Chapter 22

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Eli

I haven't had time to process anything about Liza and how the school year would actually be. I left for our last trip of the year, which was the worst playing I've ever done, and came home this morning, only to start football practice today.

The rest of the team has been practicing already but with the second-string quarterback since I was gone. My coaches let me play for the national team during the summer, but are always eager to get me on the field again, so I have no days off when it comes to starting the next sport.

I'm beat, exhausted, but mostly heartbroken. My focus is shit, and now that she's here, in the stands, watching me, I'm an absolute wreck.

"Jones," my coach yells out. "Are you listening?"

"Yes, Coach," I state, though I have no idea what he just said.

Everything in my life stood still as we stared at each other for those few seconds. I look back to see if she's still there. It's a stab to my heart for the millionth time this week when I notice she's gone.

I try my hardest to pay attention to what he's saying just so we can end this conversation sooner and I can get back on the field.

He finally stops talking, and I put my helmet on, running back out to the huddle, trying to regurgitate what he just told me.

We break, and I walk to the center, readying myself for his snap.

"Hike," I yell and drop back, looking for Marcus or Dalton to see if they're open.

I don't even notice one of our defense guys racing toward me until I'm lying on my side, grunting from the pain of the fall.

"You'd better step it up, Jones. Baseball's made you soft," the guy says as he races backward, celebrating his sack.

Ben holds his hand out to me. "You good?"

I grasp it, using his leverage to stand up. "Yeah. Just rusty, is all."

He slaps my shoulder pads. "Let's get you back in the game! It's been shitty, practicing without you. It's time to get this team dialed in now."

I nod and head back to the line of scrimmage, yelling, "Let's run it again."

Getting knocked over—physically by my teammate and mentally by Liza—put things in perspective that I need to get my game right and stay focused. I can't let a girl get in the way of my playing—that's for sure.

We're in the locker room, getting changed out of our pads, when Ben comes up to me. "What was going on out there today? That wasn't like you."

I try to blow him off. "It's just been a long summer. I'll be back in full swing by the end of the week."

"Yeah, we've hardly seen you at all," Dalton chimes in. "How was the season?"

"Great, until it wasn't," I respond, kicking my shoes off.

They both look at each other, then at me.

"Care to elaborate?" Ben asks.

I stare at him for a brief second, then take my pads off. If they know me at all, they know I'm not one to talk, especially about my feelings and especially with them.

Dalton, who tends to understand me a little more than Ben, nods his head in my direction. "Flush it. On to the next. It's officially football season, baby!"

He hoots and hollers, making me shake my head at his antics. Football is his thing. Always has been. This being our senior year should have been a big deal, but now, I'm starting it with what feels like a huge asterisk above my head, not having a clue what to do.

We get dressed and head out of the locker room to where our trucks are parked. Technically, we're not supposed to park them back here, but we always do. I guess that's one of the perks of our parents basically owning this town.

"So, what's going on with the scouts? Any news?" Dalton asks.

I haven't spoken to anyone about being scouted by the MLB. The guys know people have reached out and that I attended some prospect camps, but I keep that shit quiet, even from Liza. I just don't want to talk about it and get everyone hyped on the idea and then have nothing happen. Of course, my parents and my coaches know, but that's it.

I shrug. "We'll see."

"Typical Eli, not telling us shit," Ben yells out as he flings his stuff in the back of his truck. "Glad to see the summer didn't change you that much."

I push him into the truck as I walk by, making him laugh, then get in my truck, crank the engine, and pull out from where we're parked. I miss hanging out with my boys, but right now, I have too much other shit on my mind that I need to figure out.

It's been five days since I spoke to Liza. Five days of absolute torture that I can't take anymore.

I pull up my text messages and click her name, seeing my last pleas to her that went unanswered. That's why I showed up at her house. I didn't plan on taking her straight to her bedroom, but the second I saw her, there was nothing that could stop me from doing so.

As I leave the parking lot, I send her another text.

I need to see you.

I drive aimlessly around town, waiting for her response. When she doesn't respond, I text again.

I will show up at your door again if you don't answer me.

That must have gotten her attention because instantly, my phone rings.

"Liza," I say breathlessly since my chest is so tight that I wasn't even sure if I'd get the word out.

"You can't come here." Her voice cracks, though I can tell she's trying to be stern.

I hit the steering wheel, needing the release it gives me in that moment. I know she's right, but I don't want to hear her say it.

I pull into a parking lot, put the truck in park, and drop my head to my hand. "I don't know if I can do this. Seeing you today almost broke me."

We sit in silence for what feels like forever, neither of us sure what to say.

"Liza …" I finally breathe out.

"Yeah?" she responds cautiously.

"Say something."

"What do you want me to say?"

I drop my head back on the headrest, staring up at the ceiling. "Say anything. Fuck, I don't know. You can't just leave me hanging here."

Nothing. She says not a goddamn word.

"Liza …" My tone turns a little harsher. Not on purpose, but I honestly don't know what to do, and it's frustrating the hell out of me.

"What, Eli?" Her tone matches mine, and it's the first time I've heard her voice raised even the slightest bit. "What? Do you want me to say that my heart was literally ripped out of my chest when I saw you today? Do you want me to say that I physically can't breathe while I'm sitting on the phone with you right now because this is the most painful situation I've ever been in, in my life? Is that what you want to hear?"

I pause, taking in every word she just said. Though it kills me to hear how much pain she's in, I somehow feel better, knowing I'm not in this alone.

"It's a start," I finally respond, making her let out a harsh laugh.

"Fuck, Eli. I don't know, okay? I really don't know what to do."

It's the first time I've ever heard her cuss, and it's the cutest thing even though it's said in frustration.

"I can't lose you, Liza. I won't survive …" My voice trails off.

"Me neither." The obvious sadness in her voice is like a punch to the gut to me.

"We couldn't even make it through one day. How are we going to make it through ten months?"

"I don't know."

And there it is. She doesn't know either. I don't know why, but that alone gives me comfort. Knowing she at least feels the same way about us helps in some twisted kind of way. Misery loves company, right? At least we'll be miserable together, yet apart still.

I hear honking around me and turn to see Ben pulling up beside me. Thankfully, he can't tell that I'm on the phone since it's connected through my Bluetooth in my truck.

"Hey, Ben just pulled up beside me. I got to go."

She doesn't say a word, just hangs up. I close my eyes, knowing the thought of Ben even seeing that I'm talking to her must have terrified the shit out of her even though he doesn't have a clue who she is.

Ben holds up his hands, like he's asking if I'm okay, so I roll down my window.

"You good?" he asks.

I guess if I was going to pull over in a parking lot, I should have at least tried to blend in and not park in the first spot, farthest from the stores and facing the road.

I squash my entire conversation down and hold up my phone, waving it back and forth. "Yeah, just talking to a college coach," I lie.

"Right on." He tilts his head toward the strip mall. "I'm about to grab a bite to eat. Want something?"

I nod. Hanging out with Ben might actually help get me out of this shithole inside my head. "Yeah, sounds good."