29. Crew

29

Crew

" W hen are you going to tell her?" Bode nudges me with his elbow for the third time since we have climbed out of the truck. I shoot him a glare as Logan chases Ash through a line of trees. The sounds of Ash's giggles bounce between the foliage as we search for a tree.

"I'll tell her when the time is right," I mutter shifting the grip I have on the chainsaw.

"And when would that be?" He sing-songs, ducking his head for a snow covered branch.

"I should have left you in the truck."

He chuckles. "Then Ash would be sad because we both know he likes me better, which would make Shepard angry and we know how that would end."

I narrow my eyes on him. "How would that end?"

"With me still coming and you turning into a grizzly." That Walker shit-eating grin spreads across his face. I thought it was a Levi specialty but now I see where it comes from.

With a huff I shake my head. "You've been spending too much time with Logan."

"We both know that isn't true."

He tosses me a knowing look and jogs to catch up with Ash and Logan. Watching them together has that familiar warmth blooming in my chest again.

The last few weeks have felt like a fever dream. I've seen Logan smile more times than not. Even Ash feels lighter and not so worried every time he looks at his mom. She still has moments where her trauma creeps in, threatening to destroy the work she's done, but my girl is strong and she never lets it win.

Logan glances up at me through the trees, those stormy blue eyes more crystal than before and smirks while Bode throws Ash over his shoulder and treks through the snow.

"You find me a tree yet, Huckleberry?" She says as I curl my free hand around the side of her neck when I approach.

"I thought I was your tree?" My lips curl into a grin and steal a kiss from those snow bitten lips.

She hums in response, tucking her hands under my jacket. Frigid fingers run over my stomach making me hiss as she pulls away.

"Climbing you in front of Ash would not be appropriate." Logan slides her hands around to my back stealing the warmth from my skin, fully aware that I'm letting her.

My fingers tangle into her hair, tugging her head back gently, watching that spark ignite in her eyes. I lower my mouth to hers again, barely grazing my lips against them. "Climb me later then."

"You can bet on that," Logan rasps against my mouth before stealing her own kiss.

I hear the sound of footsteps crunching in the snow get closer followed by a loud resounding chorus of groans and fake gagging noises. Letting her go, Logan dips her head, pressing her forehead to my chest as she laughs.

"We're literally in the middle of nowhere," Bode scolds us both, holding Ash steady on his shoulders.

She looks up at me with a glint in her eye. Both of us knowing that it's never stopped us before.

"Did you find a tree?" I ask, ignoring his comment and wrapping my arm around Logan as she turns to them.

Ash squeals and waves his hand in the direction they had just come from. "I found one! Bode says it's too big but it's perfect !" In all the excitement his touque slides down over his little brows and he quickly pushes it back almost knocking it off of his head.

"Well then what are we waiting for!" Logan laughs, pulling from my hold and taking Ash from Bode.

He tugs on Logan's hand leading us to the tree he marked with Bode's scarf. It has to be at least seven feet tall and I know for a fact it's way too big to fit in Logan's trailer. I barely fit standing upright in her home but knowing that this is Ash's first real tree and seeing the beaming grin on his face, I can't deny the kid.

Logan gives me a skeptical look as we start to cut it down but a kiss on her temple soothes the crease between her brows. Bode and I carry it back to the truck with Ash holding on to a few branches to help.

I make Bode sit in the backseat with Ash while we drive back to her place. Her fingers lace into mine over the center console and I realize in that moment that there isn't any other place I would rather be than right here with her.

When we get back to the trailer she stands and waits for us to pull the tree out of the back of the truck. That furrow in her brow has returned, making my insides flip. Bode gives me a questioning look when we get to the door and I realize then that half of it won't even fit through the door.

"I don't think it'll fit, Cassidy." She says, making me grin.

I let out a huff and glance back over my shoulder at her. "It'll fit, Shepard."

She raises a brow at me and lust flickers behind those blue eyes for a brief moment. Throwing us back to that morning in her shower. My gut flips when she smiles back at me and cocks her head to the side.

Bode tugs on the top of the tree, making it a few more inches inside before he groans. "I think she's right this time, Crew."

"This time?" Logan questions.

Ash reroutes himself through the snow track he's made in the front yard and skids to a stop by the door. A frown freckles his face as he glances up at me. "Just push it!" He says tugging on another branch.

I set the trunk down and crouch next to him feeling Logan's hands rest on my shoulders as she moves to stand behind me.

"I don't think it's gonna happen, buddy." The tree is stuck in the doorway now, trapping Bode inside and as much as I want to make this tree fit inside this tiny trailer, it's just not going to work. Bode clears his throat, raising his brows and flicking his eyes towards Logan. My heart starts to race when I realize the perfect spot to put Ash's tree.

Ash kicks the branch and huffs. I reach for him and he comes to me without fuss as I pick him up and look back at Logan. "I know where it'll fit."

"I'm not putting up my Christmas tree at the ranch." She leans into me.

"Our Christmas tree." I correct her with a smirk when she frowns at me. "It's not the ranch."

Setting Ash down I pick up the end of the trunk again and glance at Bode giving him a nod. "Get in the truck, Logan."

Logan takes Ash's hand and starts to lead him to the truck. "Not a dog, Cassidy."

A laugh bubbles out of me and Bode and I start to carry the tree back to the truck.

It doesn't take long for us to get back to the ranch and the further down the driveway we get, I can feel Logan tense beside me. I know it's not because of the ranch itself anymore but the implications of what this would mean if we did. I'm already all in with her and I know she tells me she is too but those flight or fight moments flicker behind her eyes. I just hope once I show her where I'm actually taking them she'll choose to fight. To fight for us, to never give up on me.

I drive past the barns and down the side road we carved out last spring. The overgrown trees make it hard to see, and I'll have to trim them back once the sun returns, but it's worth it.

Taking her hand in mine I park the truck in front of what used to be a dilapidated cabin. The same one I showed Logan months ago. The one I've spent every moment I'm not with her re-building with the guys' help. At first I was doing it for myself. Taking my time with every step and honestly dragging my feet.

I was comfortable with the dingy old couch when I wanted a moment of peace but those moments of peace look a little different for me now. I glance at Logan. She bites her bottom lip letting it pop out of her teeth before she starts to chew on the inside of her cheek trying to figure out why we're here.

"Bode."

His eyes meet mine through the rearview. He nods and jumps out of the truck jogging to Ash's side. "C'mon buddy, let's go see if we can find some worms for those ducks of yours."

The truck door shuts and I look back at the cabin. A warm light emits from the window where I left the lights on.

"What is this, Crew?" Logan's voice sounds small when she looks at me.

"The cabin."

"Obviously," she huffs. "Why are we here?"

"Come on," I say, bringing her hand tangled with mine to my lips, kissing the back of it before letting her go and climbing from the truck. She meets me in the middle and I slip my hand into hers again. Needing purchase on her skin to ground me and to make sure she doesn't turn tail and run.

When I open the door a wave of warmth hits us and Logan gasps pushing past me. "When did you do all this?"

"I had help." I grin down at her.

The inside is a mix of warm tones, beige and wood that matches the exterior of the cabin. She runs her hand along the navy blue couch that replaced the abandoned one and takes in the space I've created for us.

"You never answered my question," Logan says, turning to look at me. "Why are we here?"

"Do you like it?" I ask, shoving my hands into my pockets.

"Crew," she warns.

My eyes meet hers, that familiar storm brewing behind her eyes. "Do you like it?" I ask again.

"It's beautiful," she answers when I don't.

"When I bought this place from Dot I wanted it to be mine. A place where I could escape the noise of the ranch, but then this tornado of a woman blew her way into my life," I bite my lip from smiling, "and the more time I spent with her and her son, the more this place began to turn into something not just for me anymore."

She shakes her head and glances around, "This is yours."

I take a few steps towards her, pushing back the hair that's fallen in front of her eyes behind her ear.

"It's for us." My words come out whispered as I search those blue eyes. "I told you a while ago that there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for you."

"Crew I can't just up and leave—"

"Woman, yes you can," I rumble, cupping her cheeks between my hands and kissing her softly before pressing my forehead against hers. "I want to wake up every morning with you next to me. Knowing that there's a chance that Ash will have snuck in and be squished between us. I want you to have a home that's not riddled with nightmares or bullet holes. I want to give you sturdy ."

She stares at me with tears welling in her eyes but doesn't say a word. So I take her hand and lead her to where the den used to be. Logan follows without a fight and when I push the door open she chokes out something that sounds like a cross between a sob and a laugh. Light blue walls, painted with clouds and Spiderman bed sheets come into view.

"I want to give Ash something sturdy," I say lowly.

I can't read the look on her face right now and it terrifies me. This is it. This is the moment that I find out if Logan, the one who stormed onto the ranch months ago, is the same woman standing in front of me. I know she isn't. I know she's a new level of brave, and that's the hope that I hold onto.

"Why?" She says after a few moments of us standing in a thick silence.

"Because I knew from the moment you refused to get into my truck that first day that I was a goner." I take a tentative step towards her, my hesitation unneeded because she curls herself into my arms. "I've loved you longer than I'm willing to admit, Logan Shepard, and I'll continue loving you with everything I have for the rest of my days." I pull back to look at her, "If you'll let me."

"I'm a package deal, Cassidy." She whispers. "With a lot of fucked up baggage."

I curl my hand around the back of her neck and flash her the smile I know makes her weak. "Pretty girl, I'm mighty handy. I can handle the baggage."

She laughs and the sound is burned into my soul. "You knew that tree was too big, didn't you?"

"I had my suspicions." I smirk. "So what do you say, Shepard? You wanna go domestic with me?"

A chuckle leaves her as she takes in the room again until her eyes meet mine. "On one condition."

My brows raise, waiting for whatever she's about to ask me.

"You teach me how to make those pancakes you make Ash tomorrow morning." She beams up at me, "He complains mine aren't the same."

"He can't be that bad," I laugh.

"You've turned that child into a pancake snob." She adds.

"Deal," I laugh, pouring every ounce of my love for her against her lips.