15. Crew

15

Crew

F or the first time since being home I can feel it. Hope, happiness and this weird sense of belonging. Opening my eyes to the hazy sunlight brushing across Logan's bare back, reflecting through her dirty honey brown hair, makes the breath in my lungs hiccup. My fingers trace delicately along her spine so as not to wake her, but to quell the need to touch her again.

One time isn't enough, hell three times isn't.

Logan Shepard is a fire and all I want is to be burned.

I can hide in this trailer, tucked down between these sheets with her forever and never miss a single thing about the outside world. But the world would never be so kind as to just leave us the hell alone. Pressing a slow kiss to the freckle on her shoulder blade I roll as quietly as I can from the creaky bed in search of my pants. I pull the jeans on haphazardly, letting them settle around my ass and not bothering to button them up.

The trailer is built tightly around my shoulders and I have to angle my body out the door toward the kitchen in search of something to eat for the two of us.

My mind is constantly being tugged back to her skin, to her lips and her breathless laugh as I brush against the ticklish spot on her right side. The emptiness of her fridge brings me back to reality and I grip tightly to the handle, angry that she's struggling but knowing better than to broach the subject. There's still a few things left from the last time I was here, some eggs and the bread on the counter looks fresh.

I stop the fridge door short of slamming closed and gather my thoughts. I love that she loves this trailer so much, it's a testament to all the ways she's capable of it.. Love. But it's different when the corners of my vision are blurry from looking at her. In the morning light it's haunting, the sun pours through a few of the bullet holes that went clean through and my heart races thinking of her being trapped in here during it all.

Cam told me some things about that day; it haunts him just as much as it does Logan and the whole town knows how it ended. But few knew the girl that was left behind, and refuse to acknowledge the woman she's grown into. Shaped by the neglect of a community that should have known better than to turn their backs on an orphan.

I shake out my hand as the egg breaks in my vice-like grip and clean the shells from my palm in the sink before washing my face and inhaling as deeply as I could. I can't change her past, I don't think she wants that even if there was a way. I'm not sure I would even want it, it would steal the fire from her eyes.

But, if I could, if she lets me.

I would shape the path ahead of her and make sure it always leads home.

Once the eggs are scrambled and the toast is two shades from burnt I carry the plate back to her room to find her sitting up. Her hair is falling down over her shoulders and her knees are cradled to her chest but there's a smile on her face that I've never seen before and it's so peaceful it steals away all the bad thoughts from my mind.

Logan's eyes drag down over my bare chest to the line of hair that is visible from the top of my unbuttoned jeans and it's a challenge to control myself as her tongue darts out over her bottom lip.

"Morning," I say, handing her the plate. "You look hungry."

She scowls at the plate but takes it.

"Are you sore?" I ask her when she shifts uncomfortably.

She doesn't answer and instead shoves a piece of toast between her downturned lips.

"I can't read your mind, Shepard," I walk around looking for the rest of my clothes. I wish I could, I have a feeling whatever she's thinking is dangerous, tempting and a little out of character for her.

When she finishes chewing on her bite of toast she opens her mouth but closes it again. I stop moving when I realize she's working through something bigger than a simple thank you. Because nothing with her is ever simple .

"Last night you said that we deserved someone better and-" she stops again and I can't help but be nervous. "Ash sure, he deserves the world. But, Crew," she swallows tightly and shifts in the bed to set the plate down.

"Don't you dare," I warn her, knowing what's coming.

"Making me breakfast, taking care of me, fixing the trailer up," Logan bites her lip. "I don't deserve that, everything that has led us to this point proves that and I'm scared."

"Some warm eggs and a stable table leg ain't nothing to be scared of, Logan," I sigh.

"No, you're right, but I'm scared that you're ignoring all the red flags that I carry around just because you have a crush."

"Is that what this is?" I walk over to her side of the bed and kneel to the floor, my hand sliding beneath the sheets to her bare thigh. I sink my fingers into the flesh so she can feel how real it is. "A crush?"

"Everyone else can see how bad this is."

"Pretty girl, I have never given a second to those people, those rumors, and I won't start living my life afraid of town gossip. I'm a grown man, Logan, and I'll make whatever damn mistakes you think I'm making, over and over again if it leads me here ."

Her nose scrunches briefly and she inhales slowly as I press my lips to her arm and then her shoulder, lifting onto my toes to reach her jaw and the corner of her mouth.

"Stop trying to suck the happiness out of this moment," I whisper to her, "eat your eggs, shower off the sex and get your ass into my truck. We have work to do."

When she laughs I know I've won the battle, the war was still raging but she had put down her weapons, at least for the time being. She drops the blanket from around her and wraps her arms around my neck carefully as her nose brushes against mine.

"You smell like sex too, grizzly bear," she mumbles against my scruffy jaw and my cock throbs painfully from her warm breath.

"I don't think I'll fit in your shower," I laugh as she kisses me.

"Oh you'll fit." Her eyes light up with mischief.

I'm not about to argue with her logic and I scoop her from the bed not caring about the spilled breakfast or the worries that died on her lips. All that matters now is satisfying the hunger that vibrates from her as she wraps her legs around me and I carry us toward the tiny shower.

Logan hangs on tightly as I shuffle through the narrow entrance and flick on the shower, letting my fingers hang under the water until it's warm enough to hold her under the stream.

"You're going to get those jeans wet," she breathes against my throat and all I can do is hold her tighter as the moan rumbles from the base of it.

"I don't give a shit about my jeans right now."

"I do," she argues, "they're in my way."

My laughter turns into a strangled moan as she adjusts herself against me and moves her arms down my chest, around my back to the band of my jeans. She rolls it down enough to free me from the denim giving me the space to lift and lower her down over my shaft.

The water runs in warm ribbons between us and I shimmy further into the cramped space and press her back against the wall. Logan whimpers against me as she settles down the length of my erection, her hips pressing tightly to mine. Thrusting hard into her I feel her muscles tense around me and her hands rake down my back, digging into the muscle of my shoulder blades.

"You were right," I tease, "I do fit."

She tightens around my cock in response, not a noise from her lips but a smile forms there and I know she feels it too. The elastic spinning and tightening between us as I work relentlessly into her. Her teeth rake against my collar bone as I rock up into her, water splashing against her chest as her hair presses to her throat and cheeks.

Breathless stutters fall from us both as the edge draws near and our bodies mold together for the fourth time in twenty four hours. I can't get enough, I never want to. I need more, crave it like water during a drought.

"Like you were made for me," I nip at her jaw and bring her lips back to mine, needing to taste her as I push her to her breaking point.

Logan's back arches in my arms and my fingers dig into her ass as she braces herself on the wall and rolls into my thrusts. My cock twitches as the fire in my abdomen burns hot and I know that I'm not going to last much longer. I hold on, swallowing the moan in my throat as she spills over and reaches her release.

"I've got you," I groan against her when her hands scramble to find my skin as she slips against the wet tile. Her hips stutter as she finishes and I can feel her walls spasm around me tightly, causing my vision to blur as my own release threatened at every nerve ending.

"Put me down," she begs softly.

I lift her carefully, barely waiting for her to be stable on numb legs to palm myself quickly and spill into the shower between us. Logan kisses my wet skin and it has the exact reaction she wants as the softness turns to tiny nibbles and pinches that only fuel the fire in the pit of my stomach.

My gut tightens from the aftershocks that fill my muscles as she rakes her hands over me and takes my mouth against hers. The water has soaked my jeans through but I'd do it again just to have her drenched like this, breathless and satisfied in my arms.

"That was way better than eggs," she laughs as I blindly reach around her for the shampoo, kissing her again until she backs against the shower wall and I'm towering over her.

She stares up at me with a glassy, lust-filled look in her eyes and that feeling of wanting to watch the world burn for her returns. I'm scared too.

"Pay up." Bode holds out his hand to one of the ranch crew and the cowboy slides a twenty into his palm.

"You shouldn't be gambling." I shake my head as Logan slips into the barn to do her chores in her dark green plaid and tight jeans. Concentrating on the matter at hand when I know what it feels like to have my hands around that ass would prove a new challenge.

"It was a sure bet." He pushes his cowboy hat back with a finger and pockets the cash. "I told him that you wouldn't be back until morning."

"You taking up a babysitting gig with the bunk boys?"

I slam the back door of my truck and make my way toward the bunk house. The jeans I'm wearing are soaked but when Logan offered a pair of Tommy's to wear we nearly had an impromptu bonfire.

"Why are your jeans drenched Cassidy?" Bode looks me over and follows me in steps toward the bunkhouse.

"None of your business, Walker," I warn, whipping the door open and beelining to my bunk and dresser. I grab a clean pair, turning around to find him eying me from the archway to the shabby kitchen.

"You're sleeping with her now?" He asks, all the playfulness drains from his voice. "That—" he stops himself when I look up at him from shucking off the wet denim.

"That, what?"

"It's a bad idea," he finishes and the next look I give him warns him not to say anything stupid that might get him thrown in a ditch. "Not because of her, settle down, cowboy."

I roll my eyes and slide the clean pair of jeans over my hips not giving two shits about my modesty. "Get to the point, I have things to do."

"Did you stop to think about the kid?" Bode's blue eyes level with mine.

"I don't need a lecture." I shake my head and start to walk toward the exit of the bunkhouse but Bode steps in my way. "You prepared to back up that sidestep?"

"I'm pretty fast, I could take you."

I scoff.

"Just listen." He puts his hand out between us and I'm tempted to break every bone in it before he shuffles it under his hat and into his hair. He holds the black faded cowboy hat to his chest before speaking again. "That kid has had enough people coming and going. He doesn't need you playing daddy and then running off when things get hard with Shepard. Sleep with her, sure, flirt with her all you want. But do not do it around that boy because you will break more than his heart if you walk away."

"You don't have to tell me what it's like growing up with an absent father."

"He ain't your kid to raise," Bode warns. "That kid already has a dad."

"Just because he ain't my blood doesn't mean I can't show him a better path," I argue. "I just wanna help them."

Bode doesn't say a thing, he just stares. The concern rolls off him in waves and I understand it, I do. But my heart doesn't care, it doesn't understand the looming consequences if Logan pushes back too hard, if her storm overwhelms me. This has the potential to explode, I know that.

"You gonna tell me where to move the herd again?" I ask him, pushing back on the original conversation we had. He was the one to put the thoughts in my head in the first place. To challenge how I felt about Logan.

"That was just a toss away, Crew, but if you want a metaphor here," he sighs and presses his hat against my chest, "you start walking the herd from nine, down to four, make sure you don't lose any of your cattle."

"I'll keep her safe." I'm not about to lose her.

"It's not just her you have to worry about anymore." Bode's brow raises as he shucks his hat back over his head. "Sex is fun until you roll over in the morning and find yourself staring at responsibilities you didn't ask for."

Maybe I'm asking for them , I think as Bode sighs and heads back towards the barns. Even the thought of rolling over to her in the morning makes my heart flutter like it had that morning.

I spent my entire existence avoiding a life, a family because I was holding onto the anger that the people I lost would never have those things… But Logan changed everything and I had to consider that she may have walked onto the ranch for a reason other than saving her own skin. We both needed a second chance at life. One without hit after hit, without anger.

I think back to the day I opened her file, to the storm clouds captured in her photo that pulled me in, and the ones that have me weathering every moment, every need I have to be near her.