Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Edmund didn’t want to talk to anyone. He was still angry about the situation. Amelia refused to speak to him, and Edmund hadn’t been able to get past the front door. The last time he went over, the marquess had stormed out and told him to go away before he caused a ruckus himself. Not wanting to get in a fight, Edmund had done as he was told.

It didn’t help, though, being away from Amelia. Edmund missed her. He wanted to go to her and confess his feelings, that he regretted hurting her as he did, and he didn’t care what anyone thought anymore. He wanted to be with Amelia for the rest of his life, and he hoped that she had felt the same way at some point. Even with her final words, Edmund could sense the pain. He knew that she cared. Would it be enough for her to want to marry him?

He just had to find a way to talk to her. That was going to be easier said than done if Amelia refused to see him. Edmund had contemplated asking Mathilda to put in a good word for him, but it wasn’t fair on his sister to get mixed up in this mess any further. He had to do this himself, as his father had told him.

His parents were none-too-happy with the way Edmund had gone about this. After Amelia’s servants had turned him away, Edmund went to his mother and father and told them what happened.

Blackwood was shocked that Edmund would behave so despicably, while Lady Blackwood scolded her son for treating Amelia in such a way. She liked her immensely, thinking that Amelia was a good fit for Edmund, and she was horrified that Edmund only approached her because of a bet. Edmund’s ears were still feeling sore from the admonishments a few days ago.

They were right that he had gone about this in the wrong way. And he would have to be patient and wait it out. Pestering Amelia now would just make things worse, so he needed to approach her a little later. She needed space. Edmund agreed, but he hated having to wait. He wanted to talk to her now.

Unable to stop himself from pacing around the house without really doing anything, Edmund left the house and started walking around the garden. He should do something productive, to think about what he could do to pass the time, but Edmund couldn’t do it. He just wanted to see Amelia again. It was frustrating that he would have to wait, and it made him feel like he was tied into knots.

If only he could lay eyes on Amelia again, to apologize and lay his heart out there for her. Edmund had never expected any woman to have the ability to hurt him like this, and it was all his own fault.

“Edmund.”

Edmund did a double-take when he turned around. John was walking towards him, his hat in his hand, with a nervous expression. Edmund hadn’t seen him all week, refusing to see any of his friends after what happened. He frowned at the approaching man.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came by to speak to Mathilda.”

“Mathilda. Why would you want to speak…?” Then Edmund saw the look on John’s face, and the realization hit him in the gut. “Are you serious? You and Mathilda…”

“It’s nothing sordid,” John protested. “I just want to make sure she’s all right.”

“She’s sixteen!”

“And a friend of mine. Why wouldn’t I come and see a friend?”

Edmund scowled and stormed towards John, who backed up suddenly, dropping his hat as he raised his hands.

“Didn’t my punch a few days get through to you about how I feel about you right now?” Edmund snarled, grabbing onto John’s lapels and yanking him forward. “Do you want another one for pestering my sister?”

“You can’t get upset over how someone feels!” John cried, flinching as Edmund put his face close to his.

“After what you did to me, do you think I would agree to have you around Mathilda? Mother and Father know about the situation and are fully aware that you’re a part of the debacle, and they are not happy with you at all. If you speak to Mathilda, they’ll forbid it.”

John pushed Edmund away, adjusting his jacket with slightly shaking hands.

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take. Things about what you said about Amelia made me rethink a few things in my life.”

“What are you talking about?” Edmund folded his arms. “You do realize that I’m not in the mood for any of your waffle, so make this quick.”

John looked a little chastised. He ran his fingers through his hair.

“You know that I don’t have a good relationship with my father and brother, don’t you? They embarrassed and bullied me throughout my childhood.”

“I remember that. I saw it for myself, along with your stepmother.” Edmund frowned. “What are you saying? What do they have to do with this?”

“They treated me like I was less than nothing, that I wasn’t worthy of anything. Even though I was the oldest son and heir, I was treated like a burden. Especially after my brother was born, so all of the focus went to him instead.

Father said that if I wasn’t around, then he would happily pass his title onto his younger son. Legally, he could do it, and I’m surprised he hasn’t done it already. I have a feeling he’s using me as a placeholder until my brother is old enough to take over.”

Edmund knew all about that. He had known John for years, and was aware that the way the family treated him was horrible. It was the main reason John had spent a lot of summers and holidays at Edmund’s house instead. He just wanted to get away.

“So when I approached Amelia, I did it because I thought she was beautiful, and I wanted to get to know her properly. But she turned me down, looking at me like I wasn’t worth her time. It reminded me of how my stepmother looks at me when we’re in the same room, her words similar to what my little brother says to me.”

“That’s why you’re so rude to Amelia, then? Because she brought back memories of how your family behaves towards you?”

“It’s childish, I know, but it set something off inside me, and it just…it simply grew.” John swallowed. “I was so angry at her for that, and I wanted to take her down a bit to make myself feel better.”

“To the point you wanted to humiliate her as well?” Edmund shook his head. “If things had been different with the confrontation in the street that day…”

“I know, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that I shouldn’t have done that.”

Edmund scowled.

“You’re not going to blame it on Lady Colette again, are you?”

“No, not this time. I’m going to own up to it myself. I’m at fault as much as Lady Colette.” John swallowed. “I should have backed away and carried on as normal, but I couldn’t. I had to make her pay for how she treated me.”

Edmund closed his eyes. This was more of a mess on John’s side than he expected. All because he had a dysfunctional family and it spilled over to other people. He opened his eyes again and shook his head.

“You need to give Amelia a big apology for what you’ve done. She would understand if you told her why you did this, although I doubt she would forgive you.”

“I understand that,” John mumbled.

“As for my sister…” Edmund looked towards the house. “I can’t speak for my parents, seeing as they’re the ones who would have the final say on who can interact with their daughter, but I think you shouldn’t push for anything right now.”

John looked downcast.

“I guess you’re right,” he said sadly. “But I do really like her. Even after she scolded me the other day.”

“What? She did?”

“I saw her in the park, and Mathilda gave me a tongue-lashing about how I behaved towards her friend. She’s not very happy with me, either.” John’s mouth twitched. “She’s fiery and loyal. I’ll give her that.”

“Then that’s all the more reason not to speak to her until Mathilda calms down. She’s upset for her friend, and rightly so.” Edmund paused as he started to walk around John. “You need to prove yourself first. Show that you’re a good man and not a bitter one who is all about guarding your own back. We’re not children anymore.”

“I’ll do whatever it takes.”

John sounded sincere about that. But Edmund didn’t know right now. He sighed.

“Look, Mathilda hasn’t even had a Season yet. She’s not far off from having it, though. Give it time to raise the question of that with anyone, especially with my sister.”

“Edmund…”

“Let her enter Society and see how you feel about her further down the line. If you still feel the same way, then you can approach Father about it. But right now, it’s best that you keep your distance.” Edmund hesitated before clapping John on the shoulder. “I know my father, and trust me, this is the best way to go about it.”

John sighed heavily.

“I suppose I’ll have to do that. But do you forgive me?”

Edmund didn’t answer, walking back to the house. He knew John wouldn’t follow him; his friend would head back home. Although calling John Sutton his friend right now was a bit of a stretch.

Edmund entered the house and was entering the foyer when he saw a familiar woman standing with the footman. She looked like she was bringing important news, her expression pinched with worry. She caught sight of him and hurried over.

“Lord Silverwood.” Then she stopped suddenly and dropped a quick curtsy. “Forgive me for coming here, but do you remember me?”

“Margaret Thompson. You’re Amelia’s friend.” Edmund recognized her from previous balls. He frowned. “What are you doing here, Miss Thompson?”

“I heard what happened from Amelia. About the bet.”

Edmund held up a hand.

“If you’re here to scold me for what I did, get in line. Everyone else is doing that to me right now.”

Miss Thompson pursed her lips.

“While I’m annoyed at you for doing that, I can understand why you behaved as such. It’s difficult to be a grown man when you’re friends with children.”

“Ouch, you know how to pierce people with your words.”

“Someone needed to say it. However, I’m not here because of that. Amelia is leaving London.”

That got Edmund’s attention.

“What? She’s leaving?”

“They’re going to the Lake District. They’ll be leaving first thing in the morning.” Miss Thompson sighed. “I know she’s still upset with you, but I can also tell that she loves you. You broke her heart, you know.”

“I’m aware,” Edmund murmured, although Miss Thompson’s words shocked him. Both that Amelia was leaving London and that she loved him. He had hoped that would be the case, but now the words were trying to sink in.

“Well, you need to go and talk to her. Explain everything and persuade her to stay, because if you don’t make amends, you’ll end up losing her for good. Even when she comes back, you’ll have lost your chance.”

Edmund stared at her.

“You think that’s going to happen?”

“I know Amelia, my lord. I know exactly what will happen. If you don’t take a chance to talk to her now, you’re going to lose it, and then you’ll never get her back.” Miss Thompson looked him up and down. “You love her, don’t you? Or you have feelings for her?”

“I…yes.” Edmund cleared his throat. “Yes, I do.”

“Well, then, you’d better go and tell her. Make this right for both of you.”

“And what if I won’t be allowed into the house? They haven’t so far.”

Miss Thompson snorted.

“You’re resourceful, aren’t you? I’m sure you can figure something out. Either way, you need to tell Amelia everything. You know that you have to do this.”

Edmund’s head was pounding now. Amelia was leaving London. Would she ever come back? Would they be able to face each other again? Edmund knew it would break his heart if Amelia shunned him as well. It would be his own fault, but he didn’t want that.

He was fed up with waiting for her to come to him. Now Edmund had to go to her, and he wasn’t leaving until he said his piece.

***

They were going to leave first thing in the morning, one last night in the house before they set off on their travels. Amelia sat in the rose garden and allowed the beautiful smells to fill her head. There was a rose bush at the house up north, but it was nothing compared to this. She wanted to savor it for a little longer.

Amelia wasn’t sure how long they were going to stay in the Lake District, but at least it would be a good distraction. She liked going up there, walking through the rolling hills, and looking at the magnificent views. She could even go out on the lake near their house. There were plenty of boats to hire out, and Amelia could have someone take her out onto the water. That was always fun for her.

Hopefully, enough time would pass that her heart would heal from being broken, and Amelia would be able to return to London. And if the rumors Lady Colette and Sutton had started had gone away as well, even better. Knowing that her father would deal with that and give her more time to enjoy being her own person had lifted a lot of weight from her shoulders.

But there was still some weight there regarding Edmund. Amelia knew it was going to take a while for that pain to subside, maybe longer than that. What if it never went away? Amelia had suspected that being in love would hurt and be incredibly painful when it didn’t work, and she was right. Another reason why she hadn’t wanted to open her heart to someone.

And she had opened her heart to Edmund in spite of everything.

Amelia just knew that she needed to mend herself. She had to heal her heart before she crossed paths with Edmund again. Waiting around, knowing that they were going to bump into each other, was just going to make things worse.

If only they could leave today. It would be quicker than prolonging this.

“Amelia.”

Amelia snapped her eyes open. Edmund was there, stepping into the enclosure that the rose garden created. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a while, and he hadn’t bothered to shave. Amelia had a sudden urge to reach out and rub her hands over his bristled jaw.

She shot to her feet, ignoring the tingling in her fingers.

“What are you doing here? How have you not been noticed?”

“I was going to demand an audience at the house, but I saw you here instead.” Edmund held up his hands as a sign of peace. “I really need to talk to you, Amelia. Please.”

“Why should I? After what you did…”

“I will get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness if that’s what you want. Then you can do what you want with me. Anything, as long as you let me get out what I want to say.” He gave her a hopeful look. “Please?”

Amelia knew that she should alert the servants and her father about his presence, that she was not interested in what he had to say. But the curiosity was going to get the better of her, and Amelia couldn’t ignore that. She sighed.

“Then talk. And it had better be good because I’m not interested in listening to your excuses.”

“There are no excuses, I promise.” Edmund lowered his hands. “I did something stupid, and I regret it. If I could go back to that moment when the bet was started, I would do things differently. You didn’t deserve any of that, and I apologize greatly for all of this.”

Amelia folded her arms. Part of her wanted to slap him, and the other part wanted to throw herself into his embrace. She stayed where she was, though.

“You broke my trust, Edmund. I know I did foolish things on my end, but…”

“I know. And given your opinions on marriage, I understand why you were trying to put me off. But, oddly enough, your off-the-cuff behavior and the way you were around me endeared me more towards you.” Edmund paused. “In fact, it made me love you even more.”

Amelia thought she had misheard him. She stared at him.

“What did you say?”

“That I love you? I said that.” Edmund moved towards her, and Amelia felt rooted to the spot. “And I want to prove it.”

Amelia gasped as he slipped his arms around her and kissed her. A split second was enough for her to realize what was happening, and that Edmund was actually kissing her. She should be telling him to stop, and yet…

She kissed him back, sinking into his arms as he tightened his hold around her. Her head was spinning with the sensations rushing through her. When they broke the kiss, both of them were breathless.

“Forgive me,” Edmund croaked, resting his forehead against hers. “I didn’t anticipate doing that, but I couldn’t help myself.”

“It’s not going to endear me to you, you know,” Amelia warned with a slight smile.

“I know. But I’ve been wanting to do that for some time now.” Edmund kissed her again. “I do love you. That much is true. We might have started off in the wrong way, but my feelings are real. I would never lie about something like that.”

Amelia believed him on that. She could feel it in her bones. She pressed her hands against his chest.

“What does this mean then? Even if I forgive you for what you did, where do we go from here?”

“Well, if you’ll have me…” Edmund paused. “I know you’re not wanting to marry and that you have plans for yourself, but the thought of not having you in my life as my wife…”

“Wait, slow down a moment.” Amelia stepped away and stared at him. “You want to marry me? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Yes.”

Amelia felt lightheaded. How was it possible that she had a marriage proposal like this? Was Edmund serious about this? From the look on his face, Amelia knew that he was.

“But…what will people say? News of this bet must be all over the ton by now.”

“If it is, that doesn’t matter. I don’t care what people think about me. As long as I have you in my life, that’s all I care about.” Edmund took a breath and let it out slowly. “If you refuse me and say that I’ve lost my chance, I’ll understand and leave you alone, but I have to tell you how I feel. I love you, and I want to marry you. If we can get past what happened, I’ll make it up to you for the rest of my life for what I did. If you’ll give me a chance, I’ll do whatever I can.”

Amelia felt like she was in a strange dream. How was it possible that this was happening now? Was Edmund really admitting his love for her? Her throbbing mouth reminded her of the kiss, telling her that this was real and she wasn’t dreaming.

She looked at the house, imagining her father’s expression if he could see this. He was certainly not going to be impressed.

“You’re going to have to go through my father first,” she said quietly. “You’ll have to figure out how to calm things down. If you can get past that…”

“If I can?” Edmund frowned. “Does that mean…?”

Amelia sighed and stepped towards him, hugging him around the waist. Edmund’s arms immediately went around her, and Amelia let out a sigh of her own. This felt really nice, something she could easily get used to.

“You have a lot to make up for, but I believe you when you say you’ll make it up to me.” She looked up at him. “I love you enough to give you that chance.”

Edmund stared.

“Did you…?”

“If my father will accept it, and we can calm both him and Mother down, I’ll marry you.” Amelia rose up on tiptoe and kissed him. “But you’re going to need to be brave. They’re ready to berate you greatly if they see you again.”

“I suppose that’s to be expected.” Edmund kissed her back before hugging her tightly. “I’ll do that. Anything to have you, Amelia. I promise.”

Even after everything that happened, Amelia believed him.