Chapter 38

Chapter

Thirty-Eight

ANI

“You can go fuck yourself,” I say as I try to slam my bedroom door in his face.

How dare Phoenix just show up here and try to enter my room as if nothing had happened. When Phoenix’s shoe blocks the door from closing, I add, “You said my penance was over once I’m pregnant. Well, I am. So, now you have to leave me alone.”

“I’d like to come inside,” Phoenix says. “Hear me out, and then I’ll leave if you still want me to.”

It is odd to hear him ask permission and not just demand his way in. There is no aggression, no threats, no intimidation. That alone has me backing away as he opens the door fully and enters.

“I expected you to remain in Olympus Manor… in the attic,” I say softly.

“I was,” Phoenix says.

I have my hand on my belly protectively until I notice him staring down at where my palm sits.

“How do you feel? Dio said you were ill during the travel here,” Phoenix says.

“Just morning sickness,” I answer shortly. I don’t know why he’s in my room appearing to care, and it unnerves me. “The doctor arrived this morning and examined me. Everything is fine, and the baby is fine. He said the heartbeat sounded healthy.”

Phoenix lights up before me in a way I have never seen before. His usual dark eyes sparkle as he continues to stare at my stomach. His eyes are fixated as if he can see the baby inside.

“I’m about six weeks along,” I add.

I have no idea why I am not seething any longer or at the very least afraid that he’ll treat me like he did in the manor. I should be calling him every name in the book but instead am excited to talk about baby news with… the father of my baby.

“When will we know the sex?” Phoenix asks.

We? That word seems so foreign to me.

“In about twelve more weeks. It’s also too soon for the doctor to tell if I’m having twins or not. He said with you having twins in your family, it’s likely I could.”

After a moment of awkward silence, Phoenix speaks up. “Why don’t we go for a walk? One of the reasons I liked this place when buying it was that it sat on a few acres of beautiful countryside. I think we should go check it out. Some fresh air could do us good.”

It’s unlike Phoenix to want to go outside so easily, but this is a different place. Not his home. Not his safety zone. Does he feel like the walls are closing in on him just as much as I do? Now that we aren’t in the manor, the energy between us is different, off in many ways. Uncertain, for sure.

I am angry. But not really.

I am hurt. But also happy he is in front of me.

I am confused… very much so.

“The shoes you bought for me in the closet are a little too big,” I say as I go to find a pair to put on. “But I was reading in a pregnancy book the doctor gave me that I could expect my feet to expand and swell. So, I guess that’s a good thing.”

“I’ll get you more shoes,” Phoenix says.

I have no doubt. I am sure that when it comes to materialistic items, Phoenix will buy me whatever my heart desires. The thing is… I am not a materialistic person. I want so much more. Things that don’t cost money, and things that this man clearly isn’t willing to give.

As we head outside, Dio is standing by the front door with two other men in suits.

“All is secure,” Dio says. “Cameras, sensors, security gates around the full property. I personally toured the premises myself.”

“Thank you, Dio,” Phoenix says. “There’s an envelope inside on the kitchen counter waiting for you. But I’d like you to stay for a few more days. I will need to brief you on some security business for Medusa in the States I will want you to handle while we are here.” Phoenix places his hand on my lower back as we take the stairs down.

“How long do you plan on staying?” Dio asks.

“A while. I don’t plan on traveling unless need be while Ani is pregnant,” Phoenix announces. “And then I don’t want to leave the baby right away either.”

My heart stops as I glance at his face to see if he truly means what he says.

Staying?

He’s staying?

For months. For almost a year maybe.

With me?

“We’ll talk more and go over everything after our walk,” Phoenix says, stepping closely beside me.

I am nestled next to his body as we begin to stroll a dirt path leading into a mass of trees. The sun feels good on my face, and though the boots I wear are a little big, it feels good to stretch my legs and feel normal in the fresh air. We walk in silence. Side by side.

Not as a captive and captor. Not as a beauty and her beast.

Phoenix is the first to break the silence as we are several yards from the house. “It’s nice to be in the country. The land is pretty spectacular.”

I haven’t said a word since we walked out the door. I have no idea what to say. I have no idea what the hell is going on. Phoenix seems… different.

“I have made a decision,” Phoenix says. “I would like to stay. With you, with the baby, and I want to…” Phoenix seems to be struggling to find the right words.

I simply walk on. I am scared that if I chime in at all, he will suddenly go back to his closed-off, no-emotion self. I am terrified that what I heard him say to Dio is just a momentary lapse of judgment, and he will suddenly change his mind and hop back on the first flight to Seattle and then to Heathens Hollow.

“I shouldn’t have left you,” Phoenix says. “I know that now. I shouldn’t have done a lot of things.” He sounds remorseful, which is odd. He always is so focused on his decisions and his actions.

“When you confessed your feelings to me.” Phoenix reaches for my hand and takes it in his. “You weren’t wrong. There was a bond between us. There was something so strong that it scared the holy hell out of me. After the lie, my plan was to never love you. To never care. But I do. I care, and I love you. As hard as it is to say those words, and to admit the feelings, I do.”

Holding his hand, walking beside him, strolling the countryside in Spain… we are talking about an epic love story right out of a romance novel. But this is too good to be true. This is so polar opposite of what I had before. This is not the future I accepted as mine. It just can’t be.

When did my beast turn into prince?

I pull away from him and freeze.

He walks in front of me so he can stare directly at me.

“I don’t deserve you,” Phoenix says, “and I don’t have the best of situations to offer. In fact, a life with me won’t be easy. Being a Godwin is fucking messy. I hide in the attic to avoid what being a Godwin truly means. I never want to face my reality. I prefer the safety of four walls, a self-imposed prison, over staring down the Godwin curse. I lost my mother because of that family, and I don’t want the same for you.”

“I told you I understood the Godwins,” I say. “I understand your mother.”

“Just because you read some journals, doesn’t mean you will truly understand. My father is… well, there are no words in the dictionary that can describe that man. My sister—as much as I love her—is a fucking sociopath, and my brother is just as bad.”

“But it’s your family. Yours. And”—I place my hand on my belly—“this baby’s.”

“I’m going to continue to battle this agoraphobic bullshit day in and day out for you, but I can’t promise it won’t win. I can’t tell you that I won’t expect us to be locked inside all the time. And if you say no, truly say no and not want me in your day-to-day life anymore, I will accept that answer. Choosing me is not part of your punishment for the lie. I’m done dictating; I’m done demanding. I’m done truly punishing,” Phoenix says with his eyes locked with mine. “Well…” Phoenix smirks. “I’m done punishing for the lie. I still have my… needs.”

I chuckle.

“I’m not a changed man. In fact, the reality is, I am who I am. Still a fucking monster in the attic.”

“I told you from the beginning that I knew who you were. And I had accepted that,” I say. “But you shattered my heart. You rejected me and made me feel as if I was the only one who felt there was more between us.”

“And for that, I’m sorry,” Phoenix says. “I’m sorry for a lot of things when it comes to you. I can’t fix it. I can’t take it all away. All I can do is move forward from this point on. If you allow me to.”

I take a step backwards. “And what does this future look like? How do you see this playing out?”

“With you,” Phoenix answers. “The two of us together raising the baby as a family.”

I look at Phoenix and study his face.

“It won’t be easy,” Phoenix says, “and if you marry me, I have to warn you that Godwins marry for life. There is no divorce as I’m sure Daphne has told you. But you and the baby would be protected legally, and my assets would be yours in the eyes of the law.”

I don’t care about all the legal details. Or about money. I want to know what this really means.

“I have demands of my own,” I have the courage to say. Not wanting to lose my will to speak my mind, I quickly continue. “I don’t want to be locked away in some tower like Rapunzel. I don’t want to be away from you. I understand you will have Medusa business, and I’m not asking to be involved with it, unless you ask for help, that is. But I am asking to not be shut out. I don’t want to be treated like some naive little girl and kept in the dark by you.”

“Fair enough,” Phoenix says.

“I also…” I swallow hard as my stomach twists in nerves to reveal my truth. “I also don’t want you to be soft on me. I like the firm hand. I fucking crave it.”

“Oh, I won’t be soft. Trust me on that,” Phoenix says with a small laugh that is lined with a delicious promise that causes my pussy to throb.

“Do you truly love me?” I’m not sure how I’ve summoned the inner strength to simply ask what I really want to know from him.

“I don’t think I know what that means. I’m not sure I can one hundred percent say yes. At least not the normal kind of love,” Phoenix says. “But I know I don’t want to live without you. I know that I want you by my side as we move forward with our lives. I can’t imagine myself being with any other woman. And I know that I want to make sure you are protected, cared for, and treated as you deserve every single day we are alive. My version of love is no doubt fucked up. It’s not going to be the tender kisses and red roses kind of love. I’m not an easy man, but with that said, I would never disrespect you or harm you in any way. Once you agree to be mine you will see a side of me that will nearly suffocate you with my kind of love. ”

I can taste the tears on my lips as they fall down my face. This man is saying everything I have hoped to hear one day. He is promising his truths, and his heart—no matter how dark and twisted they are. He isn’t promising me he will change. He can’t even promise he can leave the attic. And that’s fine by me.

I want to enter his world. I want him to let me in.

And he is. He finally is.

“I love you, Phoenix Godwin. I love every fucked-up part about you.”

I take his hand and let him lead me back to the villa. As we reach the door, I hesitate. There’s still a small part of me not sure if I’m ready for this, if I’m ready to be pulled into Phoenix’s world of power and wealth. Of secrets and isolation. But as he gazes at me with those intense eyes, I know that there’s no turning back.

I take a deep breath and follow him into the villa, ready to face whatever comes my way.

“Can you live in my life? My rules? My darkness?” he asks, closing the door behind us.

“Yes,” I say, because I want nothing more.

“Are you sure?” he growls, the desire in his voice causing my body to tremble.

“Yes,” I gasp, barely able to breathe. “I’m yours.”

His eyes blaze like fire, and he pulls me against him, possessing me with a fierce kiss. His hot lips move hungrily over mine, claiming me as his own. He pulls away, his voice a low rumble. “Do you understand?”

I nod and swallow hard, my entire body trembling.

“Say it,” he orders.

“I’m yours,” I whisper, my voice thick with emotion. “Only yours.”