Chapter 22

Chapter

Twenty-Two

ANI

I’m so lost in my misery I don’t hear the door to my room open. It’s Phoenix’s dark clothing that catches the corner of my eye that notifies me that he has heard my repeated pleas into the camera and can’t take it anymore—granting me mercy even if it’s to shut me up.

Thank God. He is here. I won’t be alone any longer with my dark thoughts. The mental game this man is playing is just as bad as the plug rooted in my ass.

Looking up at him with tears streaming down my face, I beg, “Please, Phoenix. I know I messed up. I know I did. But I can’t be tortured like this.”

“Torture?” He smirks. “You have no idea what torture really is.”

“Call it what you want,” I choke out. “I beg you to take out the plug. It’s too big. And the handcuffs. I don’t need these.” I push my confined wrists toward him to emphasize my appeal.

“You don’t get to be a brat and act out and not expect there to be consequences.”

“I wasn’t thinking.” I try to control the hysteria that makes my voice sound so high-pitched that I don’t even recognize it. “I was just so angry.”

“You don’t get the luxury of being angry while you’re here. You lost that right the minute you brought my brother into your mess,” he says with little sympathy or care present on his face. So cold and stoic. “The minute you put the Godwin family in danger. ”

“I can’t do this. I can’t do this.” I sob. If I had any dignity left, it’s gone. Vanished. Melted away in the tears falling down my face. “There is no way I can survive this. I can’t. I’m not strong enough. I wanted to earn your trust and forgiveness, but not like this.”

He kneels down beside me and looks me straight in the eyes. Humanity flickers in the depths. It’s brief, but I see it, and it gives me hope. “You need to take a deep breath and calm down. You’ve gotten yourself so worked up that you’re going to have a panic attack.” He places his fingertip on my cheek and strokes softly. “Calm down. You’re going to be just fine.”

I shake my head. “I don’t deserve this.”

“What do you deserve then?” Phoenix asks. “Do you think I should just ignore what you did? Trust that you won’t destroy my family’s lives? Trust you like my brother foolishly did with your sister?”

“No, but?—”

“Would you rather I just had you killed so you are no longer a problem for us? Kill your sister? I’m sure that’s what Athena and my father want.”

“No,” I answer as I look down toward the floor, breathing as calmly as I can.

He gently runs his fingertip along the handcuffs then dips his finger between the metal and flesh. “There’s plenty of room. It’s all in your head. And the plug is small.”

“I know you have a good heart. I know that there is a part of you locked inside that is good,” I say, continuing to cry.

“You’re wrong on that.”

“I saw it. We were getting to know each other. We were getting close. Intimate. I saw the kindness of your heart.”

Slowly he strokes his fingers through my hair, never taking his eyes away from mine. “The minute you believe that a Godwin is kind, you put yourself at risk. Why? Because look at what you just did. You didn’t fear me, and you should have. Can I be merciful? Yes. Can I treat you decently? Eventually.”

“How long do I have to be cuffed? Plugged?”

He swipes at a loose hair that hangs in my eye and tucks it behind my ear with the most loving of touches. His kindness causes a whiplash of emotions in my struggling psyche. He goes from cruel to tender and affectionate in a matter of seconds.

“I just want to go home,” I whine, although I do seem to be feeling better as the moments pass. His gentle touch and petting of my hair does seem to ease some of my distress.

“Your home is with me now,” he says as he leans in and kisses my cheek with the most delicate of touches. “It won’t always be bad. Take your punishment like a good girl, and it will soon all be over.” He pulls away and looks me in the eye—so dark and piercing. “You’re a strong woman, Ani, but you made poor choices. I have to make sure you never do so again.”

“Trust me. I’m not ever going to again. I have to live with that mistake for the rest of my life.” Though I am upset, the tears have at least ceased.

“I don’t trust liars, but I understand something about you. You’ve had to be a fighter your entire life. I know this. And that asshole deserved to die. It’s the secrets, Ani. Until you truly understand how dangerous secrets can be, how destructive lies are, you’ll be here. Learning. But I won’t break down the woman you are. Not at your core. I just want to break your ability to ever cross or lie to me in the future.”

He kisses my cheek again and then my forehead, while continuing to stroke my sweaty hair. “You are going to be just fine.”

Will I be? How can I be just fine ever again?

“I hate it!” I cry. “Why are you so cruel to another human being? I may be your prisoner, but I am still a woman. I’m a person. I deserve some level of decency.”

He nods. “I know.”

“So why?”

“You’re fine.”

“I’m not,” I argue.

“You are, so stop. Stop the hysterics. I’m trying to be nice and to be patient, but my patience will only go so far.”

“Do I deserve to be treated like an animal?” It appears that my words do make a difference, but I also get the sense that there is no use trying to convince Phoenix to go against his conviction.

Phoenix places both palms on each side of my face and forces me to stare directly into his eyes. “You need to behave. If you continue to try to push me, I promise you that what you have suffered so far will be minor in comparison. Behave. Do you understand me? You have nothing to prove. Let go of that pride. Feel humiliated. Feel ashamed. That’s the point. A lesson will be taught, Ani. One way or the other.”

“I have already learned. Trust me,” I point out. “I’m here because I don’t feel I have any other choice, being degraded, and then being expected to have a baby. There is nothing more for me to be taught.”

“But there is. You know this. Don’t push me. Just don’t.”

“Is there nothing I can do? You can’t truly be serious in this. I get it. I get that I need to be taught to never lie to you again. But please. I don’t think you are a monster. Not truly. Please let me go. Please.”

He leans in and kisses me gently on the forehead before standing up. “Being a monster is my only option. The minute I show any weakness, my enemies will strike. As Godwins, we do what we do to survive. No one gets away with betraying us. Stop begging, Ani. It’s a waste of time and energy.” He extends his hand to assist me up now that I am breathing and acting normally again.

Standing, I take a moment to allow the slight weakness in my legs to strengthen. Phoenix places his arm around me to hold me steady while I regain control of my body. It hasn’t taken long to feel back to my old self.

“Would you like to go to the kitchen and get something to eat?” he asks. “I think you’ve earned that comfort item.”

I nod.

He grabs my arm and leads me out of the room, down the staircase, and through a door to the left. The kitchen is dimly lit, so the shadows emitting from Phoenix’s figure are all the more pronounced.

He pulls out a chair and forces me to sit down. I hiss as the pressure of sitting seems to lodge the plug even further inside my ass.

I almost ask for my handcuffs to be removed so I can eat, but the look on Phoenix’s face keeps me quiet. I need to allow the man to cool down. Eating with handcuffs will be interesting, but I would rather face that than Phoenix’s wrath.

Phoenix goes to the refrigerator and starts pulling out the fixings to make a sandwich. It feels as if I haven’t had a meal in days. My mouth waters as he puts the plate with a turkey sandwich in front of me.

“I’m not really a cook, but I’m still going to have the chef come and prep some meals for us. The meal quality will go up.”

The fact that he feels he has to justify or explain the sandwich makes me smile. At least it is an ounce of kindness. In fact, Phoenix has been quite loving in many ways, as insane as that is. Is that how he works? One side of him is the bad guy, one side the good guy. But maybe that’s why I’ve been drawn to him. He knows how to offset the bad with the good. The yin and yang keep his power grounded and never out of control .

“Thank you very much. I hadn’t realized just how hungry I was. This actually is perfect.”

He nods and returns my smile. He heads over to a bottle of booze and pours himself a drink. “Hurry and eat. It’s late, and I want to get to bed.”

“I appreciate this.”

He takes a long sip of his alcohol before stating, “Don’t misread this. I’m not a kind person. Kindness gets you nowhere in the world we live.”

Ignoring his words for now, I eat bite after bite of pure joy. I temporarily forget that I am nothing but a woman cuffed, plugged, and captured. For now, I eat.

If I am going to survive this, I have to live one day at a time. One hour, one minute. I can’t think about what will come next or risk going completely mad. One day, one hour, one minute… my new life. It is my only choice.