1. Rue

Ruri "Rue"

I stared at the symbol on the screen as a pit formed in my stomach. I tasted bile. Breathing felt difficult. The edges of the world around me darkened until I swayed and the world spun.

No. No, no, no.

Because I couldn't stop myself, I touched the trackpad to make the computer come to life. It wasn't just a symbol this time, but the words across the backdrop announcing proudly what organization owned this computer.

Division of Silence.

And the login prompt already said, ‘Welcome, Director Haruki.'

I was going to be sick. For a second, I could do nothing but stare in disbelief. In horror. In dread. This wasn't real. I was dreaming. My father wouldn't?—

I stood abruptly and left the room, quietly sliding the screen closed. My feet were rooted to the floor. If I went back in there, would I still find that on the computer? I'd used my father's computer before. All the time. It was newer than mine and I just hadn't had the…

Oh no !

"Ruri."

My breath punched out of my lungs and my shoulders stiffened as I heard my father. Were all my fathers part of Silence? My mother? What about my brother?

This wasn't happening!

"Ruri," he said again as he got closer. "Did you need something, daughter?"

"I—" What had I come here for? Oh. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm ready to find my family now, too."

His hand rested on my shoulder, and it took everything in me not to flinch away. He was responsible for the murder of millions. The brutalization of thousands, if not more. This man, who had been such a great parent to me. He was a killer, orchestrating death like a choreographer.

"I am so proud of you," my father said.

I wasn't sure if I wanted his pride. It came at what cost?

His hand squeezed my shoulder, gently tugging me around. I wasn't sure if I could school my face, but it was disrespectful to keep my back to him. So I turned, holding my breath.

He was smiling. I could see his pride. Despite what I just saw in his office, his pride in me made me feel good. I loved my father. He was always a good man. Good in the community. Good husband. We'd always been close.

It's not real.

"You will make your family proud, Ruri," he continued, gently touching my cheek before releasing me. "I know you will choose the right family."

I nodded.

"When will you go?" he asked.

My plan had been to go next week. I would get all my personal belongings packed this week and make sure I wasn't leaving my family with anything to worry about concerning me and the responsibilities I'd leave behind.

But I wasn't sure if I could stick around that long, not now that I knew. I needed to get away .

"Now," I said.

My father smiled. "Very well, Ruri. Be sure to tell us when you're settled so that we can visit you and your new family."

"Yes, Father," I said, bowing my head slightly. It was a lie. I could taste it on my tongue. It was bitter and left my stomach in knots.

If he was who his computer said he was, I couldn't. I couldn't forgive this.

How could he have listened to me talk so vehemently about fighting Silence for all these years and just… be a member of Silence? Not just a lowly member but someone on the top.

I couldn't think about this right now. My entire adult life, my childhood, felt like a lie.

"Have you said goodbye to the rest of the family?"

I nodded. Another lie. I couldn't look at them and question whether or not they were just like him.

"Very well." He gripped both my shoulders and my gaze flickered up to his. "Be well, daughter. I know you'll choose the right family. You will bring us all pride and honor in all you do."

Swallowing, I mustered up as much of a smile as I could.

As soon as he let me go, I practically raced down the hall toward my room to stuff the few things my frazzled mind could think of taking into a bag and slinging it over my shoulder. Then I slunk out of the house and ran down the street.

Despite how it appeared, I couldn't stop from looking over my shoulder. Did he know I found his secret? Maybe he left it there on purpose, so I'd find it. Would they come after me? What would they do if they knew I'd found their secret? Would they silence me? Their daughter?

My pace increased until I was winded and could barely stand as I fell into the door of the nearest Harem Project office. But the door didn't move. It was secured shut, making me feel like I just slammed into a brick wall.

Panic blossomed in my chest as I looked back, scanning the crowd of faces who were looking at me with concern and judgment. I slammed my palm on the door several times, willing someone to be there.

Then the thought occurred to me—was I even allowed here knowing that my father was part of Silence? The Harem Project worked against Silence. Did that make me an enemy by blood?

The door suddenly gave way and I tumbled inside. Someone must have physically opened the door because I didn't quite hit the ground before I was caught and hauled to my feet.

"Sorry," I said. "I'm sorry."

Strong arms brought me inside and then shut the door again, securing it. He stared out the tinted glass door, probably looking for the threat. Likely not seeing one, he turned to me with concern.

"Are you okay?"

Swallowing, I glanced outside. "Yes," I lied. Lying wasn't something I made a habit of doing. In fact, I wasn't sure when the last time I told a lie was, today notwithstanding. "I think I just freaked myself out. Shadow or something." I shrugged lamely.

He studied me, nodding slowly. Great, he was probably someone who could taste a lie on the air. Or I was just shit at lying so he saw through me.

Maybe he'd let me stay, seeing that my fear was real. I glanced up, hoping he could see that much.

"How can I help you?" he asked.

Taking a breath, I righted myself and settled my shoulders back. "I'm here to find my family."

I'd confused him now. The hint of an amused smile quirked his lips as he tilted his head to study me. A beat ticked by. "All right. This way, please."

He crossed the room to a table, gesturing to the chair closest to me. I sat when he did, mentally telling myself I needed to get it together.

"My name is Taro; I'm an administrative manager."

"Ruri," I introduced .

"Hello, Ruri."

I gave Taro a weak smile, feeling a little foolish.

"Are you familiar with how the procedure works?"

"Answer questions and receive matches based on compatibility results," I offered.

"Yes, that is the stripped-down version. The questionnaire is extremely long and detailed. We encourage you to answer every question with the absolute truth, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Any dishonestly will negatively impact the match results."

I nodded.

"I also discourage you from dishonesty by omission," he said.

My cheeks flushed as I glanced up at him again. "I saw something that scared me," I said, keeping my voice low. "That's the truth."

"It is," he agreed.

"I'm still processing what I saw," I added. "I… it feels unbelievable."

Taro nodded. "Okay."

Another beat ticks by.

"Would you like to start now?" he asked.

I nodded. I didn't want to leave here unless it was to go to my new family, contract signed, hopefully far away from here. As far as one could get.

A new fear popped up. What if my family lived right here? What if they were close and I couldn't get away? What if they were breeds Silence had put on their list?

Wait—why doesn't that list have our family? Shades are a species that have been hunted so why…?

"Ruri?"

My gaze snapped to his, forcing my attention back to the present. Taro frowned. "Are you okay?"

Taking another breath, I nodded. "Yes. Sorry. I just… I'm still processing," I repeated.

"All right. Follow me and I'll get you set up," Taro said, getting to his feet. He had a tablet in hand as he led me to a door on the right. Behind it was a long, wide hall lined with evenly spaced doors. Taro pushed open the door marked ‘Night 11' and I was let into what felt like a dorm room without a bunch of beds. Lots of seating options, a low table, a small kitchen.

"There's a toilet there," Taro said, indicating a door to the left.

I nodded as I sat on the couch. He left the door to the hall open and joined me. For the next several minutes, he explained the screens and instructions, reiterating I needed to be completely honest and that lying by omission is still lying.

By the third time he said as much, I wondered if he could see something in my head. Maybe he read thoughts and all he could see was the login screen of my father's laptop that read ‘Division of Silence' in loud letters.

Or maybe it was written all over my face.

"I understand," I said.

Taro nodded. "Here you are. Let me know if you need anything, Ruri." He handed me the tablet and headed for the door.

"Taro?" I asked. He stopped and looked back at me. "If someone comes looking for me…"

Taro shakes his head. "You're safe here, Ruri."

I chewed my lip. "Even if my family comes looking for me?"

He studied me for a long time. "Yes, you're still safe. From everyone."

Once he'd left me alone, I sank back into the cushions and closed my eyes. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"It's okay," I muttered. "This is fine. He said I'm safe, so I'm safe. I need to get my shit together now."

I was safe.

Concentrating on the questionnaire was difficult at first. Especially when they were asking basic questions that didn't provoke any thought. My mind kept drifting, questioning everything about my life. My family. Everything I'd ever known .

Then I wondered if I should have known. Had I just been stupid and blind my entire life? Had there been signs? Hints? Blatant, obvious shit that should have tipped me off, but I ignored because… Because why?

Because I had a good family. Parents who were good to me and my brother. Who loved us and supported us no matter what we did or didn't do. They loved us and taught us to be good people.

Which was wildly bewildering because Silence was the epitome of bad.

Eventually, the questions became more interesting. They consumed my thoughts and I found that while they were definitely poking into indecent areas and I was flushing like a schoolgirl, they were also thought-provoking.

Who knew answering a hundred-thousand questions (slight exaggeration, obviously) about yourself, your thoughts and opinions, your beliefs, wants, likes, and dislikes could be so relaxing? By the time the screen announced I was finished, I was almost disappointed there hadn't been more.

Taro returned, bringing with him a second, larger tablet.

"Do you need a break? Food?" he asked.

I shrugged, shaking my head. "No. I think I'm running on adrenaline," I said.

He smiled. "Understandable." He sat next to me and explained the screens. However, I was only barely paying attention once he opened one family at random to explain how to use the app.

My heart raced as I looked into their faces. My monster peeked out, hundreds of eyes staring. Hearts racing. Skin itching.

"That's them," I interrupted Taro. "That's my family."

He looked at me then back at the tablet. "Yeah?"

I nodded. "Yes. They're my family." Chills broke out all over my body.

"I'll tell you what. I'm going to leave you with this, and you can read about them while I grab the contracts for you to choose from. Okay?" He handed me the tablet, but his words barely registered.

I nodded absently, gaze completely transfixed. This was my family. House of Savage.

I wasn't sure when Taro left as I curled up and read each screen three times before moving on to the next. It was disappointing when the profile ended, so I turned back and began again. My perfect family of monsters. Right here in front of me.

Well, digitally in front of me. They were breathtaking. Tattooed men, all sexy as fuck. And Little Koa! My heart raced as I stared at the single picture of Little Koa. He was obviously still in an adult body, but there was no mistaking the childlike smile as he looked shyly up at the camera from where he sat bundled in blankets with a stuffed animal in his arms. There was a sippy cup beside him and a bowl of crackers.

I petted the screen. He was perfect. They were all perfect. How had I lived my life without them all these years?

The knock at my door startled me and I looked up. As I read their profile, it was like I wasn't here. I wasn't anywhere. I existed somewhere that was only me and this family. My family.

Taro stepped inside. "Still sure?"

I nodded. "Definitely sure."

He smiled, taking a seat beside me. I was hugging the tablet to my chest, but he didn't try to take it from me. Instead, he offered me another. "There are four options, which I think you know."

"Yes," I said.

"Would you like me to go over them?"

I shook my head. "Marriage. I'm never leaving them. I'm sure."

He chuckled. "I had a feeling you'd say that." Taro swiped the screen and tapped on another icon. It opened a contract. "This is specifically for the Savages. Read it over thoroughly and let me know if you have any questions, want to add anything, or need to negotiate a point."

I began shaking my head, but Taro stopped me.

"There's an entire section about family in here. Parental family." My heart stopped. My eyes flickered to his. I didn't think he knew, but I obviously tipped him off when I brought up my family. "Read it over, Ruri. Call me when you're done."

"Okay."

"I'll bring you some food, too. You've been here a while. Read the contract and then we'll talk."

I nodded, chewing my bottom lip and still hugging the tablet with their profile snugly to my chest. Part of me wanted to skip right to the part about family. I needed to know what kind of contact they wanted me to have. Would they be okay if I went no contact? Would they have questions?

Taking a breath, I decided the first thing I needed to do when I met them was tell them about what I'd learned. I left it out of the questionnaire. Everything about my family except the basics.

It wasn't a lie that I was still processing it. But processing or not, I would need to tell them right away. Anything concerning Silence was a matter of life and death. Especially for a family of monstrous monsters.