I hand him half with the napkin which is promptly abandoned as he shoves the whole thing in his mouth.

"Chew, kid!" I laugh and finish mine in two bites.

"Ash!" Logan skids around the barn with a shovel in her hand, dirt covering her jeans and hay in her hair.

I hold my tongue and try to keep the laughter at bay as she sets the shovel down and scoops Ash from the tailgate to set him on his feet.

"I told you not to bug Mr. Cassidy while I got you lunch."

She digs a squished peanut butter and what looks like banana sandwich from her back pocket and unwraps it for him, shooing him away from where I'm standing. I watch as Ash offers half of the sandwich to her but she just shakes her head and watches him inhale it.

"Here," I walk over with part of the lunch that Dot made in my outstretched hand.

"I'm sorry," she doesn't look up from Ash, "I was cleaning the back pens and I didn't even realize he had wandered away. I can pay you for whatever he ate."

"It's fine," I say and she looks up at me finally, her big eyes as angry as ever in the sunlight. "He didn't eat anything he wasn't offered."

"I'm not hungry," she waves me off.

"Logan," I drop my voice, the turkey and lettuce sandwich hanging between us. "You can't work on an empty stomach, I don't need you passing out in the stables."

Her brows raise in question and I watch as her jaw tightens in thought but she takes the sandwich, our fingers brushing together before she retreats and leans against the side of the truck. Ash seems to digest his sandwich the moment it hits his stomach and he's flying around at the speed of light while Logan tries to catch her breath.

"He always like that?" I ask, cleaning the grime from between my fingers with a rag.

"No," she covers her mouth while she chews, her eyes closed. She seems to inhale the turkey sandwich like she had never eaten something so tasty. "I think it's the fresh air," she takes another bite. "Being cooped up in the trailer makes him cranky."

It was more than she had spoken to me all day; between work and Ash she had been moving non stop. She hands me the other half of the sandwich, her chest rising and falling slowly as she finishes her last bite.

"Finish it," I huff.

"I don't need you passing out in the stables," she mocks with a serious face, wiggling the other half at me.

I can't help but smile as I take the half she offers.

I worked her twice as hard in the afternoon and she did it all without complaint as Ash ran circles around us both singing the lyrics to an inappropriate Johnny Cash song.

"He listens to the radio when I'm not home," she groans as she stables the last mare.

When she finishes the last of her chores she cleans Ash up and gets him locked into the backseat of their car before turning to me.

"Today won't happen again," she says over the door at me as I walk toward her. "Carl is hiring a new waitress so Julie won't have to cover as many of my day shifts at the diner."

"You're still working down there?"

"Community service doesn't pay, Crew."

I inhale tightly, holding the comment I would have made to any other degenerate at bay.

"It's okay if it does," I say instead, pausing to watch her scowl soften, "if you need to bring Ash."

She stares at me for a long moment, silence stretching out between us tightly before she nods softly and climbs into her car.

I might be losing my fucking mind.