16. Logan

16

Logan

" W hat are you doing here? It's your day off." Crew bites the finger of his leather glove and tugs it off his fingers before tucking them into his back pocket.

The baseball cap he wears constantly is pulled on backwards and little tufts of his blonde hair stick to his sweaty, sun-kissed skin. It's warm for the fall and I can't help but take advantage of it in a pair of jean shorts and an old band t-shirt that fits too tight around my chest but loose against my stomach. It's comfy and makes me feel pretty which is a feeling I hadn't known was missing until Crew flashes his smile at me and I realize he thinks it too.

I swallow the school girl emotions that bubble to the surface and cock my head to the side, letting my long hair fall over my shoulder from the ponytail it's pulled into.

"You know what? Nevermind. I don't care what you're doing here, only that you are, pretty girl." His smile is infectious and I try hard not to pull a muscle smiling back at him.

"I brought you dinner," I announce, "as a thank you for taking care of me last week."

"That wasn't a transaction."

"Neither is this," I said, I just missed you . "I just thought you'd be hungry."

He wanders toward me from the entrance of the enormous barn and for a moment my fingertips tingle in anticipation for his affection, but Ford appears on his left and ruins the moment. The scowl on his face tries to wrestle the happiness from me but I hang tight and tug back, throwing the mean cowboy a dirty look.

Crew catches the exchange but doesn't say anything as they move out into the sun. Ford says nothing to me which isn't out of the norm.

"Where's Ash?" he asks, walking toward me slowly in his dirty jeans and tight blue t-shirt. His muscles are so defined under the fabric I can trace them with my eyes and remember how they feel under my finger tips.

"He begged me to spend the night with Julie again." I smile. "Apparently she promised a Spiderman movie night."

"And you chose to spend your night here?" He raises a brow.

My eyes catch Ford for a moment, gauging just how much he might be listening before I look back at Crew. "I mean… I don't have to."

Crew's raised brow sinks down and gives me a look that sparks something low in my belly.

"Stay, Logan," he says in that low rumble that vibrates through both of us.

"Alright," I reply almost instantly and unfamiliarly.

When Ford turns to focus on a pile of discarded riding gear and leather Crew leans in quickly, his lips finding mine as his large hand slips against my throat, thumb brushing against my jaw line. The kiss is soft but it scares me to do it in front of Ford, even with his back turned. The feel of his lips on mine makes my stomach explode with excitement and nerves. His lips linger as his fingers tug the elastic from my hair and let it loose around my face. I swear he likes it down better but I'm in no position to complain when he looks that good, and smells like huckleberries and cowboying.

"Good." He nods, still too close to my face. "You wanna go for a ride?"

I raise my brow at him. "I do."

"Up the ridge." He straightens out as Ford turns around. He shakes his head catching the insinuation in my voice. "On horses, Shepard. "

"You can handle this?" Ford barks, his eyes darting toward me as he interrupts the moment. He pauses, noticing that my hair isn't tied up anymore but doesn't say much about it. "I got chores to do."

"That's the job." Crew nods and that's enough for Ford who takes off in the other direction, burning a path in the dirt from how angry he is that I showed up.

"You gonna handle me, Crew?" I tease him but the warmth in my belly returns as I remember just how well he handles everything.

"If you don't stop antagonizing him, I might have to." He scowls but I can see the amusement flicker in his eyes.

"Sounds like a challenge." I shift on my feet and his eyes rake over my hips.

His voice gets low when he says, "don't tempt me."

"Shame." I roll my eyes but as I pass him with my tote of food slung over my shoulder his massive hand finds my ass with a soft slap that causes me to look back at him. "Hands to yourself, grizzly bear," I scold.

He growls from behind me as I walk toward Copper's stall.

I can tell he wants to ask me something so I turn to look at him and find him closer than he was before with a scowl on his face.

"You're not running away from anything today?" He looks at me like he can spot my stress but I just shake my head.

"Running toward something, now get on your horse before me and Copper leave you behind."

He watches a little longer before slinging a saddle over Juniper's back and strapping her in snugly, his eyes wandering back to where I stand as he works.

I load Copper's pack with the sandwiches I made and the banana bread that I had to bake twice because the first loaf burned while I did my makeup for the first time in six years. Crew hovers watching and waiting like if he blinks I might up and disappear.

"What do you want?" I ask him with an attitude that forces his attention to my lips.

"I forgot something," he says and, moving closer, he tugs on Junipers reins as he saunters toward Copper's stall.

"What's that?"

Before I have time to react he's leaning in.

"This," he whispers, curling his tall frame and bringing his sun kissed lips to mine for a small kiss.

"Forgetful," I sigh as he pulls away, catching that glimmer in his eyes as he offers to help me onto Copper. "Thank you." I flick the rim of his dirty ball cap and roll my eyes.

As we push the horses up the path and away from the prying eyes of the ranch, the muscles in my neck loosen and I can enjoy the sun on my skin and the sound of the birds around us.

"You're in a good mood today." Crew pulls Juniper up beside me.

I'm not sure I am, but I feel better than I have been in a while. The stress of dealing with the court and with Tommy has created a never ending storm that circles over head no matter how happy I am.

"I feel—" I stop and turn my eyes away from him. Like myself for the first time in years. "Good, I feel good."

I hear Juniper's hooves start to circle around me but, even more, I feel his eyes tracing the lines of my body. It's a weird sensation to feel wanted after so many years of feeling like a shell inside my own skin.

"And Ash?" Crew asks the corner of his mouth upturned.

I can't help but also smile. He never fails to ask me how Ash is doing and knowing that he genuinely cares about my son only makes the butterflies and warmth that's been blooming in my chest since Crew kissed me, grow.

"He's perfect," I say with more emotion than I mean to.

"He's a good kid," he says quietly. "He seems to enjoy it here."

I laugh softly. "He hasn't stopped hounding me about coming back here." Copper shifts beneath me, eager to move on.

"You know you're both always welcome here."

I give him a pointed look because we both know if Ford had it his way I would have never stepped foot on his dirt.

"I can handle Ford," Crew says as if he's reading my mind.

He seems to do that a lot lately. He knows what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling, even before I'm ready to talk about it. Which isn't often.

"I know you can," I say, digging my heels into Copper's side and clicking my tongue to get him moving again. "It's not about handling him. I just…"

"What?" He asks trotting up next to me with Juniper.

"I don't care if people like me okay?"

I catch a glimpse of him from my peripheral, he looks as confused as I feel right now. I've never cared if people like me. At least not truly.

"I'm not following."

"This place is your home Crew and whatever this is between us, I can't let it affect you or your family."

Suddenly Juniper skirts around me, coming to halt in front of Copper. Crew's jaw ticks as he looks me over once and glances out at the trees around us.

"Don't do that." The words come out strained and tight before his eyes find mine again. "Don't dismiss my actions because you're scared. The only thing affecting me right now, Logan, is you ."

"Will you just listen to what I have to say?" I ask, furrowing my brows at him.

I know he's frustrated with me. Hell, I'd be frustrated with myself too. No matter how good of a day I have with him or how quickly a simple touch from him banishes away the worries, they always creep back in. I don't want to be the ruin of Crew Cassidy. I don't want to be the person who breaks down a man doing good in the world. But I also know that selfishly I want more. I want more of him and that's what scares me the most.

"No," he growls, sidling up next to me so we're facing each other, "because if what you have to say has anything to do with doubting this," he waves his large hand between the two of us, "or you thinking you aren't good enough to be mine , I'm not listening to it, Logan."

"And you call me stubborn," I huff.

His hand slides up my thigh, gripping it with an almost death-like grip but it's not malicious.

"You are stubborn and like I told you before, I'm still trying."

Crew smiles at me before leaning across the small space between us and wraps his hand around the back of my neck pulling me gently towards him while the horses shift beneath us. The tip of his nose drags against mine softly.

"Quit trying to sabotage your good mood and eat with me." His voice is so soft I barely hear him over the sound of the wind blowing through the trees.

"Fine," I whisper back and it only makes the smile on his face grow even more before he kisses me and I have to consciously remind myself to keep still so I don't fall off this horse. Again .

When he pulls back, that dark storm cloud my words formed in his eyes is gone. A part of me is jealous that he can turn it off so quickly. The ability to handle raging emotions escaped me long before my daddy hurt himself.

"You're pretty when you pout like that." He smirks, dragging his thumb over my bottom lip.

I smack his hand away shooting him a glare which only makes him laugh.

"You're pretty when you look at me like that too."

"Is there a time when I'm not pretty?" I snap and instantly regret it when he flashes those hazel eyes at me again and shakes his head.

"Nope."

Rolling my eyes to fend off the warmth growing in my belly as he circles around me again on Juniper.

"I'll make you a deal," he says, stopping next to me. "I'll race you to the creek. If I win, you stop second guessing us."

I raise a brow and glance over at him. "If I win?"

Crew looks out to the woods in front of us. "If you win…I'll stop having lunch at the diner."

My heart sinks for a moment. "No."

He looks at me and I know he's trying not to smile.

"I kinda like having you there. Even if you eat Carl out of house and home." I laugh softly and when I look up at him again he's watching me with the corner of his mouth turned upward and a warm look in his eyes. "If I win, you stop fixing things for me."

I can tell he doesn't like that answer because he huffs and his lips part to protest but I shake my head.

"Sorry, Cassidy." It's my turn to grin. "Negotiations are over."

"Alright, alright," he chuckles, "you ready to lose?"

I bark out a laugh and adjust my footing on Copper with a smirk. "You shouldn't underestimate me, Huckleberry."

"On three?" He says looking over at me with a smirk.

When I nod he starts counting down, only digging his heels into Juniper's sides as soon as he gets to one. He takes off like lightning and I do the same, clicking at Copper to get him to move faster. Pretty soon I lose Crew within the pines. He and Juniper disappear from sight before I start to hear the sound of the creek ahead of me.

I push Copper hard, silently promising him a sugar cube once we get back to the ranch if he helps me win this. The creek comes into view and I let out a victory laugh, not seeing Crew anywhere. It's not that I don't want his help. I just don't want to feel helpless with him but my dream of winning this bet is quickly broken as soon as I see him wading into the creek up ahead of me.

With a shit-eating grin on his face he heads my direction. I want to be disappointed I lost but, as he takes Copper's reins and helps me off the horse, Crew pulls my body into his, his hands tangle in my hair and he kisses me softly claiming his own victory.

"You cheated," I whisper against his lips feeling them form into a smile as he kisses me again.

"You lost," he rasps, pulling back from me just enough that I can look into his eyes. "We're doing this."

He says it like a demand, one he knows that deep down I want to protest but Crew also thinks he knows me. It's when I'm in his arms that I realize I want this. I want to be able to kiss him and give hidden bits of myself over to the man who insists on taking care of me and my boy.

"Does this mean you'll stop trying?" I say repeating his own words back to him.

Crew shakes his head. "I'll never stop trying."

I stare up at him, wanting to believe him. Wanting to know that what he's saying is true. Crew is a man of his word and so far he hasn't broken it yet. I don't know what to say to him, what words I can give him that make him feel the way my insides feel right now. So I lift on my toes and kiss him. It's one of the few times that I initiate the kiss but it feels right, like now everything is balanced around me and I don't want to lose that feeling.

Once he breaks the kiss, Crew leads me and Copper over to the tree that he tied Juniper to. We set out a blanket and the food that I brought. I couldn't do anything as special as chicken noodle soup for him, but he seems happy with the peanut butter and banana sandwiches Ash says I'm stellar at.

He lays back onto the blanket as the sun starts to dip below the horizon. Crew tucks his hands behind his head, his biceps strain against the sleeves of his t-shirt and I can't stop staring at him. I move to straddle him, resting my hands on his chest as he grins up at me.

"This is new."

"You can't show off those," I wave a finger at his biceps, "and not expect me to drool."

He laughs as I settle onto him. "Logan Shepard, drooling over me?" Crew acts surprised. "Who would have thought?"

I grin and move to kiss his jaw just as my phone goes off. Darth Vader's theme song echoes in the woods around us as my entire body tenses.

"Who's that?" Crew asks, sitting up with me in his arms.

"My case worker," I groan trying to keep down the anxiety forming a pit in my stomach because whenever she calls it's never good.

Pulling my phone from my pocket I slide off of his lap, keeping close enough so that he's still touching me because right now I need something to ground me and Crew has been the closest thing to that in a while.

I answer it with a fake smile. "This is Logan."

I listen to her speak on the other line. She's spewing out so many words that I only catch a few and those few words send a spark of electricity up my spine and I put her on speaker.

"I'm sorry, did you say full custody?" I glance up at Crew.

" Yes, Ms. Shepard. Mr. Henry missed two of his court appointed sessions and has no longer been responding to his case worker. We're going to push for full custody without needing a temporary guardian and since you have been keeping up with your anger management and have had no marks against you since your hearing, I believe you'll have a great chance at getting it."

"That's…" I pause because the overwhelming sensation to burst into tears hits me, "that's great news."

" We'll push up the original hearing to next week. I'll talk to you soon, Ms. Shepard."

"Thank you," I choke out.

As soon as the line goes dead, Crew wraps his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. I have no words right now but his sweet musky smell is helping to soothe the rapid beating of my heart.

"Looks like you did win today," Crew whispers, pressing a kiss into my hair.